<p>interesting perspectives here…I like your perspective poetgrl…</p>
<p>why are we here?</p>
<p>I probably have subscribed to the “we’re here to leave the world a better place” which of course is one of many valid perspectives, and which does make me happy when I’m truly doing something where I feel I’m contributing in some way. But, this also involves taking on more responsibility than might be necessary…paradoxically when one is overloaded with doing the right thing one may not be happy, thereby possibly reducing our positive impact on the world. does that make sense?</p>
<p>as I think about it, like most things, it’s about balance. I recognize I need more balance, and to pursue happiness also by doing what I want and like</p>
<p>downtoearth–I also think it’s important to honor where you are. I too have been struggling a bit with similar feelings, of loss, of recognizing limitations. That is not being negative, it is imho part of natural growth, at all ages, but certainly for our stage of life. Hopefully we move to another place emotionally where we are recharged and renewed, while accepting the new place we arrive at…</p>
<p>oh,yes, I also started the good things jar. my 16 yr old did the eye roll, but I think he appreciated my pointing out it helps us to see the good in the world,when we focus on small everyday positives.</p>
<p>I always know they are actually listening when I get the eye roll. ;)</p>
<p>I agree that it’s important to be where you are. I don’t think trying to be happier is going to make anybody happier. It’s like when someone says, “Relax!” I mean, nothing makes me more annoyed. </p>
<p>But, I just like these little things we can do for ourselves. Things I do for my kids I now do for myself, as well. Like, if they are sad, I will listen to them. So, it’s important to listen to yourself if you are sad. That kind of thing. </p>
<p>I just think we are hard on ourselves, our generation of “have it all, do it all, be it all” women. It’s important to leave something over for ourselves. And not leftovers.</p>
<p>Oh DTE, I feel like that all the time. The world so much wants us to be perky and happy and for many years I have felt like I am trying really hard to meet that expectation, but failing on a grand scale. To be perfectly honest, I most often feel that the world is full of trap doors about to open up under my feet, and the “latch” that keeps those doors shut is my own lack of happiness. As if being happy is asking for trouble. </p>
<p>We’ve been through a lot, but not more than others (although I had a therapist who said it isn’t a contest of misery, which is a nice point) The people I appreciate most in my life are the ones who don’t want to “fix” that, or give me inspirational books, or all that – they just give me a hug and say “that must be lousy, to feel sad”. So I am sorry you feel sad, too.</p>
<p>To be happy has different meanning to each of us. For some it means to be busy all the time, for others it means to be able to sit in front of TV for most of their free time, for some physical fitness makes them happy and others would be just fine if they are not in pain. Some people are very affected by others, while the next person does nt care what people think and minds his own business without any consideration to others’ opinions. Money make some people happy, others do not care much as long as they love their job.<br>
Many times our mood depends on our harmonal make up at the moment and we cannot tell why we feel happy or sad right now and absolute opposite the next moment. I just learn that crying and laughing might be a symptom of desease (PBT - no sure). Well, I tend to laugh at seemingly nothing, I guess, I am sick by some people definitions, while feeling very happy myself when it happens. So, we could be both even at the same moment of time. Sicko could feel very happy and does not care if they call her sick.<br>
Swimming for 1.5 hours or so definitely makes me very happy…and, yes, I swim every day because of that.<br>
Feeling happy and sad is part of life. What does it mean for each person is very relative and different.</p>
<p>Have had some rough stretches over the decades when I was pretty unhappy but to be honest I generally just get bored with being unhappy. No matter what has happened, or what I’m worried about, I seem to have the ability to derive only so much unhappiness out of most setbacks. Now I haven’t lost a child. I’m not sure I could come back from that one. But in general I don’t have the attention span to stay with unhappiness that long. I’ll end up crying for a spell and then eventually I’ll just play some stupid pop music really loud and iron something or clean the kitchen floor . . . and I feel good again.</p>
<p>I am close to someone who had a very long and serious case of depression. It was the hospitalization, talk of ECT type depression, not just “I’m not happy so I’m taking some Prozac”. It was horrendous to witness and I do respect that it is a serious, serious disease. </p>
<p>Would recommend Andrew Solomon’s extraordinary book “Atlas of Depression” about his own journey with the disease if you or someone you care about is truly in the grips of it.</p>
<p>I don’t think that I am talking out of turn here: I have had serious medical challenges as have some people on this thread. My husband and I have faced hatred from his family, which was, initially trying to buy me off. There have been other real challenges in our life. </p>
<p>I asked my husband last night what made him happy. Traveling, golf, our family’s happiness, (that was actually the first thing he said), our home and small stuff. (he actually mentioned that during a marathon work project we (all of us) brought food to his office and hot chocolate which I made as he worked here into the night. Has he had depression issues? Yes. I think all of us have experienced depression…because we are all fairly intelligent and we think about or lives as opposed to just existing.</p>
