Mater - It was an oversight.
Bevhills - I wasn’t doubting you! I was just asking, as I had never heard that before and never really thought about it.
mcat - I think you get really bound by expectations and don’t seem to understand that expectations are not commands given at gunpoint. If a family expects you to do X (or contribute $X) to an event and the simple reality of the situation is that you can’t afford to do it, then you don’t do it. That’s that. And to heck with their expectations.
You seem to think that disappointing others will result in horrible, terrible things. Well, people get over their disappointments in life. And if they don’t? The kind of people who would hold a grudge that you didn’t did something you couldn’t afford in the first place aren’t worth anything. They are unimportant, and your attitude towards them needs to be “oh, well, what losers they are,” not “oh my goodness, I’m so very upset that they don’t think well of me.”
^ Thanks, PG.
Just read a 2014 (?) article on CNN about wedding cost in the US:
Couples spent an average of $31,213 on their big day last year, according to latest study from The Knot, up more than 4% from $29,858 in 2013. The venue eats up the biggest portion of the budget with an average of $14,006, followed by the engagement ring at $5,855 and the band at $3,587. The average catering price per guest rang up at $68 in 2014.
Of the 19 budget items The Knot surveyed, two categories went down in spending compared to 2013: invitations ($439 compared to $443) and favors ($275 from $281). The rise of electronic save-the-dates and invitations and use of wedding websites to distribute information are reasons for the drop in invitation spending, according to Dhanusha Sivajee, executive vice president of marketing for The Knot.
Couples tying the knot in Manhattan faced the biggest tab, the survey showed, spending an average of $76,328, but that’s a lot less than the $86,916 average in 2013. Those in Utah spent the least with an average of $15,257.
Methodology is everything in studies like that. While respondents in the Knot’s study may have spent that much, I can assure you that if you could actually determine the average cost of ALL weddings in the US, the figures would be nowhere near that high.
I would be extremely skeptical of that report from The Knot -that’s a web site that specializes in promoting various web services, so they cater to people who are planning weddings as major events – but I’d suspect that is far more common overall for people to get married without all the pomp and ceremony: courthouse weddings, small quiet ceremonies in churches or in held in people’s back yards, etc. It just isn’t within the average person’s budget to pay thousands of dollars on a wedding-- and not all weddings are first weddings either.
So I think that “average” needs to be premised with, “of people who plan formal weddings”.
The vast majority of American families are in no way able to spend $30K on a wedding.
Agree completely. It’s in their best interest to suggest that “everyone” spends that kind of money, when indeed there are plenty of people who show up at the courthouse and go to lunch afterwards and that’s that.
Plus, what the “average” person does is of no relevance to how I should run my life. The “average” person probably spends way more on their weddings than they should, and undersaves for the future because they have no sense of delayed gratification. The “average” person can tell you all about the Kardashians but couldn’t name a Cabinet member if their lives depended on it.
Just for interests sake: DD’s wedding. Venue at garden center - $1600, Caterer w/Tip etc. $28 a plate for BBQ, cake and drinks (wine/beer/fizzy waters) $10 per person, decorations (glass bowels w/ water gel beads and candles), linens (purchased online for total of $12 per table including runners/chair bows, flowers $60, band (free), dress ($200), invites (online), photos (amateur - gift from friend) Chicken fajita /brownies and ice cream family/friends dinner at home the night before… Total approx cost was $7000. I figured that was pricy compared to my potluck wedding, but it was downright cheap compared to the “average” cost.
^^Good for you anxiousmom! (or your D!)
In the midst of planning S’s wedding and costs will be MUCH less than the Knot and more along the lines of what Anxiousmom describes. Even then, I feel like it’s too much!
Anxiousmom, if you remember and care to share where you purchased your linens (if you were happy with them) I’d love to know in a PM!
Now THAT’S a decoration I’d never heard of at a wedding! Ouch!
Congrats to your D. And thanks for sharing.
My daughter is getting married next Saturday in Maui. She will have forty guests. The total cost of the wedding is about 35K. We’re paying 15K, Gramma’s paying 10K and groom’s dad is paying 10K. That include a Welcome Luau as well. Bosh events will have an open bar. She has shuttles going to and from the hotel to both venues. The wedding venue looks lovely. She will have goodie bags as well as hair and make up for the bridesmaids.
S1 and DIL spent just under $20k, 100 guests. Venue rental (community arts center) was $3200, servers/bartender $1800, $3200 rental for plates/silverware/linens/glassware/serving trays/heating cabinet/coolers, photographer $1000 (cheap end), flowers $199 (got them from local floral wholesale market – cheaper than Costco, bouquets made by my sister and SIL), contra dance band $4000 (including their travel and extra sound system costs – this was the one thing S really wanted), decorations $800 (DIY by yours truly), rings $1000, dress $600, veil $80 (DIY), favors $100 (DIY), kilt getup $500, invitations $300, rehearsal dinner at local BBQ joint $700, custom cake topper $125, cupcakes $375, officiant $500.
DH, S2 and I did the catering – sit down buffet, three entrees, sides, desserts, with vegetarian, gluten, dairy and sugar free options. Our out-of-pocket for that was just under $2500.
No videographer, morning-after was at our house (bagels and leftovers), no hair and makeup services, no bachelorette/bachelor party/weekends, S & DIL were pretty low maintenance. They had a civil ceremony the year before due to visa considerations. This was the celebration.
After my son and dil wedding HER mother, who is in the business (wedding not show) told me that the average cost
of weddings here is118,000. Since we paid for most everything…48,000 and counting…I don’t care what other people spend. Interestingly, CountingDown, we spent 3,000 to rent a restaurant in Beverly Hill. It is a gorgeous venue. MOB bought flowers and they were Gorgeous.
“Which is why everyone here has to get a marriage license and have it signed by a legal officiant.”
Except in states where it is not required. Colorado recognizes common law marriage and no license is required. However, as PG said, there are times when you want to prove you really are married and it is easier to do with a marriage license.
It really strikes me that some of the venues are a major ripoff. I found a couple of places near me that rent barn settings, and the amount they charge is ludicrous, given that it seems to include no rentals or chairs/tables at all, and it would appear that the only restrooms for the wedding are port-a-potties. I’m familiar with the location, and it is nothing special.
I actually think that looks lovely @Consolation. But I must say I would never hold a wedding at a venue they only has port-a-potties on offer. How awful. But the venue you linked appears to have a main house and I would think there would be restrooms there.
Geez, this all sounds outrageous. I hope my D just gets married at our home and has reception in our back yard. We have hosted 3 weddings at our house… it can handle about 85 at rented tables.
I plan to entice a small, inexpensive wedding by offering money into savings for a down payment or something. It probably won’t work, but I can dream 
Our county realized that the old barns and historic buildings in parks could be monetized. The place S1 & DIL chose was the only one in the county where we could do our own catering. DIL vetoed an outdoor venue because she was very sensitive to heat (she grew up in northern UK, where 65 is warm. Outdoors in August in DC was just not gonna happen. As it turned out, it poured the entire day of their celebration, so we were glad we didn’t have that complication to deal with.