I agree it’s not easy to lose weight but for some people it’s almost a no no to even mention it to your spouse or love ones. Not badger. My husband has always been fit so he can take off the pound easily. I know that.
No it doesn’t mean a blanket statement to suggest for other people.
DrGoogle, you can say whatever you want to your family members. Whatever works for you.
This has nothing to do with political correctness. I really can’t understand where you get that idea.
You were the one that quoting me so I had to respond. Of course, It was to my family. I rather say something when my husband when he gained 10 lbs than 75lbs. You don’t gain 75 lbs overnight. So if somebody had said something along the way then it’s much easier to lose 10lbs than 75lbs. And of course even if you say something that doesn’t mean it can be done easily either. The political correctness is this is a taboo subject not to mention it.
It is a taboo subject? Obesity is constantly discussed. Fat people are constantly derided. It is the last socially acceptable prejudice.
In any case, I fail to see how the term “political correctness” can be applied to communications between a husband and wife. I would think that rather the issues would be kindness and compassion and respect and caring.
So you agree with me. I’m glad. So why were you quoting me?
I was quoting you because the notion that one could quickly drop 10 lbs simply by cutting out 1 bagel per day is mind-boggling and wildly frustrating.
This may be true for your H, but for the vast majority of people who struggle with their weight it is like an ultimate fantasy.
^ That.
In any weight convo, going over and over one person’s “trick” can make the others feel lousy. We don’t need to cover whether someone, somewhere thinks it is taboo or not PC to speak with family and end up hounding the idea it was oh-so-simple and how fortunate someone just said something and bingo.
Many of us know the first 5-10 lbs are the hardest.
Sorry.
I see. I have conversation with my kids before entering college. The oldest one said not to compare with men. The young men in her freshman year can eat lots of pizza, well at least most of them and not gaining weight. It’s not so easy for females. My post is to say even as an runner, my husband’s legs are all muscle, he gained weight by eating extra. So yes it’s obviously easier for him to lose weight when he cut back. Not suggesting that I was easy for most people particularly for most females.
It’s not rocket science that men have different metabolisms, especially the ones who stay active (or thse who pick up some new activity, even walking.) And some highly active women can achieve that great burn. But for most of us, it’s a long haul. Good days and bad days. And the freaking reason we are sensitive to this is that it requires an s-load of mental/emotional energy to keep encouraging yourself. Once we find “our way,” it can be different. But we have to watch the pithy advice that so and so did it this way, so why can’t you?
I’m not saying for all people, I think you read too much into it and then get defensive. Go read the original post. OP is wondering whether her mom should tell her brother to lose weight.
I have a brother who was slightly plum because he never liked vegetables, I wished somebody told him along the way to do something, his wife is tiny. So he died of a heart attack. Yes he is male with supposedly higher metabolism.
Plus if you think young kids know that then head back to the life skills thread for 16 year old. Also I only shared my story on CC, never intend to give any advice. You are acting like a police. So maybe that’s where the political correct came to mind.
In answer to the OP’s question, no, confrontation from family or friends does not work. The overweight person knows that he/she is overweight. The only thing that works is a recognition of the seriousness of potential health problems and a desire to not be disabled/diabetic/arthritic etc. There is usually a crisis moment where the person realizes that if the current habits continue, the result will be a drastically curtailed quality of life. That is the only thing that provides the “wakeup call,” and well-meaning comments from friends and family are likely just to alienate rather than help. Appeals to vanity do not work at all.
OP-
What did you/your mom decided to do? It bothers me when someone wants their opinion relayed to someone but doesn’t want to relay it themselves (for obvious reasons). Please don’t be a conduit for this. Hopefully your mom has a good enough relationship with her son that she can share her concerns. Otherwise, she can hopefully let it go.
