<p>I actually do like crystal. My dad’s parents were Scottish ( as was my MIL) so we have some nice Edinburgh Crystal we brought back from Scotland. Liquer glasses and vases. We have some Wedgewood and Royal Doulton stuff . Toby jugs. I hope my kids will want some of this stuff someday but you never know. I’m waiting until they are more settled/married to offer some of the more fragile stuff . Tastes change and lots of kids may not want some of these things and may consider it somewhat of a burden to figure out how to decline or figure out how to dispose of these things down the line.</p>
<p>I can’t even get my kids to take their own stuff, let alone my stuff!</p>
<p>I love crystal. We have Steuben, Waterford, Baccarat in vases and serving pieces. But my St. Louis Tommy glasses…gone in an earthquake. I love china. And since we were married so long ago I have (gulp) 9 sets of china. I can serve 130 people in the house for a formal dinner. </p>
<p>I don’t know what my kids will do in the future. The girls have my mil’s china. They don’t like it now, but it is pretty. Son’s girlfriend thinks that it is funny that when my son got his apartment I bought china, stainless, wine glasses and beer steins. Nice stuff…masculine. But the cost of “good” china is really expensive now…like $500 a place setting…wow.</p>
<p>I have enough sterling to give each of my kids 12 place settings. I love it…but I don’t know if they will…love it. I used it a lot when we had live in help. But now that we have to wash it…not as mucj/</p>
<p>“Clueless me - why would a ‘rehearsal dinner’ include anyone not participating with an action role in the actual ceremony? I thought the idea was to actually ‘rehearse’ the ceremony so the participants knew when to walk, where to stand, etc., and then when the rehearsal was over they’d have dinner.”</p>
<p>GladGradDad, I had never heard of this until last year. Maybe it’s a regional thing?</p>
<p>Rehearsal dinners include (here) visitors who have travelled here to attend the wedding.</p>
<p>I don’t know…we have been to 3 destination weddings in the last 3 years. We are close to the parents. In all cases LOTS of people showed up. One plane became a cocktail party it had so many of us going to the wedding.</p>
<p>It just doesn’t make sense to me to invite 75-100 people because they are from out-of-town. It is called a rehearsal dinner. I know that people are going out of their way to travel to the wedding. I get that. I did that many times in my younger years and never went to a rehearsal dinner unless I was in the wedding party. </p>
<p>As a guest,I wouldn’t want to impose; I think the bride and groom and their families have enough to think about without having to take care of more things/people BEFORE the wedding. The day after brunch–I get that. </p>
<p>Well, I’m glad I started this thread. The things I am learning . . . ;)</p>
<p>^^^The reason for the inclusion of out of town guests in the rehearsal dinner is simple: People have travelled by plane, train or car to the site of the wedding. The guests are paying for hotel rooms…hence a large cash outlay. The hosts honor these guests by inviting them and entertaining them for the weekend.</p>
<p>Some weddings have something for guests to do during the day. But in general, for a destination wedding or a wedding when you have travelled to a city, hosts have a dinner the night before (the rehearsal dinner) and a brunch after the wedding.</p>
<p>Sometimes the differences in family patterns made us each nervous during the planning year. MOB was confident that 95% of the people she’d invite would say “yes” which is how she made her list. Our family, widely scattered geographically, has a “yield” more like 40% – but everyone expects an invitation. It was hard for MOB to trust me about this. But we each knew our situation. When RSVP deadline came, our numbers and hers all worked out to the budget. But I know it concerned her – what if I was wrong and all my people came? I knew they wouldn’t.</p>
<p>During those same planning months, I was nervous that the bride’s father wouldn’t attend, and break my DIL’s heart. But he finally came through for her.</p>
<p>No two families run alike. I felt vulnerable. Although there were fun moments in planning, the challenges revealed my family’s foibles to a complete stranger. Unless you already know each other from before the engagement, inlaws begin as strangers to each other. And yet you know that inlaws will always play a role in your S or D’s adult married life, hopefully for a lonnnnng time. </p>
<p>Glad to report that 2 years later, we maintain a longdistance email friendship with the MOB. (Bride’s dad faded back into the distance; we will never hear from him again, I predict.) When I go to the region to visit my son, we set up a date, with or without the young couple. We see a show or meal together. It’s a good foundation. If grandchildren come, we’ll be able to work that together, too; it will be fine.</p>
