<p>I know how you feel, but you should just try to move on.</p>
<p>I actually am considering getting a dog, and I love animals.</p>
<p>I think he talks to me more because he feels bad about how I feel.</p>
<p>This is just so hard. Every time I think that I am better, my heart starts beating so fast, and I just feel like I can’t breathe. I do think it’s a great idea to go out and do something, but for the next few days I am kind of stuck at home. I have heard people who have been through this say it takes months to feel ‘normal’ again, and that terrifies me.</p>
<p>Don’t think about months, just think about getting thru this moment. It’s different for each person, so don’t think about that.</p>
<p>If you love dogs and can have someone help with it while you work–go for it without delay!! When I cuddle my little dog, my breathing gets easier, and I’m not under nearly as much stress.</p>
<p>Sometimes avoiding contact can help in these situations. Continued contact (email, IM, text msg, phone calls, etc.) often only exacerbates the issues and makes it more difficult for you to get past him. It’s like holding a moving carrot out that you can’t reach. Something to consider.</p>
<p>Would you consider ending contact with him?</p>
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<p>What terrifies you is the prospect of feeling so alone for a long time?</p>
<p>You have had some good advice for filling those days at home before you go to your new city - focus on looking at things for your new apartment. If you can’t go browse at a store just spend time on Ikea’s website - find some cool stuff you might buy later… draw pictures or floorplans of your new place.</p>
<p>Stopping the contact will hurt more at first, but be better later. Like ripping off that band-aid when you were a kid.</p>
<p>The part of your email that saddens me the most is that you don’t have anyone you feel you can confide in: A world of hurts can be more easily borne when you have friends on whose shoulders you can cry and some space to retreat to that is yours alone. Am I correct in assuming that part of the problem is that your friends are his friends too? And most of your ECs were shared? If so, then one of the hard takeaways may be that everyone needs to preserve a part of their lives that belongs just to them-that includes a few close friends, a hobby that you pursue independently, a psychological space that is yours alone. It’s important as a matter of keeping perspective even in a great relationship, and it’s vital when an important relationship is rocky, or broken. Without that independent part of your life intact, the prospect of being alone can be so overwhelming, and its hard to keep perspective.</p>
<p>I realize this doesn’t help right now while you are hurting-others here have given lots of good advice on this subject-but do reach out to friends-even if they are shared-who can give you a hug. There is nothing that heals you faster than sharing a grief.</p>
<p>Need to wipe him off completely for a while. Try to forget him completely for at least 3 months, including online.</p>
<p>Find something to do to keep this off your mind and try to meet new friends. </p>
<p>Try volunteering, join a community class (try to take something you like or something new). Join a club (ie: in our area we have a ski club does a lot of other sports and other social event).</p>
<p>Very few people who end a serious romance are able to remain friends. It just doesn’t work because one or the other wishes they could get back together. I would tell him that you think it’s best not to talk to him anymore. Besides…he deserves that. It will be a way of preserving some little bit of pride. I’d “unfriend” him on Facebook, too. It will only bring you pain if you read about him posting that he has a new girlfriend or is all carefree and happy.</p>
<p>Can you not talk to your parents about this because they didn’t know about your boyfriend or would not have approved of him? If that’s the case, I’m sure that makes it even harder. If you told them, would they not be sympathetic to your pain? If you are worried about your parents asking questions about you being sad, you could just blame it on hormones. That’s what I do sometimes…“Oh, I’m just hormonal…you know”.</p>
<p>Don’t think about the months ahead. You might be sad from time to time, but you will be very busy with moving to a new place and starting a new job. I love the idea of getting a pet! Be careful though, as a puppy home alone in an apartment all day can be bad news. Do you like cats at all? They are lower maintenance.</p>
<p>Hugs. Of course it hurts. Do try to get busy doing something. </p>
<p>You’re moving to a new city. I’m hoping he won’t be there too. If not, find out if there’s an alumni association for your college which has meetings in that city. It’s a good way to meet people. Volunteer for committees, etc. One of my young neighbors met her husband doing a weekend Habitat for Humanity project run by her college’s alumni association. </p>
<p>This is also a good time to use things like facebook judiciously. Be careful, but post saying that you are moving to X city and would like to meet any alums of your college who llive there. </p>