OP here – I understood the appeal of talking to him, but as someone who struggles to keep a normal weight I would never feel comfortable doing that. And she knows that. She would also never, ever, tell her kids/grandkids what to do, I think it’s just venting. I am the designated drop box for her worries 
It is hard to reconcile that a smart person can be so reckless. I know weight control is hard. But when you have 4 pieces of pie, it seems an easy baby step to only have 2, instead. Sighh… His daughter is struggling with serious mental health issues and I just want to smack him and say “Do you see she will fall to pieces if you drop dead? Could you just not have 3 burgers for lunch?” The list of things he won’t eat…don’t get me started.
She will still worry, but we’ll channel the concern into something we can control, like not having soda at family picnics, not having 17 kinds of pie, etc…
Thanks for the update. No one can make someone want to change their eating behaviors. Too bad his daughter couldn’t say something (no I am not recommending this).
She has – went the funny route of telling him how many inappropriate relationships she would be having without him there to protest, and all the inappropriate grandchildren he wouldn’t meet as she got knocked up again and again.
As everyone has said – you can’t change other people’s habits. (and thank goodness for that!) and just have to hope some sort of epiphany happens soon…
My DH is seriously overweight, diabetic, has high BP and sleep apnea, has not exercised in the 32 years I’ve known him, and works 70 hrs/week at an insanely stressful job. He’s not changing a thing. If my personal wakeup call re: my health didn’t do it, nothing will. I have learned to let go of the idea that he will magically change and get healthy, and I have to let his unwillingness to make changes not affect my desire to get healthier.
He does his own cooking. I do my own. Seldom do the two meet. It’s kind of sad, as food had been a big, shared comfort activity in our family.
OP, as my counselor says, stay out of the circle. Don’t engage on behalf of others.
I will say that when my doctor confronts me about my weight, I take notice. When my relatives do, I just get defensive.
A person really has to feel “in control” of enough in his/her life, to stay committed to a diet and exercise plan. When you don’t feel that, the littlest thing can take one off track. It’s all complicated. For those who are in shape, who routinely exercise, it’s just part of their overall perception of their strength(s) and ability to control. Imagine the person who doesn’t feel that.
In a way, when you have a relative or friend who’s overweight, the platitudes about “you can do it” can seem unrealistic to them, just another ball they’re supposed to bat at, yet another challenge. Sometimes, best you can do is make them feel loved and supported.
It doesn’t work, as someone who has struggled with weight issues for years, I know darn well the effects of weight, and being in a family with history of heart disease on both sides and at my age, it is a big concern. It is all great to hear stories of others success, how they just ‘cut down on what they ate’, on how they made it a point to exercise regularly, how if you just cut out eating sugar, well, miracles will happen, and they mean well, but to the person listening to it, it is just droning on and will go in one ear and out the other, in large part because they have probably tried those things.
Put it this way, I don’t eat junk food, what we eat at home is not processed food and while we do have cheat meals, most of what we eat is very healthy, lots of vegetables, lean protein including grass fed beef, etc, we don’t have junk food in the house…but in the past several months I have put on weight. Why? Because I also have been working 70+ hour weeks, I have a long commute each day, been working weekends, and then I have the things I didn’t get to around the house, so exercise went out the window, and my weight responded in kind. Lifestyle is often a big factor, lot of people just don’t work 9-5 and live 20 minutes from home…
The real motivation has to come from within, and how that happens depends on the person. With my wife, it was looking at herself, and realizing she didn’t like what she saw, not by comparing herself to the idiocy of celebrities and 20 year old girls, but at what she would like to look at. Some of it comes from getting decent advice on fitness and nutrition, including on getting fit and throwing the scale out the window, and instead work on core strength and decreasing body fat, and on figuring out that dieting is crap (when I hear friends of mine have doctors tell them to go on a diet, I tell them to get a new doctor, or talk to someone who understands), but getting the “you need to lose weight” doesn’t do anything.
Someone told me “Just give up soda! So and so gave up soda and he lost 40 lbs in one year JUST FROM THAT!”
I don’t drink soda. Sigh… Next…