<p>Because unless the owner is a bad owner, she clearly has the animal’s best interest in mind. As I said and will always say euthanasia is not the only answer, and treatment and/or pain management are legitimate choices for the daughter. Therefore, assuming she is a caring, responsible owner, the choice should be hers one way or the other. Just because her parents feel euthanasia is the answer does not mean she does, or she may, either way, doing it without her permission is a huge betrayal of trust. I am not advocating to prolong anything just to let her say goodbye - I am advocating that something as serious as an end of life decision is her choice to begin with. And no, just because an animal lives in your house for an agreed upon amount of time doesn’t automatically make it yours. </p>
<p>I am amazed at how all these people without knowing the situation are just convinced tha it’s impossible that 1. the girl may want to not euthanize and 2. if she does disagree with the parents, it doesn’t mean it’s the wrong choice. </p>
<p>I am not going to keep arguing about euthanasia, because clearly there is no balanced view on this thread. It’s just assumed that it’s the right option. My only point is not everyone thinks that way, and it’s not always medically true. Therefore, you can’t decide for someone else what to do with their animal. They have every right to pursue other avenues, and it may work out a lot better for the animal. Either way, as long as the owner has the animal’s best interest in mind, no one has the right to take away her choice. </p>
<p>I really doubt, acollegestudent, that this cat is solely the daughter’s. My kids may say it is their dog but in reality, the dog is the family dog. If you look at the original post, the OP calls it our cat. I think the parents get to make this decision and I imagine they will keep their daughter in the loop. </p>
<p>OP, I’m sorry you are going through this and I’m sure that your daughter trusts you to make the right decision and yes, definitely tell her.</p>
<p>Back on topic …
OP , I am sorry for the cat, you and your D.</p>
<p>I advise that you do NOT do what I did … we had to put DD’s cat down because he was in pain (and yes, I tried to manage it!!) But I also do not want any animal to suffer. He had seizures. We had told DD that the cat wasn’t well for at least a month, but I called it near to finals, so I didn’t tell her the deed was done. Then I didn’t mention it when she first came home (late late night arrival). Since she didn’t ask about the cat (It seemed obvious to me the cat WASN"T there!) I assumed she had figured it out and was just processing it silently. NOPE, she suddenly said “Where is cat?” I said Oh buried beside other cat. … major melt down and made worse because she thought I was terribly callous and I thought I was being tactful and she had understood that ill cat → no cat meant that cat had died. </p>
<p>I am not certain she has forgiven me to this day. I am sorry I traumatized her and wish I had handled it differently.</p>
<p>Wow, esobay, sounds like your best intentions went awry. I can understand that you didn’t want to upset DD at finals, but I can understand also that she freaked out when she came home, expecting to settle down and pet the cat, and you suddenly, “Fluffy is buried next to Puff.” I think I’m like most people when I say that to me, no cat here would mean the cat is asleep somewhere else, not the cat is dead.</p>
<p>What would you have done differently? Called after her exams and said, “I have some bad news, honey, Fluffy got sick and was in pain and we had to put him down”?</p>
<p>A few years ago, S1 was at college 3 hours away. Cat had been in a decline but we held out putting him down so S could come home to say goodbye, with plans to bring cat in the following Monday morning. Cat had something like a stroke on Sunday morning when S was home and died in my arms a few hours later. If given to choice to make a different decision, I would have put the cat’s needs above what I thought was best for my son at that time.</p>
<p>acollegestudent, I don’t care if the girl DOESN’T want to euthanize. The cat is getting euthanized if the cat is sick. She’s an adult (says the government and the college) and will get over it. We are erring on the side of what’s best for the cat. And yes, family pets are usually joint owned and if not, if you’re away at college then I’m the pet’s mom so I’m doing what’s best for the pet and what I think is best for you (so you may not know the pet is dead if it’s finals week but when you call me to say how you think you did on finals then I’ll tell you that Fluffy is dead.) </p>
<p>I think the suggestions to talk to your daughter now are right. I would make the call ASAP making it clear there are no options but you want her to have a chance to say goodbye. I have heard of the footprint idea before and wish we could have done it with our dog. Hugs to you all. BTW, I see nothing in this post that suggests the cat is young or simply a bother. The parents want to do the humane thing for the cat while and, as they say, make it easier to tell their daughter. </p>
