<p>I know this guy and I’m worried he’s bisexual. One one hand, he loves sports and working out, has a lot of close male friends, plus he’s really into his car. However, he also loves shopping, fashion, artsy stuff, and has a lot of close female friends. He doesn’t listen to stereotypical guy music, is majoring in a stereotypically female major, and hates cooking on a grill. The guy also does not date, claiming he can’t find anyone on campus. His dating history is almost nonexistant, as he didn’t want to ruin close friendships with his female friends, but he said the ones he was attracted to all played sports. He also said he wants to look like (insert name of male Abercrombie model/baseball player here) on many occasions, saying they have a nice body and whatnot. Doesn’t look at too many females in the modeling industry.</p>
<p>I’m worried this guy might be bi. I’m not saying he is or he isn’t, but he’s had a lot of depression issues lately. None of this stuff was really onset until lately, although he wasn’t too athletic in elementary school and preferred music.</p>
<p>But the real question is this–can someone become bisexual or even gay if they lack a father and are mostly raised by their mother and grandmother? This guy and his dad have fought since he was four and when his parents split a few years back he was happy about it and vowed to never live with his father again. I’m wondering if the lack of a father in the guy’s life was a cause for this–he had no interest in being like his dad and maybe it’s because they hated each other’s guts?</p>
<p>If this post is for real, and not a total ■■■■■… Why are you “worried” he might be bisexual (you say it twice)? It isn’t like a communicable disease or something. This sounds more like a problem with you (i.e. homophobia) than him.</p>
<p>Just wrote a long reply to the OP on the Parent’s Cafe religion thread (why are the HS students posting on the old folks’ thread?), so I believe he really thinks there is a problem with anything except straight heterosexuality; if indeed the guy is different. You may as well question why his skin, eye and hair color, height… are what they are. What’s the problem OP- your lack of medical/biological knowledge? Parenting can produce all sorts of psychological conditions, including the bigotry and stereotyping you are exhibiting. It’s none of your business if he doesn’t fit your gender expectations unless he interferes with you. If your religion states anything about right/wrong inborn biological traits you need to learn the truth. People do not choose their sexual orientation, their biology does. Their adjustment to what they are is dependent on outside influences, such as parents and other societal pressures. Observed “depression” can be totally independent of sexual orientation issues, and can be affected by the parenting issues. You have a whole lot of questioning of what you have been taught, and other learning to do.</p>
<p>To be honest I didn’t even read that neat block of text you got going on there. I’ve no idea what kind of environment you live in to be fretting over this type of stuff.</p>
<p>LOL—he’s asking an honest question. Dont’ hate him because he doesn’t know any better. AFPrep, the prevailing thought on this is that people are born gay, straight or transgendered. I don’t really think that many people are of the opinion that parenting is to “blame” anymore. Gayness and bisexuality are found in all cultures, and have been throughout history. If they were cultural, they wouldn’t be present everywhere. Don’t be afraid of your friend. He won’t force himself on you. It well may be that he is depressed, in large part because of the lack of acceptance in his environment (hint hint). If this boy is your friend, please be understanding and kind. If he is just an acquaintance, please let it go, don’t spread rumors and give him his privacy.</p>
<p>You seem to know a great deal about this other young man, dating back to a time when he was four-years-old. If this “friend” is as close as you would lead us to believe, it seems to me you should be able to simply ask him instead of us.</p>
<p>Actually, there was some really important research done in this area at Stanford University Medical School in 2002-2004. They have found that a weakness in father-son bonding, which had been suspected as the cause of bisexuality, does not correlate to any appreciable degree with it. Instead, they determined, bisexuality actually seems to have viral origins. If someone with the right genetic disposition contracts the virus, voila: fairysville (well, okay, that’s not how Stanford called the condition; I am the one calling it fairysville). </p>
<p>Unfortunately, your friend seems to be displaying some of the classic signs of viral infection, though you ultimately can’t really know until his behavior decisively confirms it (e.g., he hits on you or you seem him holding hands with another guy or he puts up indicative posters on his wall of Richard Simmons or Elton John or the like).</p>
<p>Anyway, if I were you, I would be careful; it’s quite possible that you will have become a passive carrier of this virus (if you weren’t in fact the person who gave it to him, which is also a possibility, albeit slight unless you’ve known him for a long time.). Passive carriers can have outbreaks later in life (this typically happens if they are younger) or can pass it onto their kids or to sexual partners. If you have ever touched this guy or used the same toilet or something, it’s more than likely you have contracted the virus and become a passive carrier.</p>
<p>I have been having problems with this link, but here’s where Stanford published this information:</p>
<p>At this point, the damage will have been done if you have hung around him. So go ahead and keep as close to him as you feel the urge to do. Hell, if you came into contact with his bodily fluids, it wouldn’t matter because chances are about 98% that you are already a passive carrier.</p>
<p>He doesn’t listen to stereotypical guy music, is majoring in a stereotypically female major, and hates cooking on a grill.</p>
<p>so what is stereotypical “guy” music-
Judas Priest? oh I know Ted Nugent
a stereotypical " chick" major I suppose would be psych or English? ( it is only acceptable for “dudes” to major in mechanical engineering or biochem? )
Doesn’t date because all the girls play sports? wha?
