<p>God does not hate it. People tell you that God hates it because they personally don’t like it and want to make you think it is somehow the will of God, and not their own personal judgment. In my view, God loves all who are good people at heart, and sexual orientation has no effect on this. Don’t let this be a concern for you. People have tried for years to convince you and all of us of such sinful lies, but there is no reason to listen to them anymore. </p>
<p>As for what I would personally do if my kid came out as gay, I’m not going to lie and say I would be delighted. You want an honest answer so I will be as honest as possible. I would be disappointed, mostly for selfish reasons, as other people have mentioned, such as:</p>
<p>-The way people will look at me at work and in my social life
-The fact that my son can’t bring me grandkids
-The feeling that I did something wrong in raising my son</p>
<p>As I said, all of these are selfish concerns, but they would most likely be my initial reactions. But I know how my parents are with any situation I have. They support me no matter what and that is exactly how I would treat my child. I would quickly overcome any initial disappointment because I would love my son/daughter no matter what.</p>
<p>“I think ultimately, my parents abhor the flamboyancy of many gay men”</p>
<p>my mom kept going on about how lesbianism is all about promiscuity!!! and i was like, mother…(best friend 1) has a boyfriend. they go see movies on the weekend and hold hands in the parking lot. (girlfriend) and i do that as well. how is one more promiscuous than the other? but she didnt see the light. </p>
<p>(also, i posted having only read through chocoholic’s post at the end of the first page- oops! i kind of answered your question though.)</p>
<p>Yeah after doing quite a bit of research (I’m a studious kid in literally everything! :D) most parents feel bad for egotistical reasons, like you have all mentioned.</p>
<p>The thing is I’ve always been gay, I know it. So it’s not like they screwed up.</p>
<p>And my brother, although he is very straight has always joked about my sexuality. Though he doesn’t know about it, he and I have gotten closer recently and I can always give him advice on girls, etc. and he jokingly says I’m gay because I really don’t show interest in girls that much. Although we always conflict, I feel like he would be accepting, though he too has the same beliefs as my parents.</p>
<p>And if I try to say that God will still love me, they will take out Leviticus. And how it is unnatural. </p>
<p>What the pastors will try to do is tell me to abstain from the sentiments and pray to God to help me rid myself of those feelings, and remain celibate. Ultimately, “we’re all born with sin and we have to overcome it.”</p>
<p>If I were you, I would not tell my parents. It sounds like the knowledge would have profound negative effects on them, and do they really need to know?</p>
<p>I never told my parents about my sex life, ever (I’m straight). Maybe it would have been cathartic to me to be able to talk to my mom or dad about it, but I don’t think they would feel the same way, and really why should they? You are an adult now and need to deal with your feelings without your parents constant approval.</p>
<p>Until you have decided to commit yourself to a life-long relationship, do your parents really need to know that you are gay? You would probably be doing them a favor and saving yourself a lot of drama if you keep it out of their lives until then unless they ask. When they ask, then they will want to know.</p>
<p>My first reaction would be fear for my child’s safety. Its something else to worry about when your child is in a strange city. A close friend of mine was viciously beaten outside of a gay bar in Boston about 20 years ago. Because of the horror of that experience, I would worry - don’t go out alone. Be aware of your surroundings. Etc.</p>
<p>The issue of grandchildren is a non issue- many gay couples adopt, and soon, perhaps many will marry.</p>
<p>I would be surprised if your parents didn’t already know or have an inkling, anyhow.</p>
<p>The Bible was written by people just as intolerant as those who preach its teachings today. I am sorry that those whose approval you desire are limited by such close-minded perspectives. Like I said, their lies are purely sinful. Your lifestyle, however, is not. </p>
<p>There have been many times when I have had problems or situations that I don’t want to tell my parents, but I must. I am always really nervous and tense before telling them, but I always feel this sense of great relief afterwards because they almost always sympathize with me and understand. Sure, they might get mad at first, but just respectfully discuss and reason with them. I wish there was some real solid advice I could give you but I know there isn’t.</p>
<p>Yes I need them to know. I don’t feel I need to hide myself. I know straight kids don’t tell their parents they are straight, but that is because it’s assumed. It’s a different application here. I feel like I want to be honest and not have to beat around the bush as to my love life, etc. I can feel the three words wanting to escape and having to hold them in.</p>
<p>And as for safety, I don’t think it could be a great concern. I could also be beaten if I were black, for example, because of white supremacists, and what could I do? Nothing really, I was born black. (Just an example).</p>
