<p>I have never really had curfews for either of my teens.</p>
<p>S (snr in HS) has never been one to go to bed early- he is just a night owl kind of person- so I found that trying to enforce a bedtime during HS was counterproductive. He got good grades and found time to work and participate in ECs, so nothing seemed to suffer. Most of his friends had curfews until senior year, so he wasnt out that late during 9th,10th or 11th grades. Now that he is a senior, he is out pretty much every night with friends and very late on weekends. He drives and has his own car (he bought with own $$) The only thing I ask is that if he is going to be very late, he will call and let me know. I am not worried about the driving at night, as we live in a very small town and distances between friends homes here are measured in blocks, not miles. </p>
<p>D on the othr hand, is an early to bed person- never awake past 10p, except on weekends in which case she is home by midnight.</p>
<p>My kids have never had a curfew. Everything is negotiable. But, I insist on knowing where they are, when they will be home, and if they change their plans. I phrase it as “knowing when I should call the State Patrol and what I should tell them.” </p>
<p>I have them wake me when they come in. Otherwise I’m wide awake at 2 AM and have to go check their rooms.</p>
<p>Like Lindsaylu, my son has never been in need of a parent-enforced curfew. I do, however, like for him to check in when he changes locations, particularly late at night. I have the utmost faith in my son’s judgment, and I’ve never known him to abuse the trust that he has earned over these many years. ~berurah</p>
<p>I also have him wake me when he comes in. I think that will be the hardest part of having him away at college!</p>
<p>No curfew for our D either. She rarely goes out in the evening, but when she does, she always lets us know where she is, who she’s with, and what time she plans to come home.
I think a lot of teenagers have more freedom (i.e. no curfew) these days, thanks to the cell phone. It gives us parents peace of mind to know that we can get in touch with them any time and vice versa.</p>
<p>Ok, so it seems that there are lots of varied opinions on curfews…and everyone seems to be pleased with their situation and how it’s working out for their teen.</p>
<p>I humbly suggest that parents of seniors consider phasing out the curfews because this will help your kid come Sept. when they must self-police… Maybe we can tie this with the “Something special for 18th birthday” thread? :)</p>
<p>We never had curfews for our 3 children either, and they never took advatage of it. If they went anywhere on a school night it was to a school event and they were home by 10. Weekends they rarely stayed out past midnight. This past summer was an exception for my 18 year old- she worked at a movie theater and the kids didn’t get off until 10:30. So if they went out for a bite to eat or went to someone’s home to watch a video, she sometimes got home around 1 am. In NJ, the provisional license with restricted hours is only if you are under 18. At 18 you get a regular license. Now that my sons are older - they occasionally stay out later. All I require is that they let me know approximately when (or if -sometimes they stay over at a friend’s house) they will be home.</p>
<p>I have 2 kids in college – usually didn’t go out on schoolnights and had 12 AM curfew on weekends. Senior years they could stay out weekends till 12:30AM or 1 AM. Of course college kids have no curfew but are encouraged to call and let us know what’s doing. Kid #3 is junior in high school and gives us a hard time about midnite limit especially cuz girlfriend is a senior and has 1 AM curfew. When kids go into NYC for movies, shows, concerts, last train is almost midnite so curfew is way later. There’s not much doing here after 11 PM to midnite. Kids have always been ultra busy with extracurriculars so have tried to keep sleepovers to a minimum – HA! – another topic for discussion. I am surprised to see how many of use have set no curfew for your kids.</p>
<p>My 17 y/o son (a junior) has a Midnight curfew on Friday & Saturday nights. To answer your question, Lindsaylu, the reason we have a curfew is for us. The few limits we have with our son are the result of protecting our own boundaries. I really think that parents are entitled to a good night’s sleep. We need rest in order to function. It’s a matter of consideration, not of trust. His curfew is completely flexible on nights when he and his friends have something special planned (e.g. a concert in the city, a late movie, a party at a friend’s house, etc.) He’s streetwise and smart about getting around, so we don’t worry about him, and we don’t wait up. </p>
<p>A curfew for us is just a way of setting up an end time that works for everybody. Most of the time, we simply ask what time he’ll be in, and when it’s open-ended, we use the Midnight curfew as a fall back. Three of his good friends are college students and are used to staying out all night. He would be, too, if we weren’t sharing the same household. Weeknights this year are still school nights and part of the work week. We shut it down early, around 8 p.m. Otherwise, we would have recording sessions going on all night, or his new g/f (a college freshman) would stay and stay and stay…so, it’s really for us.</p>
<p>As this post points out, there are a lot of different views on curfews, mainly because kids and families are so different! My first 2 never had curfews because they didn’t go out all the much. If they were out late, it was because of a planned activity and we knew when they would be home. Our oldest was not very social at all, so when he did start doing more social things towards the end of his junior year, we wanted to encourage that. He is very responsible and always did what was expected. Son #3, a high school junior, is the most social of the three, but he, too, is so busy with school and his activities, that curfew is a non-issue. If he is doing something on the weekends, he tells us what he is doing and when he expects to be home. If we want him home earlier, we tell him and he complies. A couple summers ago he often hung out with friends after dinner with no particular plan or activity. During that summer, he had to be in the house at 10 PM unless he made other arrangements with us. Again, no problems.</p>
