Pretty much the title. I’ve scoured the internets considering everything from BS program offerings, teaching and learning supports, campus facilities, college placement, sports, the arts, administrative leadership and vision, social scene and rep to how schools have handled scandals.
Now I’m after the known unknowns… No one in our family has attended BS (I came from a family that thought a high-achievement school would be “wasted” on a girl and had to beg to be “allowed” to attend a competitive public… I went on to earn a STEM doctorate, but I digress).
What did you WISH you knew about your (or your child’s) BS experience that did not occur when you were applying or deciding? Raw honesty appreciated!
Important to know whether or not the boarding school offers a PG (post graduate) year. Some parents and students may be uncomfortable with their child attending school with PGs.
That it was common to repeat 9th grade. DS was a young 14 year old when he started. There were several kids in his Freshman class 2 years older based on repeating and birthdate. It was a rough year because he was so much younger and late bloomer. At the time, he all of 5’6” and weighed maybe 130 lbs. Now, he’s 6’2” and 180 lbs of pure muscle. He experienced what he now calls constructive bullying that first year but it wasn’t fun when he was in the thick of it.
My understanding is that PG students are athletes 18-20 who want an extra year to physically develop/train in anticipation of being a recruited to a selective university for their sport.
What would make that concerning? Or do I misunderstand the PG population?
Saturday classes… yes there seems to be camps about whether they are good (makes Friday nights a little less wild) or bad (makes coming home for a weekend less convenient). I’m sure there are other pros/cons too…
Sorry to hear that! While I’m glad he’s putting a growth mindset spin on the experience, it sounds awful. Bullying is never acceptable and a sign of disfunction. Did he talk to any of the adults responsible for his care about it? Wondering if a blind eye was being turned. That’s a big red flag if so. Did he confide to you what was going on when it was going on? Or did he feel that it was some kind of hazing experience that he simply had to endure.
20 year olds living in close proximity to 14 year olds is a HUGE gap in age and maturity. I don’t think I would send a 14 year old to a college dance/concert, e.g.
Truth be told the only 2 year gap between PGs and some teaching fellows (not all schools) is also a wild dynamic (and can be a problem).
IME the PGs don’t spend much time interacting with the underclassmen. Most are there with a specific academic and/or athletic purpose and are busy applying to college in the fall (and are 18-19yo because at 20 they can’t compete in most of the athletic leagues.)
Unless your child is on a sports team with them - which likely means you don’t have a young immature 14yo on varsity - the 14yo’s won’t be hanging out with PGs. (Some schools have mixed-grade dorms across all grades, but IME that’s not common.) Given the popularity of re-classing, I think there are plenty of 18-19yo seniors even if a school has no PGs.
At some schools, the progression to varsity teams/starting positions is thwarted by PGs who come in as ringers. For a kid who’s a good athlete, enjoying their sport, and hopes to reap the fruits of hard work, this can be discouraging. More common for boys and in certain sports.
Yeah, it’s just wrong when you have a 19 or even 20 year old playing a contact sport against boys 4 to 5 years younger. In his Sophomore year, DS tried playing waterpolo. It was ridiculous the size of some of the “boys” he was competing against.
Guessing there might not be a JV or 3rds water polo team? But size is just an issue in sports, no way around it. I’ve experienced both – a son who played 3rds soccer for 2 years since he was 5’5" and skinny, and another who became a varsity starter (also soccer) at 13, playing with almost everyone older than him. I really don’t think a few PGs make much difference. Some leagues limit the number of PGs (I think the NEPSAC does).
Let’s return focus to the question asked. What one person wishes they knew may be irrelevant to another, but it’s not a reason to have sidebar conversations
Great insights regarding age spreads and athletics. I’m reading through a similar thread from 2022 (What I wish I Knew Before Entering Boarding School 2022 version - TY @vwlizard) and I note quite a bit of discussion about mental health. I suppose it goes without saying that in the close aftermath of Covid, social distancing and isolation “Are the kids OK?” was still very much ricocheting in everyone’s mind.
Current BS students or parents, a year or more on, do you see more open discussion of student wellness and opportunities for balance? Cate seems to talk openly about the need for the adults at BS to be proactive with wellness checks (e.g. see: current admissions video about minute 1:15). Is that a just Cate thing or a broad trend?
Very much appreciate all of candid observations and reflections on these important aspects of the current student experience in BS.
Another insight is how close you are to your teachers. They can be your dorm parent or coach. Teachers bring their dogs to the classroom. You see them walking around campus with babies and young children. Just sheer volume of pets and babies on campus creates a strong family vibe.
When we were applying to BS (Covid happened S23’s 9th grade year and we started looking toward the end of 7th grade) there was a lot of talk about mental health and SEL programs. I think during/after Covid, those programs because a primary rather than a secondary focus. The good thing is they are here to stay. While the focus is back to rigorous academics during the academic day, I think those MH/SEL programs have been ingrained into the culture of most BS and are at the forefront when planning and making any changes/decisions.
Since you’re reading the 2022 thread, I won’t repeat what I said, but I will give a follow up now that S23 is in college.
I wish I knew how prepared S23 would be for college and that I didn’t need to second guess his application list. He totally knew himself as a learner and what kind of environment he wanted to be in. I have also observed that he had many more experiential experiences and opportunities to explore beyond traditional classes offered in most schools which resulted in him having a good idea about what he wanted to major in when compared to his friends in our local public school.
not just PGs, either. Family friend’s child transferred in as Jr to a top BS in the summer (not normal cycle) and went straight to varsity as D1 prospect, I am sure eclipsing some existing student who though they had a chance to move up.
Probably the biggest surprise to us has been that our relationship with our daughter has gotten stronger since she started boarding school. We always had a good/strong relationship, but now we all appreciate the time together so much more. We are intentional with our interactions and, because we will only see her a few times a year (we live overseas), when we are in person, we are fully present. I had only thought about the negatives of being so far away, but didn’t ever consider it could make our relationship stronger.
The other thing we have seen in her first few months is an immediate increase in self-confidence, self-advocacy, and independence. It has been great, but we weren’t expecting such big changes right away. Oh, and her writing skills have vastly improved as well (and they weren’t bad to begin with).