Thank you again to everyone who has responded. I was very frustrated and distressed when our previous dog was in her final illness and the vets went into “treat the discrete symptoms mode” instead of “how do we help a dying dog” mode. They finally got it, but I’m not sure if that was because I said, “My dog is dying. What do I do?” or not.
This time, I have been preparing myself accordingly. Once I was informed that the growth is a tumor and what kind, I did research online and decided that I probably would not seek treatment of the tumor itself. I did still go to the consultation with the specialist to discuss the options but I was open with him from the start about my preference. I’m glad he still told me all the realistic options (he didn’t discuss but did mention in his written report the treatment generally preferred for this type of tumor, surgery, because it would require removing half my dog’s face).
I’ve already started checking out options for euthanasia – I’ll probably arrange for someone to come to the house; and disposition of the remains – I originally wanted to bury her in the back yard, where all other family pets were interred, but now I’m leaning toward cremation, because I know I won’t be in this house for the rest of my life, and I’d like to take her with me.
It’s just kind of strange to have all the above in mind while living with a dog who still likes to play fetch and snarf up food.
"I was very frustrated and distressed when our previous dog was in her final illness and the vets went into “treat the discrete symptoms mode” instead of “how do we help a dying dog” mode. "
Yeah, we kind of had that as well. Left a bad taste in my mouth and made me wonder if they were more focused on making $$ than doing what was best for our pet.
I think you’re smart to be thinking everything through now before your dog’s health declines.
Several years ago, we took my much loved Lab for a checkup in December which he passed with flying colors. In April, we returned to the vet as his vision had suddenly deteriorated and he was panting terribly. He had lymphoma so advanced treatment was not an option. We started him on prednisone as a palliative treatment, but in less than 2 weeks we returned to the vet who had cared for him since puppyhood to help him over the bridge. He was ready - you will know when it’s time, but it sounds like your pup is still enjoying life! I had to get two pups to fill the empty space left by Mr. Big’s passing, but he was a tough act to follow.
You never really know with a malignancy how much time they have left. We had another dog who had osteosarcoma on one of the front legs and operating would mean removing the leg but the tumor was quite large by the time it was found so we decided not to operate at his age. He was 11 1/2. The vet warned us it could go quickly. He did ok for a few months and then one evening after eating this dinner, playing with kids, and begging for pizza he went out to potty. When he didn’t come back right away we went to look and he had died on the deck. His position looked like he was relaxed, like he just layed down and didn’t get back up. We think the Tumor probably got to a major blood vessel and that was the end.
H and I are physicians. When we got our dog we already knew we wouldn’t go to extreme lengths to treat a cancer et al. Likewise, as studies of physicians have shown, we would not go to extremes for ourselves.
The summer when our Shih Tzu was almost twelve (not all that old for his breed) he became irritable and tried to bite when I wanted to put on his leash. So, that Monday instead of going to the groomer for his haircut et al (every 2 months or more, puppy cut) I took him to the vet. Initial thinking was a disc and the pain from that. Got prednisone for him and managed to get pills in him. He also developed a fever and we tried antibiotics. It is difficult when a flat faced (but oh so cute) dog with a gap between teeth will not swallow any pills- one attempt with liver sausage (after other foods failed eventually) ended up with it in his long fur. He declined and began some behaviors, such as circling and going into corners that an internet search indicated something was going on in his cerebellum. Infection, tumor, stroke- could possibly normalize in a couple of weeks. Amazing to read how dogs can recover from some things we humans may not.
We went OOS for a wedding with instructions for the kennel to not intervene, ie call a vet et al if he deteriorated. They knew him well and even the pros couldn’t get his medicines in him. He kept deteriorating and was incontinent. Son was away for an REU and wanted to see him again so I postponed the life ending appointment until the Monday after he returned. I gave him fluids et al as tolerated. The day before I held him on my lap awhile, plus let him be outside. He was alive that Monday morning when H left for work but died before his appointment. I like to think he held on until son came home and that we did right by him as he had no pain. The timing was such that it was not much past when he may have recovered spontaneously so doing my care measures was not terrible. I was curious as to the cause of death but it wasn’t worth having a necropsy done. He was cremated with other dogs and we got a cast of a paw print- including those too long toenail impressions.
My elderly father related how he was upset when his childhood dog died while he was away at college- still remembered so many decades later. That made me feel good for prolonging our dog’s life so son could see him again.
