And/or to impose their morality on others.
I think we all have ideas about what constitutes appropriate or inappropriate attire. But when you start making judgments about a person’s morals/character/integrity based on their attire, you may be crossing the line into “slut-shaming.”
I’ll be honest: I find extreme twerking to be really vulgar, and I would be lying if I said I would be okay with my Ds doing that. Still, it’s not my place to “shame” anyone else for behavior that I’m uncomfortable with. Certainly calling someone a “slut” for what they wear or behaviors that I find less than appealing is judgmental and really, arrogant, in terms of thinking I have a right to shame anyone for that.
intparent: "But attire that displays private areas of a woman’s body – not a fan. (Or a guy’s – are a plumber’s low riders “slutty”? Hmm… need to think about more.) "
That’s one of the big issues here, isn’t it? Girls or women are called “sluts” which is definitely a moral judgement, based on revealing clothing, while men are just criticized for being sloppily dressed at worst. We might cringe or laugh at “plumber’s pants” but we don’t really call their morals into question.
Why is it about you? You don’t have to “be okay” with it, but why do you have to be anything with it?
What is it, specifically, that these women do that you find you have to shame them for it, and how are you expressing that? We can see on this thread already that any expression of female sexuality, from clothing to relationships to what a woman’s body looks like, is up for shaming from anyone who cares to do it. If you’re actually talking about women who “contribute to demeaning women by their acts, usually for money,” they should be pretty easy to avoid.
Wow, this is an eye opener. I never thought of wearing short skirts, tight sweaters or sleeping around as being problematic. That falls into the “none of my business” bucket. If that is what the term slut shaming means, then I can totally see why slut shaming is a bad thing. Thank you!
@sseamom, what the school did to your daughter is horrible and inexcusable. Actually that speaks to exactly what I’m so critical of. Your D was criticized not for only her clothes, but for what the boys would think of her clothes. The boys’ thoughts should have zero, as in nada, to do with what your D chooses to do/wear.
I’ve never cared what people do in private, and most public behavior is just a matter of taste. That doesn’t disturb me. If someone on the street waiting for a bus is wearing thigh-high shirt with see through blouse, well, have at it. I don’t like chartreuse green, either. That’s just a difference of personal dress preference.
@1or2Musicians had it exactly right. The future first couple is what made me think of this. The future FLOTUS has posed repeatedly in extremely salacious poses, nude, both for money and after she was married to Trump for nationally-distributed photos. This bothers me a lot because of the underlying message it sends to others about what and who women are.
I’m not even sure why I react so badly to this. I think I’m being an old-fashioned womens’ libber. Maybe the difference for me is the apparent rationale. If someone walks down the sidewalk nude, it would be noteworthy, but none of my business. It’s what they want to do as a result of their choice, their decision, their comfort. But when you pose in salacious pictures for money, or to attract attention as some man’s arm candy, it’s like you’re doing it for someone else, not for yourself as your own person.
I see now though that that’s not slut shaming. This has been very educational and I appreciate it.
Slut shaming: telling a woman that she should be ashamed of what she’s wearing or doing because it makes you uncomfortable.
@frazzled1, what am I doing about it? I’m asking what it is to get others’ opinions, amd I’m thinking it through.
How am I expressing it? By posing questions and paying attention to the discussion. What do I do about it? Nothing.
Frankly, you are sounding as judgmental as you’re saying I am.
@intparent I was skinny and my pants were constantly sliding down in high school. I wore a belt and it was completely on accident. My shape just wasn’t helpful in keeping up my pants 
My mom’s way of telling me to pull up my pants would be to say something along the lines of “you’re your father’s daughter!” (my father is a plumber…). My dad would just be more blunt and tell me to pull my pants up.
It wasn’t so much that they were worried about other people seeing my butt, but more that they know I wear modest clothing and wouldn’t want parts of my skin showing like that. I’m also completely oblivious so now Mr R has gotten used to pointing out that my clothes aren’t on like I want them to be.
My sister is a very “curvey” woman with a well-endowed top. She has worn what some would consider to be “revealing” clothing since her teens because she likes her body and likes to flaunt it. If that’s what she wants to do and how she’s comfortable, who is anyone to tell her otherwise?
The terms “army candy” and “trophy wife” bother me a whole lot because they name and define a woman by her relationship to a man. And frequently it is other women doing the naming. And it is again a subjective judgement. imho. Those terms may bother me more than “slut”
I spent some time a few years back trying to make up my mind whether Madonna was empowered or unseemly. Also Kardashians. I don’t really know about all the housewives. I decided just to believe them empowered and let it go. It works for me if I don’t examine it all too closely.
For young women in my family, my generation of women expects a certain standard of the sort of lady like behavior with which we were all raised. But we aren’t expecting it anywhere else these days.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/leora-tanenbaum/the-truth-about-slut-shaming_b_7054162.html
From the above article: “Slut-shaming is the experience of being labeled a sexually out-of-control girl or woman (a “slut” or “ho”) and then being punished socially for possessing this identity. Slut-shaming is sexist because only girls and women are called to task for their sexuality, whether real or imagined; boys and men are congratulated for the exact same behavior. This is the essence of the sexual double standard: Boys will be boys, and girls will be sluts.”
