<p>It’s o.k. You don’t have to go anywhere right this sec. Tomorrow is soon enough, or the next day. Why not focus instead on getting your apartment arranged just right, etc…and then, maybe sketch out some plans of what to explore over the weekend? </p>
<p>How do you like your new job? What are your new colleagues like?</p>
<p>Latetoschool, </p>
<p>I actually start my work next week, and I think part of how I feel has to do with that. I keep thinking back to college and how I used to live in the same dorms as my friends and how easy it was to meet people. Now, I am afraid I won’t make any friends. I also feel like a lot of the people in my office are older than me (just from the few time that I’ve been there) and have families and different lives, so that makes me even more scared.</p>
<p>It’s totally o.k. and normal to be scared - even mid-career people are nervous when starting new jobs. It’s o.k. too if you do not have that many peers at your new job - you really don’t want to do a lot of your socializing around work; with a couple of select exceptions you want to keep those worlds kind of separate, if possible. I think you will find that friendships will evolve naturally, and, there will be many activities for young people in your new community.</p>
<p>What does your community have going for the weekend - anything interesting?</p>
<p>Hi HP,
Just read this thread for the first time. How sad. You’ve gotten lots of good advice here, but I know it will take time to get over this. It IS a lot like grief - the sadness is overwhelming, but it really will start to fade. Not quickly and not completely, but it will. </p>
<p>Someone suggested a dog. Maybe not practical in a new town with a new job, but what about volunteering at an animal shelter? After my mom died, I went to a grief counselor who had a dog. There was something about being close to that dog that made me feel better…honestly, I am not really an animal person, but it helped. A lot.</p>
<p>Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing.</p>
<p>Congratulations … you are officially an adult! 
Everything you have done in your life has prepared you for this. YOU WILL BE FINE.</p>
<p>Please realize that feeling comfortable in your new, adult skin may take awhile. You may feel lonely for awhile. That is very normal. LTS is right … concentrate on getting settled for now. One of my very best friends was in your shoes years ago. She has had a wonderful life! You have so many fantastic experiences ahead of you. It’s a brand new adventure … enjoy.</p>
<p>… and feel free to come back here for support when you need it.</p>
<p>I was never the type of person to be afraid of change, and I generally adjust quickly, but this had just been horrible. I called my best friend, and she wasn’t there. I tried to get in touch with pretty much everyone who is from my area, but a lot of people are moving after graduation and not coming back home. Everything combined just hurts so much, and I don’t even recognize myself. I feel that this is the weakest that I have ever been. I have just been crying all evening when I am supposed to be celebrating.</p>
<p>I am glad that I have at least one place where I can come to talk openly. It helps more than you know. Thank you.</p>
<p>I am very sorry that you are crying. It absolutely WILL get better, trust me. Transitions like this are always just a little bit difficult, even in the very best of circumstances, and, if you think about it, you’re facing the largest single adjustment so far in your young life. </p>
<p>It will begin to feel better. Hang in there…</p>
<p>Oh - one word of caution, I am sure you have probably already thought of this, but, just in case you haven’t considering your current level of stress, when you go to your new job on Monday, please do not let your new colleagues know that you are unhappy (if you’re still unhappy come Monday that is), or that your relationship with your boyfriend has ended. That’s TMI at least while you’re new, and, you want to deliver a very strong, happy, positive first impression. You want to give them the vision that you are a very happy person and delighted with everything and that your world is interesting, stable, healthy, etc.</p>
<p>Maybe find something fun and interesting to do this weekend, so that you have something interesting and happy from a recreational perspective to break the ice with them on Monday?</p>
<p>Things will get better, darling. Just hang in there.</p>
<p>Seconding latetoschool’s advice. Let these new people get to know you as the happy person you will be soon.<br>
Since your internet service is up and running, look at the local newspaper online and find one thing this week that you can go to or watch (any good movies playing?) so that you have something to say on Monday about your weekend. “So, have you seen The Happening? I went yesterday and I was so totally lost for most of it. Did you get it when…” Or “Man, that was a great ArtsFest downtown but parking was horrible. Is there some better place next time?” Connect with your new place.<br>
Also, consider a new screen name for times you want to be online without the ex-boyfriend popping up in your messages all the time.</p>
<p>I just found this thread.
HP, you have received (and implemented) lots of good advice.
I will make one suggestion which I didn’t see (maybe I just missed it).