<p>Our oldest D just celebrated her 3rd anniversary. We are pretty low key, and mutually decided right away that her wedding should be a big, fun party to celebrate their day with their friends, and that we would have just as much fun planning it. We also, out of necessity, kept the budget really tight. We found a great historic inn, with a schoolhouse bell and a huge lawn for a bargain price in the next town over. She bought her dress on-line from J Crew with her teacher’s discount and then sold the dress on a wedding site when she was done (for the same price she paid). My other D worked at a high end bakery, so they made a small cake at a huge discount. We supplemented the cake with 150 homemade- but very professional looking- cupcakes from Martha Stewart’s cupcake cookbook, and my sister made dozens of her very amazing cookies of different types.We ordered all of her flowers from Costco online, and did our own arrangements. She found pictures of succulent bouquets and we copied them and made all of the bouquets for almost nothing. I made all of the bridesmaid dresses (very simple pattern, bought the fabric by the bolt on-line), as we did not want anyone spending a lot of money on dresses. The groomsmen wore matching shirts that our D and SIL purchased, along with their own brown pants. We hired a caterer to BarBQ, and we made salads and sides for our vegetarian attendees. A friend who is just starting off as a photographer shot the wedding with a friend, and I have to say the pictures are among the best I’ve seen. Another friend performed the ceremony on the front lawn. My D’s classical guitar teacher played before and during the ceremony. During the dinner/reception, there were lawn games (horseshoes, badmitton, etc) for the guests to play. SIL used his IPOD with a great speaker system to set up the music, instead of using a DJ, and included in the inn rental was a large dance floor set up in front of a barn. We hired friends of our younger D to help out where needed. Our spluge was that I was able to negotiate a photo booth for almost 1/2 of the original price- I think their business was slow with the tight economy. The photo booth was a huge hit and really a lot of fun. The historic inn included docents dressed in period costume, who took groups through the inn during the reception- a big hit with the grandparents, and older people there. </p>
<p>We all had the best day ever; very little stress! I still have people tell me that it was one of the most fun weddings they have ever attended. We ended up with 140 people total and stuck to our minimal budget (under 5000 total). So nice to have it all paid for before the wedding and the low cost of the wedding allowed our D and SIL to buy a house within a year of the wedding. We have one more D and 2 S’s, but I’m guessing it will be a while before we have to figure out the next wedding!</p>
<p>takeitallin- you should become a party planner, I am sure it was a great party.</p>
<p>One issue I have with a wedding is the wedding dress. I don’t mind paying for the food, place, flowers and such because you get a lot of bang for the bucks. But when it comes to the wedding dress, it could cost thousands, and it is only worn once. It is never ever used again, and it takes up closet space. Is there a high end wedding dress rental place? Do people do that?</p>
<p>Yes, there are both bridal rental places and pre-owned dress shops.</p>
<p>takeitallin, The wedding sounds lovely!</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I share the china disease. I still love the Royal Doulton that I registered for. I love my white “diner” style every day dishes that I bought at the Crate & Barrel Outlet. I love my yellow Fiestaware. And I love the vintage dinnerware from the 50s…I must have service for at least 28 in several colors of the same brand. I wish I had room for more.</p>
<p>My paternal grandmother’s family is originally from Waterford, so I’ve always been partial to Waterford Crystal. My favorite gift for new couples: a Waterford cake knife/server set. I either give it as a shower gift or send it soon after I receive an invitation so that the couple can use it on their own wedding cake, if desired. My children have Waterford Christmas ornaments from their birth years, and they’ll receive Waterford tree toppers (along with cake knives) when they marry.</p>
<p>We went to a Fiesta outlet recently and couldn’t resist picking up a few little things (2 tiny colorful bowls and a couple of trivets). We certainly didn’t need anymore stuff . Just more stuff to get rid of down the line.
