<p>"Kiddo is several hundred miles away but I could drive there and be there in hours. If I flew in from overseas, it would be a direct flight but transit time would double (and, of course, it would be way more expensive than jumping in the car). " </p>
<p>For DD’s situation, 40 miles was ideal… but that rarely happens. As you point out, even a few hundred miles is not too bad if you need to get a pulse on the situation. Our DS is 2000 miles away, a fairly inexpensive direct flight. I am quite thankful that he is very organized and strongly independent. Had he been more like DD, we would have ruled out his location, despite there being relatives a few hours away. Another country needs to be considered carefully. </p>
<p>Now the good news here is that OP and son seem to have good communications going already. That’s an important prereq. Many struggling kids “hide” from parental communication when times are tough.</p>
<p>2college, if you really think you would be happier in your “home” country where you have support from extended family, just go. You have raised your kids to be independent, they have gone away for college, I don’t see the any reason why you need to be nearby, especially communications are so easy and affordable to any overseas country. You can also fly to where your kids are within 24 hours in case of emergency.
My kids have lived thousands of miles from home ever since they left for college. There were a couple instances when I caught a flight within hours after I learned my presence was needed. There’s no reason you can’t do the same if they really need you. Make sure you are able to swing this financially.</p>
<p>There are hundreds of thousands of students who study in a different country from where their parents live and somehow they are managing. You have your own life to live and just do the best you can.</p>
<p>Diswinnh, that’s really good advice. I will have to think about that. My first thoughts are that all my ‘goto’ people happen to be in the same place where kiddo is now so I wouldn’t be phased by a long distance emergency. But if kiddo were to transfer, there may be another city involved and it is absolutely true that it would take longer to get help to kiddo than if I was in the states. I also can’t imagine resenting my kid. I love them all and would give up my life for them-- but I also don’t want to strangle them. My goal has been to graduate them all with no debt and enough seed money that they could rent a place wherever they need to be for a bit of time. I would do that for youngest even if it meant taking the money out of home equity. My youngest’s career choice is unpredictable and could take kiddo anywhere in search of work. </p>
<p>Shawbridge, your suggestion to rent the house actually does resolve all the financial aspects. It is a very finite step so I think I would put it off until I know if this would work out but it gives me a lot to consider. Thank you.</p>
<p>Just saw more responses… thank you everyone. You’ve given me a lot to consider. I am very grateful for cc. I knew you would help me see things from different angles.</p>
<p>My H and I took an overseas position this past summer after youngest graduated from HS. He is attending a college on the east coast, so he would have been pretty far away even if we had stayed in Texas. We also have a D who is a senior in college. For us, it was an exciting and wonderful opportunity. I can’t imagine turning it down just to stay close to my kids. They are adults - they’re fine - and we still text and skype regularly. </p>
<p>S2 knows his options for summers. He can either come stay with us or get a job and live with his sister, friends or grandmother. </p>
<p>Financially, we took a pay cut and moved to one of the most expensive cities in the world. We sold our house and invested the equity which should provide enough income to pay for S2’s college expenses (he’s on a significant scholarship). But we considered renting out our house which would have also provided a fine income for college expenses. </p>
<p>My advice: it’s OK to think about yourself and put your needs first. You raised your kids. They are all adults and will do fine whether or not you are in close proximity.</p>
<p>{2collegewego} I am very sympathetic as my situation is/will be in many ways similar to the one you describe.</p>
<p>It sounds like you have the option to “try out” living abroad without burning any bridges behind you. Perhaps renting the house short-term and going until May, or not renting it and going until whenever, is the way to get a feel for whether this move is the right next step for you.</p>
<p>I wish you the best and hope you will keep us updated on how things work.</p>