I see a ton of mental health infused into the day to day for my student, lots of group meetings and assemblies discussing wellness, however, I wish I knew how resistant a school would be towards actual collaboration with a mental health provider. It never even crossed my mind that they would decline to participate even in the smallest of requests.
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I’ll weigh in as both a parent and someone who works at a boarding school. I didn’t realize what a difference it can make to have your child be seen and known by faculty, outside of the classroom as much as inside the classroom. Faculty get to know students in a holistic way that allows for multi-dimensional support. That feels like such a gift (again: both as a parent and an educator)–especially coming out of the global pandemic, and the challenges of virtual learning.
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Yes, I think this has been a huge thing for our family as well. Our daughter had online learning for 2.5 months of 5th grade, all of 6th grade, and 3 months of 7th grade. It was a lot and now, being at boarding school, and living with all of her classmates and teachers is like the complete reversal of never seeing anyone in person! It has been great for her and she really likes being able to go visit/hang out with anyone she wants in her free time because they are so close. Plus, her teachers are super responsive and she can ask them questions at breakfast or during her study hours at night and they will either give her an answer or tell her to meet them somewhere so they can discuss in person. It’s amazing the depth of academic and personal support a boarding school can provide. My daughter is applying for a summer program and went to office hours to ask her teacher to write a recommendation. She ended up being the only student there and the teacher asked her about some other things they had covered in class and she got a spur-of-the-moment personal tutoring session right there. I cannot think of one teacher at my sons’ high school that would have done the same.
Oh, and the flexibility with courses is great as well. Our daughter was assigned a study period this winter as the first-year seminar ended at the end of the fall term. She got her spring assignments last week and still has a study period. After having it for a few weeks of winter term so far, she doesn’t want to continue with an open study period in the spring and would rather be in an actual class so her advisor asked the registrar what courses were available for a 9th grader during that class period. The next day, the registrar sent her a list of ten courses she can pick from and they just said to let them know what she wants and they will put her in it. Super simple, no bureaucracy, etc.
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It might be important to remember that what’s said about boarding school in general and what’s said about specific schools on these threads (including this thread) applies to those making the posts. There is great variability in students’ and parents’ experiences with specific boarding schools and the boarding school experience, more broadly. Not all kids are going to develop wonderful relationships with faculty who care. Not all kids are going to find a best friend for life. Not all kids are going to be transformed by their school. Not all kids are going to succeed academically, athletically, artistically, emotionally, socially, etc. Consider the possibility that boarding school might not work out or, at least, not be the so wonderful.
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@westernNY1 , this is such an important thing to understand. Thank you for sharing that. For some kids, a really intense, high-pressure environment could be really stimulating and motivating while for another, it could result in anxiety and despair. Some kids need more structure, others rebel against it. Some schools have some tricky social dynamics to navigate, which some kids will do well, others will be oblivious to, and some will suffer greatly. Teachers may expect self-advocacy of students who have never struggled and aren’t even sure what they need.
Ideally, this is where the whole notion of fit comes in, but for some kids, something can be off. It’s so critical to stay tuned in to your kid.
For my kid, it was an overwhelmingly positive experience, but there were definitely speed bumps. What I wish I’d known at the outset was who and when to reach out to when things might have been going a little sideways. Over time, we worked this out, but the rules of engagement weren’t so clear for quite a while.
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I have heard the concept of best fit multiple times. However as the parent of a child who is applying to BS, parent of a kid who does great but is not adequately challenged and feels bored in school, I wonder how I can be prescient as to how he will do in various BS settings. This will be a new experience for us if he does get in. I have some inkling of what he does when encountering adversity, but I don’t know how he will at the BS. Whom should one reach out to to get an objective sense of how they are doing, from your experiences?
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I assume the question is posed if the child is in BS. In that case, your child’s advisor is the conduit between you and your child. Also, there is the dorm parent. Boarding schools want their kids to thrive. You can reach out to just about any adult that is in your child’s life at school and they’ll help you. Ds wasn’t too sure about BS at first. He just told us the other day that he is so glad that we sent him. It’s just so transformative.
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PM me if interested in our specific experience… it has been different from what we expected or were told by BS. Essentially BS is a lot like college, especially at the high raking schools. I’m not comfortable sharing what has happened so far… but if someone had been honest with me we would have been much more prepared for the reality.