<p>I think the biggest issue is the nature of the activity . Is it a planned activity where a child and predict a time when they will be home? Or is it just generaly hanging out with no plan? The just hanging out thing would result in a curfew time, probably earlier rather than later. And I agree that seniors should not have a curfew at all unless they are really irresponsible. The rule in our house for EVERYONE, including adults, is that someone responsible must know where you are, what your plans are, and when you expect to be home. This is just common courtesy living in a family.</p>
<p>No set in stone curfew, but 9 weeknights and 12 other nights would be my request so I can get to sleep. I feel if they can’t get into serious trouble by that hour, they haven’t been trying. Cell phones are a blessing.</p>
<p>We worked out a deal with our daughter when she was a senior: She would tell us where she was going and with whom and when she would be home. We also asked that she come into our room and give us a goodnight kiss. My wife’s bloodhound-qualified noise never picked up anything amiss.</p>
<p>She always called us when she was going to be a couple of minutes late.</p>
<p>Speaking of “letting go” in the Fall, my friend’s D went off to BU last Fall, and my friend set up her own computer right by her bedside, had her D on her Buddy-list, and set it to go KA-CHING when D came into her dorm room and started I-M-ing. Unfortunately, in one phone conversation she asked D why she got home at 2:00 on a weeknight. Now she’s on her ignore list.</p>
<p>Yeah, my mom occasionally signs on in the morning to talk to somebody, and it’ll be like 8:30AM and she’ll see that i’ve been “away” for four hours and thirty minutes, and IM me like “i see you only went to bed at 4 am”… so i set my AIM not to tell my away minutes, haha. she doesnt really care what i’m doing, but i was tired of getting the IMs:)</p>
<p>Mine have always said we were the meanest parents in the world. After reading this I guess she might be slightly right. The senior has a 10 PM curfew on weeknights which she rarely needs. She had 11:00 and we increased to 11:30 and now 12 on weekends. We were always willing to make exceptions for planned activities. Curfew also includes what time friends of the opposite sex must go home. Friends of the same sex can stay as late as their parents let them since that doesn’t effect my sleep.
The soph doesn’t drive so he doesn’t really have a curfew and it depends on how late Mom or Dad are willing to stay up before going to pick up. Friends aren’t driving yet.</p>
<p>I can’t sleep till everyone is home. And I become quite the cranky lady without my sleep.</p>
<p>OK, I have a question: are there any parents here who have set curfews for reasons OTHER than making sure their own sleep is not disturbed? I keep seeing that cited as the reason … and that might be a key as to why some of us don’t bother. I’m a night owl, rarely in bed before 1 or 2 am… I’d be a lot more likely to complain if my daughter made too much noise in the morning than if she showed up home too late at night. Of course, the hours we parents keep also influence our definition of “late”.</p>
<p>Excellent question, Calmom: On reading the majority of these posts, I’ve been feeling like a neglectful parent because I never set a strict curfew for my daughter, who’s now a freshman in college. In part it’s because I’m a night owl too, but I also felt that if she couldn’t handle the responsibility of making most of her own decisions by the middle of her senior year of high school, when she still had the safety net of living at home, it didn’t bode well for her health and safety at college. </p>
<p>Of course, she doesn’t have a car at college, so that avoids some potentially dangerous situations–but I don’t kid myself that there isn’t a lot of other trouble she could get into. As for my peace of mind, the truth is that her well-being is now largely out of my hands, and I just don’t know where she is at 4 in the morning. So far all seems to be well (not that she always eats and sleeps properly, but she seems happy and purposeful, is getting good grades, etc.), and I’m gradually learning to let her be.</p>
<p>Cal;mom; Curfew on weekends here is for safety reasons. I mean, we are talking about kids here in the 16-18 age range before college. Speeding, drunks, the police picking up kids and taking them home, these are things which concern us. Also, I do not want any of my kids to go into the city or be there late at night. There are fine university areas but inevitably there are neighborhoods you need to go through that are not safe. Shootings do happen in these areas, also drugs, and drag racing and drunken speeding around particular hot spot areas. There is no reason for my suburban teen kids to go into the city at night. Their world revolves around here. Also, for my daughter, (who is now grown) enforcing a curfew was important when she was dating. There is no reason for a boy and girl ages 16-18 to be out til 2 unless they are planning an early marriage.lol. OF Course, everything is out the window when they go off to college.</p>
<p>For my son, when he was a senior, there was a naturally imposed curfew by the town of 12 AM. Kids under 18 cannot drive or be out on the roads after that hour. We stuck to that until he turned 18. Now of course, he has no curfew.</p>