@HRSMom wrote
I don’t give a hoot what you look like if you can do the job. And I’ve hired crazy looking people who also happened to be crazy good at their job. I’ve also had people show up in flip flops who were nincompoops, so I do have a negative association with flip flops=stupid, but if you show me you can do the work, you and your flip flops are welcome.
It needs to stop being about the costume, and start being about the person.
Exactly, igloo. It’s the double standard. Men are encouraged to “conquer” and IMO the biggest payoff is getting to brag about it. Women are called sluts if they indulge in exactly the same behavior.
Costume = exactly
It’s always costume
But it IS about the costume . . . that’s my issue!
Maybe my sister (a CPA) and I have kvetched about this too much, who knows.
The reason clothing came up in my head was that - living very near a large public university - you see some interesting modes of dress. I have to confess I have wondered at some of the outfits I see on the young adults, especially the shortie-shorts and cami-style dresses. But then I started thinking, “well, they’re just dressing in the style that is popular today” and similarly I do it too (sort of) in my own “mom” way, even though I don’t like to do so. We all sort of conform to societal norms to one degree or another. Very few of us don’t care at all (kudos to those who don’t) imho.
Some people care a lot about conforming to societal norms and others care a whole lot about never conforming. Within those different groups are folks who spend equal amounts of time obsessed over costume.
correction: busdriver didn’t write jeans and tee shirts, but “jeans, sweats, athletic gear.” apologies, but really just trying to make a loosely based point.
And I like your style, busdriver 
When the men on the news shows start wearing wife beaters (how’s that for a loaded description) and running shorts, so they are showing off as much of their bodies as the women, then maybe we’ll get to parity in terms of showing off our sexy selves. But the standard now, on tv, in restaurants, and wherever, is that the men stay mostly covered, and the women, including FLOTUS, stay exposed. Not sure why that is, but I’m not in charge.
Now we’re getting back to the question. My understanding of “slut shaming” is criticizing sexual behavior in women that would be ignored or rewarded in men. Like expelling the pregnant girl from school, but not the baby daddy. Especially if he’s on the football team.
But if my H would stop wearing dad jeans . . .
Once again, I apologize for veering off on a tangent, though I do think clothing and slut-shaming is connected somewhat.
I, too, greatly dislike that word.
I agree 100% that it’s all about the costume and, IMO, society’s double standard about costumes is ridiculous. As a man, I can go out and do business in one of four costumes, all of which are cheap and easy to pull off, and none of which emphasize my sexulity.
For women, it’s a lot more complicated, a lot more expensive, and too often demeaning.
Total BS.
I don’t agree. Distractions are unnecessary and unwanted in some settings. If someone is such an outlier that they are distracting then that is an issue. Two jobs ago “we” banned shoes that had no backs or back straps because it was driving everyone nuts with the constant noise of the foot hitting the shoe in an open office environment (think about the “sound” flip flops make) That was the majority of people saying “we don’t want this”
I also don’t agree with Igloo that women aren’t valued for being physically fit and well groomed…just like men…especially in this day and age when being fit is seen as a positive attribute. Really, an awful lot of skin can be exposed these days before it strays over into the inappropriate. But in general society doesn’t want to see men’s butt cracks, or men’s boxers with baggy pants or women’s underwear under too short skirts, or women’s butt cheeks off the beach, so many things. My advice is if someone is mocking you or saying things behind your back and you don’t want to be an outlier, look in the mirror. If you want to be an outlier then just be cognizant of what you’re up against and don’t whine about it.
Look, if you do your best work in stilettos and a tight skirt (no matter what your gender), then good! If you do your best work in yoga pants and a sweatshirt, then hell yeah. If corduroy and plaid make you happy, then that’s what you should rock.
What you shouldn’t do is wear corduroy and mock the yoga pant. Or wear stilettos and mock the birkenstock. Enjoy that we all get through the world in our own way, and instead of shaming, understand that just because something isn’t for you, doesn’t mean it’s wrong or bad. It’s just not for you.
Be happy with what works for you, whether it’s a wrinkled tee shirt, a pirate costume, or a power suit. Be happy with what works for other people and makes them happy.
Your validation for your chosen look should not stem from denigrating other’s choices.
I wonder if the dress of female newscasters is sometimes an example of " femaleness as a commodity" as described by Hayden in post. #13
There used to be criticism of young female attorneys modeling their dress on Ally McBeal, because it was fiction and they should know better. Don’t we generally assume news anchors are projecting a serious and dignified appearance that would be appropriate for young women to copy for professional dress?
At least, that is the message I have been assuming news anchors wanted me to receive.
@MotherOfDragons if I was hiring for IT or a remote worker, it might not matter. In a conservative business, showing up in crazy gear shows bad judgement.
That’s basically the definition, as I use it. But the larger question is why does this happen? To end slut-shaming (and its sister phenomena like sexual assault and sex discrimination), we have to first understand root causes.
I really think religious conservatism is to blame for a large portion of it. I mean have you read any of the abrahamic religious texts? They’re just teeming with double standards and female oppression.
Don’t let society hold you back, @sherpa. If you want to head out to a meeting in a tight t-shirt, skinny jeans, and sandals, you have my permission. Be as creative as you like.
Fair enough @MotherOfDragons, but then how can I feel superior to others?
And be really free – you don’t have to wear socks with those sandals!
LasMa…hmmm perhaps because pregnant girls are a distraction to other kids from the purpose of high school which is education? And then again, not all high schools send pregnant girls to a different school…I don’t believe they are “expelled” anymore but I haven’t looked at the law. It’s going to be along time until men can bear babies, so that is something unique to the female gender and at least for now, women have control over reproduction. Absent lack of knowledge which is really unfortunate in this day and age it is on the shoulders of women…it’s what makes us stronger than men on many fronts I believe. Philbegas,it’s rather the opposite of oppression. If anything in that regard men are oppressed…all men can do is use a condom and pray it’s enough. And a woman can choose to keep the baby but men have no choice in the matter. The only choice that is on equal footing is the decision to have sex or not have sex in the absence of force or coercion by either party. But I’m straying from the original topic.
Socks with sandals? TOO FAR @intparent