<p>Our rehearsal dinner included neighbors as well as wedding party and relatives–it was a BBQ that got moved inside (wood tables and all) because of rain.</p>
<p>Clueless me - why would a ‘rehearsal dinner’ include anyone not participating with an action role in the actual ceremony? I thought the idea was to actually ‘rehearse’ the ceremony so the participants knew when to walk, where to stand, etc., and then when the rehearsal was over they’d have dinner.</p>
<p>Is a rehearsal dinner even always tied to an actual rehearsal at all anymore?</p>
<p>It sounds as if it’s morphed into yet another excuse for a party and a way for the groom’s family to feel that they contributed something financially. If it’s basically going to include so many people then why not call it a ‘pre-wedding dinner’ or something? That’d help it make sense to people like me who aren’t up on the present interpretations of the old time traditions.</p>
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<p>Yes, we actually rehearsed!</p>
<p>“We still have our original day-to-day dinnerware.”</p>
<p>We do, too. I’m thinking I could use another shower. ;)</p>
<p>My inlaws hosted a swanky rehearsal dinner for us but it was just people involved in the rehearsal and their spouses. I’m sure it wasn’t cheap. I really doubt the out of towners expected to be invited. I have never been invited to one as an out of town guest. It’s more fun just visiting with people at the hotel, hitting the pool, and relaxing from my perspective.</p>
<p>Oh, I know, Consolation. “Good” china is a strange idea imo and strangely old fashioned. Our china became outdated quickly and I jettisoned it long ago. I like buying new fun dishes every few years. And they sure as heck don’t cost $150 a place setting!!</p>
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<p>FWIW, our rehearsal dinner was connected to an actual rehearsal. I still don’t know why you think this is a new interpretation, though. As I said, mine was 25 years ago and it wasn’t out of the norm at all to have all out-of-towners included.</p>
<p>Re “another excuse for a party” - I don’t think anyone needs an excuse to show hospitality towards / entertain people who have made an effort to come a distance to join in your special day. We didn’t do this, but I know a lot of people who prepare gift bags for out-of-town guests who are staying in hotels. Or who have a room with hors d’oeuvres and so forth at the hotel where guests are staying. However you slice it, it’s not an “excuse,” it’s extending hospitality.</p>
<p>In my sister’s case, my parents lived in City A (where I was married out of - but I was 21 at the time). By the time my younger sister got married, she had already been living in City B for 5 years, had established her career there, her husband-to-be and his family were all from City B, and it made sense for her to be married out of City B, which meant that there would be a lot of City A out-of-towners coming. Her wedding was on a Saturday afternoon / evening. Her future in-laws wanted a rehearsal dinner at what is, charitably speaking, a cheap and charmless burgers-and-fries place on Friday, and only for those in the bridal party. With all of those out of towners coming, my parents suggested that the actual rehearsal and the burger-place party be on Thursday night instead. The IL’s said fine - it was all the same to them to have it on Thursday vs Friday - and then, at the hotel where all of our out-of-town guests were staying, my parents hosted a dinner reception on Friday night for everyone as well as the wedding itself on Saturday. It all worked out well, esp for the out of towners. A lot of people went to a lot of effort to come up to City B, and my parents felt they deserved (and were willing to pay for) dinner on Friday as well. That may not be in everyone’s budget - maybe some people would do cocktails or hors d’oeuvres or a simpler party at someone’s home. But it was nice for the out of towners to be able to meet and greet before the actual wedding.</p>
<p>I didn’t register, as I felt that since we had been living together for a couple years, ( since I was 21), that it was expected we already had everything although that was far from the case.
I wasn’t going to ask for china or silver, I was just happy with things that matched that wasn’t my mothers discarded Corelle!
However, I shouldn’t have been so self effacing.
My H’s sisters certainly weren’t. For example, one sister who was my age had recently built a new house with her H. They were moving up from a small rambler they bought two years before when they were still engaged. ( they had been a couple since kindergarten. They divorced about five years ago)
Unfortunately, they maybe bought more house than was in their budget. They threw a housewarming when they moved in, and made a big production of having " a money tree" where people were apparently supposed to clip envelopes of money!
