<p>Over the last couple years I have attended two wedding receptions where what they played to dance to was extremely loud, heavy on the beat, percussion, with next to nothing of melody or even words. I couldn’t even call it music. It was so loud it was impossible to hear the person next to you and the bass pulsing made everything vibrate. The weddings were of people in their 20s. The music was from a computer and never stopped (no band so there was no down time for the band to take a break). These were the first weddings I had gone to in a long time. Is this common now and am I just out of touch with the times?</p>
<p>It’s not unusual even when there is a DJ. If I get a choice (Med school graduation party) we always sit as far as possible from the speakers as we can. I don’t actually mind the music when I’m dancing, but I think they should turn it down for the eating. The trouble with earplugs is then you really can’t hear any conversation. Where is that cone of silence when we need it?</p>
<p>Why do you ask? Just wondering or got a wedding coming up to plan for?
DJ’s seem to be the norm these days. The music is on computer over speakers and can be controlled. My BIL has a band and plays at a lot of events so I know a bit.
Sometimes the music is fed over the facilities speakers which can be harder to control–the volume is set and the DJ just has to go with it. Not always great.
A band (or DJ) who brings their own speakers has much more control over volume. That requires sound checks in different parts of the room and some pre-planning.
Young people don’t seem to have put together the wonderful aspect of a party where you can hear your neighbor as well as dance.</p>
<p>I am not yet planning any weddings, but do think the kids don’t understand the part about hearing anyone else. At the most recent one, half of our table ended up off in a separate room so they could talk. It was also odd to me that it just continued throughout the evening, no break even for the time to eat. Ear plugs might have helped but I still wouldn’t have been able to hear anyone trying to talk.</p>
<p>That may be the result of having a DJ–after all, the computer doesn’t need a break of any type (and it only comes out one volume unlike live music). When my BIL performs we have “dinner music” and “dance music” (with corresponding volume changes), breaks and whatever else the audience needs. A good DJ should be able to provide that also. (a live band is more fun!)<br>
It amounts to telling the DJ or band leader what you want and them responding to you. Someone with a lot of experience would automatically do this for you.(well maybe).</p>
<p>Even when there is a live DJ or band, they tend to get louder and louder as the evening goes on. I have earplugs that I happily put in so i can dance the night away while everyone else slowly loses their hearing.</p>
<p>I agree, one should be able to converse with people. I have seen music at a class REUNION so loud that people who hadn’t seen each other in decades couldn’t converse. That’s just dumb.</p>
<p>I also agree, a lot of the music can’t be danced to. Well, not in a way that this old lady knows how to dance… :D</p>
<p>And when it’s too loud, it just drives people out of the room. The DJ or bandleader pleads with people to come out on the dance floor, and they would, if the music weren’t so loud.</p>
<p>This bodes well for my BIL’s band. He gets hired for not only great music but keeping the people happy–and that includes the volume.</p>
<p>I went to a wedding last weekend. It was nearly perfect, IMO. There was a DJ and volume was reasonable. The young people seemed to be having a great time. As far as talking, our table was really too large to talk to anyone other than the person right next to me.</p>
<p>When someone REALLY comes up with the perfect table size that would be great!</p>
<p>The tables at this recent wedding were odd, too, oblong, seating 12, but each had a very large floral support in the middle that looked just like a column, and blocked the view of part of the other end of the table. I think 6-8 would be nice.</p>
<p>We went to a wedding last year where some people (mainly older) were leaving early because the music was deafening and not varied at all. The bride wouldn’t budge, give some of the guests a little slower music and you couldn’t hear yourself talk…I had to go to the ladies room to talk to my sister.
I don’t know if it’s related, but thank you cards were also not sent, at least it’s been a year and nothing.
I don’t like that, it’s inconsiderate, I know it’s your wedding, but you should try to think of guests too, at least a little bit.</p>
<p>Lowered volume or dinner music is always appropriate when food is being served and quality music doesn’t have to be totally deafening to get people up and dancing. </p>
<p>I still attend plenty of weddings with live bands - some of them can be way too loud, as well. The band leader or DJ won’t listen to anyone other than the host, though if arranged for and agreed to ahead of time, some may tell the host if there have been any complaints. I do think a host’s responsibility is to be considerate of a diverse guest list. </p>
<p>At our affairs 8-10 was the number of people I would seat at a (round) table. You need a few extra servers that way, but it makes it much easier to talk to people.</p>
<p>I was at a wonderful wedding this month of my nephew. The band played lovely dinner music where no one had to shout to be heard. Even later in the evening when the get everyone up to dance music was played, you could still carry on a conversation.</p>
<p>The second wife of the groom’s father on the other hand didn’t like the music; when it was time to say our goodbyes, she was found out in the lobby with her fingers in her ears 
That said, she is always a PITA, so this was nothing unusual for her ;)</p>
<p>Here is what goes on around here: The DJ or band plays nice music at first - classic rock, big band, etc. Then, at around 9:30-10 pm, they start with the loud techno and all of the parents’ friends go home on cue. I think it’s kind of a nice way to say “please leave, old people”.</p>
<p>At least that had a progression which seems fair, by 10, most “older people” start thinking of bed. : )
I think more than being inconsiderate to a group of mixed ages etc. is that they took the time to come, gave a gift and don’t even get a thank you note…or the new “fill out your own envelope” to help. I guess, although I’m not a senior yet, I still am old fashioned in certain things.</p>
<p>Missypie, after this last wedding I informed my S that if he ever gets married that is the type of reception he has to have.</p>
<p>When people spend a lot of time, effort and expense to attend an affair, some traveling long distances to do so, I just don’t think it’s appropriate to send the message, intentionally or not, that an entire category of guest is not as welcome for the duration as any other. </p>
<p>A good quality band leader/DJ know how to pace a party so that there is something for everyone throughout the reception, without breaking up the flow of the party. Thankfully, that is the case at the vast majority of affairs that I attend these days.</p>
<p>This thread cracks me up. If I were to attend a wedding now I would be one of the “old” people but I have to stand up for the “loud” music newlyweds. At my wedding (soon to be 25 years ago) one of my parents friends complained about the volume of the music. The volume remained the same. It was well into the reception and if he wanted to chat with friends he could have left and done that elsewhere.</p>
<p>It’s gotten to the point where we now just plan to leave after dinner if the music gets too loud. Yes, I do want to chat with friends and family I haven’t seen in a long time at a wedding reception. I have no objection to people enjoying loud music, but can’t there be a middle ground so that both kinds of guests can have a good time? If there’s nowhere in the building (including the ladies room) that isn’t pulsating with the beat, that tells an entire category of guests that it’s time to hit the road.</p>
<p>Back in the “olden days” people had live bands at weddings, but those days are gone. The DJs play everything loud because the equipment allows them to do that, and it’s like being in a club. Not to change the subject. but I went to a family wedding last year and the bride and her father danced to a song called" My Daughter in the Water" (???). I am not a “Daddy’s Little Girl” fan, but …</p>