Weight (and hopefully the lack of weight) are big issues here. I grew up here and…well let us say that when I was four I came up with a vacuum leaner the would be attached to the head and would take out the fat on everyone. Except for chubby knees…that had to be done differently. I heard parents reassure their daughters that they are chubby, but that shouldn’t make them friendless…to my best friend’s mom who smacked her daughter because she had gained a few pounds.
Want to barf? (or bark)
I was taking our puppy for a walk. She is adorable…not completely trained (ok I am an indulgent parent) and loves everyone and thing in the world. Why do people think that they should opine on my dog’s weight. I have heard everything from “She’s so svelte!” to “She is FAT!!!” FAT! Control her eating?! (in fairness, the vet said that she is in great shape AND she is a sweetheart…
Is this the norm anywhere else…except for New York city where the same “rules” apply
People might think that a dog is obese and wonder why the furparents aren’t taking better care of him/her, but no one says anything like that out loud. How rude.
The vet said (I wouldn’t have asked otherwise) that Puppy Ellebud is NOT fat. I pay attention because I want our puppy healthy…and to live a long life. She has been spayed…so not a show dog and/or a mommy dog.
While similar rules apply, it varies by demographic and neighborhood. Also, it would rarely be so public unless the ones hurling such remarks are the same types who’d publicly taunt those they feel they could without serious consequences*.
Most NYC folks…especially residents who lived through the high crime era from the late '60s till the end of the '80s like I did feel only the unwise would publicly taunt others as one never knows how the one being taunted would respond.
Foolhardy assumption considering I've known some folks in my old NYC neighborhood and lost count of local NYC newsmedia accounts of how some who made such assumptions were lucky if they only received a knuckle sandwich for their taunts as the consequences were often worse.
My mom was obsessed about people’s weight in the last several years of her life. She yo-yo dieted for years, was never thin but not obese either. I think her comments partly were driven by her own weight concerns – it was on her mind a lot. My kids were kind of appalled – she would say (hopefully always out of earshot, but maybe not always), “Look at that fat person!” They took to responding, “Grandma, does it matter if they are overweight if they are kind and honest people?” This puzzled her – she genuinely didn’t get that they were turned off by how she judged people. OP, she definitely would have called your dog fat! :). They are in the Midwest, near romani.
My former MIL is into fat shaming , even with her own grandchildren. Out of 14 , two were ( are) a little chunky . My two daughters would get comments from her such as " Oh it’s so great to see you are nice and thin, not like your cousin’s A & D " She has made it clear her approval is based on physical appearance.
One of her 6 children struggled with her weight. She is not the warmest woman , or grandmother
People seem to take greater liberty when commenting on pets.
One time we had an ice/snow storm in Dallas. I got cabin fever and decided to go for a walk. I took my Lab and we had to be careful, but we got it done without falling. While we were walking, however, a woman pulled over next to us in her car. She said “Your lab is in terrible hip pain! He needs to be seen immediately!” I was astounded, and said “I don’t think so. She’s been fine.” The lady insisted “I know labs, and I know a lab in terrible pain from hip dysplasia! You need to get her seen immediately!”
Well, this freaked me out a bit, so I did take her right to the vet. The vet said “this dog is fine! That lady doesn’t know what the hell she’s talking about.”
I was very irritated at myself. I should have pointed out to the self appointed lab expert that since we were walking on ice, perhaps a)the dog was accommodating herself to the lack of traction and b)to mind her own business!
My beautiful, sweet lady (pictured above) lived many more years after that and never did get hip dysplasia.
My go response is “Thank you for sharing!” I will say that when we were walking Lisa Vanderpump saw us and while petting Little Ellebud said, What a sexy sexy little dog!
I am amazed (and concerned) that people feel it is their duty to tell people (mostly children and young adults) how dangerous their fat is health wise and socially. At least Little E doesn’t care…and yes…the lab…no
D had a teacher in 2nd grade who used to ask her in front of the whole class if she were anorexic, even tho she was 5% for height and weight her whole life and NO had no problems with appetite or eating. It really irritated me and probably contributed to her social problems at that school. I was very irked with that teacher–absolutely no social filters. It was wrong on all levels and she didn’t ask the same question or other people in the class who were the same stature as D!
I do remember one time a teacher commenting on my weight. I was painting a set and my shirt came up when I was painting the top part of a wall. My tech director walked by and pulled me aside. At that point, I was so skinny that you could see every single one of my ribs and I wore really loose hoodies to hide it. He was worried about me (and he never gave the impression that he cared about any of his students… though in retrospect I realize that we were like family to him) and told me to tell my parents or he would do it for me. I was so skinny that he thought I had an eating disorder.
I did end up telling my parents and it did turn out that I was very sick (not with an eating disorder but with an IBD). To this day, I am grateful that he cared enough to call me out on it.
But I can absolutely understand how that situation could’ve gone horribly wrong for him if I wasn’t sick.
She used to be (maybe still is) very active with the pet rescue organization where D and her SO got their two rescues and where D has volunteered. So definitely a dog lover!
@romanigypsyeyes I think what your teacher did is commendable whether or not you were sick. He took you aside and spoke to your privately not publicly. I think a teacher has an obligation to speak up when he/she sees something that might raise concerns or might be a red flag. Good for him for caring like you said. I don’t think there could be much downside.
@doschicos the downside would be the potentially problematic situation of a male teacher commenting on a teenage female student’s weight.
I’m not saying it’s right, but I could see how something like that could be seen as inappropriate.
I think he absolutely did the right thing and I hope any teacher (regardless of gender/sex) would do the exact same thing. But I also am realistic and know that it can be a minefield for (especially male) teachers to comment on students’ bodies.
It would have been OK if the teacher would have quietly talked with D but it was definitely UNCALLED for having her bring it up in front of the whole class as D’s teacher did. There was no excuse for her extreme rudeness! D did not and still does not have any eating issues nor other digestive issues (tho she has other chronic health issues that are unrelated to weight and eating).
I know it’s treading a fine line, but teachers need to be sensitive to their extraordinary power to influence class dynamics and young minds. It’s bad to make a kid stick out based on appearance because of the teacher bringing it up in front of the class, IMHO. It’s just wrong!
Yeah, I guess I can see how in our hyper PC environment that such a scenario could be a possibility. Hopefully, in most real life examples folks would be pragmatic enough to take context into consideration but who knows these days. We could take it a step further and say in this day of growing acceptance of gender fluidity than no one should comment on anyone’s bodies. The problem with that kind of stuff is than people are afraid to do anything even when its the right thing to do. In the case you provide, the context (privately discussing and a teacher/student relationship) makes it acceptable to me but I wouldn’t be surprised if, for the reason you mention, it doesn’t get discussed by the male teacher or the teacher refers it to a school counselor or nurse.
The stranger on the street comments have ZERO place or constructive purpose. It’s just downright rude.
Yes I absolutely agree with you, HI. That was wrong and completely uncalled for. I have no idea what could’ve been going through that teacher’s head.
Dos, I’ve just learned from watching Mr R (who works with kids) being treated suspiciously because he actually likes working with kids. Unfortunately, we just often don’t give men the same innocent benefit of the doubt. I, too, hope most people would put health first but I can see a male teacher biting his tongue because he’s afraid of saying the wrong thing. It’s a sad situation.
The problem with that kind of stuff is than people are afraid to do anything even when its the right thing to do. In the case you provide, the context (privately discussing and a teacher/student relationship) makes it acceptable to me but I wouldn’t be surprised if, for the reason you mention, it doesn’t get discussed by the male teacher or the teacher refers it to a school counselor or nurse.