What are parents whose kids drink in high school doing or thinking?

Parent Cafe
41

<p>France has one of the highest rates of alcoholism, chronic liver failure, and cirrhosis in the world. In England, binge drinking rates, sexual assaults, and etc. among teenagers are at their all time highs. In Russia, it is estimated that almost 25% of all health system expenditures deal with the impacts of alcohol and alcoholism.</p>

<p>Sophistication? hardly.</p>

<p>" I really think binge drinking would go down if it wasn’t so underground."</p>

<p>Binge drinking in the U.S. IS going down, and has been for five years. So there goes that hypothesis. Youth alcohol use rates have not been increasing. Youth motor vehicle deaths are at an all-time low. The only place where binge drinking has not been declining (from the data I have seen and work with) is in the top 200 colleges, especially the private ones. The percentage of youth who abstain from alcohol use is at an all-time high - and this includes those on college campuses. The raised drinking age has clearly worked, and worked very well.</p>

<p>But everything I posted prior to this had nothing to do with binge drinking, but with patterns of heavy drinking (there is a difference - heavy drinking has to do with almost daily use), and extensions of it from adolescence on into adulthood.</p>

42

<p>We have neighbors who seem quite content with providing alcohol to underaged drinkers. There seems to be a whole bunch of reasons:</p>

<p>They drank when they were young.
Providing alcohol at home is better than letting the kids go out to drink (I do however notice that both seem to happen.)
Alcohol will reduce the possibility of drug abuse. (Someone should tell the Federal gov’t they need not waste money on drug prevention programs.)
Young people need to learn how to drink. (I think we used apple juice.)
If they drink when they are young, they will get it out of their systems.</p>

<p>And of course the most subtle argument seems to be that not making a big deal out of drinking is the best approach and we will be just like the Canadians or Europeans. </p>

<p>I guess I just read another one. Something about how it is ok for underaged kids as long as we treat it like a beverage. OMG.</p>

43

<p>18 months ago a mom in our town let her boys have a drinking/poker party at her house. They were drinking beer and liquor. One of the participants passed out during the night. In the morning, the other boys couldn’t wake him up. He died later that day of alcohol poisoning. The Mom was arrested, tried in court and sentenced to jail. </p>

<p>Also a girl in S’s class died in their senior year when she crashed her car on the on interstate while driving drunk.</p>

<p>Weeks later a house party was broken up by police where good students and star athletes were cited for underage drinking.</p>

<p>All these events really shook our town up but the high school drinking still continues.</p>

<p>Even when it strikes so close to home, they don’t believe it will happen to them.</p>

44

<p>Why is there so much moral grandstanding from CC parents on this issue? I can understand wanting to protect your own children but why try to impose your views on others? Everyone in my larger social circle has parents that allow and facilitate drinking, and that is their prerogative. If some group of angry parents tried to “confront” them, my parents and most of the parents of my friends would probably laugh at them. Shouldn’t you guys be spying on your kids right now?</p>

45

<p>I don’t have any need to, and never have.</p>

46

<p>Everyone in my larger social circle has parents that allow and facilitate drinking, and that is their prerogative. If some group of angry parents tried to “confront” them, my parents and most of the parents of my friends would probably laugh at them</p>

<p>That is one of the most irresponsible things I have ever heard on these boards</p>

47

<p>The other parents that facilitate drinking and have “secret” boy-girl sleepovers, etc. do affect my kids, unfortunately. My daughter is 21 now and in college but I still have very bad feelings toward the lenient parents of her high school days. Many kids got hurt because of their actions.</p>

48

<p>Yes, the 16 yr. old boy who died at the drinking party in our town just told his parents he was spending the night at this house and that the Mom would be home. His parents had no reason to think alcohol was going to be provided to the boys.</p>

49

<p>When parents actively participate in and condone lying to the parents of guests they do GREAT harm to those guests and their families. They are also setting a very poor example for their own children and all the guests. </p>

<p>I have never had to spy on my kids–we always share accurate info about where they are going and what they will be doing and with whom. Lying about alcohol availability & consumption or enabling those lies is legally wrong, especially if you’re the host/hostess. Death & permanent injury are very real possibilities.</p>

50

<p>mini-- I applaud your messianic energy. Your statistics are compelling; I’d be interested in seeing a list of references, and would hope they come from reliable sources like the World Health Organization, and not Rand or the Heritage Foundation.</p>

<p>I think the real question everyone is asking is: After so many years of the drinking age at 21, why are so many American kids still having problems with alcohol? I read a shocking statistic: each year 1,500 American college kids die of alcohol-related causes (that figure seems astonishingly high – I hope it’s wrong). Why are there “substance-free” dorms? If the drinking age is 21, shouldn’t they all be substance-free? </p>

<p>Clearly, the “Drinking age 21 and 100% ID check” laws don’t work. Neither did Prohibition. To muddy the waters a bit with a side note, American kids can marry, vote, have children, enlist in the military and die for their country without ever legally raising a glass of champagne.</p>

<p>A much larger issue is: Why are Americans prone to so many addictive behaviors? Addictions run a broad swathe – food, alcohol, porn, drugs both legal and illegal, gambling, exercise, tobacco (less than elsewhere, but still 25%), the Internet, shopping, colas and other soft drinks, foreign oil, video games, and did I mention food? </p>

