This thread is an offshoot of the thread on Michelle Obama, which got me thinking. Maybe I’m just too much from the older generation, but I don’t like it when women act like prostitutes. I have been told I am guilty of slut shaming. My attitude is, if someone wants to act like a slut, why do I have to be okay with that? I have a huge problem with men objectifying women amd seeing us as less than fully formed humans. Why should I be okay when women do the objectifying?
I don’t judge women who are poor, such as teenage runaways, and tying to survive. I am talking more about adult women who could do other things but instead contribute to demeaning women by their acts, usually for money. The message they send is that women are sexual objects first and people second.
I can’t ask this question of my D because she is firmly in the “slut shaming is wrong” camp and won’t even discuss it.
Which is why I raise the question of you folks. I truly would like your thoughts, and am very willing to change my take on it. So please - expand my horizons!
I think because there is no similar term for guys that sleep around indiscriminately…although they used to be called “players”…don’t know if kids still use that term for guys that sleep around. Personally what another woman does on her own time, doesn’t impact me at all no do I care. I was probably more leery of guys that had many partners because I’d always wonder what was wrong with them that they couldn’t “attach” in a relationship.
What does “slut” mean? Wanting to sleep with multiple partners? Wearing “revealing” clothes? Why are either of these bad?
As long as they’re consenting adults, why does anyone else care what they do in their private lives?
What is wrong with sex for money, again as long as all involved are consenting?
The problem is that we shame sex especially if it’s not done in the confines of a long-term, monogamous relationship.
There is a difference between not wanting women to be objectified and judging them for the choices they make with their bodies. If a woman wants to wear a short skirt, she should be allowed to without someone thinking less of her. If she wants to sleep with multiple guys, who are we to judge? I hope they use protection but that is about where my care ends.
Shows how little I know about this. I thought "slut-shaming: was about being critical of women wearing very revealing (non swimwear) clothing…way too much cleavage, hineys hanging out the back of very short shorts, etc.
I didn’t know it had to do with actual sexual activity.
@mom2collegekids it can mean that, depending on the person doing it. A very, very conservative girl at my D’s HS told my D, who is very…shapely, that she shouldn’t wear clothes that well, fit so well, that she should “hide her assets”. The clothing wasn’t revealing, but it wasn’t loose and flowy either. She was told she was slut-shaming, and said that she was proud to do so because “girls should know better”.
It’s also used when people are critical of women who are more sexually active than the speaker would like. To some, a young woman is a slut for having sex outside of marriage at all, to others it’s as the OP describes her version of a slut.
Frankly, as long as someone isn’t hurting anyone else, they should be free to wear and do whatever they like, and I think that the idea of slut shaming is pretty awful. No one has seen me as angry as the day a teacher told my 12 yo that her high-necked sweater dress was “inappropriate” because “boys can’t control themselves” and she shouldn’t wear something so salacious. Just one lovely example of slut shaming and the damage it does.
I mean the word “slut” itself is judgmental and pejorative. Why wouldn’t you think it’s wrong? Why do we need to make judgments about how others dress or act, as long as they’re not harming anyone? I mean, the word is a put-down; it’s not just descriptive. It’s unkind.
My godfather (who we no longer speak to) told me to stop dressing like a slut when I was about 10. I was wearing shorts. Yes, they were “short” but all shorts are forever going to be short on me since I’m 6’ and was growing like a weed at that time. (I now wear capris as regular shorts.)
I was also sent home from my Catholic school more than once because my skirt was above my knees (literally less than an inch above) because, again, I was growing like a weed.
This is an example of how “slut shaming” trinkles down into the world of pre-teen girls and tells them that their bodies are shameful and must be covered. My knees showing was a big enough problem in my K-8 school to pull me out and deny me that day of education.
These are two examples of the systemic problem of “slut shaming.”
Honestly why is there a need to shame women for the way they dress or how many sexual partners they have had? I don’t think it is the women’s choices that cause them to be objectified and treated as objects, but the culture judging women and sex, which includes shaming them for their choices. Do men get the same treatment?
Also, girls may dress revealing clothes being proud of their body, their curve and feminity. Calling that slut assumes that girls are dressing for guys all the time. I hate that. They are delighted how their body is maturing and dress expressing their satisfaction. Self-expression is their fundamental right. They shouldn’t express themselves because guys may get too excited?
I recently had a friend remark to me about how my teenage daughter’s dress was too short and “shouldn’t she be embarrassed?” Like @romanigypsyeyes, my daughter is very tall and any dress looks shorter on her than an average woman. I was so ticked that my friend would judge my daughter for this. If an outfit makes a woman/teenage girl feel good about herself, I say, wear it!!
Also, I couldn’t care less what another person does with their sex life, as long as it doesn’t harm them or others.
I can think of a lot worse things that MO was criticized for that had to do with her looks. But they wouldn’t have been associated with ‘slut-shaming’ vernacular.
" Maybe I’m just too much from the older generation, but I don’t like it when women act like prostitutes. I have been told I am guilty of slut shaming. My attitude is, if someone wants to act like a slut, why do I have to be okay with that? I have a huge problem with men objectifying women amd seeing us as less than fully formed humans. Why should I be okay when women do the objectifying?"
For me, one issue is that a whole lot of this is eye of the beholder stuff. For some, uncovered heads and exposed ankles signal slut or prostitute. Who gets to decide? Of course, context matters, but there is no universal standard as far as I can tell. Does “act like a prostitute” mean you spend time with the opposite sex unchaperoned? Or have sex in car? (not completely unheard of for so-called good girls in my day) or an alley? I don’t know where one draws the line.
I can’t see what you are referring to on the Michelle Obama thread? I would like to understand where you are coming from… example maybe?
added: Probably I should add I’m not convinced prostitution is an evil. Women being coerced into prostitution is an evil. Of that I am sure. So already, I’m looking at this a whole lot differently than you do.
added again: I don’t think any sex acts are sinful in and of themselves, so that probably also impacts my view.
maybe prostitution is an evil, maybe not. I don’t have to have a judgement about this. I am old enough I’ve decided I don’t have to decide about everything.
Yes, Michelle was definitely criticized for lots of other things too. But the arms was the only one I could think of that really related to this topic.
I just went and read the thread and I’m not sure how this relates to it either. My prior post was just a guess, based on what I have seen as far as people’s comments about our the current and future first ladies.
What would be the point of “shaming” someone? To make yourself feel superior?
If someone is behaving in a way that is unsafe for them, I feel sad for them. When I find myself getting judgmental on the inside, I try to remind myself that I’m not the judge and jury of what is acceptable behavior in others. I can’t say I’ve always been successful, but I keep trying to not consider my values to be the only acceptable ones.
Being put off by others’ behavior is probably something we are socialized to and not necessarily anything you can help feeling; what you do with your thoughts is another thing entirely. If you find yourself actually shaming others for having different values than you do, well, maybe a little introspection is in order.
Gonna admit, I once told one of my Ds that their attire looked “slutty”. It was a pair of jeans that showed her butt crack when she was sitting down. I stand by it. I don’t have an issue with my kids being sexually active as long as they use precautions. But attire that displays private areas of a woman’s body – not a fan. (Or a guy’s – are a plumber’s low riders “slutty”? Hmm… need to think about more.)