<p>D and her fiance are struggling with their seating plan (roughly 120 guests). The site will prepare and post the seating plan, I suppose on some fairly attractive board.</p>
<p>Apparently the D. J. said something to them about arranging a meal for him (it will be a buffet brunch/luncheon at a museum site). They are fine of course with including a meal for him in their count for the caterer, and I told D and fiance they should do the same for the photographer and his assistant, and they agreed (and even thanked me for reminding them of this!) </p>
<p>What I wonder is, should we have room for these vendors at the guest tables? I actually have a few spots open at one large table and the people there would be fine having these vendors join them at some point. I want to treat them graciously. Or do the vendors prefer to be alone so they can have some “down time” as they take a meal break?</p>
<p>Perhaps we should just ask this question of the site coordinators – or the vendors themselves – but D and her fiance are handling these details, and I thought I would get some good input here re how this is generally handled. (This will not be a formal attire event, groom and groomsmen will be wearing blazers with ties and khakis.)</p>
<p>By the way, B & G are finding doing the seating the most challenging part of the process – and so far, we are having to do many drafts as we seem to have different agendas – they want to mix the sides, but our family and friends, especially those traveling from a distance, expect to be together as they rarely see each other and will not likely see people from the “other” side ever again. (Some are traveling from the West to East coast, and some from Europe.)</p>
<p>JEM - someone somewhere suggested we need to start a separate wedding forum on CC; perhaps they are correct!</p>
<p>I like your idea of just asking the DJ, photographer and assistant how this has been handled at other weddings they’ve done. I can’t imagine that they would be anything but grateful for being asked, as opposed to your assuming what they’d prefer.</p>
<p>JEM, the contract for the photographer, serving crew and band all included dinner. My understanding is that caterers usually do not charge for these meals (or offer them at a reduced rate). We also mentioned it in the printed timelines we gave them prior to the wedding. We did not seat them at the guest tables (though we wondered about that, too, and I hope we didn’t offend anyone). DH did make a point of letting them all know they were welcome to whatever they wanted to eat when they took a break. We were in one venue for ceremony & reception, and the lobby area had some cafe tables & seating, which is where I assume most of them had dinner.</p>
<p>When DH and I were “auditioning” bands for our own wedding, in 1978, we got in touch with a group that someone had recommended. They told us we should come to a particular event – the 50th wedding anniversary of some couple – where they would be playing, and we could listen to them there. When we walked in, all eyes were on us – we realized that of course no one had any idea who we were. But the most embarrassing was that the band leader kept telling us to help ourselves to the food! I think we each had a glass of water and that was it.</p>
<p>While it is appropriate to provide food for your vendors that provide various services during the wedding reception, you would never seat them with your guests, and they would never expect to be seated with the guests.</p>
<p>Jem, we discussed this with each vendor to let them know that we were happy to provide a meal for them, and also to inquire as to timing and where they’d like to have their meal. They all chose to eat separately from the guests, and our caterer set up a table for them in another area in the venue, which worked out well. The photographer and his assistants ate prior to everyone else because they needed to be available once speeches were to begin. Two of my Ds organized their timeline to include the speeches at each course break during the meal. It worked well but it’s certainly a personal choice and your D and her fianc</p>
<p>Just a thought. . .when we were married, we did feed the band etc. but they did not have the same meal as the guests. If you are having filet mignon and heirloom asparagus there is no need to include the vendors in the headcount for that meal. The caterer made a less fancy/less expensive plate for the vendors. I see you are doing a buffet, but you mentioned “head count” so I would make sure the caterer counts the vendors where he wants to, depending on what you decide to offer them.</p>
<p>As to table assignments - easily the most tricky part of planning a wedding! And not just who sits with whom, but whose table is where. Is a table close to the dance floor a “better” or “worse” table than one near the entrance. Have fun!! :D</p>
<p>“What I wonder is, should we have room for these vendors at the guest tables?”</p>
<p>I have never seen vendors seated with the guests. I would think they would be offered meals (paid for by you obviously) either before the reception - if it’s in the evening or after if it’s an afternoon reception, since they are working during the reception.</p>
<p>As for seating - personally I hate being too close to the band and older people (grandparents/great Aunts/Uncles) really hate being near the band.</p>
<p>My band played a wedding in July and we were at a separate table in a distant room. The photographer sat with us. And I’m good friends with the Step-father and mother of the bride. So it’s certainly nice, and probably expected, to feed them, especially if they are supposed to be there (from set up to tear down) during the dinner hour. But you definitely don’t need or want to sit them with the guests, and they’ll have a better time if they are sitting off to themselves anyway not having to make small talk with the groom’s uncle’s stepsons or whatever.</p>
<p>I don’t know the first thing about wedding receptions and don’t care a bit about someone else’s idea of ‘etiquette’ but I always have an opinion - </p>
<ul>
<li><p>It doesn’t make sense that the vendors would sit at a table like the guests any more than having the waiter at a restaurant sit at your table. They’re just paid workers - not your best friends.</p></li>
