<p>I really don’t know who else to turn to. I have absolutely no one to talk to. I am not really so much looking for advice as to just be able to talk and know that someone is listening. I am graduating from college in a few days. My boyfriend throughout college wants nothing to do with me after graduation, not even to be friends. He was my first kiss. He was the only one I ever even went on a date with. The relationship has been rocky, but I always thought it would work out. I don’t know why. And he just wants a new start and to have nothing to do with me. I feel like I want to die. Don’t worry, I am not suicidal or anything. I just don’t feel like getting up. For reasons I can’t go into, I really can’t talk to anyone else about this or go to counseling or something. I just feel broken and torn inside. I never knew anything could feel so bad.</p>
<p>I know this won’t help and I am sure you won’t believe me, but you will get past this The hurt will subside, all it takes is time and to put yourself out there to live life. </p>
<p>The other thing is…if a relationship is rocky while you are dating, it doesn’t make sense to take this to another level, b/c marriage is a lot harder than dating</p>
<p>Good luck, and don’t worry one day very soon you will look at yourself why did I stay with him so long?</p>
<p>Learn from the experiece as why the relationship failed. Better to break up sooner than later (after marriage and kid) on a rocky relation. The pain will pass. Just be yourself. You may meet someone more compatible later. Best of Luck!</p>
<p>Try to think of some ways to pamper yourself while you are healing from the loss. As others have said, you will one day realize this break-up was the best thing for you too. You just need some time to get past the hurt.</p>
<p>I am so sorry that this has happened to you and I do understand that the pain you are in is huge right now. </p>
<p>My suggestion is to first, understand that this is happening for a good reason: as was said above, this is MUCH better than if you had married and, heaven forbid, had children and then divorced. Even in your pain you mentioned that the relationship had been “rocky”, so you know this is true.</p>
<p>Second: focus on great things ahead. Jump full into a job search or grad school or whatever lies ahead. Spend quality time with friends with whom you might have lost touch during college…make new friends.</p>
<p>Best to you! This WILL get better!</p>
<p>What a shattering experience. I am very sorry that you have to go through this, especially right at your college graduation.</p>
<p>Please feel free to tell us more about how you are feeling. We are listening.</p>
<p>You’re going to get through this; to start feeling better, take action - ANY action. Clean your room, clean your car, get started on grad school applications, a job search, make vacation plans, go offer to volunteer somewhere, go work out in the gym - the key is to get your body moving. If you can engage in some physical activity, it will help you start to feel better.</p>
<p>listen to Latetoschool: she is the wisest person I know!</p>
<p>In addition to what everyone else suggested, do something(s) really nice just for you. Get takeout from a restaurant he would never visit, watch movies he would never watch, take bubblebaths, go to the library and browse to get a really great book to read - there are suggestion threads if you need them! - then sit in the sun with a cold drink and read it, paint your toes a bright, happy color. </p>
<p>For a few days just think about YOU, not him. What has happened is sad and awful, but it is NOT THE END OF YOUR WORLD. At least you found out now. You have a whole new life waiting for you - get out and find it.</p>
<p>For now, 'cause you really need it, enjoy all the cyber <strong><em>hugs</em></strong> you’ll receive here -and come back anytime you want to talk, vent, laugh, whatever.</p>
<p>When you go through a devastating time of grief, it is okay to spend some time just crying your eyes out. You can’t cry it all out in one day, unfortunately, but don’t hesitate to lock yourself in a room and cry and sleep. Try to get plenty of sleep, especially. </p>
<p>Then, after you get up, do try to do something like latetoschool said. For me, in those kinds of situations, it’s best to do something mindless. Go to a movie or exercise, maybe. I don’t think your brain will be functioning all that well yet.</p>
<p>Don’t try to worry about what happens next or what’s going to happen with the rest of your life. For now, just breathe in and breathe out.</p>
<p>Let me add to what latetoschool said - go do it! It’s not that important what you do, but get out there among people and open yourself up to new experiences. - A personal anecdote - my first marriage, to my college sweetheart, broke up when I was in my late 20’s. I made myself go out and do lots of stuff with lots of people - not looking for a new mate, just getting out and socializing. I formed a bowling team with some buddies (a friend bowled with his parents in their league, and it seemed like fun, despite being terrible geeky) and guess what happened? One of the wives on the team dropped out, and since we were required by league rules to have a certain number of members of each sex, I asked around, and a guy in my office said - “Call Klugette. She loves to bowl.” It was a total lie. She had never bowled. But she came anyway and gave it a try. We celebrated our 26th anniversary this year.</p>
<p>I never would have met her if my first marriage hadn’t ended. And I also never would have met her by staying at home and feeling bad, even if that’s all I felt like sometimes. There’s someone out there for you - but you won’t find him sitting at home. Get out there! This is a good thing even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.</p>