<p>Mr. Ellebud also mentioned something that I was not aware that it was so obvious: I love our home. Whether we have all family and friends here or I am alone, or if I am coming home after a vacation…he mentioned that I have a glow when we return home. It is not the structure as much as what it represents…all of us and a safe place to return at the end of a day. I have dealt with serious depression due to illnesses…I admit to happy pills…but the discussion was wonderful" What made (makes) us happy is us.</p>
<p>…and just so I can do a tiny admit of being superficial…diamonds make me very happy.</p>
<p>I think some of you have touched on something really important here too. We are not always going to feel happy. Sometimes, our life circumstances are such that we are going to feel sad. After my mom died, I decided not to try to fight the sorrow and grief because I found it exhausting to try to put on a happy face for others. I was ME. When I had to break down and sob, I did. There are certain days (her birthday, sometimes Mother’s Day, the anniversary of her death) that I take time to wallow. It is actually a very positive release to let yourself feel what you’re feeling, understand it, and then let it go until the next time. </p>
<p>If we weren’t sad sometimes, we wouldn’t even know when we are happy! </p>
<p>I think, true happiness for me, is when I can just be me, whether I’m feeling sad, angry, introverted, extroverted, stressed or at peace.</p>
<p>Just got book New Passages by Gail Sheehy, I think it covers some of the issues discussed above, noticed it was written in1995, but some issues remain the same.
I went through a period of feeling down and general ennui after completing my phd and getting my dream job, for the question after 10-15 years of intense physical and mental stress was ‘is this it’??? The youngest was 6/7 years old, not needing me as much as before, the job was easy, so now what? Did some things on my list like completing a marathon, taking some piano and drawing lessons, with time have realised I can’t be intense about activity, just sample what I like.
Had read about a retired person some years ago who said that he had contributed enough to family and society and now it was time for him just to sit back and savour whAt others had contributed in art and music. I liked that thought.</p>
<p>Been hovering here. I’m not really sure I am happy. The last four or so years have been very rough. Sick to your stomach, wondering if you can ever feel, idk, ok, not anxious, safe, calm, optimistic ever again. Not always, but a lot. </p>
<p>All three kids have had a major (or more) issue. My Mom was sick and died. I am Executrix and there are difficult issues. Sister’s H walked out on her after 30 years. Even though he is an orthopedic surgeon, she was left pretty much without anything. And there are and continue to be health issues for me and family members. There are job issues. Much of it is documented here on CC. Haha.</p>
<p>I realize other people have worse situations. But that does not make my anxious, sick feelings better. Maybe worse because I feel bad for these people and know how they must feel given how I feel. </p>
<p>I haven’t always felt this way. Things just got bad. Not horrendous like a child death, or living through an earthquake or hurricane. Maybe I feel quilty because I know people have it worse. (and I knock on wood)</p>
<p>So there have been times when I have been happy recently. They are when I escape. Snorkeling and jet skiing in Key West with H and S, a three day break at a great resort in Lake Placid in the fall with H. Even a trip to Puerto Rico last fall for my job. And any time the family is together. I also have a group of childhood friends that get together several times a year (we live hours from each other) and we all are so happy to be together. We went white water rafting last spring. These happy moments get me through.</p>
<p>Embrace aging. It’s very simple. As you grow, you learn more. if you stayed at twenty-two, you’d always be as ignorant as you were at twenty-two. Aging is not just decay, you know. It’s growth. It’s more than the negative that you’re going to die, it’s also the positive that you understand you’re going to die, and that you live a better life because of it. Mitch Ablom (sp)</p>
<p>Re: aging. I agree with you on mental/emotional aging, but physical aging can be very very difficult. I’m having major mobility issues and I don’t see an upside to that at all…</p>
<p>As we age, we realize we are lucky to still be here. The other side of that is that the longer you live, the more loss you experience as others in your life pass away before you do, or get sick, or have hardship in their lives.</p>
<p>DTE, Agree about aging. But it is very difficult to do, sometimes, in this society that values youth so highly. I have noticed my eldest, D, and her set talking negatively about old people. Hey–I’m one of those old people now, and you won’t believe how quickly you will turn into one too. I admire older role models, women confident in their aging and its benefits. They make me happy.</p>
<p>One of the things that annoy (and yet amuses me) is that most of my doctors and other professionals that I do business with are younger than me. AND they are at the top of their fields. </p>
<p>When one of my mother’s doctors came in to give me the report on her surgery (this was18 years ago) he introduced himself to us. “I am Dr. Cohen.” I came so close to saying to this baby face professional, “No, you’re not. You must be…what20?” </p>