<p>Some things I listed you may laugh at, but think about it. One of my kids’ friends (in the U.S.) was hospitalized for an addiction to CounterStrike, the video game. Schools have to be forced to remove soft-drink machines. Eating disorders are rife among teens. Americans are obese at ever-increasing rates. Drug abuse continues to be a problem (and you’re right edad, someone SHOULD tell the Federal Gov’t they need not waste money on drug prevention programs) – now kids have “pill parties” with sharing prescription meds, and ecstasy and crystal meth are in the picture as well. And foreign oil? Pull into any Walmart parking lot. SUVs hunker against Suburbans, big pick-ups and minivans. We scream about the price of gas – but in Europe they pay $5.00 a gallon or more. Makes you think twice before driving the big guzzler.</p>

<p>We say we’re shocked, SHOCKED that kids are abusing alcohol. But we need to hold a mirror up to ourselves and confront our own behavior, and not just with alcohol. </p>

<p>A.M.
p.s. my kids say I’m addicted to College Confidential! Ha ha. But look – I only have 40-something posts, in comparison with some who have over 4,000! Funny, huh?</p>

51

<p>There was a time when parents could depend on other parents not to give alcohol to minors. The post by Chillin86 and our own observations demonstrate that those days are gone in most, if not all, communities. Sadly, the only way to limit underage drinking is to notify the police if you have a reasonable basis to suspect minors are drinking alcohol. </p>

<p>It’s a shame that we parents can’t handle this issue as parents, but underage drinking is so widespread that the only effective solution is to treat it as the crime it is.</p>

52

<p>I’ve always thought it mighty peculiar than one can enlist in the army and vote at 18, but not legally have a drink until 21.</p>

<p>Querying about why Americans have so many addictions is really interesting, and actually worthy of its own thread.</p>

53

<p><<<<< why try to impose your views on others? Everyone in my larger social circle has parents that allow and facilitate drinking, and that is their prerogative. If some group of angry parents tried to “confront” them, my parents and most of the parents of my friends would probably laugh at them.<<<</p>

<p>It’s not our personal “views” … it’s our states’ “LAWS”. Serving alcolhol to minors is illegal. Underage drinking is illegal. </p>

<p>AND, since we ALL have to drive on the same roads that these drinking minors are driving on, it IS our business!</p>

<p>And if some group tried to confront them (and warn them) about the dangers of providing a “safe house” for underage drinking and later an accident occured involving that home, the law would throw the book at them! </p>

<p>Any parent who “laughs” at such a warning won’t be laughing when they lose everything in a justifiable liability lawsuit since they won’t be able to claim that “they just didn’t know what was going on in their home.”</p>

54

<br>

<br>

<p>that was one of the arguments in the 70’s when many states lowered their drinking ages. Many (if not all) of those states, quickly raised those drinking ages when they saw a sharp increase in driving “under the influence” and drinking related accidents among drivers under 21.</p>

<p>I guess the maturity to follow orders and serve in the military comes earlier than the maturity to know not to drink and drive.</p>

55

<p>Referring back to the idea that Europeans do it right by introducing alcohol at younger ages, so it is not a forbidden thing, thus making kids less likely to overdo…</p>

<p>We had a German exchange student a couple of years ago. He did not drink while here, obviously–he would have been kicked out of the program if he had. (He was a really great kid, too, with high grades and polite behavior.) However, he talked about how he and his friends loved to get drunk at home. And after he left here, whenever my son called him–usually on a weekend, it seemed like he was heading out with his friends to get drunk, or sleeping off a drinking binge. He said that was quite common in Germany. So perhaps this idea of kids drinking moderately in Europe is just a modern myth.</p>

56

<p>I think the statistics of drunk American teens vs. drunk European teens weighs heavily in favor of Americans.</p>

<p>I can’t speak for your German exchange student or his friends, but my mid teenaged European relatives, as well as their friends, have always exercised much more care with alcohol than the average American teen. From extensive visiting in Europe, I would absolutely contend that the teenaged and college aged mindset towards alcohol is much saner. </p>

<p>As to Jlaurer’s comment, I don’t think that following orders in the military has to do with maturity at all, but the potential punitive actions if said orders are not followed.</p>

57

<p>Just to be clear…I see a huge difference between responsible sipping at home, and parents offering underage non-family members liquor since “they’d be safer at home”. </p>

<p>I just think the European vs. American drinking patterns are interesting to discuss.</p>

58

<p>responsible sipping. I guess we don’t want to just call it drinking.</p>

59

<p>edad, I’ll call it responsible drinking. I agree with Allmusic and have seen it evidenced for many years with hundreds of different young adults in their late teens who are in college. I continue to see the differences between U.S. and Canadian kids as I have kids going to college in both countries. I don’t know what it’s like in Europe but I suspect the norm there is closer to our experience in Canada than that of our experience in the U.S. Allowing kids to learn how to drink responsibly is something which I would think more parents would want to do. Instead, too many prohibit its use (I’m talking late teens here not 15 year olds; kids who are in college but younger than 21), which rarely works and as a result, you have kids in dorm rooms throwing back shot after shot in quick succession so that they can get that buzz that they feel they need. This doesn’t happen with the same regularity in Canada because 18 and 19 year olds are actually allowed to go out to a pub and have a pizza and a couple of beers or a glass of wine or a drink and then go to a movie or a baseball game or the theatre or bowling, etc. The concern about drunk driving is mostly unfounded here as well because it is a rarity that teens are driving drunk. There are intensive educational programs against doing so in the high schools and they seem to work very well. Having designated drivers or taking public transportation when it’s possible are a given here. We did not find this mindset, or this type of education, or even much discussion of it when we lived in the U.S. This was my point, that the results which we hope to achieve with kids this age would by all appearances, as well as by our experience over many years, be happening with greater success where the legal drinking age is lower.</p>

60

<p>Many of you are talking about Europeans, but alcoholism in Germany and Russia is extremely high. I feel that using the Europeans as an example is just a myth.</p>