We are practical people. I think if son hadn’t expressed interest in seeing our dog I would have let him go sooner, without the efforts to keep him nourished, then at least hydrated plus the daily rinsing to keep him clean. That dog did so much for us emotionally over the years. But, I still wouldn’t spend thousands of dollars to diagnose and treat him if a cure was unlikely. btw- my search showed a CT scan would not have been useful, nor other tests if we had wanted them done.
Years before this dog was losing his vision and I took him for a one time visit to a dog ophthalmologist (yes there are such things and this one had retired up north after a Chicago practice). The diagnosis was not cataracts and the treatment was frequent dosing with a form of saline eye drops. Over the counter at Walmart and expensive to keep using forever. I decided the cost and effort wasn’t worth it (2 or 3 times a day- not when a dog dislikes it) since it would not restore what was lost. His quality of life was not diminished as far as we could tell.
Boy, this brings back so many memories. And my post keeps getting longer.
Dogs become family members. But different decisions need to be made than for humans.
I do like my vet clinic’s staff generally. Also during the final illness of the previous dog, when I said my goal was to have the dog live long enough for my daughters to get home from out of state and spend time with her, the vet said we could try prednisone, and that did the trick: the dog perked up, the girls arrived home, they both got quality time with her, and then she quickly declined and died about a week later.
We spent $2000 on ACL surgery for an 11-year old Chow/Rott mix - we weren’t sure how long she would benefit, but she was in great shape other than the terrible limp. She had 2 happy, active years after that - it was worth every penny.
Fast forward two years, she developed growths on her eye and her tongue. We planned to have them removed - but then her kidneys failed. We kept her going as long as we could - but finally she had lost so much weight, and had not spark in her eyes - I insisted we make the appointment - but she passed on her a few hours before we were to go.
Her companion had passed a few months previously. She had become pretty senile, but still got around and seemed happy to be petted and snuggled. She developed cysts, and one on her tail got infected - we had to have the tail amputated. Honestly, at that point she was so senile I don’t even think she noticed. But I was glad we did it, since she was still getting around and still seemed to enjoy what her life had become. She too reached a point where we were ready to make an appointment - she started trembling and seemed fearful all the time and was quickly losing strength. It reached a point where her quality of life appeared to be gone. She also passed on her own before we got there.
Our vet was great throughout - supporting us but also gently reminding us there’s a point where it’s no longer fair to try and prolong life.
In OP’s case, I’d say try ramping up the pain meds and see how it helps. You’re at a point now where you don’t need to worry as much about long-term damage that pain meds can do - it’s all about making the now the best it can possibly be. Make the best of the time that is left!
Thoughts and prayers to all these doggie parents and their much loved companions!
I think one of the most comforting things our vet said when examining our dog who was declining was something very simple and straightforward. He simply said, “she’s nearing the end of her life span”. Yes…her normal happy healthy lifespan. Helped put it into perspective. She WAS nearing the end of HER lifespan even though for us it didn’t seem nearly long enough.
Our dog had an untreatable cancer. The good thing about this was that we could just gently treat the symptoms and otherwise let him be his normal happy self, without feeling conflicted about whether to have him undergo surgery. The end came about 6 months after his diagnosis and was quick. He went from being a slightly slower dog who was still acting like his normal self on Friday to showing no enthusiasm for eating or going out on Saturday. He didn’t seem to be in pain so there was no immediate emergency, but it was clear he was done. We were able to have the kids come home to say goodbye on Sunday and I took him to the vet Monday morning.
I was with him when they euthanized him. I was glad for the experience because it allowed me to hold, him, stroke him, and tell him what a good dog he’d been, all the while quietly sobbing. It felt right to feel my grief in the moment. Our vet was wonderful and supportive.
I had taken our girl in for a tooth cleaning and the vet found a tumor pressing on her windpipe. It was wrapped around major blood vessels and they couldn’t remove it. She told us we could spent $5-6k on surgery at the specialty vet that might get some of the tumor, but that the end result was going to be the same. We talked with our sons and agreed that we would spoil her rotten and let her enjoy her days without chemo and frequent vet visits. K was perfectly healthy except for the ^%$# tumor.