[he</a> should be so lucky](<a href=“http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTpecdP4Mr8]he”>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTpecdP4Mr8)
Hates cooking on a grill?
hahaha
maybe he is vegan/needs a new cookbook?</p>
<p>The “hates cooking on a grill” was personally my favorite. Obviously if a guy doesn’t like cooking on a grill, he must not be attracted to females exclusively.</p>
<p>AFPrep850, I got to thinking about some previous posts I had read of yours and then I actually did a search, and the puzzle pieces seem to have fallen into place. If I am incorrect, I truly apologize, but I get the distinct impression you are talking about yourself. I think you are struggling with these feelings and questioning your own sexuality. We don’t know you, so it’s not really fair to you or your “friend” for us to take try and determine whether or not someone is bisexual, heterosexual, or homosexual. </p>
<p>Some of your quotes from posts found in other threads:</p>
<p>“You see, in high school, I never tried to be romantic at all so that I wouldn’t risk ruining any friendships…” almost word-for-word what you say about your “friend”. "(anyone who has ever been through high school breakups knows about this). I wound up as the only one who had kept all of the females as friends by the time I graduated but I was also the only one who never was in a relationship! It’s sort of like a ballplayer who can hit the home runs but chooses not to and focuses on average. I’m like the .352 hitter who had maybe two home runs where some of the other guys may have hit 29 homers but also hit .244 with a load of strikeouts. Ballplayers on here can understand the analogy. (I also bat sort of like this in real life as a ballplayer–just so-so power but good average, and most of the HRs are clutch) </p>
<p>“I will be living with my mom while I attend grad school and sub. Once I get the master’s and the teaching job I will stay there until I’m tenured, and even then may stay in my mom’s basement another few years so I can get a nice new Volvo. My 1996 Volvo 850 with 64K miles has to last me until then (which is at least 7-8 years and probably about 40-45K miles…yeah, I don’t take long trips). The only thing that would change this is marriage, but being that I’m 20 and still single I don’t see marriage coming anytime soon, if ever. I may wind up eventually adopting children (preferably from Germany) when I retire after 40 years of teaching.” I’m thinking this must be the stereotypical female major you speak of</p>
<p>“Real men know that cars > women.” really “into his car”</p>
<p>“Over Christmas, I try to get my weight lifting in by other means. Today I moved a ton of heavy furniture down two flights of stairs. Usually I find that I may lose a step or two over the three weeks but I can get back in the groove again within a week and not have lost any progress.” he loves working out</p>
<p>It is obvious from some of your posts that you are a regular church-goer. Maybe it’s time to sit down with someone who knows you (like your minister, unless you fear being judged) who could help you with any concerns you might have. Good luck.</p>
<p>If what splashmom says is true–and it is compelling–it certainly puts the knee-jerk ridicule the op received from all the swinging hipsters above in a different light. </p>
<p>I wonder if that should make a difference to them?</p>
<p>IF SPLASHMOM IS RIGHT:
I sympathize with what you are going through. But please know that there are many many gay people in the world, and that the vast majority have gone through the very same thing, usually in their teens. There is nothing wrong with being gay, but there is something wrong with being depressed and unhappy. The people I have known over the years who have struggled and then come out have usually been surprised at how good it felt to get it out, and how supportive people were of them. Good luck to you on your search.</p>