I do like ornaments too- have Lenox for kids’ birth years, Royal Copenhagen, some nice pewter ones.</p>
<p>"I think it would be pretty common for most married men to not be that into crystal.’’</p>
<p>Since I chose our china and silver (and pretty much everything else wedding related - he only needed to show up) I decided to let my H pick our crystal as his parents were giving it to us. I kept picking up nice, heavy Waterford but he was having none of it and kept going back to the wafer thin Orrefors so that was that (with the promise I could replace whenever one got chipped/cracked.) Have had to replace about 5 so far. :(</p>
<p>Very interesting thread …thanks SportsMama.</p>
<p>We have one D and have just finished paying full freight for a private university education. Her school was in the east and we live in the middle-of-nowhere in the northwest. She is currently living in the east and we are helping w/ her expenses. Soooo at this point I am not inclined to take on the expense of a big, expensive east coast wedding. </p>
<p>D is in a serious relationship w/ someone who has a BIG extended family. I think this person will be my future SIL but (hopefully) not for several years. JMO - young couples today are having long-term, committed relationships before actually getting married. I think Chelsea Clinton and Prince William/ Kate unknowingly made it not only acceptable but the new template for committed relationships pre-marriage. </p>
<p>If/when D gets engaged I think she will want to have the wedding on the east coast. That is where she is living and most of her friends are there. Most of BF’s family are there too (not in the same city but one short flight away). </p>
<p>After reading this thread I would like to ask my CC friends if this seems reasonable. H and I will pay for D’s bridal gown, the rental cost for the venue the b&g select, flowers & decorations, photographer, wedding planner, and the dinner cost for our invited/attending family and friends. This is the tricky part – I think there will be less than 30 family and friends from our side that will be able to travel to a wedding in an expensive east coast city.</p>
<p>I think the b&g should pay for dinner/drinks costs for their friends and I think the groom’s parents should pay their family and friends. This way H and I are not limiting the number of guests based on what we are willing to pay. </p>
<p>Does this plan make us appear unreasonable?</p>
<p>Our tall waterford lamp got smashed during our recent move. It is 30+ years old, and they don’t make it any more. The moving company is going to give us cash for it because it is not replaceable. With Waterford being out of business, a lot of those patterns are gone. So take care of what you have.</p>
<p>Tututaxi - would it be easier if you just give your D a fixed dollar amount and she could do what she wants with it? I am assuming you don’t care what the affair looks like (not in a bad way). </p>
<p>The problem with you paying for
[quote]
H and I will pay for D’s bridal gown, the rental cost for the venue the b&g select, flowers & decorations, photographer, wedding planner, and the dinner cost for our invited/attending family and friends.<a href=“sounds%20like%20a%20grand%20affair”>/quote</a>, and the groom’s side would be happy having a lot of people, but at the basement of a church?</p>
<p>
Something I wish I’d thought about right from the beginning was tipping. Much depends on the vendor, but it’s customary in many areas for gratuities to be expected but not billed to you - meaning that you have to remember to put them in the budget. The next time I go through this, either my daughter or I will ask straight-out about tipping when considering each vendor.</p>
<p>I would much prefer to see the tip included in the vendor’s proposal. In addition to tipping the caterer’s waitstaff, which I expected because tipping waiters is what you do, we wound up tipping the DJ and photographer’s assistants (as they were the business owners, I didn’t tip the photog and DJ though perhaps I should have); the coordinator assigned us by the venue, and someone else I can’t remember now.</p>
<p>I posted a thread about tipping and the bad things that can happen to good tippers last year: <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/1218909-another-wedding-etiquette-thread-time-about-tipping.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/1218909-another-wedding-etiquette-thread-time-about-tipping.html</a></p>