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One thing that was not high on our BS check list must haves was the medical facility, but after needing it this past trimester we were relieved that the campus medical center was so well equipped and staffed.
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Depends on the specific school. Andover, Exeter and Choate, among others, are often described as being like college, while Hotchkiss, St. Paul’s and Groton, for example, are not, as they watch over the kids more closely (even though bad things still happen). My kid’s school is one of the latter three, and it does try to watch over everyone closely, it seems to me.
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Our close friends at one of the first three schools mentioned above complained to us their son essentially stopped going to some of his classes, and especially to his science class, in junior year. They were completely unaware until his first term grades came out. His transcript was a shambles, and his college outcomes were obviously directly impacted.
Our kid is at one of the latter three schools. When kids are absent from class, parents are made aware early on and in time for a small or large intervention to occur.
Something for parents to inquire about.
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In many of the “hidden gem” schools, you will have someone knocking on your door if you miss a class and advisors will be having conversations with parents if it happens more than a couple of times.
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TRUTH @ameridad !!
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Do these schools not have a portal where you can see the grades and attendance on a regular basis. Our LPS sends a text if the kids miss a class and grades are updated daily and one can set a threshold for grades as well where you get a text.
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With me what I wish I knew was that many kids do re-class. My daughter did not. Also most of the international students are already 15/16 or turning 16yo right in September when they start school. I turned down a high ranking school with the Post Graduate program as the students looked like were college students. We went to the school that did not have the PG program but still my daughter nearly returned home just two weeks into it. I went through hell with her. She has couple of unexcused absents and tardies for that first marking period. She didn’t sleep at night so she was very tired in the morning to wake up to go to her classes. I had to involve the school so her advisor added more one to one time with her. It took a while for her to get that confidence or to accept that she is one of the youngest. Her friends are all already 15 and 16 but she is okay with that now. So parents with introverted, petite and kids who will be turning 14 in late Fall better to prepare your kid for that too.
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No. You can’t check grades unless your kid lets you log in But at choate they tell the kids not to give parents their login because they want the kids to be responsible. So lots of surprises happen at bs that would never happen at a day school.
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This depends on the BS. At my kids’ schools, parents had their own log in credentials and could see grades and attendance when we they wanted.
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Our school did not make grades available to parents. If your kid was tardy or skipped a class, you could see it on the portal. Their philosophy was that students needed to own their educational experience (and parental involvement wasn’t part of how that happened.) Fwiw, it ultimately worked well for my kid, but it was stressful for me. I never knew if I should be worrying or about what!
When DS was at BS, you only got one grade for the year and those interim grades disappeared. Most teachers thought of term grades as “if the course ended today, here’s what your grade would be” and had pretty clear ways to improve that. And few teachers thought their students had mastery even halfway through the year, and interim grades reflected that.
As this thread is meant to be helpful, let’s add to that: Understanding grading practices, availability of grades to parents, philosophy about parental involvement, etc.
Many BS students were heavily managed by parents up to this point, and the schools often want to shift away from that. But exactly how that happens differs by school and family. Understanding how a school does that is important.
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At our daughter’s school, we get a midterm report card and end of term report card. No access to grades other than that. She has missed a couple classes for sports travel and we haven’t seen that, so I guess we can’t see absences either.
Also, just to reply to the other poster with the young daughter - that is something we asked at each school as well (about PG students and oldest possible age) as our daughter is very small, just turned 14 at the end of 8th grade, and is very introverted (her teachers - every one - commented on her end of term report card that they’d like to hear her speak up in class more).
Her school does have a few PG students, and she is in a couple electives, one academic class, and sports with juniors/seniors, but she doesn’t really have any interactions with older kids other than that. It feels like regular high school in that way - there are no kids older than sophomores in her dorm and kids aren’t allowed past the common room if it’s not their dorm, so she feels safe in her dorm space as well.
She has enjoyed getting to know the older kids, her best friend is a sophomore, and it hasn’t been an issue, but I can definitely see scenarios where it would be. I’m sorry your daughter was put in a situation that was uncomfortable - I hope she is doing better now.
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May I know the name of the school. This would be useful for prospective parents. I believe that parents should have access to them especially the freshman year. As kids acclimatize to the BS environment , they should have more control . Also some are 13, while others may be 15-16 in freshman year and the maturity levels are different. Also emotional maturity levels may not correlate with the executive functioning levels.
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