What are the consequences of moving b/w soph to junior year?

Parent Cafe
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<p>Our family of three (dual career parents and one h.s. sophomore) is in the midst of trying to decide whether to relocate this summer to another part of the country. This would be an extremely good career opportunity for one of the parents and an even exchange for the other parent. The move would be really drastic- from suburban NJ to the Mountain West (trying not to be too specific for privacy and other reasons).</p>

<p>Our concern is what impact it would have on our daughter. She would have to deal with a totally new environment- new school, new climate, new home, new family routines, etc, during the dreaded junior year of high school. Right now, she is doing extremely well in her current (highly regarded) public school. We have lived in the same town and stayed in the same school system since her kindergarten year. She loves everything about her current school- academics, extracurricular and social. We have identified an equally good private school in our proposed new location. She would have a similar curriculum, the teachers and students seem to be really nice, and at least seem to be welcoming. The extracurricular opportunities in the new school are of a different spectrum than what she is interested in, and this is a significant negative. Our daughter has spent a full trial day in the proposed new school and recognizes that it is a viable option. However, she is really unhappy about leaving her old school and friends behind. She has been looking forward to graduating with her long time friends and is not sure that she will form strong friendships in the new school considering that she will be a newcomer and stay there for only 2 years. </p>

<p>Besides the social anxieties, there is the whole college anxiety. Regardless of which high school she ends up in, she will have a very rigorous course load and it will be pretty tough just to meet the academic demands. The stress of moving and adjusting will make it that much harder. She may also have to play catch-up in some academic subjects because of slight variations in the order in which they are taught in the two schools. She is determined to gain admission into a top college. I have read that it is easier to get into top colleges from the Mountain West but I’m not sure how much that benefit would neutralize a possible drop in performance due to the move. Her current school sends its top students to top colleges anyway, so it would seem that our daughter is already on track to get admission without the ‘geographic benefit’. </p>

<p>While the current career opportunity is great (perhaps once-in-a-lifetime), we are very concerned about the social and academic consequences for our daughter. If it were not for this one issue there is no question we would move, but we just do not want our move to ‘ruin’ her life. Our option is to wait it out for two years and look to relocate again, but the chance of finding such a good opportunity again is low. It is a really tough dilemma and we have been grappling with it as a family for several weeks. </p>

<p>Any comments, advice, personal experiences, etc would be most appreciated.</p>

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<p>We had a similar situation and it has a good ending! Our move was in the middle of our daughter’s sophomore year (even worse) to a new area, new school, new friends, new everything. It took her the entire semester to make the transition but by spring, she was doing well and happily adjusted. Her grades dropped from a 3.9 to a 3.6 and she dropped three honors classes to regular classes (the school, private, was simply more rigorous) but this year as a junior she is flying high, making all As, lots of friends, elected team captain for next year in field hockey, doing community service and has some awesome friends. The sports involvement helped. I think it SO much depends on the personality of the child. Our daughter had been in the same school K-8 and a new school in 9th, so she was actually making the second such major change, and she was not reluctant at the time of the move. That is a difference…you say your d does not want to move. Could you possibly make the move (one parent) while the other stays behind nad allows her to finish out her last two years? Not ideal, but if the career move is something you see is potentially permanent, two years doesn’t look so rough in the long run. Whatever you do, it is hard. It also depends alot on her personality. Will she reach out and make friends? Get involved? If she is shy or tends to follow rather than lead, the change will be a lot more difficult. Good luck to you. I know it is hard. For us, it all turned out wonderfully. She couldn’t be happier.</p>

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<p>The ease of the school move might depend a bit on the school the private school I attended had a big influx of new students sophomore year, and a somewhat smaller, but still sizable (compared to class size) junior year. All the junior year newcomers became part of the school quite quickly and a number of them had leadership roles as seniors. As someone who had to move every couple of years as a child due to my Dad’s job, I tend to think moving is not a big deal, but I do recognize that high school is the hardest time to do it and harder for kids who have never had to move at all.</p>

