<p>Parents, in your opinion, at what age should your child be living on their own? </p>
<p>Do you think it’s awkward if your child is still living with you past 25 years of age?</p>
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<li>I have no problem with joint or multi-generational families, which was the norm in families and communities around the world for thousands of years. (mine are 18 and 21, and gone! - but they are welcome back anytime they choose.)</li>
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<p>It goes without saying that there will be many individual differences and extenuating circumstances. (Just like every other milestone - weaning, potty training, driving …)</p>
<p>But “living on their own” can be construed more than just physically - where their bed is. I do a lot of genealogy research, and it is not at all unusual to find census records showing family after family who has a child who never leaves (more often a daughter, but plenty of sons, too.) Without knowing the individual circumstances, it is hard to say if this person just never became independent, or whether it just made more sense to stay put.</p>
<p>It is my desire that my children be independent - successfully and productively living on their own. So far they haven’t needed to live with us, but if that became necessary, they would be welcome. I would set up ground rules to foster their independence, though.</p>
<p>I think it is possible for an adult child to be living at home and still be independent. If they are supporting themselves, paying room and board, and making their own decisions – and the parents are able to separate themselves emotionally if not physically, then it just might make more sense for everyone involved.</p>
<p>Then there are the returnees. Those who have been out on their own, but a job loss, or change in circumstance, has necessitated their return. That is often temporary.</p>
<p>And there are those who have their own abode, and yet are not independent. I know of a man my age who is being supported entirely by his father. No job, no reason to shake his alcohol addiction. Dad pays his rent, his child support, buys his groceries and gives him an allowance. He is far more dependant than many 25 year olds living with their parents.</p>
<p>And there may come a day when my kid lives with me, not because they are dependent but because I am!</p>
<p>I hope my kids are able to live on their own within 12 months of finishing their (full-time) formal education…whatever age that may be. </p>
<p>But, being a realist, I understand that it’s getting harder and harder to support oneself on an entry-level wage. Something tells me they might stick around longer than graduation + 12 months. </p>
<p>On a semi-related topic, I really really hope my kids live on their own before getting married. The saddest married couples I know regret going straight from their parents’ house to their newlywed house.</p>
<p>Opinions vary.</p>
<p>My husband thinks that kids should be living on their own as soon as they graduate from college. Period.</p>
<p>I don’t think there’s any set time. As long as all the people involved get along, I don’t see why relatives of any age combinations can’t share a home.</p>
<p>But beware – if you don’t move out, you are likely to get stuck being exclusively responsible for the care of your parents as they grow older and less independent. </p>
<p>Something somewhat like this happened to my father. As a man in his early 40s with two young children, he got a divorce; his ex-wife had primary custody of the kids, but they spent every weekend with him. His mother had a house with plenty of room, and she invited him to move in with her. His two much older unmarried sisters were also living there. This was a convenient situation for him when his kids visited on the weekends because there were other people available to look after the kids when he wanted to do errands or go out with adult friends. But as the years went on, he found himself being the caregiver for first his mother, then his 22-years-older sister, and then his 8-years-older sister. He might have been better off getting his own apartment, even though he would have needed to hire babysitters whenever he wanted to go out alone when his children were visiting.</p>
<p>As for supporting oneself on an entry-level wage, it is probably best done by living with roommates, if you don’t want to live with your own family. After all, this is what young people do if they accept a job in a community where they have no relatives. It’s probably even easier to do in the community you grew up in because you already know people there – including former high school classmates who may also have local jobs and want to move out of their parents’ homes.</p>
<p>I expect my kids to live on their own when they have the financial means to do so. I hope they both can do this after they graduate from college. If they have enough money to rent a place and pay their bills, they should be living someplace other than our house…unless they want to live there and are willing to pay rent to us and some money towards other expenses (utilities, food). If they need to live with us for one reason or another, they will always be welcome to do so. We’re their parents and we’ll help them out if we need to. But if they don’t need help…they should be “living on their own”.</p>
<p>I agree with mini. My first home I purchased with my brother and our wives- a duplex. Seeing the kids grow up and having those relationships because we lived so close can never be replaced. My brothers family had lived with our parents and my niece and nephew have a very special relationship with them to this day.</p>
<p>In retrospect, fourteen.</p>
<p>^^Haha, I agree.</p>
<p>Marian, in that situation described above, while ending up as the caregiver may have really taken away his autonomy, I’d think the relationships with family for kids of divorce would have been irreplaceable. Far more intimate than with hired babysitters. </p>
<p>I lived with parents a bit in my 20’s, including after I had a professional job. My mom and I had a compatible lifestyle, I helped her with utility expenses-no small matter in Phoenix summers! Never could see living with strangers I’d have little in common with, when she had space, was alone and could use the money. IT was brief though, and had been on my own previously, in other locals. </p>
<p>Would be thrilled if my kids did the same, IF they had good, responsible roommate habits. I like living with others, am single, and like my kids more than renting to strangers. If married, maybe it would be different. The Koreans that have lived in my house see our push for college students and young adults to leave home as a little strange, as well as a waste of money.</p>
<p>DougBetsy would speak for me, too. Imo My primary job as parent is to raise healthy happy, productive member of society. After college grad(that we paid most of costs) then son should soon be a man and be supporting himself. Perhaps not with his dream job, perhaps not even in his studies; but supporting himself while he seeks that better job. Living in parents home at 25? Not likely(assuming of course all parties are healthy).</p>
<p>I was living on my own @ 17- I was married with a child @ 24
My oldest has been living on her own since college graduation- @ 23-
but it really depends on the child and what needs & issues they have.
