What Do Helicopter Parents Do After Graduation?

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So-called helicopter parents first made headlines on college campuses a few years ago, when they began trying to direct everything from their children's course schedules to which roommate they were assigned.</p>

<p>With millennial children now in their 20s, more helicopter parents are showing up in the workplace, sometimes even phoning human resources managers to advocate on their child's behalf.

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Michigan State University surveyed more than 700 employers seeking to hire recent college graduates. Nearly one-third said parents had submitted resumes on their child's behalf, some without even informing the child. One-quarter reported hearing from parents urging the employer to hire their son or daughter for a position. Four percent of respondents reported that a parent actually showed up for the candidate's job interview.

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<p>Helicopter</a> Parents Hover In The Workplace : NPR</p>

<p>Wow, interesting article. While my D is 21 and we are close, I've done my share of "coptering". But I have slowly withdrawn my position and she is gaining control over her own life as she moves forward. I even restrain myself when I feel I want to jump in and help. Lessons for all.</p>

<p>I had an employees mom called his manager two times about work related things. My mgr was nice to her but told the employee, never again in your life have your mother call your employer unless it's to tell them you are dead.</p>

<p>The only situation I know of in which a family member has called an employer involved a young woman at my office who became suddenly ill and needed emergency surgery. She was too spaced out from pain medicine to call the office to say she would not be in, so her sister made the call for her. It would have been just as acceptable for a parent to make that call, of course.</p>

<p>But in the normal course of events, the idea of a parent having contact with an employer is absurd. Parents can certainly advise their grown children on job-related matters, if the parent has the expertise and the young person wants the advice. But actually interacting with the employer is going too far.</p>

<p>"never again in your life have your mother call your employer unless it's to tell them you are dead"</p>

<p>Deserves to be enshrined in the 'best quotes of cc' thread...</p>

<p>That list of "4 things that indicate you might be too involved" was creepy -- because in my book, all of these things come close to stalking or mental illness. It seems strange that nobody's willing to call it what it is. If you as a parent are so unable to understand boundaries that you think of the job as "ours", or the fiance as "ours" or the house as "ours", I think you probably need therapy -- not for someone to create an Office of Parental Relations for you.</p>

<p>I was a hotel manager in our fairly small town. I had a mother call me once at home in the evening to explain why her eighteen year old son really couldn't work in the restaurant on Thanksgiving Day. I was almost speechless ut I did recover and firmly explain that her son should contact the restaurant manager nimself with schedule concerns. She continue to push me until I finally told her that all hotel and hotel restaurant employees are told at time of hire that they will work weekends and holidays. this was years ago and I still remember it clearly because i was just amazed at her gall.</p>

<p>This idea made for a funny "Everybody Loves Raymond" episode but it is quite disturbing to see it in real life.</p>

<p>I had a student last semester who failed my class because he never attended lectures and as a result failed all four exams and the final project. Over break his father came in to berate the department chair and explain why his son should be allowed to graduate none the less (we did not allow this, of course). I can only imagine what this father would do if the son ever managed to get and hold a job (although IMHO, that's a stretch).</p>

<p>I heard this story yesterday and was appalled. Why companies are fostering this behavior is beyond me.</p>

<p>One of my favorite memories of my dad is when I called him as a junior to ask for his advice about a job. I could either work on campus in a major-related postion or take a job in a "real" workplace also related to my major. The job off campus was kind of "menial" work and would involve a long commute, but I'd make lots of great contacts and have something "different" on my resume. He said, "I don't know what to tell you. You've made great decisions up until now. I trust you'll do it this time, too." How empowering and liberating -- I was definitely launched at that point.</p>

<p>I am speechless... I have told my D that I set high standards for her through HS so she could go to college of her choice. Once she gets there it is on her to make her own way.
Now if she goes into a field that we knew someone hiring and she was a fit I would encourage her to send a resume.. I can't imagine sending a resume or calling a company on her behalf... scary</p>

<p>"To that end, Enterprise is happy to send parents the same recruitment packages it sends their children. And when Enterprise interns present their final projects and are considering full-time positions, parents are invited in." from article above.</p>

<p>I've heard of companies sending letters to parents and new hires years ago and thought it quite odd. As seen from the linked article, some companies perpetuate "helicoptering", while others will not tolerate it. Many companies will not hire someone if a parent gets involved in any way and I agree with that way of thinking.</p>

