I think I’ve become more patient as an older person than I was as a younger person. In addition, I don’t think my temper is nearly as explosive nor runs as hot as it used to.
I’m guessing this is maturity and gaining some perspective? Maybe after going through some rough times? I don’t know really, but I like it.
I’m friendlier now than I used to be. It took me many years to force myself out of my shell and learn better social skills. Still a work in progress. It requires a great deal of effort, as I’m pulled back towards my comfortable shell. Warm, friendly extroverts have got it made!
Both kids are out of the house, at college, and I feel acutely aware that (my) time is limited. Of course, I’ve always known that death is certain, but I find myself thinking in terms of “How many good years do I left and what do I want to do with them?” This is definitely new for me, and it’s connected to having sent the youngest off to college this year.
I’m experiencing painful pangs of regret. I don’t recall feeling that as a young person, with so much of my life ahead of me.
My aging body fascinates me. I don’t seem to mind as much as I thought I would. I sense I’m becoming invisible, to men, and that is very noticeable when I’m out with my college-aged daughters. I think I’m going to like being free of unwanted attention and non-stop comments on appearances. Someone sent me Amy Schumer’s skit Last F-able Day, and I found it wickedly funny.
I agree with @rockymtnhigh about feeling much less stressed. Back in the bad old days, I only got five to six hours of sleep a night, worked full-time, had a commute of over three and a half hours a day, and had two young children. Now, I sleep seven to eight hours a night, take a nap if I want to, and only do things I want to do. No little children sucking up my energy and demanding my attention every minute I’m home.
I used to walk past smears on the wall and think, “Someone ought to clean that off.” And say that about the same smear, day after day and week after week! I now find I’m spending a lot more time decorating and organizing my house as well as keeping it neat and tidy.
I’ve discovered over time that I am an excellent estimator of many things, but especially sizes of things (fitting furniture in/filling car, etc) and that I probably have ADD (but picked a decent job for that).
I have a very renewed interest in babies/little kids…my daughter says I am scared of babies because she was so terrible and there is some truth in that.
At this age I really really try to give the benefit of the doubt. If someone is crotchety, angry, cheap, whatever I really try to think that I do not know what is going on in their lives that may be effecting them adversely.
Also Tweezermans for all the ungodly white chin hairs I now have.
Through my volunteer work as a crisis counselor with the Crisis Text Line, I discovered that I really enjoy talking with middle-school-aged kids, and I think I’m good at it! I would never have thought that, given my daughter’s middle school years, which were just awful!
I’m less tolerant and refuse to lower my standards. I recently fired my dentist for being a bigot and my lawn care company because they misspelled “Due” on their flyer. I won’t work with people who don’t care anymore. No reason I have to accept mediocrity from anybody. If you can’t use “myself” properly in a sentence, I’m going to hire somebody who can.
But I’m way more easygoing with the people I love. I don’t care if the kids mess up the family room as long as they come around. I will take time to bake cookies with the toddlers even though it means a mess rather than bake cookies for them. I love having the kids around at any time of the day or night. My family is what brings joy to my life.
I refer to this as the “visual filing system”. If I can’t see it, I forget it exists, with negative consequences. I am going to write a book about it and get rich.
I do think that while I don’t sweat the small stuff as much, I have learned to be more direct when I need to. Yesterday an airline worker was rude when I was helping D1 check in with ski gear. The screen was showing she had to pay a bag fee, but the airline website shows that boots & skis in separate bags don’t get charged for two bag fees. I asked the person behind the counter (politely) – “excuse me, but I am confused by this screen – the website says that boot bags and skis are not charged the fee for two bags, but we are not sure whether to pick two or three for the number of checked bag”, and she said, “I’m a human”. Huh? Does that mean “pick 3, and it shows the fee, but I will override it for you?”. The next screen asked for confirmation of whether we were willing to pay the fee, so I asked, “Should she say yes here?”. The woman repeated more firmly, “I’M A HUMAN, you don’t need to ask twice”. Um… so I said, “You don’t need to be rude, I am just asking for clarification because the kiosk checkin screen does not match the website. Are you saying that you will override the fee?”. She huffed, but confirmed that she would override the fee. My D was embarrassed – in her 20s, she would not have rocked the boat (and might very well have paid the fee if asked to). I wasn’t about to pay the fee, and was going to ask for clarification when the checkin screen didn’t match the policy. And to point out that the person wasn’t answering the question.