Exercise. Go for a walk, or run, or bike ride. If there isn’t one in your apartment complex, join a gym.
Exercise raises seratonin levels (the feel good substance), and there you will find people to chat with casually.</p>
<p>Wishing you all the best as you start your new job. I hope you are a part of a group of new hires.</p>
<p>Thirding latetoschool’s advice. Present yourself as the person you want to be, and people will see you that way. I know you’ll feel better soon - once you have your new job to take your mind off the other stuff. Good luck to you.</p>
<p>HP, thinking of you in that lonely apartment reminds me of when my mom dropped me off at college. I was a freshman but was put in a sophomore dorm, and the upperclassmen didn’t have to arrive for a couple of days. No lesson or advice there, just that I remember being scared, lonely, and miserable. I’m sure most of us here have been there at one time or another. It will get better. It can’t get worse, right?! ;)</p>
<p>So today is Tuesday. You don’t work until Monday?? Hmmmm… could be a long week. What are your ideas for what you might do this week?</p>
<p>We haven’t heard from you in a couple of days, HP. Have you gotten out of your apartment yet? We are thinking of you! Hugs!</p>
<p>Hi everyone,</p>
<p>Thanks for checking in on me. Unfortunately, I don’t really feel better. I went out and saw a movie, and I also bought something for my apartment. But somehow it didn’t really help.</p>
<p>Please try some physical activity, preferably somewhere you can see other folks.</p>
<p>HP, hoping that in the process of watching a movie and shopping you had moments of feeling better, even though they did not last.</p>
<p>It is so tempting to just curl up with a big fluffy pillow and stay there. I hope that you will get out again on Sunday, if not sooner, and give yourself a memory to smile at as you start your new job on Monday. A sunrise walk in your fabulous new city, brunch or a farmers market with a new neighbor? That trip to the Humane Society to cuddle some animals? Something that has you smiling and greeting people you encounter, even if you dont really feel like it. Something that takes your focus off of yourself and your own feelings even though its only for a little while. </p>
<p>LTS is so right about presenting your positive self at your new job. And it is so much easier to continue to smile than to break one out of a frown. Inertia, I believe? Give yourself a little chance to practice this weekend.</p>
<p>Sign me…been there too, and it did get better</p>
<p>HP one of the best ways I have found when I’m in transition is to do something a little radical with my personal appearance. Make an appointment at a salon and cut your hair shorter, or add some highlights. Paint your toenails a color you wouldn’t ordinarily wear. Buy a new outfit that pushes you out of your comfort zone. Then go somewhere that you would not ordinarily go and meet at least one new person. Afterwards while you are still feeling daring join e-harmony. </p>
<p>Music is theraputic. Do you have an i-Pod or a Zune? If not invest in one and make a mix with all the songs from the other thread. Take long walks around your new city and listen. It will energize you.</p>
<p>HP, if your weather is like our this weekend it is finally looking like summer! I agree with other suggestions to get out and do something. Rent a bike, take a book or a stack of magazines to a park and spend a couple of hours reading and drinking iced tea, pick up a map or guide to your new city and go see some sights, go online or to a local community center and sign up for a class or outing (exercise, movie nights, cooking, photography, woodworking, investing,whatever sounds fun and a little different from your routine), look for a team or other opportunity to be part of some activity that you’ve enjoyed in the past. Go listen to some live music, browse a gallery or crafts store, have a latte at an outdoor cafe, be a spectator or participant in a race/walk/fair. If there’s a corner coffee or sandwich shop, start visiting it daily so you will get to know the regulars and the baristas and feel a part of the neighborhood. When I went through a particularly difficult period in my younger life I found it helpful to just sit outdoors and look at the lake – something about the natural beauty was reassuring and energizing. Any beautiful sight would have done the trick. If your apartment has a patio or balcony, go to a nursery or grocery and plant a pot with annuals or herbs. Even if it seems like it at the moment, you’re not the only one in your area feeling alone. There are many other interesting and fun people like yourself who are eager to make new friends with whom to enjoy weekends and evenings. Try to put yourself in a position to find them. Best of luck to you.</p>
<p>So, HP, tell us about your first day at work! Were you scared? Do you think you’ll like the job? Did you feel like it will take long for you to learn it?</p>
<p>It’s always hard to be “the new kid”, so I’m sure that part wasn’t fun.</p>
<p>Anyway, we’d love to hear all about your day!</p>