<p>Anyone surprised?</p>

<p>The rationale of "I will do everything I can to help my kid get into college" has absolutely no inherent stopping rule to it: anything goes.</p>

<p>That's why my skin crawls whenever I hear a parent say that sort of thing. It substitutes the value of helping one's child become an autonomous adult with a specific productive achievement, which both reduces the hard job of parenting to something tangible and manageable and teaches the child how little they must can depend on their own resources and initiatives.</p>

<p>We all enable our kids to some extent, but turning that negative into a virtue does much more for the parent than the child.</p>

<p>The best helicopter parents I know are the ones who admit freely that it is their own sense of anxiety or inability to let go that primarily drives their behavior, not the welfare of their children.</p>

<p>"Over break his father came in to berate the department chair and explain why his son should be allowed to graduate none the less"</p>

<p>Wow, I wish I'd been a fly on the wall for that conversation. It sounds very entertaining. What was the explanation, and how did you suppress your chuckles?</p>

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One of my favorite memories of my dad is when I called him as a junior to ask for his advice about a job. I could either work on campus in a major-related postion or take a job in a "real" workplace also related to my major. The job off campus was kind of "menial" work and would involve a long commute, but I'd make lots of great contacts and have something "different" on my resume. He said, "I don't know what to tell you. You've made great decisions up until now. I trust you'll do it this time, too." How empowering and liberating -- I was definitely launched at that point.

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<p>One of my LEAST favorite memories of my father is somewhat similar.</p>

<p>I was in my twenties. I had just started a job in a big city and was commuting from a suburb an hour away. I found it very difficult to do my banking because the bank branch near my home was closed by the time I got home from work, and there were no banks that had branches both near my home and near my job (this was long before there were nationwide banks such as Bank of America). My father had also been a commuter in the same general geographic area at one point in his career, so I thought it might be a good idea to ask him how he had dealt with his banking during that period. He said, "This is something you should be able to figure out for yourself. You're too old to be coming to me with questions like this."</p>

<p>I did not feel empowered. Quite the opposite. I felt that an important choice (getting advice from my father or choosing not to ask for it) had been taken away from me. I was deeply offended, and I never asked him for advice of any kind again. Ever. </p>

<p>I also never figured out a solution to the banking problem except to impose on my husband, who had a local job, to make all my deposits and withdrawals, a solution that neither of us considered satisfactory.</p>

<p>Marian - The take away is the extremes are easy to identify, or at least they SHOULD be. Obviously don't call the kids' boss, college prof, etc. (Honestly who would be think that was a good idea!) Don't ask to see kid's college homework. Heck, I'm not even clear on what classes D has this semester, but I do always ask her how school is going and which classes she likes, whereas my parents never even did that. But, as a group, our generation wants to be more supportive... So when D emailed me her resume with the words "help!" we got on the phone together and I made suggestions (although she made the final decisions) as to how to improve; I've seen a whole lot more resumes than she has and this didn't seem like 'coptering to me. If she wants to discuss various job options with me, I'm going to listen (so far, she just tells me without the advice seeking part first, which I do think is better). So there is some grey area in the middle I suppose..</p>

<p>I'm sorry, Marian. (((hugs)))</p>

<p>I found this on the JP Morgan website - just for parents
J.P</a>. Morgan | Careers | America | Advice Center | Parents</p>

<p>I would consider myself an helicopter (or involved) parents. I helped both of my kids with their college applications, and D1´s job search. D1 consulted me heavily when she was trying decide which job to accept and which desk she should work at. I think she did that because she was going into my line of business. If she was going into marketing, law or medicine then I probably wouldn´t have been able to offer her that much of advise. It has been almost a year since she started her new job, and over time we are talking less (she is very busy), and she is informing more than consulting. I think it is a very natural process, there is no tuck of war between us, she is pulling away and becoming more independent. I miss her having her around, but I don´t miss worrying about her.</p>

<p>My mother is a huge helicoptor mother. She admits it. When I was job hunting she sent my resume out to places and told me after the fact. I was so irritated. I know she means well.</p>

<p>I posted about this on the thread on the other forum about corporate exec's tell recent grads to shape up. Dh had gotten calls from Moms, yes it is always a mom, asking why precious didn't get a job. His standard reply "the fact that you are calling me should pretty much tell you why". They never understand. These are jobs that require a college degree...</p>

<p>My mom called into one job for me, once, when I was being rushed to the ER for what turned out to be a ruptured ovarian cyst....</p>