<p>You can rent a barn in Oregon for $50 an hr.
:)</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>You are doing all the correct things, according to Emily Post anyways. Parents of the groom are supposed to send a congratulatory note and offer assistance soon after the engagement.
There’s not much you can do except to communicate this through your S to his fiancee and let her deal with her parents.</p>
<p>We had the opposite issues with my d’s in-laws. Mother of the groom did not respond for 6 months after the engagement and this was after repeated prodding through my d since popular venues for rehearsal dinners have to be reserved long in advance if you wish to secure a private room.
I gave up trying to communicate with the in-laws and essentially did everything through my d and let her and her fiance deal with the groom’s side.</p>
<p>Jonri:</p>
<p>Sheesh - calm down! You obviously didn’t understand the context of my post.</p>
<p>I didn’t mean my response to be at all snarky but rather, complimentary to takeitallin’s post (which of course, I did read). I used it as an example of thinking outside the box on the subject. It doesn’t mean TutuTaxi would have to ‘find a historic Inn within an hour’s drive’ specifically but rather, it’s an example of what can be done. Whether something suitable, whether it’s a historic Inn or something else, can be found within an hour of NYC or not I don’t know but I’d be very surprised if there wasn’t something workable towards various budget levels.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>What is standard is a “bench fee.” You either use the church’s own organist and pay him or her, or pay a reduced fee in compensation if you want to use someone else.</p>
<p>The reason for this is simple: church musicians are notoriously underpaid. The opportunity to earn some extra $$ by playing at rites of passage is part of the expected compensation package.</p>
<p>I am intimately familiar with this, because I have served on the Personnel Committee hiring a music director/organist, and researched much information about standard and recommended contracts and fees. Info is available on the website of the American Guild of Organists. (I am also a member of an historic church that many non-members want to use for their rites of passage.)</p>
<p>It is NOT standard to say that no one else can perform. That is very odd, IMHO. I find it very difficult to imagine why.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I’d talk to your son about it, at least to let him know you tried. Maybe her parents are struggling with the idea that their little girl is getting married. Don’t forget that people have different standards of what constitutes sufficient communication and/or friendliness. And don’t hold her parents’ behavior against your DIL down the road. She can’t help it. :)</p>
<p>Counting Down, maybe it would be cost effective to put the $$ into your property and hire a tent. At least, when it was all over, you would actually have the value of the improvements, rather than having just paid a fee to someone else!</p>
<p>Fencersmom, it’s hard to believe the in-laws-to-be haven’t responded to your overtures. Are they away? Did your son tell them you were planning to only pay for rehearsal dinner? Then you mention being cordial and open-walletted, which is a different message. Perhaps there is some miscommunication.</p>
<p>I must admit to learning a lot from this thread.</p>
<p>@TuTuTaxi The Roger Sherman Inn is within 1 hour of NYC (barely), in New Canaan, CT. There is train service from NYC. Their basic wedding menu, which includes the cake, is $100 per person with–I believe–no site fee. The more elaborate black tie wedding is $140. New Canaan is one of the wealthiest/prettiest towns in Southern Fairfield County, and the RSI is a very attractive place in a very nice location. They also have some guest rooms, so at least some of the wedding party could stay there. (Full disclosure: guests at our wedding stayed there, including my inlaws, and I spent my wedding night there. 
) There are Presbyterian and Episcopal churches within walking distance, or you could have the ceremony at the Inn.</p>
<p><a href=“http://rogershermaninn.com/weddingmenu.pdf[/url]”>http://rogershermaninn.com/weddingmenu.pdf</a></p>
<p><a href=“http://rogershermaninn.com/blacktieweddingmenu.pdf[/url]”>http://rogershermaninn.com/blacktieweddingmenu.pdf</a></p>
<p>BTW, tell your D about the Bridal Building in NYC. There are a bunch of dress manufacturers there, and it is open to the public on Saturday mornings. You can save a LOT by ordering directly from the maker, and get the dress months faster.</p>
<p>Our church is free to members, including use of the hall and kitchen. Of course one gives a cash gift to the staff involved, including the cleaning guy too. I would say $500 to cover everyone would be considered the right amount. I doubt my kids would go for the church hall idea but it is a bargain. Time will tell.</p>
<p>I took a look at the Roger Sherman link. Not including the sales tax, it’s $120 per person. (Auto added 20% gratuity.) </p>
<p>So, 150 people would be $18,000 not including tax.
