<p>Congrats, Cromette - you’re going to make a great grandmother. As others have mentioned, this may be a positive turning point for your daughter.</p>
<p>A very good friend’s oldest (who was a very successful career woman) got pregnant with her boyfriend at the same age. Dad was in the picture (they married after the baby was about a year old). The doctor told the daughter and my friend at one of the appointments that it was a miracle she was pregnant at all since she had some undiagnosed issue. Naturally friend is head over heels in love with her granddaughter. </p>
<p>Oftentimes these things happen for a reason.</p>
<p>I think this is very exciting news, this is certainly a situation where the blessings outweigh the fears. 24 is a perfectly normal age to start. I’m sure it’s an adjustment, but you’ll be thrilled in the end like every other grandparent … and now you get to pick your cool one-of-a-kind grandma name!</p>
<p>I have a dear friend who has a daughter (one of three girls) who chose to attend the school of hard knocks. Parents tried hard to have her attend other schools, but no, this one kept going back to this much ‘harder’ school. Long story short, she got pregnant and then married (before the baby arrived). </p>
<p>I’ve gotten to watch her transform from an irresponsible party girl to a caring, loving mother. She and the Dad are very involved parents. They are both in such a different place than they were two years ago. A much better place. </p>
<p>Wishing you a wonderful time hugging this little one when she arrives. I can’t wait for it to be my turn!</p>
<p>I was pregnant at 23 unexpectedly; bf (also 23) and I got married before the baby was born (had planned to “eventually” but were still in school at the time.) H went to med school with first one, then two kids, and I finished my MA during that time.</p>
<p>The first “little one” is 30 and she got married this summer. I’m hoping to join you in grandmahood soon!</p>
<p>Best wishes and prayers! One of my sibling’s kids had a surprise baby. The parents never married, but my sib’s kid has been equally involved in the upbringing. That baby is now a preteen and a delight to everyone. Even when my mom was elderly and pretty senile, a visit from that child lit up her world like nothing else could.</p>
<p>I’m going to have to duck after I post this. but I think it needs to be said. A young woman prone to abusing drugs and alcohol (activity you have no reason to believe won’t recur after she gives birth), an unplanned pregnancy, a older man who is “in the picture”, but not committed enough to her or her child to get married and make a real family–and who knows, maybe not even in the picture for long. To me, that’s a recipe for disaster. OP, if I were your daughter’s mother, I wse my best efforts to convince her to give up the child for adoption so she has a chance to grow up in a two parent family that is both desperate to have her and financially and emotionally prepared to raise her. Your daughter made a huge mistake, a mistake that could put a child’s future at risk, and all the cuddly language about how nifty it is to be a grandma doesn’t change that fact. But she can minimize the effect of her mistake by choosing the best life for her child–a life with an adoptive family. I pray she makes the right decision.</p>
<p>Mommaj, the things you are saying are the EXACT things that keep me up at night. Love that kid, but she makes poor decision after poor decision. I DO believe she will turn around at some point though, and I am hoping this is it. There will be NO adoption outside of this family. This is my grandchild. No matter what. Besides, that is HER choice to make at 24. I already KNOW her choice and trying to push her in a different direction will result in me being out of their lives. It would be very upsetting to her and that is how she would respond. It would damage the relationships forever. She and her very significant other are very excited, painting the nursery and getting things ready. They have a ring and a date. But it’s complicated…things I won’t go into here. But the baby will have his last name and the wedding is planned.</p>
<p>Thanks to everyone about the turnaround stories. That is really what I am hoping for here…and the stage is certainly set for that. Maybe after delivery, when she looks into those little eyes she will realize that she has a new and tremendous responsibility. Maybe love will push her over and into some semblance of responsible adulthood. I am seeing definite signs that could happen, so I am hopeful.</p>
<p>Good, Cromette. Hope is always good. And I believe in redemption. And, if your little grand daughter needs you, you are there for her. All wonderful things.</p>
<p>Cromette, as you already know, you will have to bite your tongue a lot in the future. Your main objective now is that little baby. She will need you. Do what you can to stay in her life. Some days my tongue is pretty chewed up.</p>
<p>Onward…yes, I know. I just put that baby in the front of my mind. I hope it doesn’t wind up being the case…but it could be that I wind up being THE ONLY stable adult in this little girl’s life. I don’t want to do anything to sever ties.</p>
<p>Oh my!! How very envious and happy I am for you!! A GRANDBABY!!!</p>
<p>Gonna say it again, A GRANDBABY! You are the lucky one when others of us have been waitin’ and waitin’ and WAITIN". 10 years from now I will STILL be waiting. (and I have 5 grown kiddos!)</p>
<p>Such a gift, such a very precious gift. Yep I am the Mom who needs to keep my mouth shut to not alienate kiddos’ SOs. Been known to step on a few toes.</p>
<p>But a grandbaby, I would stitch my mouth shut for that!</p>
<p>gettin’ goosebumps just thinking about a little grand daughter. Oh my.</p>
<p>Congrats and my very best wishes. You are very blessed, such a gift.</p>
For you or for the OP and her daughter? I would also have concerns but it sounds like Cromette has carefully and deliberately thought this out and has a good handle on it. Her daughter may encounter challenges, but she will be there to help.</p>
<p>Personally, I would prefer to help raise my grandchild than give it up for adoption. This is not a “one size fits all” answer.</p>
<p>Cromette: I also know girls who were quite wild in their youth but once motherhood arrived, whether planned or not, made a great improvement in their lives. I wish you all the best and hope you let us know how it’s going.</p>
<p>Cromette-
You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and are thinking through all the possible combinations and permutations. As excited as everyone is for you and hopeful for your daughter, its understandable that you have some trepidation, and recognize that there can be some challenges and adjustments to be made. Heck, thats true with any addition to ones family… I think we’d be more concerned if you didn’t, and were only focused on puppy dogs and lollypops.</p>
<p>But it sounds like they, and you, are making plans and moving forward. Its an exciting and scary time, both! For any new parent-to-be and grandparent to be. Does your dau live nearby? Will you be involved in helping to take care of the baby?</p>
<p>I’m there with Kat and will say it, too. A GRANDBABY!! How wonderful. Congratulations and all best wishes. Can’t wait to hear all about your new darling.</p>
<p>Cromette–you always impress me with your thoughtful posts, and now with this challenge you sound like you are being realistic AND hopeful about your d’s pregnancy. None of us have a crystal ball and of course there will be ongoing issues to address, but there certainly is the hope that this new life will awaken a strength in your daughter that she didn’t even know she had. Motherhood is imho, the most powerful experience and capable of such inspiration. I would be sure to tell my d what my hopes are and that she could count on my love and support of her AND her baby girl!</p>