<p>I think my mom would feel like I let her down because she’s had a lot of problems throughout life and with my siblings also.</p>
<p>We will always love our son exactly as he is. I hope he knows it. I went totally against my personality type (shy and introverted) and ran for a legislative position against someone who couldn’t handle civil unions (and was pretty nasty about it). I worked hard and shook it up but didn’t win. I hope I did win my son’s confidence that he is golden with us no matter what. I hate to think of my opponent’s kids and grandkids, because they won’t be acceptable to him if they’re not “straight”.</p>
<p>Well, because parents usually know almost everything about their kids. They have a special connection with their own blood and they have seen you essentially every day since you were born. As my dad likes to say “We know you better than you know yourself”. Many times, he couldn’t be more right. They always have a way of knowing what I am thinking and what it on my mind. They can tell when I’m having problems or when I am really happy. I am a great liar, the kind that would be great in the field of law, yet I can’t get a thing past my parents. </p>
<p>This tends to be the case with most kids. Their parents know quite a bit more about them than the kid thinks. I’m sure your parents have an idea. They must at this point, unless you are rediculously good at hiding it.</p>
<p>If you’ve already decided that you need to tell them, then tell them! Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. And let us know how it goes. We’ll give you the support you need if you don’t get it from them. Good luck!</p>
<p>anotherusername, you stated “I think the main thing is that God hates it and that I will forever be damned.” And according to the Bible you may be correct in coming to this conclusion. But remember that any Bible is a translation of ancient Hebrew and Greek texts and things may not be so strait forward as they seem. The link below may be of great help and comfort to you in your struggle to understand how God may view you. There is lots there and it will take a long time to read and understand but I hope you will come to a clearer understanding about yourself.</p>
<p>Another - Well the only thing that would make ME uneasy is the timing of this communication — but I’m not your Dad/Mom am I? IMHO you really need to examine why you feel it important to inform your parents at this brittle time. (Trust me, son leaving home for college is an emotionally charged time for parents.)</p>
<p>ITA-</p>
<p>part of becoming a mature adult is anticipating the effect our words and actions have on those we love as well as the larger community.</p>
<p>As you have not taken the opportunity to open up to them prior to going off to college, I feel it is selfish to “drop that bomb” and then scurry away.</p>
<p>It is already difficult for them, having a child take a major step to full adulthood- then to have another new issue on top of that, which may bring up many different and possibly conflicting questions and concerns, just sounds like bad timing- almost as if you are hoping that it won’t go well.</p>
<p>*My dad has said that he doesn’t treat any of his gay nephews differently as opposed to his straight ones, and always emphasizes that. *</p>
<p>Wouldn’t the nephews of your parents be your cousins? Have you talked to them about how they dealt with their parents?</p>
<p>Well, that means I would still need to be part of the religion and not be open at school, which was something I was looking forward to doing. It seems that it’s a lose-lose situation on the timing. </p>
<p>How does timing play into all of this? Like, will it be taken much worse due to the potential stressors of a child leaving for college?</p>
<p>No, we don’t see them very often. The one that does live in our area my parents would rather we not talk to him. He could be a bad influence. . .</p>
<p>And only one of the parents took it well. She is very supportive. My aunt. And there was an entire problem that sparked out of the cousin that lives in our area and she was the only one who backed him up. It was a very large debate and divider within our family. Ultimately, she said that because everyone hates homosexuals she chooses to love them because someone has to. </p>
<p>Out of the three, two of them are under-the-radar, as in they don’t bring their partners to family gatherings and try to avoid conversations that would bring that subject up; I don’t even think they came out (one of them is the son of the supportive aunt). The flamboyant one which caused the uproar basically put up posters of half-naked men on his bedroom walls and it was understood by everyone. His mother actually moved away because she couldn’t “stand him”.</p>
<p>I would reread inspiration08’s post many times before revealing anything. I would think particularly long if your revelation will or may have consequences for any other young person.</p>
<p>I’m not sure I get what you mean ADad. As in, the implications of my coming out?</p>
<p>I am very, very closeted and though I don’t particularly like using the phrase, “straight acting”. I really haven’t fallen under many of the obvious stereotypes for gays and as such have not had any encounters or romances.</p>