I thought it was so splendidly tacky that I had a smile on my face the whole time we were there.
;)</p>
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<p>Alas, due to the china disease all of mine is what one might call “good.” 
(Wedgewood, Minton, etc.) And I certainly wouldn’t think of jettisoning any of it. Of course, I would love to have MORE! 
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<p>I used to be very fond of various Wedgewood patterns–although Minton Green Cockatrice remains my favorite–but since they were taken over by Waterford, IMHO, their patterns have severely declined. There are some Ginori, Haviland, and Mottadeh patterns that I would love to add to my collection, not to mention some vintage patterns, but alas, it is not in the cards.</p>
<p>I agree with Pizzagirl regarding extending hospitality, assuming that one can afford it. (And it may be possible to accomplish the same end on a limited budget if one is imaginative…)</p>
<p>Emeraldkity4, a money tree is mind-bogglingly tacky.</p>
<p>EmeraldKitty, I’d have been grinning from ear to ear…how tacky can you get?</p>
<p>Two of my great aunts had Spode china that I liked, ( I think one was Indian tree) but my favorite was my grandmothers everyday desert rose dishes, which aren’t “china”, but are associated with many happy memories, and I still love them. Years ago, we even painted our house to match.</p>
<p>I like Spode a lot. :)</p>
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You missed the part where I prefaced it all with -
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<p>Clearly the wedding business isn’t something I’ve paid much attention to so some of these things make little logical sense to me.</p>
<p>What I love: seeing young couples picking out their china and crystal. Ninety percent of the boys have the “kill me now” look. My husband, who went with me once to see stuff (34 years ago) enjoyed the fact that the store had places for future husbands to sit as the salespeople set up the mock tables.</p>
<p>My mother went with me when I wrote (non computer) down my registry. She didn’t have one (registry) so it was a fun experience for her.</p>
<p>^^ I have to admit - I don’t know why anyone would want crystal.</p>
<p>We didn’t get any crystal when we got married, but we were given 2 sets of Waterford crystal glasses by MIL - 8 of each (water goblets, white wine, red wine, port…). We use them everyday, kids learned to handle them with care since they were little. It’s a real pleasure to look into perfectly cut crystals, they are beautiful. The girls will each get a set someday.</p>
<p>GladGradDad, I think it would be pretty common for most married men to not be that into crystal. I have a husband and 2 boys -we have some china and crystal and I think they probably appreciate it to an extent… We do have some nice wood furniture handed down though they seem to have a real appreciation for .</p>
<p>^^ The furniture sounds nice - I’d have an appreciation for that.</p>
<p>oldfort, That’s great about your crystal and it sounds like your daughters will love it someday as it has had daily use and they will associate that with you. For us, the older generation tried to hand down china , silver that were just not our style. We took the silver from my MIL after her daughter and other son turned it down just to keep it in the family (and not hurt her feelings). It has never been used. Just not us. The Stickley and other great furniture , Hudson Bay blankets,etc. were another thing. We took all gratefully and use all and have already started passing some of it down to our sons.</p>
<p>I love crystal. I have some rather old fashioned cordial glasses that were my great aunts, but most of it I’ve acquired myself through estate sales.
It makes whatever youre drinking taste better.</p>
<p>I was a bit irritated with our inlaws wedding present to us. It was a bud vase. Somehow I expected more- I don’t know why? But it made me cranky, it was a * nice * bud vase, but his sisters recieved major help toward their honeymoons, and I didn’t think it would kill them to make more of an effort. I gave it as a gift to the next couple who were married because I knew it would bug me every time I saw it. :o
But I was only 23 & I’d just lost my baby. I’d like to think I am a bigger person now, but I do sometimes wonder why of all the people i dated, why I decided to marry the one whose parents didn’t like me.</p>