<p>Kids are drinking a lot- and a LOT of kids are drinking a lot.</p>
<p>My child is in a GLO, attends mixers, socials, and formals, and has no problem abstaining from alcohol at these events.</p>
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I think that’s much more common in high school than in college. In my experience at college, people tend to swing the other direction: downplay their drinking habits, insist they’re more sober than they are, etc. This is true with heavier drinkers, at least. I think inexperienced drinkers may get off on the idea of being drunk, which is why I think it’s more common in high school.</p>
<p>I am not sure what not having a car has to do with ECs?</p>
<p>Kids are drinking in college, but not all of them are getting smashed every night/weekend. My daughter loves to party. She has been going to night clubs with us since she was 15. I know she drinks at parties, but that’s not the reason she goes. She goes to those parties to socialize. She will have a few beers, but more often than not she doesn’t have anything. I was looking through her camera (with her permission) for some family photos, and accidentally saw some pictures of her and girlfriends. There were 4 of them in their dorm room sharing a bottle of red wine that someone had brought back from the fall break. Those girls had more fun posing with that bottle than anything else. Then I went back a few more slides and saw pictures of pole dancing - I flipped on that.</p>
<p>The point here is that there are many different kids out there - hard core drinkers (partiers), social drinkers (my daughter), or none at all. People will generally find and gravitate to people with similar interests. My daughter and her friends will often decide to skip fraternity parties to have girls night of watching sappy movies and popcorn. They will also go to the gym to work out, swim, and sit in a steam room - their spa night minus massage and facial.</p>
<p>My son’s school has 2 big performances tonight, not to mention movies, and they are seeing --up close and personal–every presidential candidate imaginable. He’s looking forward to Biden. Big winter storms in the midwest–they had a quiz bowl event to attend and turned around after seeing semis jack-knifed off the interstate. Good judgement? I say yes!! His friends are not the wild partiers. He’s said he can maybe imagine why they drink, but why would they drink such low quality stuff?</p>
<p>You don’t need a car to participate in ECs. S has been involved in many ECs that are on campus and have to do with the arts, international affairs and community service. It’s rare for him to have to go off campus as part of ECs, but rides are available via other students or the school.</p>
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<p>I was wondering the same thing. DD (I’m guessing) is not a total teatotler…but she keeps herself busy nevertheless doing many things. She is the statistician for the hockey team and will likely do Lacrosse as well. So on many weekend nights, she goes to the games. She also attends on-campus concerts and watches movies with friends. Movie watching in the dorm with popcorn and hot chocolate is a favorite passtime, she tells me. Sometimes she studies. She is often invited to dances with friends. She also has a job which keeps her busy most of Saturday during the day so she spends some weekend evenings studying to make up for the lost time. Sometimes she does her laundry (lots of available machines on Sat night and Sun mornings she says). She does NOT have a car, and says there is plenty to do on campus (and hers is NOT a huge campus) or nearby within walking distance.</p>
<p>S joined the club that showed the movies. He never watched much tv at home and watch, literally, just a handful of movies until he went to college. He made up the lost movie time at college, Friday and Saturday midnite shows. He got to see the show and as much popcorn as he could eat (he was the popcorn server)</p>
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<p>That’s closer to what my kids did. You notice all the people mentioning their kid attends shows, plays or singing groups (a capella or other music) on Friday and Saturday nights? My kids centered their social lives around BEING in those activities. Sometimes they performed onstage, other times helped backstage. </p>
<p>When it was big party night, they’d stop in for a half hour on their way to a weeknight evening rehearsal (think: Thursday night, too) or weekend performance. Having somewhere to go next meant they just walked around with a glass of water in hand, to look sociable and say hi to their friends. They didn’t have all evening free to keep drinking and partying; nor did they shun those who did. Some were also their friends. </p>
<p>My S said carrying the glass of water is very important, so nobody presses a glass or can into your empty hand. </p>
<p>When they were age 10 and demonstrated interest in performing arts, I never knew how helpful it would be as a strategic dodge for excessive drinking in college, but it is that. </p>
<p>Stage-shy kids are always appreciated to help with backstage “crew” work: props, costumes, stage management, lighting…just email the theater or music department and ask how to volunteer backstage. It’s interesting and you make friends that way. Theater kids honor each other and respect the work of both “Cast” and “Crew.” Everyone matters. </p>
<p>Theater/music/dance etc. also has their own cast parties when the show is done. I know those aren’t always dry, but on balance I think it’s better to have theater which mostly requires great sobriety to work well. Anyone who showed up drunk when expected to move furniture in the dark wouldn’t last long; the peers would boot them out. They depend on each other. One cast party after many weeks of setting up a show is not so bad, and even there, they made their choices.</p>
<p>If you’re asking specifically about Friday nights, my kids also went over to Hillel for the best meal of the week, helped to cook it, stayed on for Israeli dancing long and late into the night. At their schools, the Hillels were open to all students curious about Jewish culture. Half the students there weren’t Jewish, but said it was the best time of the week. That’s not for everyone, but it’s another thought.</p>