Nothing else paid for, so way over a “$8,000-10,000” budget .</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Pick up the phone. Maybe they’re not writers. Some families can barely locate a stamp anymore.</p>
<p>Of course, I bet you included your phone number and invited them to call or write you next. If so, they fell down.</p>
<p>Hopefully you’ll find their other merits in the coming year. Sorry this first try didn’t get the ball rolling.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Jonri, she said that she was prepared to give the B&G $25-30K. Should fit very comfortably within that budget.</p>
<p>I should note that there is also a Catholic church in New Canaan, although not within walking distance. And Christian Science, Congregational, et al.</p>
<p>
I don’t know where the 150 number came from but if the number were limited to 75 then that particular location would be $9K - closer to the budget. The 75 might be possible given that TutuTaxi said -
</p>
<p>I’m sure that’s not the only venue around either - just one suggestion by a poster. My point is to figure out a budget that’s reasonable for this type of event for the individual situation and then go find something and make arrangements that fit it. It’ll likely be doable and people can have a great time whether it cost $250 pp, $100 pp, or even way less than that. Obviously as the multiplier, i.e. the number of people attending, goes up, so do costs generally. There’s nothing wrong with limiting the number of guests to fit the budget, limiting the cost of the venue/amenities to fit the budget, etc.</p>
<p>Oh, Consolation, I guess tutu upped the amount. I was referring to post 407:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>And, in post 436 tutu said
</p>
<p>I was answering the question as to whether it was possible to have a wedding for 150-200 people for $8,000-10,000 in NYC. It is possible if you know someone who will host it in their home, are willing to have cake in a church basement or have other special circumstances, but as a general rule, I think it’s pretty tough to pull it off.</p>
<p>But now I see that tutu has said that they would be willing to give a fixed amount of $25,000-30,000. That’s certainly feasible.</p>
<p>photographers run around 1000 or more, not including any real hardcopies. Videographers run 1500 or more.
Regular halls for rentals can go anywhere between 1000 and 5000. Place settings for dinner run about $11-25 a plate or more with no food.</p>
<p>Some rental halls charge 20-40% of the caterers bill if you dont cater through them.</p>
<p>On wedding photographers: if you’re looking for a great photographer in the San Francisco bay area, I know a wonderful photographer with excellent rates, since she’s just starting out. Of course, I’m rather biased, but I can easily send a link to her website to anyone who’s interested.</p>
<p>Wow. I guess I’m a stick in the mud but I can’t imagine coughing up the same amount for ONE party ($25k to $30k) as we are paying for one whole year of college. I guess Missy Thing will pay for her own wedding if she changes her mind about going to a justice of the peace. Me? I will cover costs equivalent to a kegger. But a very large kegger. Y’all are all invited.</p>
<p>I’ll be there abs! I will even bring a nice gift.</p>
<p>^^^
Whoot! Par-Tay! Bring on the chicken dancers.</p>
<p>I am currently planning my wedding and I found that florists are outrageous in their pricing difference between wedding and non-wedding arrangements. I went to a florist wanting a mix of red and pink roses for mine and the bridesmaid’s bouquets. I was quoted $300 for my bouquet which would consist of about 15 roses, some fillers, and a few lillies. While at the same time they were advertising a non-wedding arrangement of 3 dozen red roses plus baby’s breath for $150. Needless to say I will be looking for someone else, but I did make a mental note to look into ordering these “non-wedding” arrangements and use them as centerpiecies for the wedding.</p>
<p>Yep, florists can even have different prices for funeral "arrangements vs. “regular” floral pieces.</p>
<p>We were fortunate to have family friends make our floral arrangements, including headbands, leis, and arrangements for church and reception. They were lovely! Dad’s friend donated several lovely orchids as well.</p>
<p>My sister loves to buy flowers from Costco & re-arrange them, putting them in vases all over her home after just buying one or two bouquets.</p>
<p>If you’re trying to save money and the look fits with your aesthetic, try balloon centerpieces -festive but cheaper than flowers.</p>