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<p>Any move in high school will be tough on a student, whether it is cross town or cross country, so I think you are right to try and determine the pros and cons as they relate to your daughter. I would think, IF she is able to make a success of the move and maintain a high GPA on the academic side, her ability to adapt and thrive in a new environment would be seen as a big plus by the colleges. And her personal growth in adjusting to the new school, friends, environment, etc., would be fodder for admission essays. What bothers me though, is your comment about the extracurricular activities being different enough at the new school that you see them as a negative. I think becoming involved in EC’s at the new school are going to be key to her successful adjustment there. That is the red flag for me.</p>

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<p>Greta: The ECs that our daughter pursues in her current school (passionately) are choir/vocal ensembles and debate. The new school is very strong in sports and outdoor recreation but those are not her strengths. They are apparently strong in debate but D is concerned that most debate teams are well established by junior year and she may not be able to find a partner or compete at the varsity level. OTOH, she will be on varsity debate team at her current school and could be captain of the team by senior year. </p>

<p>Similarly, the new school would have a much weaker music program. We will try to find opportunities outside the school for her to sing, but the logistics may be tricky. Currently she is singing in the all-state choir, but she is probably past the audition deadline for next year in the new state. We have possibly identified a private vocal coach to replace her current excellent NY based vocal coach but naturally she will need to get used to a new teacher too. She is not planning to go the conservatory route but she is currently singing at the same level as Juliard / MSM pre-college students. She plans to keep singing in college choral groups. </p>

<p>It is likely that our daughter will find renewed interest in sports or other e.c’s in her new school but the odds of actually accomplishing much (or gaining leadership) are low.</p>

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<p>As someone who moved quite a bit as a child, I would not want to do that to my kids. On the other hand, those who haven’t experienced that, might see things differently. </p>

<p>We also considered moving when oldest was in high school and after weighing the pros and cons, we decided the extra money was not worth the fact that the kids didn’t want to go. This was made a lot easier by the fact that I didn’t want to go :)</p>

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<p>We moved from west coast to rural south in November of son’s sophomore year. Huge difference in schools and culture. Went from a 4500+ student public school to a 1200 public. EC opportunities varied greatly as well. School he left was often in the running for state champs for football, baseball, softball, swimming, basketball, track… Large student government influence, tons of school spirit and pride (think Varsity Blues), and many academic ECs that a HUGE public school and district can offer. 25+ Aps and IB curriculum, joint CC classes for dual credit, the list was endless. New school had but few of these things.</p>

<p>Needless to say he was sad to leave for many reasons. Happy ending though…ending up graduating val, had solid scientific summer research, Captain of 3 sports teams, started clubs that new school didn’t have and in the end LOVED his years at the new school.</p>

<p>He did address the move in some college app essays. Come April of senior year he had some ivy acceptances, MIT, CalTech and many wonderful outside scholarships. He grew as a student and in character. He learned to be flexible, adapt to new situations, assess quickly what was important and prioritize what was significant to him.</p>

<p>He was outside his comfort zone and the result was someone I am really proud of. He also took that lesson of growth that occurred while outside his comfort zone and applied that to his college search and his eventual decision on where to matriculate.</p>

<p>And again he is happy with his decision. He choose outside his comfort zone and is as he says “living the dream.”</p>

<p>Of course he had 3 older siblings who also tend to push themselves and thrive on new beginnings so he had a heads-up on the type of outcome that can come from stretching, really stretching.</p>

<p>Hope this helps.</p>

<p>Kat</p>

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<p>3bm103: If it was just money the decision would be a no-brainer. Financially this is probably going to be a wash, especially considering that we will have to sell a house in a difficult real estate market.</p>

<p>The career opportunity is a qualitative one- a tremendously better work environment for one of us, no better or worse for the other. Also, both of us would have much more job security. The professional cost of not moving might be pretty steep in terms of reduced mobility in a couple of years. Of course, nobody can tell the future, but there is no doubt we would take a professional risk by staying.</p>

<p>Thanks all for the thoughtful responses. Please keep them coming.</p>

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<p>vparent, you have obviously been looking at this with some depth and thoughtfulness. We also moved because of work and my son entered high school as a freshman not knowing a single other student. An adjustment to be sure, but not as tough as moving later in your high school career, I think. The key for him then (and similarly, the key as a freshman in college when he again didn’t know a single other student :)) was getting involved in EC’s. -Not because the EC’s would look good on college applications, but because group activities were where he found his new friends, those kids with similar interests and values who seemed anonymous at first in his classes. I would hope both the debate team and choirs at the new school would be happy to have someone with your daughter’s obvious experience and talents. And hopefully, the rec letter from the new GC could point out in a positive way how your daughter integrated into the new EC’s, so there could be a positive spin, even if she was not able to take a leadership position right away.</p>