<p>Well, cmgrayson, good thing you are not my parent, because I think such actions as you propose (not consulting the owner, not TELLING your daughter because of finals, like finals are more important) are unforgivable. If it were me, I wouldn’t get over it. My animals are my family, and I would never be speaking to you again. </p>
<p>No seriously, good thing you are not my child since there’s nothing my child could do that I would not forgive her for and pretty sure it is the same the other way around. Sorry not gonna let an animal that can’t speak for itself suffer because the humans can’t figure out what to do and want to beef over ownership of a pet. </p>
<p>And yes we’ve had this conversation (is there anything I could do that you wouldn’t forgive me for Mom). No, nothing since a parent’s love is unconditional. Seriously you need counseling if you are saying you wouldn’t speak to your parents ever again because they felt a pet was needing to be euthanized and didn’t want the pet to suffer while you came home from college. </p>
<p>What you are actually saying is your feelings are more important that the pet’s and so you probably shouldn’t own pets or at least don’t ask your parents to babysit them.</p>
<p>I don’t ask my parents to babysit my pets and take care of them on my own and with my own money. </p>
<p>And no, what I AM saying is that in pretty much any medical situation, animal or human, there is usually more than one opinion. Your opinion is not the be all, end all correct only opinion. I live in a city with EXCELLENT vet care, research vet hospitals, etc., and even excellent vets often disagree what’s best. I would want to take charge of MY pet’s medical care, get a couple opinions, including one specializing in the specific condition the pet has (like an oncologist), and only then make any decisions, not come home to a dead pet, because my parent decided that finals are somehow more important than the life ofmy family. </p>
<p>Did either of you read the OP?? She didn’t ask if she should tell her daughter or not, she asked for ways to make it easier for her. What’s up with hi-jacking this thread with stuff that has nothing to do with the OP?</p>
<p>I’m talking about where the pet is clearly sick and in pain and if you don’t ask your parents to take care of your pets why is that relevant to this situation anyway (where the ‘owner’ of the pet is clearly unable to care for the animal since the ‘owner’ is away at college and can’t take the pet). You simply want to make this OP or whoever else in this thread feel guilty for putting down an animal and not letting the kid know like that is so offensive when it’s not, it’s what people do all the time. You sound like my brother who got pissed at my grandparents for putting down ‘his’ dog when the dog had arthritis and couldn’t walk anymore and was clearly in pain and is now resting peacefully in the back yard - he hadn’t seen the dog in years but was mad because he didn’t get to say goodbye. Seriously come on.</p>
<p>Clearly sick and in pain is not as clear cut as you seem to think. You brought up arthritis as an example. There have actually been articles on this in NYT (?). Besides supplements, there is Accupuncture, hydro therapy, etc., and belive it or not, these things often do work, especially the water therapy. </p>
<p>Yeah, I completely understand your brother. Poor guy. </p>
<p>And the argument, hey, people do it all the time doesn’t make it right. People do leave their pets in other’s care for extended periods of time due to going away to the military, college, even losing their housing. Unless previously agreed to, it doesn’t mean they give up their rights or don’t want what’s best for the animal. And yeah, if you put down someone’s pet without even TELLING them, you should feel guilty. </p>
<p>My sympathies. Our family went through this exact situation with our daughter. Her beloved cat, whom she had since she was only 4 years old, became very feeble after 18 wonderful years while she was away at school. We brought her into the decision-making process and asked what she wanted us to do. We called as a family - me, her dad, her brother and sister. I promised that he would be in my arms, being petted and loved up to the last, and she agreed it was the right thing. It wasn’t easy, but losing a beloved pet never is. </p>
<p>My best wishes to your family - these furry treasures certainly worm their way into our hearts :)</p>
<p>Im sure that OPs situation has resolved itself by now, but it illustrates that in some instances, there is never an easy decision.</p>
<p>For example, my daughters cat died before finals, & I told my daughter asap. ( the cat had not been sick as far as I knew, but she was 19yrs old).
For what ever reason, she then failed a critical final exam, which then led to → failing a course---->had to come back home for a year to retake the course ----> then returned to the school for her senior yr.
I imagine parents who withhold information until what they hope will be a less stressful time are trying to avoid the above scenario.</p>
<p>@cardinalFang … I wish I would have told her on the way home from the airport. And wish I’d taken a special photo goodbye. We are not the paw print kind of people.
Mostly I just wish I’d done the whole disclosure thing completely differently!</p>