<p>Assuming you’re going to college in the fall, don’t you have lots of time for the dust to settle?</p>
<p>I wrote Millard Fillmore, but I rather meant President Buchanan, who never married and whom some suspect of being gay. It’s a bit of a conspiracy theory, but not impossible.</p>
<p>And of course, would be in the company of many fine leaders and philosophers, the least of which is Alexander the Great(actually probably Caligula, but you can’t win them all I suppose.)</p>
<p>Oh yes I know of Buchanan. After my U.S. history teacher said he might have been gay since he had a very close “friend” and never married, I decided to Wiki him and read more on him.</p>
<p>Sadly, he was one of the worst presidents of our country. And yes, great Alexander!</p>
<p>As for the dust, I will actually be attending next next fall.</p>
<p>If it’s not too much, and it may well be, will the college you’re planning on attending be of a conservative or religious nature?</p>
<p>If so, you may want to investigate how it treats homosexuals.</p>
<p>It’s very liberal. It’s actually quite famous for its liberal-ness.</p>
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I don’t understand. Why would you not be able to be open at college about your sexuality if you did not tell your parents? Unless your parents are planning to drop in on you every weekend, there should be no reason for them to know about your daily goings on. I am leery of you telling your parents if it will cause a huge rift, and possibly loss of your college funds. In your situation, it might be better to let the news come out more gently… over time… nearer college graduation…maybe when/if you are in a “committed” relationship…</p>
<p>I think my children would feel safe in telling us. They have had exposure to friends with gay parents. We treat them like all the other parents.
I would be concerned that their life might be hard but I would support them.
In your case I would think long and hard about telling them. If you have any fear that they will not support you financially I would wait. You can still go off to college and have the college experience you want. Most of us don’t want to know all the details of how our children are spending their free time.</p>
<p>As a parent I first want my child to know that I support and love him/her regardless of sexual orientation. My concerns — what is his/her support system going to college. I respect and admire your desire not to pretend to be other than you are. As a parent I would want to know you are happy and dealing with everything okay. An extended family member of mine with devout Catholic parents came out. The mother was hysterical at first. That subsided eventually and all accepted the family member and partner and their children. They live in suburbia with great jobs, a lovely house and wonderful kids. It is a non issue. The mother to her credit, really got over it when she saw her child was happy. The siblings helped on that. The father was cool from the beginning. The mother wondered if it was her “fault.” That passed. It is a different era however, and most universities have Gay, Lesbian Transgender on campus orgs and many also have very active alumni groups. For many parents, seeing the child in a committed relationship helps b/c they worry the child will be lonely and isolated. I think that worry is not as great now as it was when I was in school. I could go on and on as I have three colleagues in my office who are lesbians with families now who all had stories of coming out. I wish you the very best of luck. I look forward to the day that sexual orienation/preference is a non issue.</p>
<p>To be honest, deep deep down I know my parents will still love me. A friend of mine and I were talking about this right now and he said, “moms have a way of knowing.” As I said before my dad found out and was not hysterical, he looked more disappointed and worried then anything else, and it really only lasted that week. Of course the awkwardness was still present, but I think I thought of it more than he did. It’s just the embarrassment they will go through that I am very concerned. And then how some things don’t add up, as in my mom saying negative things about people she suspects to be gay and my dad thinking it’s a choice.</p>
<p>I remember once my dad told me when I was 12 or so, with the “talk”, that “during this period in your life you will go through many confusing stages, you won’t know who you are and you’ll having many different feelings but remember that being gay is a choice for men who got tired of women and decided to go to the other side.”</p>
<p>I was appalled. I just remembered that, however. So with your questions regarding whether or not they know, I guess they hope I’ve changed with the power of God, etc.</p>
<p>I’m so glad to see all of you parents who are much more open than many others’.</p>
<p>Its interesting this topic. I have told my Ds that their “orientation” would matter not to me…it is so sad that people have to “get over” their child being who they are</p>
<p>I wil never forget that day my MIL, a traditional Irish Cathoilc lady, sad to me, you know, even though the church tells me otherwise, I just think gays are born that way, and who cares…</p>
<p>As for the OPs religious “part” of this whole thing, do you want to be part of a group that hates you? that hates “your kind” would hate the person you loved</p>
<p>Know that there are many faiths and practices that have no issues with homosexuality, so you may very likely find a place of worship that would welcome you, embrace you for who you are, and not shun you</p>
<p>As for telling your parents, well, I know kids who go off to college, hookup willy nilly, and come home all prim and propper- those parents of those straight kids don’t know all the details of their lives</p>
<p>I wished you could just tell mom and dad without all this stress and such…and you should know, its okay to move away from your religion and explore, and know that many many religions won’t think you are desitined for hell…and lots of people won’t either…</p>
<p>Again, you don’t need to be part of something that hates you before they even know you</p>
<p>My “dust” comment was due to wondering about I feel it is selfish to “drop that bomb” and then scurry away.</p>
<p>Perhaps you would tell your parents, and no one else, such that it would be their choice to tell their church and community, or keep it a secret. Eventually, perhaps slowly, word would get around. Major truths cannot be kept secret, but your parents might have time to sort out their feelings, and how they want to handle the issue.</p>
<p>I don’t plan on being part of it, but for right now it’s the only option for reasons I’d be happy to explain via PM.</p>
<p>I am still wondering what is it that you expect of your parents. They have talked to you, it sounds like, as much as they are currently ready for about being gay</p>
<p>Wanting them to wholeheartedly embrace your sexuality and start going to PFLAG meetings is a little too fast I think.