<p>Religious youth groups are another activity to keep in mind, if she is at all interested.</p>

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<p>I bet she will adjust fast and it won’t negatively impact her college process. It sounds like the best thing for your family AS A WHOLE. I would do it.</p>

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<p>This is a tough decision, but my instinct is to make the move if the professional opportunity is really that good. If the private school is really good, it shouldn’t impact your D academically, and a Mountain/West location may improve her college admission chances.</p>

<p>That said, my D is a soph and if we told her we were moving she would think her world had ended. But she has a friend moving this summer, and another friend who moved here mid-year frosh year. The one who move in last year made friends quickly and is now very “popular”, but he participates in sports ECs which are key at our public hs. </p>

<p>I think the EC’s are key to your daughter’s adjusting and making friends. Perhaps you can remind her that although she would be leaving behind many good friends, this is a chance to start fresh with a clean slate and no “baggage” from any awkward friendship issues of the past. Kids today can stay in contact a LOT easier than we did, with Facebook, texting and talking on their cell (you’ll need to promise her unlimited texting and Nationwide long distance if you move, BTW). </p>

<p>I don’t know, it’s tough. It depends on how truly great the professional opportunity is.</p>

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<p>If it’s ok, I’d like to give one perspective from a student who moved at the end of sophomore year.</p>

<p>My family moved due to my dad’s job…and not only did I switch from a private school that only had 300 students in high school itself (9-12) to a public that has 2000 just in 11-12th grades, I switched countries as well! (an American international school in asia which I had attended since first grade to a huge public in texas)</p>

<p>It was a pretty monumental change. I was uncomfortable (though not too sad), and it took me a whole semester to adjust (my middle school brother was more depressed - he threw HUGE tantrums everyday for a semester). </p>

<p>Making friends was tough. I had had the same friends since I was seven, and I thought it would be impossible to start anew, since I assumed that everyone else in my new school would already have their own group of friends, just like me.</p>

<p>I didn’t have any real friends for a semester, but this gave me the opportunity to experience some things that America offered that Asia didn’t (volunteering and many clubs), and I could also focus on my classes.</p>

<p>Academics-wise, the change wasn’t that different. Both my previous and current school send kids to top institutions every year, so there wasn’t much change, apart from the fact that I was taking more AP subjects in 11th as opposed to 10th (but this is common).</p>

<p>However, like your daughter might have to, I did have to “play catch up.”</p>

<p>There are certain subjects that Texas law mandates for graduation, and that many students here had already completed in 9-10th grades. </p>

<p>Transferring in the middle of high school also messed up my rank and gpa, but I worked hard in 11th and 12th to bring those up. </p>

<p>Personally, if you’re being offered better work opportunities, I think you should move. I despised America and the school system when I first moved, but right now, I know I wouldn’t want to move back. The fact that I’ve known I’d have to move regardless for college made the change easier as well. </p>

<p>I made some wonderful friends and I appreciate the opportunities I have here. Of course, I still complain about my “lack” of gpa/rank due to transferring, and how “boring” the area I live in is, but there are some things I just have to live with. And when I got accepted into some good colleges, most of my bitterness went away :slight_smile: </p>

<p>In short, I got used to the change. And I think your daughter will, too.</p>

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<p>Thank you k14, for that student’s perspective. I thought about crossposting it to the students’ cafe but didn’t. I’m glad at least one student provided feedback. If there are other students who can share their own personal experiences- good or bad, I would appreciate them.</p>

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<p>I did this, when I was your D’s age. The two different high schools were in 2 different cities, equally academically strong (& very), but with 2 entirely different school cultures/atmospheres. For me, I considered it a plus, both then & in hindsight. I absorbed the maximum benefits from the first school, while gaining even more from the second, where the atmosphere was a better fit for me. And I got into my reach U, with scholarship. (Yes, yes, “back then,” LOL – ice age & all.)</p>

