<p>I have been feeling unsettled lately. I do have health issues, but I am wondering if the empty nest is starting to hit. I find myself envying the young for the things they have to look forward to. I know many people my age are happy but is there another milestone? I feel this sense of urgency and wonder if i need to find what it is before my health fails? I think dealing with my MIL alzheimers is hitting hard. just wondering if other people go through this particularly when the last one goes to college</p>
<p>Hmmmm. Maybe that is my problem! LoL! I went and got a puppy, and am now missing all that “me” time i had before i got him. Also feel very “blue” lot of the time, even though i am perfectly healthy.</p>
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<p>downtoearth–I heard an interview last week with the author of a book called The Myths of Happiness. She addresses some of the issues you’ve mentioned.</p>
<p>In anticipation of the empty nest, I am busier than ever. All the energy that I spent raising kids I can now devote to contributing to society, both in my paying jobs, my community service, and my philanthropy.</p>
<p>I read somewhere once that happiness was “the pursuit of a worthwhile goal”. That resonated for me. Also, once when I was feeling low, it occured to me that someday I was going to die. Then all of a sudden I felt much better. I realized that I was alive NOW, and I’d better enjoy it while I had it.</p>
<p>I think at this age and point for me ( not empty nest yet, but just one HS D left full time at home) is fulfillment for and with self. Finding things that make you happy outside of the family. After all, that’s what your kids did didn’t they? And you at one time when you stepped away from your parents?? I think it’s helpful to take steps to creating Time and activities for you- whether it is fitness related, education related (taking a class) , hobby related or friends related (a weekly coffee break with a friend). </p>
<p>Routine is important at all ages. It makes kids function better and adults too. Look to start modifying your routine small bits at a time and hopefully “happiness” will follow slowly as you feel fulfilled with your time and energy expended during day - not just physically , but mentally.</p>
<p>Though I don’t have serious health issues, a close family member does. To that worry/fear, add the empty nest syndrome from which I am most definitely suffering, menopause with all its emotional ups and downs and in my case the lack of interest in new goals = yes I do feel as you do. Keep telling myself it is one foot in front of the other and this too will pass; helps occasionally!</p>
<p>Probably you do need to be honest and mourn that loss and then you will want to have new goals for yourself. What I hear underlying your thread (since we can sometimes find what we want by what we envy in others) is that you feel you would like to have more to “look forward to” in your life.</p>
<p>I have a lot of suggestions about how you can find these things for yourself, including going back to some of the things you wanted BEFORE you had a full nest, and getting back in touch with the dreams you had and with how that felt.</p>
<p>My sense is that we will never again feel that breathless excitement over the new things we are looking forward to, because, face it, we’ve been around a few blocks and know that nothing outside of us is going to make us THAT happy. But, we can find new paths and new pursuits and if you are someone who needs things to look forward to? Put some of those things in your life.</p>
<p>A bucket list is a very good place to start. Sit down when you have 30 minutes to an hour and just start writing, “I want to…” etc… “I would like to…” “If I could have anything I wanted…” </p>
<p>Good luck. Don’t put pressure on yourself to “feel better” but do go about the business of finding some things to do you find engaging.</p>
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<p>We have been empty nesters since August. We both still work, DH full time and I work part time. We have also been “busier than ever.” I keep wondering when things are going to slow down. Our image of us living at our lake place in our recliners Fri-Mon not only hasn’t happened, we have been to the lake fewer times this fall than we have in all the years we have owned the place!</p>
<p>^^We have a river house that we’ve were not able to go to from Sept. til just after Christmas. We miss it and look forward to retiring there in the next couple of years. I hope when we finally get there, it won’t be anticlimatic.</p>
<p>DTE, I completely hear what you are saying. As D describes her plans for the future, I am definitely envious. All the things she is planning to do that at approaching 50 I’ve never had the chance to do. I would love to travel through Europe and never had the chance. She’s been and is going back right after graduation. I think for so long I’ve focused on what the needs of my children are and my life has been shaped as a result of those choices, which has resulted in a life that I don’t really want anymore and probably never did to begin with. </p>
<p>You know I have sabadog. sabadog thinks I am the best thing since canned dog food. I need someone to think I am awesome. So that is a plus. His enthusiasm and accomplishing things with him makes me happy. </p>
<p>I used to think I would take the bar exam and practice. But I don’t think that would make me happy either. </p>
<p>I can’t move because as my mother ages she will need someone close by. </p>
<p>So let me know when you figure it out. I don’t think you’re along at all in feeling this way.</p>
<p>sabaray, I would love to see you make a goal of traveling through europe. Plan for yourself as you would for your kids. Maybe it might take a year or two to figure it out, but do it!</p>
<p>And, don’t let your mother getting older hold you back, either. It is your life. You are here to live it, at least partially, for yourself.</p>