<p>Belong to a sorority? Look into joining an alum chapter in your new home. It’s a good way to meet friends. </p>
<p>Are you at all religious? Find a good congregation. Many have special services for those just out of college. It’s another good way to make new friends. </p>
<p>Interested in politics? Both campaigns will be looking for volunteer help. Get involved. </p>
<p>Finally, cut off all contact with him for at least a year. It will make things a lot easier.</p>
<p>From “someone’s” girldfriend to the world’s most eligible new bachelorette!</p>
<p>Of COURSE you wouldn’t want to be with anyone who didn’t just madly adore you! Don’t worry, someone who can’t BEAR the thought of living without you is out there - and you WILL meet him!</p>
<p>But not before you use this time to completely focus on YOU! Who are you when you aren’t so-and-so’s girlfriend? Now is the time to devote ALL your energies on just what YOU want to be, what YOU want to do!</p>
<p>What a BLESSING it is! ENJOY!</p>
<p>Life is too short to spend one minute moping over something that is not going to happen! Get up and get on with YOUR LIFE! It’s ALL about YOU now! (Some of us wish sometimes that we had more time just for ourselves - don’t waste a second!).</p>
<p>And don’t forget - living well & being happy is the BEST REVENGE!</p>
<p>I think it makes a lot of sense to not talk to him any more, but I feel that the hurt would be too much to handle, so I am really, really scared to do that.</p>
<p>Someone pointed out correctly that we do have the same friends. It wasn’t so much that we combined friends but that we were part of one circle to begin with.</p>
<p>I have been trying to focus on my apartment like some people recommended. I just can’t wait to finally move and get started on my new job.</p>
<p>I think the other problem is we were best friends first before romantic involvement, and what breaks my heart is much as the breakup is to lose my best friend. That’s why it’s so hard to think about ending contact. I am so used to us sharing things. That really breaks my heart.</p>
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<p>Would you consider limiting contact?</p>
<p>For example, you could try every other day. Mornings but not afternoons. Whatever seems sensible for you.</p>
<p>Something that you could set up for yourself and then adjust/reduce when you are ready.</p>
<p>Thanks again for everyone’s advice. I tried to follow what everyone said, keeping busy and everything else. It still all hurts so much, and I just can’t help but wonder when will it get better? When will I feel like myself again?</p>
<p>It’ll take a while. But in a week or two you’ll feel much better, I think.</p>
<p>You know, I remember the final days of college and moving away from everyone and starting new. It was hard, even though we were just friends. In fact, one pal shook my hand and said goodbye forever - ‘we know we won’t write’ (pre internet days) and it was sad.</p>
<p>I hope you’ll consider the kind of person this guy is, who would drop you like this. You’ll do better in the future, I’m sure!</p>
<p>When you begin to feel better is within your control. The sooner you get busy and get engaged in your new life, the sooner you will begin to feel better. The young man will almost certainly at some point come to regret his decisions and actions, but, that’s not your problem any more. </p>
<p>Speaking of, congratulations on your graduation, and your exciting new job. When do you start work? What are you planning to wear for your first day on the job? What will you be doing? What excites you about it the most? Is there anything you can do to prep for it so that you make an excellent impression from, ah, Day One? Do you need to do some extra shopping to make sure you have your warddrobe all together for it? Is there any skill set that you need or want to brush up on? </p>
<p>Is there anything we can help with in terms of career advice, moving tips, etc.?</p>
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Good for you! You are looking forward to something in the future!</p>
<p>I believe treetopleaf is right that in a week or two you will feel considerably better. This all came as a shock to you, so it takes time to even accept the idea that it has happened.</p>
<p>I know it’s hard, but I still think you should rip off that bandaid and cut off all contact. Check the new thread I’m starting called “Goodbye Songs”.</p>
<p>Nobody can tell you when you’ll feel better. It varies for everyone and given different circumstances, it can vary for the same person. But you can help yourself by getting out and exercising, getting involved in new activities, etc. </p>
<p>Again, rip off that band aid. Ever see a little kid pick at a scab, and the cut starts bleeding again, and often leaves a scar that wouldn’t be there or at least wouldn’t be as bad if (s)he had just let it alone? Well, by having contact with your ex, you’re picking at the wound to your heart, causing it to hurt again and preventing the formation of scar tissue.</p>
<p>Honestly it took me months to get over the first breakup.</p>