<p>Thanks, Bethievt. That means a lot to me.</p>
<p>I think the reason this thread was started was because OP was wondering if her kid would be an outcast if he/she didn’t drink. Most of us that have posted here are adults with experience. We have been arund the block a few times, and at some point (I think probably sometimes after 30 or 40) we just didn’t care what people thought of us any more (my boss could no longer intimidate me and I would prefer to have fewer friends or relatives). But we are talking about kids from maybe 18-25, who are still trying to impress their friends, and later on their co-workers and boss. Have you had this discussion with your kids - what to do if everyone was drinking and you don’t feel like it, what are the pros and cons, and what can you do to get out of drinking GRACEFULLY without telling people off. Have you armed them with enough ammunitions that they could feel comfortable to handle different situations? By just telling them, “You should just be able to say no, you shouldn’t let anyone pressure you” is not a solution or answer. The reality of the situation is that large percentage of kids do drink in college. If you are only going to hang out with kids that do not drink then you are missing a large percentage of kids that do drink. And just because you go to social events where people do drink, it doesn’t mean you need to participate. You could still have a good time socializing without getting drunk, if you do not become judgemental.</p>
<p>Nothing is ever black or white in this world. Sometimes just because you don’t confront someone head on doesn’t necessary mean you are compromising on your personal believe/integrity.</p>
<p>The idea of going to Hillel on Friday night is a really good one that I never would have thought of, but then again as an undergrad I went to a small liberal arts college in Minnesota, miles from the nearest Hillel. A good meal and some Israeli dancing - if the Hillel crew does not mind if you are not Jewish - this is definitely something I will mention to both of my kids, non drinkers who are both somewhat entertained by folk dancing.
When I was in grad school I was an RA in an all girls’ dorm and some of the non-partiers spent Saturday night in the dorm lounge, watching Love Boat and then whatever came on afterwards. I think there are more entertaining things to do when you need a weekend night study break - at almost any college.</p>
<p>Midwestmom–at Hillel you are likely to find services (sometimes a couple of varieties), dinner, and perhaps a program. I wouldn’t assume Israeli dancing; in most areas it’s not “cool” anymore among students, except perhaps on Israeli Independence day in a large crowd! </p>
<p>The other big Friday night draw is Film Society–my S is very active in this, which pulls him away from Hillel. 
</p>
<p>Oh well, it’s a healthy activity too!</p>
<p>Over on the Cornell forum, an applicant started a thread on the subject of whether she would feel out of place if she did not drink. Those of you who are following this thread might want to read the replies.</p>
<p>My computer skills are limited, but I think this will connect you to the thread:</p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/cornell-university/413050-non-drinker-cornell-am-i-screwed-3.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/cornell-university/413050-non-drinker-cornell-am-i-screwed-3.html</a></p>
<p>And if you don’t want to read the whole thread, here are some excerpts from a post in that thread by a current student (who calls herself intl_echo) who seems to have achieved an impressive level of maturity while still in college. </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Any kid who can adopt the kind of attitudes this student displays will be fine on any campus. (And no, for those of you who were wondering, intl_echo is not my daughter.)</p>
<p>I thought this was funny, because my immediate thought to the thread answer was “study”, and I didn’t see anyone else mentioning it. Somebody said library, so that might include studying.</p>
<p>Also, athletes are not drinking. They are tested and thrown off the team, and resting up for Saturday games.</p>
<p>There is lots of movie watching, concerts, etc. in which one isn’t drinking.</p>
<p>
Serious suggestion … next Friday night after “everyone” has gone out drinking walk the halls of the dorm and find the other kids who did not … in my experience the odds these kids would like to go to a movie, go to a sporting event, go to an art event, play cards, hang out on the quad, go to the roach coach, go downtown, etc are very high. There probably are lots of other non-drinkers around however they are often A LOT less visable so it takes more work to find them.</p>
<p>Corranged, I wouldn’t be looking at you condescendingly either because I’d be at the bar with you. After a long week (or sometimes day) of studying and writing papers, it’s nice to unwind with a few drinks.</p>
<p>I do have a sorority sister who cannot drink alcohol due to a medical condition. She comes to the bar and to dated events and drinks soda or water. Nobody gives her a hard time. Likewise, if people are out celebrating a birthday and someone has an exam the next day, they come out for half an hour, sip a soda, buy the birthday girl a drink, and go back home. No big deal.</p>
<p>Janey brining up athletes was great: that’s a huge group of people who aren’t drinking at all during the season (or, for some D3 schools, just nights before matches). Athletes are often fun, confident, social people, too. A lot of complete non-drinkers feel the need to stay away from people who drink, but as people have been saying, there are many, many “drinkers” who just aren’t drinking on a particular occasion but still go out and have fun with everybody for a while.</p>
<p>What about THURSDAY night? It’s the "new Friday!</p>