I judge other people less and I judge myself less, too. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I use my time better on things that I really enjoy and bring value to my life rather than things I feel I “should” do. I am more thankful for what I have.
I know that my time here is more limited than for most of us. I want our children to know who they are and where they came from. I tell them all the stories that I know from my parents. The mother in Midnight In Paris had a tag line, “cheap is cheap.” My daughters turned to me and burst out laughing. I know that I can judge…but I know that most people think I am very nice. I just withdraw when I don’t like someone. I have learned that I don’t have to answer rude questions. I ignore them. I am far more complicated than when I was younger.
Oh, and never ever say anything in public that you don’t want repeated.
@morrismm - you have described me! I have discovered that I can go and do things on my own and be quite happy and that often I prefer to be alone going shopping or to an art fair. I also have discovered that I can be quirky and not really care about it. And I have discovered a bit of a backbone dealing with problems regarding service and rude people. I just don’t care or fear them as much.
Onward, you’re probably a stronger person than me because I can’t always say I do not “really care about it.”
But I would also prefer shopping alone and tend to speak my mind if there is a problem regarding service and rude people. But then again, I have let things go becauce ofnot wanting to be too confrontational.
IDK. I do not really know the real me. Yet I’m getting AARP stuff in the mail. That tells you my age. Will I ever figure it out?!?!
On Christmas Eve, my SIL told me, “I think my taste in people has changed.” She was always kind of a wild child, but now she’s 63. It was an awesome thing to say, IMO.
I’m another who speaks up to customer service as I’ve aged. I do it much more now. It’s not rude, because you do get more flies with honey than vinegar, but I tell them exactly how I feel and what I want and expect. More than not, it works in part or whole. I also don’t back away from bad service either, speaking up to the person.
I’ve discovered I really like my alone time. I read something on a FB page…I’m really an introvert that socializes like an extrovert. I’ve become more like that in some ways. But I can’t be alone too long.
I now know that it doesn’t matter if people don’t know if I’m right and they’re wrong. I don’t have to tell them. I’m still right and they’re still wrong.
I have embraced my nerdy, introverted self. I don’t have to be one of the cool kids. But I am not intimidated by them either. One of the nice surprises of getting older is that I am not afraid to approach anyone if I need to, not authority figures, not haughty people, not people different from me.
I have also embraced my less than perfect physical form. That started to happen after I had kids, but has continued. The irony is I used to be pretty good looking and was shy and self conscious about my appearance. Now that I am old and wrinkly and saggy I just don’t care.
I’ve discovered that I like living in the city. I have always been pretty outdoorsy, and love to camp, hike, Nordic ski, etc. I grew up on the outskirts of a mid-sized town (maybe 20K), and always thought I would not ever want to live in a city. After college my future husband owned a house in a city neighborhood where we lived for several years (but it was more because he had the place than a choice), then moved to an almost rural suburb for many years. When I sold my house last year, I realized that I like living in a neighborhood with shops, restaurants, libraries, pool, etc nearby. So I got an apartment in a neighborhood like that in a new city (but it is near a nice city park with a lake to walk around). It is PERFECT. I still probably wouldn’t want to live in Manhattan or downtown Chicago (or even right downtown here), but a city neighborhood is pretty great. Wouldn’t have imagined that it would be my first choice when I was younger!
I always thought of myself as a rather shy person but have discovered that I’m pretty darn good at meeting people.
Not that easy but I made a very concerted effort to be more social. I’m very open now to approaching people and joining a conversation. I’m sorry I didn’t learn to enjoy new people sooner in life.
Nowadays, you can’t really tell an AARP member’s age. My son, 26, is entitled to join AARP by virtue of his employment with the federal government. He laughed but sent in the money. He gets 15% off at Denny’s and a free donut with his large coffee at Dunkin and over the years, that will cover the costs.