The vet put her on antibiotics (she had some bad teeth) and that seemed to reduce the size of the mass (which we concluded was partially an infection). She also went on a non-steroidal drug that has shown some good results for dogs with bladder cancer (not chemo, though), which kept things under control for a while. After 14 years of dog kibble and canned food, she was delighted to discover the joys of freshly cooked chicken every night.
We were in NJ for Passover when overnight, she suddenly started walking in circles, couldn’t keep her balance and couldn’t do the stairs. She was turning down chicken, though she would eat cat food. Got home and she would only take watered-down cat food and she started having trouble breathing at night. On her feet, she was fine; laying down pressed the tumor into her windpipe. I called the vet and while she didn’t usually do home visits, she agreed to do so and we arranged for her to come on Thursday, two days later. K perked up the last two days, eating chicken and lots of treats, hanging outside in the yard (but still no stairs). At night she still struggled to breathe.
When the vet came to the house, K was outside in the yard surveying her kingdom. S2, DH and I were there at the end and the vet was wonderful. She told us K had lasted far longer than she had expected – and told us we had clearly taken wonderful care of her. She also told us we were doing this at the right time, before she really started suffering. I held K til the end and talked to her. I wonder if we did this too soon, and the vet told me that most people wait too long. She was right; holding out for another week would have been for selfish reasons and not in K’s best interests. K had just turned 14; that’s a full doggy life. When we got her we had no reason to believe I’d still be around 14 years later.
She is now in a lovely box in my sewing room, where she spent many days on the futon basking in the sun. I miss her terribly. We have started talking about another dog, but I’m not past the grief of losing K (and will I ever be?). And is it fair to bring home a new dog when my heart is still broken? I have friends who have said to get another dog before we get back into the routines of life without a pet.
It’s been six months and I still look in the kitchen corner to see if her bowl needs water and whether she’s sacked out on the sofa. I don’t even realize I’m doing it til it hits me.
My German Shepherd was a great friend, so intelligent, insightful, and attuned to me. She would sit next to me staring into my eyes and just radiate empathy. What a darling soul she had.
She was very fit all her life. We took long hikes several times a week, where she demonstrated her strength and courage. But in her last year (a whopping 16, unusual for her breed,) she became deaf, arthritic, and mentally just not herself. She could hardly walk and seemed very depressed.
Though I couldn’t do it, my then partner took her to the vet to be put down. The comment in this thread about putting an animal you love down sooner rather than later is correct I think.
She was such a sensitive creature that I believe we did the right thing by not allowing her to deteriorate further.
I had thought I was unusually upset over the passing of my girl, but reading these posts, I realize that I’m not alone in the depth of my grief. @Consolation, your post really made me cry.
Like other posters here, I still look for her water dish and still think about walking her. At this point we will not be getting another dog soon, but on my run yesterday I felt sad every time we encountered a dog walker.
I wish we could have a few more days with her. D was planning to come home that weekend to see her (S happened to be home) , but it wasn’t possible in her case.
Our D had been home studying for exams a few days before; there are some lovely photos of Mr. Big and D hanging out in the grassy backyard preparing for some awful engineering exam that I really treasure. I wonder if dogs somehow hang on long enough to see the people who are most important to them one last time. BTW, Mr. Big was his nickname, not his actual name!
I’m so sorry for all the losses here. We love our animals so much and they take a little part of our heart with them when they leave.
I agree with the adage, “better a day too early than a date too late.”
Our old collie gave us no notice really. She stopped eating on a Friday night. We took her to the vet the next day, Saturday. He thought she might have a mass in her belly and scheduled tests for Monday.
That Saturday night, she tried to get up and staggered. I was on the floor with her and held her, trying to help her. She suddenly went limp, and she died right then in my arms. I was shocked and it was a weird and oddly beautiful experience. My husband was watching and we just sat there with her, try to absorb it.
Animals are stoic and don’t show their pain if they can help it. We do what we can.
I also have always stayed with my animals when they are put down by a vet. Not everyone can do it, but I want to be there for them.
It’s all so hard but the love they give us is worth every tear.
Restlessness is a sign that a dog is in pain. Since the vet knows your dog is terminal a phone call to the office should be enough for the vet to prescribe additional pain meds without the dog needing an office visit.
Many on this thread have said better too soon than too late. Because dogs are so stoic it is hard to make the final call. My vet said three consecutive days of ‘down’ behavior before making a decision. Obviously there are exceptions to that advice if the dog has a tumor that impacts basic life functions.
