Husband is now mad at son, who is not willing to get picked up in Seattle and share 20 hour drive down to San Diego without an overnight stay, then do the reverse a few days later, in order to have son here for husband’s 70th birthday (and first seder of Passover). Husband claims science says its OK, and that everyone he knows has seen their children, and that it’s only our son’s attitude that’s preventing this trip. I did not even know this was being proposed; husband never mentioned it to me. We still have to get our second vaccine shots, and son won’t be eligible until maybe early summer. I think husband is being influenced by his tennis buddies during their post-tennis beer.
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I know tons of people who haven’t seen their kids or other relatives in well over a year…me included.
A 20 hour shared car ride with someone not fully vaccinated is not a trip I would plan…at all.
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My personal view is that a birthday party, even if it is a 70th, is not a compelling enough reason to take a health risk. It’s a birthday, and there will be others in the future.
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And per husband’s comment that science says ok to travel,
https://www.eatthis.com/news-fauci-riskiest-thing-do-covid/
Son is used to “disappointing” his father and is fortunately fine.
I havent seen my parents since Xmas 2019 and I’m only 1:30 away. (Their choice)
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SARS-CoV-2 exploits trust relationships to spread. As much as people have “stranger danger” ingrained into their perception of risk, each contact from outside your household adds a risk of giving or receiving the virus, regardless of whether the contact is someone you trust in other aspects.
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We enjoyed our Zoom holidays, and I will enjoy a Zoom birthday soon.
I’m going to stick up for @Marilyn husband a bit here.
I think that many of us are hitting a pandemic wall. I know I am! And honestly, it’s hard talking to people or looking at your Facebook. There are people who’s kids moved back in with them when the shut down started. There are people who’s children lived close and are in their pandemic bubble. There are many! Who are ignoring that there is a pandemic. I saw someone’s Instagram of the beaches in Naples Florida and they were packed!
This summer when I could feel my mom’s mental health was affected, we drove there to see her. It was important for her to see us, we were careful.
I have posted that I didn’t want my in laws coming to my house for a weekend visit. I think that my situation is different, my husband has 2 autoimmune diseases and had a heart attack before he was 50. Hopefully he will be the next group in line. If my husband did not have an autoimmune disease, we would have felt different, that I know. My my husband visited his parents in December when he had a doctors appointment in their town. And my bil comes over at least once a week. They aren’t alone, they have a large Covid bubble. My mil wanted her carpets cleaned and wanted to go away for the weekend.
My healthy early 30’s daughter has been visiting her boyfriend’s parents. The parents are healthy (now vaccinated) and so is my daughter.
So I totally understand how @Marilyn husband yearns for his child to see him on a milestone birthday. Everyone has to weigh their risks. It’s up to the husband and the son to decide. But I don’t think that it’s wrong to ask your son to visit you a year into the pandemic. It’s also not wrong for the son to decline.
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I am not understanding the 20 hour drive without stops. it seems like the process/trip is part of the issue here.
My mom is fully vaccinated and I am partial.(2nd shot this week) I went to see her over a week ago. I actually enjoyed being on an airplane again. The big thing is that I was not going to kill mom to see her, and she was not going to kill me.
I am planning one on one business trips with other vaccinated people in April.
We’ve been taking advantage of the kids being able to attend school in person or online and doing some travel. Delta has been great with the open seats and with testing for destinations that required it. We spent most of July in Aruba, Disney in Nov, Jackson Hole Dec-Jan, and just booked a trip to Washington for June. Bummed we can’t get to our home in Europe, that we couldn’t do Japan over Xmas break, or the Americas Cup in NZ this month, but we’ve enjoyed the travel we have been able accomplish so far.
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I was also thinking that the 20 hour drive without stopping - to be rinsed and repeated after a few days - was a deal breaker. Might the situation be different if your son was vaccinated? Or what if for your H’s bday @Marilyn since you are both vaccinated you plan a trip to your son’s city - you could stay in an AirBNB or hotel and see your son for outdoor dining or walks or whatever?
