Is this a legitimate question? Are you a parent?
Why would it be a waste of money for a young woman to buy women’s clothes? Unless she’s a nudist, she wears clothes. Trans women might have issues with finding clothes that fit, but after all plenty of other women also have issues with clothes fitting, plenty of cis (=assigned female at birth) women have boyish figures, and plenty of other trans women buy clothes. So most likely after she looks around, she’ll find clothing to suit herself.
@VeryHappy said “I would love him/her to death and hope life isn’t too difficult for him/her.”
I totally agree. Your child will need you more than ever in this cruel world we live in. Cherish him for who he is and understand that he is a gift from God.
So you’re the child, not the parent. If your parents don’t accept who you are, then you have to distance yourself from them. If you are an adult, then you need to get out on your own and make your own life for yourself. Find people who are more accepting. This is not about clothes.
I understand this must be difficult for everyone involved. The parents had a son and raised him to adulthood only to learn that somewhere in your shared genetic history is something that wired him to be female. For the child it must be many times more difficult.
This isn’t about clothes. It’s about what the child feels inside. Kicking a child out and refusing to offer financial assistance won’t change who s/he is. Trying to dictate what clothes s/he wears won’t either.
It will take time for the parents to change their thinking from son to child to daughter (or daughter to child to son) but I implore all parents in this situation to take the time and effort, for your sake as well as your child’s. A good counselor may be of some assistance to families during this process.
If it were my son, I’d love him fiercely and do whatever I could to help. I hope all parents in this situation do the same.
I am presuming this is a child, asking about what to expect from a parent who they haven’t been honest with so far. Because, I presume, a parent will naturally want to support / protect their child, and while they may struggle with some of the issues, I don’t think they’d come here to post about it their fears.
So, again, answering as a parent in this hypothetical situation if a male child insists on buying women’s clothes - I would truthfully say it might depend on the child’s age. If the child were 10 or 12, I would treat them as I would treat any child of that age - I would want to make sure they are comfortable with the clothes they are buying - that the clothes were of sufficient quality, and were reasonably priced - especially if I was paying for it.
If the child were older and had already been through all of his/her growth spurts, it might still depend on the clothes. For example, my D wanted a big floppy Stanford sweatshirt in bright pink. I totally did not like that color match with her skin tone and hair color. She also liked the traditional Cardinal color so I persuaded her to get that one - but she soon found she doesn’t need a heavy sweatshirt in Palo Alto, so she left it home. DH and I fight over which of us gets to wear it. What was floppy on her is certainly not on me.
I taught my pups that when it comes to clothes, fit should come before fashion, but function and finances matter more.
OP, I think you see we all support the child, which several believe is you. If so, would you consider confirming, so the responses can be more for you and less about speculating about a parent.
Most of us have dealt with challenges and are still firmly committed to our kids. Some have faced disappointments, but we’re still committed.
Best wishes.
PFLAG is a wonderful organization that may help, if a parent is struggling.
^You beat me to it.
There are some great organizations and literature out there in helping you understand this process (and probably message boards too!)
I think almost all people, myself included, love their children unconditionally but I know that I would privately struggle with this. As someone suggested, if you are adult space and time may. With my kids who are now all adults, the earned their own money after age 16 and I would never presume to tell them what to do with their money as I am no longer subsidizing their lifestyle dollars. I had a spendo, a save and one somewhere in the middle. I would not say a word if a biologically male kid was buying women’s clothes even if I thought what they were doing was an irresponsible use of money or I thought it was something deeper and that concept is different from dealing with the realization that you have a child who is not going to be living their biological gender.
To the OP: there are lots of books available for the parents and others for the child. Have a look at Amazon and do a little research to see what might be the most helpful, for both.
I second the recommendation of PFLAG, an absolutely wonderful organization. Find a chapter near you.
I am not a parent but have several trans friends. Very, very few have any relationship with their biological family because their family refuses to accept them.
(Didn’t realize this was the child.)
If your family doesn’t accept you, there is no shame in having a family of choice. I have a large family by choice and have very few biological family members that I’m in contact with.
ETA: I am a cisfemale but wore (and often still wear) “male” clothes. They’re just more comfortable to me. I don’t like how female clothes fit.
I’m sure my parents thought of it as buying clothes for their kid- regardless of which department I bought it in.
You’re clearly finding this difficult to accept. Time to find a support group. In the meantime, know that your child may have had a hard journey getting to where she is now. Respect her for it, and do your very best to be supportive and loving. She may need you now like she’s never needed you before. Be there.
There is no waste of all the resources you put into any kid…no matter who they end up being, presenting, loving, etc. Still worth it, If you are the kid in this scenario, find some allies. If you are the parent, learn more about this and try to understand/accept.
I have a 15-year-old F2M trans son. He figured this out a couple years ago. We love him just a much as a male as we did when he was female.
I strongly support the idea that both the young adult and the parent find support groups to help them make the adjustment. PFLAG is a good way to connect with local groups for the parents, but it’s best to find trans-specific groups if you can. That’s because there are discussions around hormones, clothing, name and document changes, and potential surgery that are specific to being trans.
Also, for the parents, realize that it’s OK to feel like you are going through something akin to a grieving period because the person you raised has changed. They are still your kid and you will come to see them as a continuation of the same person even if the change seems abrupt at first.
It is important to support your child by using the new name and pronoun. (Though we did provide feedback on the first name our son selected that it was chosen to be funny and probably wasn’t a long-term name he wanted to live with.)
For the young adult, don’t cut your parents off just because you want to make a separation from the person you were before. I know a mom (from my support group) who has a 20-something trans daughter who doesn’t want to talk with her mom about the experiences she is going though and the problems she is facing. It makes the mom very sad. Give your parents a chance to relate to you.
Hugs to both the parents and child! You can work your way through this. Remember if things seem difficult, it will get better.
Love, love, love. Naturally I would seek support and possibly therapy to help me understand and view it and know how to move forward. By my child’s side.
I’m the kid.
Thank you for telling us. It sounds like you’re concerned about how your parents may react to the news. I’m sorry you have that worry. Do you live at home now? And neither parent suspects you may be transgender?
Yes. I’ve told my parents before, they haven’t reacted well. It’s been a long, heated topic in the house. I sometimes wonder if it’s a NIMBY (not in my backyard) type of thing. Everyone wants better cell phone reception, but no one really wants a cell tower right by their house.
It may take time, and they may still be waiting hoping it’s a phase. Find people who you can trust to talk to. I hope they come around!