<p>One thing I try to remember: what I want is as important as what anybody else wants. Not more important, but AS important.</p>
<p>So go.</p>
<p>For me happiness is being with my family. Happiness means that while I’m not turning a blind eye (and I do have one of those) to my illnesses I try not to dwell on the what if…syndrome or the time clock warning bells. I do try and live each day…and make plans for the future.</p>
<p>Happiness is my family who are cheering me on, encouraging me to try new things and to stay as healthy as I can. (And yes, I now take Happy Pills…the last of my group of friends to take them). I try not to dwell on the past. I am happy that I have reached the point in my life where I don’t care about my husband’s nasty and anti everyone who isn’t a socially viable and WASP. I do not engage.</p>
<p>I went through this shortly before and after my 50th birthday this past summer. I was in a real funk. I think it was a combination of that and having an empty nest. All I could see what a ‘downhill’ spiral to old age (yes, I know, very melodramatic) and was also feeling envious of the younger generation.</p>
<p>I was also feeling a little scared because my mom had a heart attack at 52 and while I was having some genetic lipid blood work done, they also tested me for the APOe gene and I have a 3/4 (4 puts you at high risk for Alzheimer, which also runs in my family.) So, yeah I was a little freaked out. In retrospect, I think the fear of heart disease was really bothering me the most, so I got proactive and finally convinced my doctor to refer me for a nuclear stress test (passed with flying colors). </p>
<p>That made me realize that it really doesn’t have to be a downward spiral - through diet and regular exercise, you can remain active. With my parents at 70 and my husbands at 75, I don’t see a lot of slowing down. And it’s true, if your dream was to be ballet dancer, you have probably missed the boat but there are many other things you can do with the remainder of your life. I do think having goals is critical.</p>
<p>So, yes, the feeling can be temporary. Mourn the loss of your youth but know that it’s not over til it’s over and you have many productive and exciting years ahead of you.</p>
<p>I try to find the joy in the little things. Stopping to smell the roses, so to speak. I might take 15 minutes to watch the ducks in the creek behind me, or sit and read a book for a little bit with a pleasant scented candle burning. It is about taking a little bit of down time to notice beauty around me. To enjoy the sights, sounds, smells. To find something to laugh about, even when it seems like there is nothing. A few minutes each day to recover my inner peace, even when the world around me seems crazy. I do find that I’m happiest when I’m working toward a goal, whether it is an intellectual pursuit, a craft project, or a “to-do” list.</p>
<p>Everyone needs an outside social outlet to feel part of the world. A job (paid or volunteer), a regular hobby that has a club or regular meetings, a fitness class or other sport, chorus, church, lessons. You get to talk, hear from other people and have an experience that you can talk about. Of course, great friendships can be made through those venues but even if that doesn’t happen doesn’t mean the social interaction doesn’t boost your morale.
With kids and their time commitments for so many years, it becomes your job and when they leave (good job done!) it’s easy to be a bit jealous. Not of them (you’re happy if they’re happy) but of all the great things you are hoping for them.
Now you need a new list–what do you want to learn?, what community events are going on?, clubs? Best thing is–if you hate anything, you just drop it–no EC’s resume involved! But look for the social aspect–solitary activity just doesn’t cut it.</p>
<p>2016BarnardMom- I love your spirit. Small moments are key.<br>
sabaray- I also got my puppy this past fall and may get another in September, if the empty nest feeling is too hard to handle.
Poetgirl- I am starting my bucket list already, which includes getting back in better shape.
A friend is also starting a playgroup for moms, so I am looking forward to that as well.</p>
<p>Poetgrl, I am taking your advice. If I have to go to Europe alone, so be it. I’ll put that on the bucket list first. </p>
<p>marybee, sabadog and I are going to start with some formal obedience classes beginning this week and then we are going to try agility training. I might be adding another dog in the fall as well. I’ve always been interested in competing with dogs so now is my time to do it. So gouf, that might be my social outlet because work sure isn’t going to be it!</p>
<p>gouf78, having an outside social outlet was primary, I believe, according to the author of The Myths of Happiness (only heard an interview). </p>
<p>2016 BarnardMom, appreciating the small things makes sense. </p>
<p>For many of us, our children, spouses, and various family and others we support, take such a huge chunk of our time and our energy–and this is a good thing. But when these people leave us, it seems impossible to instantly fill that gap with other people that mean the same thing. On the other hand, by focusing our attentions on such a small circle–most often our children–we’ve neglected many of those smaller presences in our lives–the books, the workouts, the piano playing, etc. I wish that I had been more aware of this imbalance when I was younger and my kids were growing up. But now, yes, making the bucket lists, rediscovering some of those neglected passions and skills, appreciating the small joys that sit right before us, and reconnecting with other people seems to be the first step in filling some of the voids.</p>
<p>sabaray! awesome.</p>
<p>just as a starting point, start for researching and planning: [Singles</a> Trips to Europe | USA Today](<a href=“http://traveltips.usatoday.com/singles-trips-europe-35198.html]Singles”>Singles Tours to Italy | USA Today)</p>