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Just thank goodness that the split is happening now before you jump into a marriage, have a kid or two, and then have it fall apart. I know the preceding sentence is easier to write than to live with but it’s important to understand. Use this experience as you move forward into other relationships and don’t put up with much in the way of ‘rockiness’ or other tell-tale signs of a problem. There are millions (billions actually) of other people out there. </p>
<p>I don’t think it’s all that unusual for people to view the completion of college as a time to start fresh. Your ex decided to take that route and now you need to as well. Go ahead and wipe your hands of it (go ahead - literally) and follow the other posters’ advice and get involved doing other things so the lack of this particular focus in your life doesn’t leave too large of a void. It’s time to seek out a job (or grad school), find some new friends, get involved in activities - sports, volunteer, etc. Before you know it someone else will be there and you’ll wonder why you ever tolerated what you considered ‘rocky’ with this other guy. Just be careful to not replace the ex with someone just like him.</p>
<p>I was miserable when my first boyfriend broke up with me. We didn’t even have a rocky relationship. I met the man I married within a few months and 24 years later we’re still together. It’s perfectly normal to feel depressed now. I have found that for minor depression truly the best thing to do after you cry your eyes out is to go out and do things with friends. Formal activities are great too - volunteering, joining a gym, things that get you out there meeting new people. You will be all right, but it will take time to get over this.</p>
<p>Thank you so much for your outpouring of support. I do have a job lined up that I am starting soon, and I was so excited about it, but right now I can’t even think about it. I am moving to a new city, and I will not know anyone. I feel completely alone. And after graduation I will be home for a few days (we moved so I also don’t really have friends there). It’s those days that I am most afraid of. My parents are busy with certain other things, and I am not really doing anything, since I am just there for a few days. It’s a small town, and wouldn’t even have a car to go anywhere, so I would pretty much be inside, and I am afraid I will go crazy.</p>
<p>I just feel like my heart is getting ripped out. I have had diappointments before with some important things, but nothing has ever come close to hurting this bad. And you know, I wasn’t really planning on marriage or kids or something. I just wanted us to be connected in some way even if it wasn’t romantic, just spend some time together, be friends. He was my best friend too, and I am just lost. It was a person I really trusted with my feelings. I can’t even describe how alone I feel. It’s like when I sleep I feel OK and for the first few seconds when I wake up, but then the reality sets in, and then I wish I could just keep sleeping because I wouldn’t have to feel that way.</p>
<p>I am sorry to complain on a public forum. I just feel like I am going crazy. I know many people have been through this, and I guess my brain knows that I will survive, but I can’t see any possible way how I could ever be OK again.</p>
<p>Awww… Go ahead and complain. It’s what Parent Cafe is in part about. I have no words of wisdom for you (agree with another comment that you should listen to Late To School) only virtual hugs and mucho sympathy. Broken hearts do mend… eventually.</p>
<p>As many previous posters have said, do things. Make a list of things you can do while you are home. If you are starting a new job, maybe you need to be looking for work clothes. Make a list of things you need to find. Take the time to comparison shop in several different places. It will take more time and get you out of the house. If you will be setting up a new apartment, go to your local home improvement store and explore color options, decorating ideas. Even if you dn’t buy anything, you can generate a list of ideas of things you eventually want. This will keep you focused on your new job and new place to live. Thnk of nice things to do for or with your family–clean out the attic, basement, repaint a room, spring clean, do the windows, cook together, go through those old family photos…</p>
<p>Since you won’t know anyone in your new town, explore options of new things to do in your new town. Look into classes on something you’ve always wanted to learn–ballroom dancing, cooking, cake decorating, painting, photography. Sign up for a couple of them the first months you are there, it will get you out of the house and let you meet new people. </p>
<p>Good luck. Soon you will be so busy with new activities that this difficult time will seem far in the past.</p>
<p>Will you be able to discuss your feelings with your parents on those days that you are with them?</p>
<p>Unfortunately, I wouldn’t really be able to talk with my parents. I think that’s a big reason I feel so bad is that I can’t really talk to anyone.</p>
<p>Also, I feel like maybe I need to never talk to him, but we still talk online sometimes. On the one hand, that’s comforting, but on the other hand I know that it’s probably hurting me more.</p>
<p>It’s just so hard to think of the future.</p>
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<p>Are you considering ending online contact with him?</p>
<p>I think it probably does make it harder if you communicate because at some level it gives you hope. It’s not very nice of him, imho. I wonder if you have the energy to consider adopting a pet to love, who will love you back and who will occupy your lonely time. Not sure if that’ll work with your new job coming up, but it’s a thought. Hang in there, dear.</p>