Not all home euthanasia is the same. Some vets only give the dog a sedative and then euthanize the pet in the trunk of their car.
I think being with your pet at the end of life is the kindest thing you can do. I know that not everyone can deal with death. Think of every time your buddy has been there with kind eyes and a wagging tail for you over their lifetime. We went the extra mile. The vet staff wrapped her in a favorite blanket and we drove her directly to the crematorium. Her number one job was companion and I wanted that to be her last role with our family.
An option for dogs who are distressed by vet visits would be a dose of Xanax at home before the final visit.
Lastly, rescue orgs are always looking for foster homes. It can be a great way to have a part time dog. I would ask how long placements usually take. Some orgs place dogs out in a few months but some can take much longer.
I apologize if some of my post doesn’t make sense as I typing it through heavy tears.
We’ve lost three dogs in just over two years. The one that really broke me up was my two year old Maltese being hit by a car when she was out with H. The year before, she had saved the life of our then 14 year old border collie, who fell into the fire pit. The Maltese began yapping. I sent one of the boys out to get her and he found the older dog., who was crying but not audibly. We took her to the vet and only opted not to put her down at that time because H was capable of changing her bandages and de-briding her burns. It took three months, during which time she was kept on pain meds, prednisone and anti-inflammatories while H changed the bandages and cleaned her wounds daily. I think he felt enormous guilt because I had told him to keep an eye on the fire pit. Anyway, she recovered pretty well but didn’t have her old stamina. She began sleeping longer and longer, not eating as much and being incontinent. I told H it was time but he refused. Finally, he agreed and we made an appointment. We had the kids and neighbors come to say goodbye. While H was waiting for me to arrive home from work, the dog passed.
Around the beginning of this year, our 16 year old lab chow mix began failing. She fell down the steps, started eating insatiably (I remembered this from my dad’s late stage dementia - he didn’t remember having eaten, so he wanted to eat again), becoming incontinent. At some point, she began walking around in circles at dusk. I told H she was sundowning with doggy dementia and it was time. His friend, the biggest dog lover I know, told him it was time. He refused. Finally, in May, the kids and I staged an intervention. We told H that it was cruel and selfish to keep the dog alive. She didn’t recognize anyone - she recoiled when H, who she LOVED, tried to touch her, She was incontinent and puked every time she ate. He finally agreed and we made the appointment. Only my middle son agreed to attend. It was H, our son and I. We took the dog in on her favorite blanket so the steel table wouldn’t be as cold. We didn’t do it at home because we have another dog and a cat and I didn’t want that scent of death around.
We have a paw print of each dog and my oldest son had a paw print tattooed on his arm and he has added the names and dates of the three dead dogs.
To answer the specific question, we gave them no meds other than what was described above. In addition, H doesn’t believe in routine vet care so when we took the dog to the vet, he’d never seen her before, even though she was 16 1/2.
Firm believer in some routine vet care- immunizations being the major thing (some required by law- eg rabies, or kennels). Dental care not as frequently as advised. My sister had to treat her dog for heartworm because she was penny wise- became pound foolish with the costs of treating.
We are now both retired and moved far away a year or two after our dog’s demise. If/when I/we get another dog I am set on another Shih Tzu. For now it is easier not having a dog- travel. But if I outlive my H I can see a dog for companionship. Right now I am not into the work- and not meeting any available puppies to fall in love with. Ages and stages I guess.
I had to make the very hard decision to euthanize my dog in July and it still haunts me. Our situation was very different to yours as I don’t think my dog was in pain and was happy the majority of the time.
She started having seizures at 6 months of age which we managed with medication, when she was 3 she developed anxiety, OCD and an aggressive streak, my vet recommended for her to be euthanized at that time. We tried distraction, a trainer, behavior training, Prozac, Valium and Xanax when she was terrified. We kept her until she was 11, leading up to July she had eaten my bathroom wall window ledge and the door, she even pulled her own teeth out and was growling and snacking more and more. She did bite my hand and has caused some nerve damage, we made the hard decision then as we could not trust her and I would never forgive myself if she had hurt my son or the neighbors kids. On her last night it was thundering outside, I sat up with her all night as I watched her bite her own feet due to her anxiety.
I know I did the right thing as she was suffering but it is so very hard to end the life of a physically healthy dog that I loved dearly. I will live with this guilt and feeling of failure forever and can’t imagine ever having another dog.