<li><p>I don’t like the idea of a seating chart at all. People s/b able to sit where they want and might resent being artificially ‘mixed up’ according to someone else’s idea. They’re there to have fun and enjoy themselves and that’s best done with the flexibility of being with whoever they want to be with. Your point about acquaintances/relatives who rarely see each other wanting to sit together is a good one as well. If there’s no seating chart then everyone can be happy and won’t feel manipulated for some unknown reason.</p></li>
</ul>
<p>GladGradDad, the problem with that is that if it’s a sitdown dinner that’s being served, the caterer has the food organized according to the seating plan and who is at what table. If everyone came in and sat where they wanted to, it would be chaotic for the servers. As I mentioned, for one D, because of the nature of the wedding, there was no seating plan but then we had to make sure that there were actually more tables than needed. Invariably, if it’s a sit where you want thing, there will be an empty seat or two here or there throughout, and people wandering around trying to find a spot. Having extra tables and seats solved this very nicely.</p>
<p>alwaysamom - I suspect that having assigned seating is also helpful for any elderly people that might be attending and need to be assured that they are seated at the most appropriate place, and with the most appropriate people who might need to assist them, as possible.</p>
<p>I’m the child of a diplomat, to me seating people is an art. Husbands and wives aren’t allowed to sit next to each other, you think about what people have in common and you alternate sexes though these days that seems rather archaic! I actually had a lot of fun putting together the tables. We had a buffet, so it wasn’t actually needed for caterer plans.</p>
<p>As an aside, for you Lois McMasters Bujold fans, there is a very funny scene in A Civil Campaign where the guests go in a rearrange the seating plan with disastrous, but very funny results.</p>
On the flip side, if you have a couple of guests who really don’t know anyone, they’re going to be left standing there wondering where to sit. I find the “no seating chart” incredibly intimidating - what if you wanted to sit with someone but there’s no room at their table? Or you sit at an empty table, and no one you know comes over? It takes me back to the high school cafeteria as the “new kid.”</p>
<p>I’d rather make the chart, and then people mix it up as they always do. People may sit at the table during the meal, but then everyone moves around & visits.</p>
<p>“I’m the child of a diplomat, to me seating people is an art. Husbands and wives aren’t allowed to sit next to each other, you think about what people have in common and you alternate sexes though these days that seems rather archaic! I actually had a lot of fun putting together the tables.”</p>
<p>I can’t imagine at a wedding being told who I had to sit next to at my assigned table. I understand it if I was invited to a State Dinner, but I think that’s a bit much for a wedding. </p>
<p>I’m not of fan of open seating. People never seems to quite know where to sit - and then you ask of it’s ok to sit at a table and are told the seats are saved. It can be uncomfortable, especially if one doesn’t know anyone else but the brides or grooms family.</p>
<p>We actually sat with the photographer and florist or someone else at a wedding. It was OK - they were interesting people to chat with - but it was a tad uncomfortable at first. As for assigned tables, at my bro’s recent wedding some people ignored those assignments. It was a buffet so no confusion resulted, and I don’t think anyone cared much.</p>
<p>I agree with the poster who described assigned seating as an art. We have been both guests and hosts at such events, and when done properly, guests are seated together who either know each other, or have common interests which they will discover in conversation. </p>
<p>Most people are really not interested in sitting at dinner with the other side’s guests–they want to enjoy the event with people they know and in cases of farflung family members who have come together, spend time with those relatives they rarely get to see.</p>
<p>For DS’s wedding both the rehearsal dinner hosted by us and the wedding reception hosted by our DIL’s parents had assigned seating. We all agreed that for both events, DH and I did the seating for our family & friends, the B&G did the seating for their friends/young cousins, and DIL’s parents did the seating for their family and friends.</p>
<p>A number of people commented to me that they had enjoyed the tables to which they were assigned.</p>
<p>For the wedding reception, guests were asked to indicate in advance which of 3 entrees they wanted for their dinner, so the hotel actually required that that specific seats at each table be assigned to guests so that their serving of the various entrees would be seamless. It was a little extra work for us to do this, but it paid off in totally efficient and unobstrusive table service.</p>
<p>Mathmom – funny you should mention Lois McMaster Bujold – one of the tables at S & DIL’s wedding was named for the Triumph from her Verkosigan series…</p>
<p>S and DIL assigned tables, not specific seats. Tried to mix up folks based on interests, who they thought would have things to discuss, etc. Worked pretty well. In our case, virtually everyone was on the groom’s side, though DIL knew some folks from her time in Chicago. We sat with MOB and FOB, along with a few of our longtime friends.</p>
<p>We had a buffet, so there were no issues with entrees going to the right tables/seats. </p>
<p>We were thankful the contra band played at a level in which one could enjoy the music and still hear the conversation!</p>
</p>
there is no need to include the vendors in the headcount for that meal. The caterer made a less fancy/less expensive plate for the vendors. I see you are doing a buffet, but you mentioned “head count” so I would make sure the caterer counts the vendors where he wants to, depending on what you decide to offer them.</p>