I understand the pandemic wall, a whole year has past and the milestone birthday. But what is the bottom line for all involved? See each other face to face? Keeping health intact for everyone? Sharing cake and a special birthday? Is there another way or a timeline that can be achieved that makes everyone comfortable???
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I would have 20 years old fly for his father’s birthday with double masks and face shield
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Since birthday is first night of Passover and we observe “kosher for Passover,” we’d have to be here, not at son’s city. Then either son would have to stay here for the eight days of the holiday, or husband would have to drive him back while observing Passover. Neither is practical - even though son works from home, he’d have to bring his whole setup or take a lot of time off.
So even if our ultra cautious son was vaccinated, this specific trip would be problematic. And, to be honest, I haven’t had any sense that husband has yearned for face to face like I have. He has a history of setting secret expectations that don’t get met, though. So I think based on what he hears from friends, he decided son should want to do this. And is hurt that son doesn’t. But if he’d really been listening to son throughout the pandemic, he should have known it wouldn’t happen.
I told son he doesn’t have to be with us on my 70th in September- it’s on Yom Kippur. 
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My H and I just returned yesterday from a 16 day road trip skiing in Colorado and Utah for 8 days and visiting the Grand Canyon, Canyonlands National Park, Monument Valley, Dead Horse State Park and Horseshoe Bend on the other days. Neither H or I have been vaccinated yet since our age group is not eligible in San Diego County.
We requested first floor rooms in the hotels we stayed at. When we arrived at a hotel we cleaned everything ourselves before settling in and did not have house cleaning during our stays. Ski resorts have it down well and people have to keep masks on when getting on and off the lifts and you are only able to ride the lifts with your household. All rooms we stayed in had a microwave and refrigerator and some of the rooms had kitchens too. We brought stuff to eat our breakfast in the room and packed lunch each day whether skiing or going to a park. Dinner was usually takeout in our room. There were restaurants open with indoor dining, but we don’t feel safe doing that so we didn’t.
One of our D’s and her bf joined use at a Colorado resort since they were skiing there with friends. The other D joined us on the Utah part of the ski trip. Both D’s flew to meet us wearing double masks and face shields. Their flights were nonstop.
Some people were better than others about wearing masks at the parks we visited, but we were outside with our masks and just avoided those people not wearing masks.
I think that all of us have to do what makes us feel safe. We certainly tried to be very safe on our trip.
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Here’s an alternative plan. If finances permit, offer to pay for a rental car and a hotel stay en route for your son so he can drive by himself alone. He still might not be willing to assume the reduced risk, but maybe he would?
Son just doesn’t want to travel until he’s vaccinated - very cautious and wouldn’t trust hotels, gas stations, etc. I did have a concept last summer where he would rent a car and drive halfway down, where we would meet him, he’d drop off the car, we’d stay overnight, and then we’d bring him back here. The return trip would be repeat in reverse. But he wasn’t comfortable with that last summer so no go. In the end, it would have involved driving through forest fire areas. He has a car but it’s very old and I wouldn’t want him driving alone for long distances.
so, operating under the assumption that I and my D20 will both be vaccinated (DH is already), we are tentatively making plans for a vacation (air travel) in July. I have started doing research and have a rough itinerary (Seattle, Bend, OR, San Francisco), but will not actually buy airline tickets until May or June, when I have a better sense of how feasible the trip really is. D24 will not be vaccinated (unless something changes quickly for the under 16 set).
I’ll be honest, I love planning trips almost as much as actually taking them, so having this to work on and look forward to is what is getting me through what I hope will be the last tough couple of months for us.
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I heard today that it is likely that any adult who wishes to be vaccinated will be by the end of May. Here’s to hoping you can have a great visit with your son this summer. 
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Any projections or promises are contingent on actual vaccine supply. Believe it when you or anyone else can get a vaccine without looking for it on numerous overloaded web sites or queuing up for hours.
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Marilyn…a plane ride fully masked would probably be much safer
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