<p>Poetgrl–sounds like you’ve been to Europe or planning on it yourself! Do Europe before your knees give out! Lots of walking on uneven surfaces.</p>
<p>2016BarnardMom – totally agree – find something to enjoy every day – even if it’s as simple as the sight of a baby in a stroller, or a bird in a tree. </p>
<p>I read Gretchen Rubin’s column on happiness that she wrote for Slate – lots of good ideas there: [The</a> Happiness Project](<a href=“Articles | Gretchen Rubin”>http://www.happiness-project.com/)</p>
<p>OMG! I forgot a very important word in my post…HUSBAND"S FAMILY!!! It’s the in laws who are negative and bigoted!!! My husband is, as you know, supportive, loving and caring.</p>
<p>My S (HS '14) started something on New Year’s Day. He asked me for a big jar and I found him a huge one that my mom used to keep bulk pasta in. I asked what it was for and he said it was a “Good Thing” jar. Each time something good happens, he writes it on a little slip of paper and puts it in the jar. Next New Year’s Eve or New Year’s Day, he can go through them and read all the good things that happened in 2013. He’s got 3 slips of paper in there already. I thought it was a great idea! A shorter, quicker version of a gratitude journal :)</p>
<p>Love the “Good Thing” jar & concept. It’s a great way to memorialize the wonderful small and large things in our lives. Your S is a wise young man!</p>
<p>For me, reaching out to others in need helps me “de-funk” and defeat the blues. Being involved in things that are important to me and that I believe make me happy. My extended family is very important to me and H’s is as well!</p>
<p>wow what wonderful and wise replies. It is nice to know I am not alone. I think its a transition time, and figuring out all that will take time. Thank my CC peeps, you came through again!!</p>
<p>may just start a good things jar myself…like that a lot</p>
<p>Down to earth – I can relate to your feelings, after my college senior d left this afternoon to return for her final semester I felt a sadness…she had been home only a few days, having traveled over her break. My youngest a HS junior is starting the college process,and I realize more change is upon me. I’m a single mom, have health issues too, and well, just feeling some of the losses of aging. I work full time and really enjoy my work, and after my oldest left for college, (he’s employed now in another state) I embraced new things professionally, have taught college, and am a chair of a non profit. While I feel good about these endeavors, I realized I am doing more “responsible” things but not enough fun things, not enough ME things. I have to add fun and joyful activities. I have admired your posts for awhile and I suspect you too may not be doing enough fun things. Especially if you are still so responsible in your work life, and at home. I also recognize it’s okay to simply have those low moments, and cry. Sometimes that helps it pass. But the truth is we are no longer in the phase of our lives where we have our whole lives ahead of us as our kids do. And while it feels awkward admitting this, it does sometimes feel sad to think about what we won’t do in our lives. That said, the awareness of that can certainly propel us to create the bucket list. (although I’d like a better name as that does itself have a depressing connotation. Sending virtual hugs your way…</p>
<p>I’m stealing the good thing jar, immediately. I’m having a good thing box, and I’m writing down this thread as the first thing. It’s really made me remember a lot of things about how to choose to be happy. so thanks.</p>
<p>Yay. Thank you, DTE, for starting this thread. And I have a good thing for my jar…I restored my laptop from the blue screen of death where it has sat frozen for almost a year. Maybe I should put that on the bragging thread. :)</p>
<p>Family will always be #1, but with the empty nest I’ve found that my friends are taking a larger share of my time, and that’s a good thing. </p>
<p>Having something to look forward to is what makes life worth living, imo, so I’m always planning activities out into the future. I need more than goals to be happy- I need fun!
So far this year I have my son’s wedding in August, which I’m thrilled about. My Dh and I have a trip planned to the central coast where we’re renting a house with another couple and our respective dogs :), and I’m looking forward to attending wedding of another dear friend’s daughter next month. My Dh and are also talking about a vacation to Montreal in the fall, as well. Neither of us have been, and it seems like a very Romantic city.</p>
<p>My cancer from five years ago returned to my bones the summer before last, and I think I realized then how important it is to my well-being to keep making plans out into the future. For people with health issues, the day-to-day stuff can be a bit challenging, and even depressing at times, but looking ahead and planning what to wear to a wedding, or what to take on a vacation, etc., keeps my head in a good place.