My home is open to them- and if they needed it ( younger D is just turned 18) I would be supportive while they got on their feet.</p>
<p>Can we start another thread “when can the children have their parents live with THEM?” I’m hoping someday my kids will have a little inlaw apartment that <em>I</em> can live in.</p>
<p>Thumper – When we move next (and hopefully last) time, I want to find a place that has a ‘casita’ or little separate suite with a kitchen, a bed and a bath. If my daughter needs to come live with us, she’ll have her own space and if not, it’ll be good for guests or a caretaker in the event that one or both of us needs assistance. If we find a house perfect in all respects but without a casita, I’ll build one.</p>
<p>thumper, this may not sound like a bad idea: [Familyhomeplans.com</a> | Garage with Apartment Plans](<a href=“http://familyhomeplans.com/search_results.cfm?plantype=4&mc=56&action=1]Familyhomeplans.com”>http://familyhomeplans.com/search_results.cfm?plantype=4&mc=56&action=1)</p>
<p>I agree with every post on this thread! I actually like the idea of multi-generations sharing living arrangements. There is a big difference between living together in some fashion and being independent. And every situation is different. Just as I didn’t know the ages my parents would have to live back with us, I don’t have a clue when our kids will be on their own either.</p>
<p>Just came back from a birthday dinner for our 25 y/o DD with her friends.
The subject came up about the rules in their respective shared houses, what goes in the d/w and what cannot, which food can be shared, standards of cleanliness…It prompted my D to say she is not in any hurry to move out, she likes her roommates(us and her sibs) and she knows the rules!
It works for us.</p>
<p>DS (23) is in and out of this house for the last 6 years. This year he’s been out in India and Europe for nearly 6 months; In for 2 days then out to Seattle for 3.5 months; In for 3 weeks, and now out for 10 days to California; In for 4 days, out to Boulder 4 days, then in for 1 to be finally out on Nov 2 for 2 months to Germany. Homeless and semi-employed. </p>
<p>We know that each stay may be his last stay and may be last time he sees his grandparents alive.</p>
<p>By 25, I think my child should be on his/her own. I think 30 is the absolute latest. I’m not into multi-generation living under the same roof. It has not happened in my family for a few generations, even back in my old country, so it seems kind of weird that it would start in America.</p>
<p>I know someone who could afford to live on her own, but instead of saving up the money. She wants several dozen grand in cash. She’s saving living expenses by living with her parents. She likely won’t move out until she’s married. Her parents even offered to (sort of) buy her a house of her own (with her then responsible for the mortgage and utilities herself), but she refused. While I could never live with family that long, it works for her, and she’s putting a load of money in the bank. What’s wrong with that?</p>
<p>Socially, I think most people would be embarrassed to live with their parents after they’re 30 or so. But, some people take longer to finish school, or live in an expensive city, or simply like living with their parents. </p>
<p>I dislike assumptions of age, like “the kid should be out of the house by 22, 25 tops.” So what if they’re 29 and living at home, so long as they’re working, contributing to the house (chores, money, whatever)? (No, I don’t live with family.)</p>