<p>The key is to know the new environment well & to assess, as someone said, the trade-offs. Unless it’s a net loss, I think the student is enlarged by the additional experience & the opportunity to show adaptability. JMO</p>

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<p>Its not easy to move with high schoolers, and obviously she cannot be happy about it. There are the social anxieties, the academic concerns, but most well-adjusted kids are pretty resilient, and adapt to new environments more easily than they would ever admit.</p>

<p>I know I would do what was best for my/my spouses’ job security and happiness. You cannot predict and second guess. What if you stayed in NJ and one spouse lost their job? What if you moved and that happened? Go with your gut, and have an honest open discussion with her.</p>

<p>As far as debate goes, I’m pretty sure that only first time debaters can compete on the freshman level, and sophomores on the JV level, and pretty much anyone with a good record would have the opportunity to do varsity debate. I cannot imagine that Juniors would NOT be on the varsity level. This could be very easily confirmed with a phonecall to their debate coach and a discussion of her tournament record. </p>

<p>With the music, she could take it to a different level and put together her own acapella group, sing at events, use it as a take off point for community service. One just has to have an open mind, which it sounds like your family has.</p>

<p>Look at it as a magic carpet ride.</p>

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<p>While a weaker music program may be difficult from your d’s perspective in terms of her musical development, it is also possible that her ability will allow her to become a standout in the new school. This would not only likely lead to new friends, but also to notice by the guidance counselor/teachers/school administrators which will only help her college admissions. </p>

<p>How well does your d normally adapt to change? Is she okay when plans change?</p>

<p>Given the current economy, I think it is necessary to give primary consideration to both career advancement and job stability. After all, you will both be working (we hope) longer than d is in high school or college. What good will it do her if she gets into a great college that you can no longer afford because you’re unemployed? (See the thread from joecollegedad about his layoff.)</p>

<p>Consider as well the reputation of the Mountain State’s state school. Many of them have excellent state schools that might be good choices for your d. Moving now allows her to apply as an in-state student and she would get in-state tuition. In a strong state, that’s nothing to sneeze at.</p>

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<p>Well that’s a good point, chocoholic. One of the factors for me was that indeed I had few friends at the high school that was great academically, but was cliquish. So for me, going from great academic to great academic was still a win/win. (Many students even today who stay in a h.s. all 4 yrs still are unable to bond meaningfully, for one reason or another; don’t know OP’s D; only she would know.)</p>

<p>Good point Chedva makes about job stability + economy.</p>

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<p>I agree that in today’s economy, I would give greater priority to job security and opportunity. I know it can be wrenching for a high schooler to move so far and leave behind friendships established in early childhood. However, it’s important to remember that she will be leaving those behind, in substantial ways in two years anyway. </p>

<p>I would see if the family can brainstorm some Compensating Opportunities: pre-arranging to invite D’s best friend to the Mountain West over Xmas vacation of junior year; pre-arranging to fly D back to East Coast for a couple of events/times when she would really like to share the experience with her current hs friends, etc. Add Skype with video to her computer if you don’t already have it, etc.</p>

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<p>D says she is good at making transitions and I think she is right. She adjusted very quickly to the elementary-middle and middle-high school transitions. She was never homesick in sleepaway camps and made friends easily. Last summer she flourished at Interlochem summer camp and made some good friends. The difference is that at summer camps everyone is trying to make new friends and at the end you go back to the comfort of your own home and your old friends. But definitely it should be possible to stay in touch with old friends using a combination of email, phone and periodic visits. </p>

<p>Thanks all. This is all very helpful. All three of us are reading this thread. We would like to hear more experiences, including any bad experiences that people might be able to share.</p>

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<p>Well, we had to move right before S’s senior year. We knew it was a bad idea but had no choice. (He is a creature of habit, and not great at transitions.) He never felt at home at the new school (smaller, with less social and academic opportunities). The best thing about the whole ordeal- when he started college on the other side of the world (we are expats in Asia), the transition was easy, he wasn’t homesick for his high school at all. </p>

<p>It might have been better to move him before junior year, at least he would have felt like part of the school community. </p>

<p>His sister had no problem adjusting to the new school as a freshman. </p>

<p>Oh, we did take them back to visit their old school twice the first year after we moved. That helped a lot, and I highly recommend it.</p>