All the weddings I’ve attended where at least one member of the couple was Catholic were held in Catholic churches. The person presiding was always a Catholic priest. The couple could choose to have a full mass or just a short ceremony (we chose the former not that latter). I’m glad that Catholics are now having more options. It makes a lot of sense to me!
FYI it is Mass and not mass.
My first thought was that someone on either the bride or groom’s side of the family knows the priest/Bishop. My parents were very close with their priest and pulled strings to allow us to baptize one of my kiddos there without any classes - and with two Godmothers. It was extremely unusual to allow two Godmothers. We were still attending church at that time and our parish wouldn’t allow it.
It is up to the priests (who do answer to the bishop, so the bishop can put his thumb down too). My sister was married by a priest in 1983 and at first he said the wedding had to be in his church, but later explained that he only required it be done in an appropriate place. He married them at the U of Denver chapel, which I think is Methodist. Priest said he was tired of being asked to do weddings by a river, in the mountains, on a farm, etc. But he could have done one if he wanted. Priests say Mass all the time at places that aren’t churches-- on the top of mountains, at retreats at camps, on a beach. I went to one on a cruise ship and I went to one said by Pope JPII in a big field. At my kids’ Catholic high school, they did Mass in the gym every Wed. They can certainly do a Mass at a wedding that isn’t in a church.
My Catholic mother married my (gasp) Episcopalian father in a Catholic church. Outside the alter. All in the wedding party had to be Catholic so my uncle couldn’t be best man. My friend’s parents married in the same era and they were married in the parish rectory as that priest didn’t allow a ceremony in his church.
I was in a wedding performed by a Jesuit in 1998. Friend was a protestant but priest allowed her to take communion during the mass. It was in a catholic church but not his church. He was actually president of a university and they considered having the wedding at the university, but went for a mountain wedding instead.
Sacraments do not have to take place in a church, and in fact many don’t. Baptisms don’t have to be in the church. My daughter was baptized at the hospital by a deacon, but the NICU nurses told me they baptized babies all the time. There was a Catholic parish and chapel in the hospital, but they didn’t take the babies down there. My brothers did their first communions at a mass at our home. Last rites aren’t done in a church. In fact, the only sacrament that seems to always be done in a church is becoming a priest.
I have been doing some genealogy research mostly around my Dad’s family and found out that my grandmother (Dad’s mother) had a sister who was married for the first time (1921) in the parish church of the local university where they lived. I assumed this meant she and my grandmother were raised Catholic (their Dad was an Irish Catholic immigrant) as I didn’t think anyone, particularly ~100 years ago, could get married in the Church without being a confirmed Catholic. My Dad’s older family members dispute this as they don’t remember anyone being Catholic. Then again, they didn’t have any idea this marriage had even happened (it ended up being very short, about 3 weeks) and was quite a local scandal at the time.
Would my great-aunt have been allowed to get married in the Catholic Church in 1921 if she hadn’t been a confirmed Catholic?
The term “in the Church” is commonly misunderstood (even by some parish priests) to mean within the confines of a building. The Church is not a single building, or even a set of buildings, but rather the community of believers who follow the teachings of the Catholic Church. So to be married “in the Church” means to be married following the teachings and with a community of believers as witness. (understand that community can be small “where ever two or three of you are gathered in my name”). Now, many, many priests and bishops for practical reasons will only perform wedding ceremonys inside a Catholic church building, but it has always been possible to be married elsewhere, as long as the priest feels that the requirements for a holy matrimony have been meet. Over the course of history people have been married at home, in the jungle, etc.
@HImom I’m Presbyterian and we’ve had girls from our church marrying Catholic guys in our church. Often the priest from grooms church participates. Both my girls have Catholic BFs so we may be doing the same at some point.
We got married in 1981. DH is a confirmed fallen out Catholic. We were married by a justice of the peace.
A “good friend” who was a practicing Catholic claimed she was forbidden by the church to even attend our wedding because DH was marrying outside the church.
Really? There were a bunch of fallen out Catholics at our wedding.
It was weird that this friend said this to us, we thought
I was baptized Methodist, my husband was christened and confirmed in the Catholic Church. We married almost 27 years ago in a Catholic church by a Catholic priest. We chose not to have a mass.