My daughter is a competitive swimmer. During the 2008 Olympics, swimmers wore neck to ankle length compression swim suits. These suits were very tight fitting and had zippers in the back which allowed for greater compression. The rules regarding materials for swimsuits were changed shortly after the 2008 Olympics to prohibit certain materials, ban zippers and limit the coverage area (shoulders to knees for girls, waist to knees for boys). Because zippers are not allowed, today’s competitive suits for girls are extremely difficult to put on and the shoulder straps dig into the girls’ shoulders. Putting on a new suit for the first time may take 40 minutes to an hour and the girls may come away with bloody knuckles just from pulling the suit up. Swim meets are a whole lot of hurry up and wait – 20 something secs to a couple minutes to race for most events – followed by long periods of waiting around to do it again. During major competitions, the girls (at least in our state) started lowering the straps and wearing bikini tops during the down time to ease the pressure on their shoulders caused by the suits. The state high school athletics association did not like the girls wearing bikini tops at the meets, so they passed a rule prohibiting the girls from wearing a bikini top without a t-shirt covering it at all times during all high school swim meets. Remember, we are talking about SWIMMING, at a POOL, and not during any actual RACE. Nothing about this rule has anything to do with competing, it is only that they decided that the girls should not show their bodies. Meanwhile, there is no similar rule for the boys. The boys suits are extremely revealing and barely cover their ****. The boys do not have to wear t-shirts or sweat pants, they go around shirtless most of the meet (it is a swim meet for heaven’s sake) and even deck change (change their shorts/suits on deck, in the open, with just a towel around their waists). To me, this epitomizes slut-shaming and is sanctioned and approved by the high schools and the state athletics association. Girls are forbidden to show their stomachs while the guys basically have free reign.
There are many, many more examples of slut-shaming. But this is one pretty innocent situation where the girls are punished for something that the guys are allowed to do without limit just because girls “should not show their bodies.”
OP, you don’t have to be OK with it. There are lots of things we’re not OK with.
The difference is you shouldn’t make comments about it (if you do). It’s pretty simple, really.
The title premise was to ask what slut shaming is. Well I can promise you that based on the first paragraph of @18yrcollegemin 's post #29, I am absolutely not doing it. The idea being rude to someone else because of a private opinion is just anathema to me. Thou shalt not be rude is the 11th Commamdment, isn’t it?
I thought the shaming part was just being allowed to hold the opinion. If it means an actual act that impacts the other person, that’s just not acceptable.
@alh, thank you for your thoughtful posts. I’m perfectly ok with someone being a prostitute if that’s what they want. But if they’re doing it because the bf wants them to, even though they’re not comfortable with it, then they’re victims.
Where I get critical -in private! - is when women or men willingly amd knowingly demean themselves as people, their bodies or demean sex itself and set up their femaleness as a commodity.
Sounds to me like more of a political opinion than true “shaming”.
Patriarchy and misogyny harm us all. Heartened to see all the good responses in this thread, though.
@Hayden, I want to say when I made my posts about “you,” I didn’t mean YOU. I took it as a general question, so “you” means “people.”
Are you under the misapprehension that this website is private?
Wait–how is revealing clothing rendering their femaleness a “commodity”? It’s a commodity if it’s bought and sold. Do you mean their beauty or attractiveness? Because that ship has sailed: Physical beauty is a commodity and it’s at the root of enormous swaths of popular culture and industry.
What if it were your business, like your dd, sister, or close friend. Under those circumstances, is it ok discourage sexual behavior that seems unhealthy? Or is it still slut shaming?
I’ve never heard the term applied to a person because of how they dress only about how they handle their sex lives. I don’t care for the term and the old terminology "player’ sure sounds alot nicer for men than the word they came up with for women. But as I said before I don’t really care if someone, male or female, wants to have sex indiscriminately as that is their business…hopefully they don’t catch an STD that they then pass on. On the other hand if someone, male or female, is loath to have a relationship with someone who has a extensive sexual history that is their right also. Hopefully people find a happy healthy medium. And no, I don’t believe having a conversation with a very good friend about their behavior is ever wrong. Very close friends do that if they think a very good friend is drinking too much, or drugging, or putting themselves in danger because of their sexual activities. Indiscriminate sex with people not known well is probably in the danger category.
As a guy I am not sure if I can even respond to this thread. I think I will leave it up to the ladies to self police.
@massdad68 why? Men perpetuate “slut shaming” too
@nw2this if I was concerned about my friend or whatever doing ANYTHING unhealthy, I’d confront her or him. Sleeping with multiple people, wearing “revealing” clothes, etc don’t rise to that level for me. I was a sexual health educator and HIV counselor for a while. I’m more than happy to confront people when they seem to be doing something sexually unhealthy.
Maybe, because context matters. The 22-year-old at the club is likely trying to signal something different with their clothes than the 50-year-old at the sports bar.