So, yes, we need to keep the good times rollin’!</p>
<p>The act of writing affirmation and things we are grateful for gives them and us power. Writing things we want to accomplish gives us more focus and helps make them happen. Thanks for starting this thread to help remind us all to smell the roses and enjoy our simple pleasures. For many it includes the unconditional love of pets while for others it is family/loved ones. What a purposeful way to begin 2013!</p>
<p>I do believe that not getting stuck in negativity is so key. But when I do I become anxious. I have to do some work on putting limits on people. Iam not sure how this will come about, but I know it is making me feel controlled and claustrophobic. Telling myself that i dont have to make up for other people’s unhappiness or misfortune. Not that i cant help, but that I too am deserving to be happy. Everyone makes their choices. I find life can be a constant battle to make another plan, to go around, to compensate for. I know this is life. but does it have to be all the time?. Like Moonchild I have things to deal with. dont feel my life stretching out in front of me necessarily. Plus seeing the failing heath of others has reinforced how all we have is today. a simple illustration is my brother, he is mentally ill, but functions ok. He is narcissitic, lazy, poor hygeine, he is not mean but is generally extremely difficult to be around. was visiting my mother, he changed his plans to visit at the same time without consulting me. I had to change my plans to accomodate him, and really wanted to see see the person I had to cancel with. Ieel guilty because I didnt inherit his propensity for mental illness. Why does he feel he has to make my life easier because I have dealt with cancer? nope. I am burdened by the idea that I have to always do the right thing. Then I realized what is the right thing?</p>
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<p>You can always go with the golden rule. :)</p>
<p>I read what most know as the first part of The Serenity Prayer a few weeks back (associated with AA, though I saw in online as part of a discussion about something else entirely) and it struck me that here is a guide to life in just a few words: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.” </p>
<p>Whether you believe in God or a higher power, there it is-some things are what they are, some things you can make better, and sometimes it’s hard to figure it all out, but you can. if you try.</p>
<p>I had been struggling with some family issues for a long time and once I realized this saying applied exactly to me-I was trying to change someone and that just wasn’t going to happen, and it was making me sad, angry, depressed, etc. When I STOPPED trying to make that change happen, life got a lot either for both of us. I got happier and less stressed, and it made a difference to everyone else I am around. I got a raise. My H and I made some decisions. My kids and I got closer. It was kind of amazing, actually.</p>
<p>If you’re dreading the empty nest and/or resenting the younger crowd-accept that you can’t change aging, can’t change the kids growing up and leaving home, and you find something else to focus your positive energy on.</p>
<p>I don’t dread the kids being older-sure, I miss the innocent days but I also appreciate hearing and seeing what my 20 somethings are doing in their lives and helping my teen figure out her plans. When SHE finally flies, H and I plan to enjoy our alone time together since we met and had the youngest at 40. We have plenty of things to do. We both lost our parents young so we know you can’t count on “someday”.</p>
<p>Happiness is different things to different people so there is no one answer. To me my family comes first. To my SIL who has remained single her whole life and has no kids, it’s way down on her list. A career has never been something that I needed in order to be fulfilled although when the kids grew up and moved out I expanded mine and enjoy it thoroughly. However, if any grandchild were to need babysitting I would give it up in a second. </p>
<p>In spite of huge health concerns my husband and I have had lately, I remain positive and upbeat because I have a family that loves me dearly and lives close by enough to share good times with me. I have dear and precious friends whom I can count on. We live comfortably enough to not have to worry. I have a job I enjoy doing and I know values me greatly. I can’t imagine what else I could look to make me happy.</p>
<p>sseamom, I too wanted to quote the serenity prayer in response to downtoearth’s post. </p>
<p>dte, it’s very frustrating always being the one to do “the right thing” so at some point like the song says, if you can’t please everyone, you got to please yourself. I think for many of us moms it’s a transitional time as our children grow up and leave home, we are relieved for their growth, and some freedom, yet also are a little lost as we have to relearn thinking of our own needs…</p>
<p>I am touched and proud of several posters here who are making it their business to seize the day</p>
<p>I dont mean to sound like a Debbie downer, I am just feeling at odds right now. Your insights have been helpful. I know the person who needs to change is me.</p>
<p>Remember, DTE…you are important and you matter.</p>
<p>Hey, DTE, you really don’t sound like a debbiedowner.</p>
<p>I found your questions really insightful and worth pondering, deeply. I think the answers to those questions are really different for each of us and also different at different points in time.</p>
<p>I have no regrets about the way I have done things in my life, but there are things I have done for others, time I have given to others, I wouldn’t do again. As I get older, the one thing that becomes clearer to me is that this really is OUR life. </p>
<p>I try, now, to treat myself the same way I would treat other people, and to give myself the same advice I would give a best friend. </p>
<p>So, I would say, if you cared, that you are here to be happy. We get this message that we are here to sacrifice, but it’s not true. We are here to be happy and to do the things that we want to do (as long as they don’t violate other people’s rights). And nobody is more important in your life than you are.</p>
<p>sabaray- I am starting obedience training with my pup in about a month and then puppy agility after that. They say they should be 18 months old before adult agility due to possible damage to bones because their growth plates are not yet hardened. (never thought about this) I hope she is still as energetic at 18 months, as she is now, and I hope I have the energy to train with her! </p>
<p>Starting the good things jar for the whole family, which we will read on New Year’s Day 2014!!! LOVE THIS!</p>