<p>We discussed this when our son was home for Thanksgiving because his younger brother will head to college next year. He is in his 4th year of college and never has had trouble finding non-drinking activities. He and his friends watch a lot of movies, bake cookies, play board and card games, go to swing dances, sporting events, go to or perform in concerts and recitals, and even attend parties where most people are drinking if they feel like socializing. He says he has always felt welcome even though he doesn’t choose to drink or smoke. He also mentioned that he feels his college has become more intentional about organizing fun alternative events for those who are not interested in the more notoriuos all-campus bacchanal.</p>
<p>Freshman year I think my son mostly did the campus activities sponsored by the college each Friday or watched movies in his room with friends. Now they play with his wii or watch movies in the big room of their suite. Sometimes one of his friends will make dinner in the kitchen. My son doesn’t cook but is always an appreciate eater.</p>
<p>The key is FINDING those friends to do things with and that means getting involved. For alot of kids that have gone to small schools for k-12 and maybe kept the same friends for most of their lives, it’s a big deal to actually have to make friends. I think your son stepping out of his comfort zone is the only way to go and he probably knows it.</p>
<p>There were board game clubs at a couple of colleges Mathson looked at, but he seems not to have found them at CMU. Mostly I think he plays videogames with whoever is in the lounge.</p>
<p>I really think it’s interesting how many of our kids don’t drink. My S has found his niche. He goes to parties and helps out the kids who are drunk. This has sent him on a new route: he wants to get EMT training this summer so he can be even more useful. He has medicine as an ultimate goal. He also does go to parties with friends even when he doesn’t drink. He likes to watch over his friends.</p>
<p>I fret about all the concerts/performances he’s missing, but it’s his life. And I admire his community spirit.</p>
<p>Being part of the “I get high with a little help from my friends” generation, I’m not sure that I see a lot of difference in what is going on on campus. </p>
<p>That being said, my S got the benefit of a dad in recovery so there has always been a lot of straight talk on substances.</p>
<p>PERFORM. S takes part in the performances that occur on the weekends rather than being a spectator and reports no freshman 15 lbs for him.</p>
<p>STUDY. S’s weekend daytime study regime couldn’t include a lot of down time for “day-after” hangovers of either kind.</p>
<p>SEX. An interesting sidenote, apparently some students find sober sex to be safer than when wasted. I must say THIS is different from back in “the good old days.”</p>
<p>I just want to say that my kids do drink. Just in case anyone thought that it didn’t happen. In something like moderation, I hope. But on Friday nights . . . I’m pretty sure they do.</p>
<p>Thanks for posting this thread. It is a real encouragement to me!</p>
<p>My dd is a non-drinking freshman at a small LAC that is a VERY heavy party school. Having attended two parties total, she finds the parties “disgusting”, is tired of the vomit and the disfunctionality on the day after, reports that there are parties SEVEN days a week, and is having real problems with the “what do I do on Friday night” question. Finding that so many others have non-drinkers is an encouragement to me, and hearing that it takes a while to find other non-drinkers is also helpful.</p>
<p>Parties at my college were just occasional Friday or Saturday night affairs, so this business of drinking seven nights a week is new to me…</p>
<p>(She LOVES the academics at the school and has lots of friends – they just part ways at night…She is happy, and I just pray that she finds more like-minded folks for the evenings…This is more my worry than hers!)</p>
<p>When my sister was at college, she lived in a substance-free dorm, so naturally, everyone there was wasted as anything on friday nights. She always went to the gym–she got a little smug satisfaction out of knowing that while other kids were getting themselves beer guts, she was getting herself a six pack.</p>
<p>I think one of the most important things I learned in college was drinking, or drugs, was not a black and white issue. There were folks who got drunk and passed out and were hungover. There were folks that had a drink or two at parties and hung out and had fun and were never impaired. There were folks that didn’t drink at all, and were lots of fun. There were folks that were useless on drugs. There were the two guys that were useless on the rare occasion they weren’t high. There were straight A students that got high on weekends. There were straight A students that spent the weekend studying. There were straight A students that seemed to have the greatest time sober. All types fit in at school, and in the world in general.</p>
<p>By definition most parents that post here have kids that do not drink. My daughter’s school is known for work hard and play hard. She is double majoring in math and econ, plus working 10 hours a week. She parties hard on Fri and Sat, but she is always well enough the next day to start her work by 10am. She calls me everyday at 10, or I’ll chase her down.</p>
<p>She and her friends do not get sloppy at parties. They keep an eye on each other to make sure no one gets cornered or have more than they should. We have always told her to go out with a group of friends, and make sure they get each other back safely.</p>
<p>At work, we get trainees straight out of college each year. At every Christmas party, we have to have a talk with them about drink in moderation, and how to conduct themselves at business functions. Some of them, who have never been exposed to alcohol much, feel pressured to drink at business parties, often lose their composure. I do think it is important to teach our kids to drink socially - whether it means to sip one glass of wine all night, or having multiples, to know when to stop. We tell our trainees that they could party 'til wee hours, but we do expect them to be at their desk bright and early next day.</p>