Here’s a good description from a reputable Catholic source re the current position re outdoor weddings in the Catholic Church.
There’s some misinformation in this thread. It’s possible some really strict priest decided not to let non-Catholics be in a wedding party, but it certainly isn’t a rule. As far as I know, the usual practice is to have 2 witnesses who must be Catholic in normal circumstances. Otherwise, nobody cares what the people in the wedding party believe.
@SyrAlum Yes, a Catholic could marry a non-Catholic in the Catholic Church in 1921.
In our wedding in 1986, the priest never asked whom in the wedding party was and was not Catholic at all; much of our wedding party was NOT Catholic. H was and still is not Catholic and we were still married at the altar of the Catholic church I had attended for most of my life, but we did raise our kids to be Catholic until they opted not to attend church once they were in high school.
If you are referring to my comment…my friend said she couldn’t be a GUEST at our wedding because my catholic husband was not being married in the church (meaning by a priest).
Do catholic priests really care about this??
The Catholic priest at our 1986 wedding didn’t care at all about whether or not any attending was a Catholic or not. All the other weddings we have attended at Catholic or other churches or other venues NEVER ask what denomination people are that attend. I have never attended a Mormon wedding but understand that non-Mormons are banned from certain holy areas.
Back over 30 years ago we chose not to have a mass for our wedding ceremony - which was held in a Catholic Church and officiated by a Catholic priest - between two Catholics who had gone to pre-cana.
My brother, BIL and soon son are/will be married to Catholics. Brother’s wedding was like the start of a joke, as it was presided over by a rabbi, a priest and a minister (the minister was his college roommate). I can’t recall who presided over BILs wedding, but my SIL walked down the aisle to Ave Maria and I thought my MIL was going to have a stroke. Sons wedding will be non denominational.
Something like this happened in my family many years ago. My father-in-law, who was divorced and Jewish, married a Catholic widow in a civil ceremony. Her daughter-in-law, a devout Catholic, did not attend the ceremony because in her eyes, it was not a legitimate wedding (because he was divorced, not because he was Jewish). She did not object to the marriage. She was happy for them. But she just couldn’t stand to watch it happen.
@thumper1 , it’s quite possible that your friend had been told by some priest or even a Catholic friend that she should not attend your wedding.
We have lived in two areas where there were few Catholics (< 5% of the population) and a sizable minority of those were ultra conservative. Some really reacted to the prejudice they encountered by becoming quite insular and adopting a lot of “Trad Cath” beliefs and practices. Several of them told me that I should not have attended my brother’s (lapsed Catholic) second wedding to a non-Catholic twice-divorced woman and by doing so I was “giving scandal” to my own children. Our parish had a more liberal pastor who created quite a stir by addressing this topic from the pulpit and telling his congregation they should act from love and not fear or judgment. No doubt the bishop got some angry calls and letters about that.
There was a wedding in our family recently between a practicing Catholic and non-baptized person. The couple was told it could be in a church but could not include a nuptial Mass. Even that required special permission from the bishop. Other dioceses may differ.
I grew up thinking that the universal Church meant every diocese and parish taught the same and practiced the same. I didn’t learn otherwise until I was in college. Having seen the pain caused by misinterpretation of Canon law and varying applications of the rules, I’m relieved that’s no longer my concern.
Back when I was a child (and I’m older than dirt), my Catholic friends told me they were forbidden from entering a low church - they could enter a high church. I know that’s changed.
I’ve been to a few Catholic-Jewish weddings, some presided by a rabbi and priest. None were in a church.
About 15 or so years ago, a Jewish friend wanted to marry a Catholic woman. She wanted to be married by a priest in the Church, and he was fine with it. He was divorced. Both he an his ex-wife were born and raised as Jews, got married in a Jewish ceremony, and got both a civil and a Jewish divorce. But the priest insisted that he had to get his marriage, between 2 Jews, annulled by the Catholic church (which, if I understand correctly, the Church wouldn’t recognize anyway). That was the end of that.
Wow, I really cannot understand this kind of mindset. You don’t mind your MIL marrying someone but you just can’t watch? It would almost make more sense (but not really @-) ) if she just didn’t want anything to do with the wedding and thought it was a terrible idea.