They are not going to know of your behavior on campus- and they probably don’t want to know. If you are attending one of the liberal schools, with drag balls and GUGs ( gay until graduation), they probably suspect that you will be more out than you apparently were in high school.</p>
<p>SInce they are supporting your attending this college presumably full of GLBTs and perhaps even those who know what the black band on the rainbow stands for- I would not feel that you had to get their " attaboy" before you leave for school.</p>
<p>Or are you anticipating bringing home a “friend” for Thanksgiving dinner?</p>
<p>What do you mean what I “expect”?</p>
<p>I don’t understand:</p>
<p>“They have talked to you, it sounds like, as much as they are currently ready for about being gay”</p>
<p>And they haven’t visited the campus yet, which is another worry for another thread, but there are other little details I’d be more comfortable explaining via PM why I can’t live “freely” on campus.</p>
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<p>anotherusername, this quote is what I am referring to. Inspiration’s revelation apparently led to a strongly negative reaction from her girlfriend’s parents that has created problems for the girlfriend. The quote may not be relevant in your case.</p>
<p>Perhaps your parents may not disown you, refuse to pay your tuition, etc. But imo it would be prudent to have given some serious thought to what you will do if such negative reactions do in fact occur. </p>
<p>It is indeed possible that your parents already know and accept but prefer not to make known that they know and accept. It would be risky, though, to act as if it is certain that this is the case. </p>
<p>To my knowledge, Jesus did not specifically and virulently condemn homosexuality in the Gospels. Perhaps others should follow his example. When I hear claims that something will certainly cause eternal damnation, this central teaching of Jesus comes to mind:</p>
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<p>my comment : vossron and CGM, was because when someone tells us something of great magnitude- most of us will have questions and concerns.
I don’t like to discuss things that are delicate over the phone, it is much better in person- but perhaps his parents wouldn’t have any questions?
I had to go back to reread, that his parents have already been told over the years-</p>
<p>When I found out when D was a junior, I really didn’t have any clue 
</p>
<p>Incidentally, she came out to her peers in high school, a full year or so, before I found out- and this is a local school that I was pretty involved in- so worrying that your behavior in college- is going to get back to your parents, may be not the case.</p>
<p>They don’t know officially. I’m saying that the case that “most moms know” could be true since my mom is good at this type of stuff and my dad just hopes it was a phase, IMO. And I think most moms here would agree with the idea the moms have a sixth sense.</p>
<p>And it would get back. Trust me.</p>
<p>It may be a don’t ask, don’t tell, thing with your parents, sad to say…but sometimes, we just have to go about our business, and not share stuff…if they have been "okay’ with it so far, then maybe its okay to just let it be…that is NOT denying who you are, but just letting it play out</p>
<p>sounds like maybe there are people on this campus who know you and may not be so pleased or accepting of you</p>
<p>what kind of power, besides being gossips and snippy, do these people have</p>
<p>you don’t have to share here, but at some point in your life, and you are very close, you just need to not stress over others reactions to you</p>
<p>Maybe you can just live a quiet gay life, with a nice relationship- many do, and many who are straight do…many gays are very politically active, and many just go about their lives…what I would do is this…let it “sit” for a bit, right now its kind of "raw’ for all parties concerned and a period of calm and thinking can do a lot of good…your parents may suprise you, but you don’t need to rush into it right now…</p>
<p>For instance, even with my H, when I am planning something, I take it slow, he can get overwhelmed with too much information</p>
<p>As well, he doesn’t really want to know too much about his Ds romantic ives- its a dad thing- straight or gay- </p>
<p>So part of your parents reactions are typical of most parents of straight kids, and some is religious, some is fear, some is what they might percieve as lost hopes, how others will see them (not rational, but what is) so it is your turn to understand and be compassionate…they only know what they have been taught, and sometimes growth and change is slow- not fair, but it is what we can be stuck with</p>
<p>I haven’t read the whole thread so I am sorry if you have already read the same sort of comment…feel free to just skip it but first I would like to offer you my support and my prayers. You are brave and I applaud you ! </p>
<p>Your parents have likely been dreaming about your future since before you were born. They have been trying to picture your career, your future spouse and your children. When you share your sexual identity with them they will mourn the loss of some of the images they have had running through their brains. Mourning happens in steps and takes time so despite their love for you, they will likely need an adjustment period. That is the essence of your OP so I will leave it at that. Except to add that whenever you decide to tell them it should be with the expectation that they may not take it easily.</p>
<p>I fibbed, I do have one other thing to say other thing is that as parents we are mostly about wanting for you what will make your life easier. My guess is that on some level they will worry that your life will be more difficult as a gay person. When they were kids it was. You have the advantage of living in a more tolerant age but what they remember from their own childhood and young adulthood is what will color their reactions to you.</p>
<p>I really suggest you connect up with a gay teen/young adult support group for advice on what you may expect from them and a place for you to go after you share your story with your parents. Truely, think about your timetable… wait until you are really ready.</p>