We have zero couple friends. On the rare instances that we’re invited to dinner or a social engagement DH won’t leave my side. It’s annoying to the point that I’d rather just stay home. We have our own separate friends, but I’d love real couple friends!
VaBluebird, I could have written your post except my dh is very similar to me which means our social life is pretty quiet. My goal this year is to push myself more socially but the truth is I am quite happy at home. I will admit though that facebook can make me envious. That is a good reason not to be on it so much.
I think I have an average number of friends. Even that many makes it tough to keep in contact with all of them. Between my family, my wife’s family, my friends, her friends, our neighbors it gets to be to much. I cut off people from work who want to get together and I have to discourage as politely as possible new people from moving beyond small talk at the gym when it seems they want to extend socializing beyond talking while we exercise.
I do have one friend that must have 10,000 friends. He is never home.
I found it easier to socialize in Texas. When we invited people over to our house, they almost always accepted. Up here, it seems like people turn down invitations more often than not. And they will even cancel at the last minute. I don’t get it.
We have many couple friends. I have to say, it really is fun to go out with other couples. We probably go out with couples friends at least 3 times per month, sometimes more, sometimes less. Of course, DH usually organizes or receives the invitation.
“But I don’t post a lot on FB. I have FB friends who post constantly. To me it would be awkward asking my friends to pose for a picture every time we had lunch or dinner together or whatever. I don’t get that.”
That’s interesting. As an introvert, it’s relatively rare and an “event” for me to have coffee, lunch or dinner with a girlfriend, so I DO tend to memorialize that on Facebook - kind of a “prove to myself I have at least a modicum of a social life”!
Much of this depends on your community-right Mainelonghorn?. As I live in a very social community, with planned parties and dinners, my life has been far richer than it might be in some of the other places I’ve lived. One of my friends is a very good organizer, and gets groups together every few months from our various kid groups from years past. We all love each other and appreciate her energy, but would probably not take the initiative without her. We eat dinner out every few months, and we watch presidential debates together on occasion, camp every year. I have a few friends I attend folk music concerts with regularly. Another friend shares an interest in chamber music and we attend a few concerts each year. There are others I walk with on occasion. I have been in two book clubs for a decade or two each. I host a few big parties each year that people look forward to attending. So it adds up to a social life. Unless my kids are home, there are rarely photos on FB of my social gatherings.
But, I have no family in this part of the country, and need these people. Being single, I need to talk to someone every few days after work. Sometimes I’m lonely, other times I’d prefer to be left alone with my creative pursuits, books, and on line mental stimulation and cringe when someone calls. But usually I’m energized by social contact.
As a lonely kid in a family of people that didn’t socialize much and moved frequently, I really do appreciate the richness of my contacts.
To some of us, having tons of “virtual friends” is like living in a fishbowl. You are a celebrity, at least in your own mind and world. It’s not something I aspire to.
My husband might say I’m “popular,” but that’s because if I don’t make plans for us we would do just about nothing outside of dinner out by ourselves once a week. I think I’ve said we need to be more social for each of the last several years. Maybe this year we will do that.
@1214mom, I often say “I’d rather not” when DH proposes some kind of social outing. He knows this, but he (nicely) keeps at it. Not to say he badgers me when I say no, but he says okay, and then the next time is a little more persistent and mentions that I said no the last time. It doesn’t guilt me into saying yes the next time, but I do love him and want to consider his feelings as well, so I usually do try to accommodate him in a fair (if not equitable) way. And nine times out of 10, I’m glad we went out, glad we spent time with our friends, and had a really good time in the process.
@Nrdsb4 My father alternated between reclusiveness and gregariousness, and I don’t know how to explain it except as you just did. About 20 years ago I literally forced him to go out to our small town country club for dinner. He finally relented. As it turned out, a few of his friends were there, including a large table of folks that often dined out together. He had a great time visiting, and as we got in the car he turned to me and said, “I sure am glad you made me come.”
my son has, on several occasions, said while laughing, Dad you were a “player” and I always correct him with: “no I wasn’t a player, I was popular”
I’m an introvert. Here is what I learned from having a socially outgoing daughter. (Something that my kid knew at age 6 that I had never figured out until she came along):
People who are always socializing with others are initiators. They are often doing things with friends or groups because they got on the phone and called and made arrangements (or these days sent texts). I used to watch my daughter get on the phone and call a series of friends to do something until she had assembled a group. If Friend A was busy, or if that friend’s parents said no to the outing, daughter dialed up Friend B, and so on.
Yes, often others were calling her and she was invited, but what I realized is that all of those incoming invitations were reciprocation. My daughter was part of the “must invite” group because she was always including those friend in her plans.
So basically, one big difference is that the introverts like me are content to simply not have plans for the weekend & stay home … while the extroverts simply don’t allow that to happen. They’ve made the plans - or if they don’t have plans, they go out to someplace where they know that they will run into their friends.
My daughter is also quite the socializer. She planned the nye party and she decided to reach out to a girl she met at orientation last summer and her roommates. She’s having them over with a couple of her current friends before going out. She constantly expands her circle.
This is interesting - there are several posters here who I “know” from other threads, who I would have guessed were quite extroverted but who are self-described introverts. Put me in the introvert camp as well - in fact, I might be their queen! I love an unscheduled weekend & a good book!
I think some of us more prolific posters are active online precisely because we are introverted. We’re the ones with all the extra time on our hands for reading and posting.
What about popularity? It is not introversion/extroversion being asked about. I’m an extrovert and never was popular. Think people- those of you who were asked to do things, be a part of things. Has your HS and college popularity lasted? Did marriage and family change that? How about those of us outsiders who wanted to be invited but weren’t? Any of you develop a following as an adult? Some introverts can be popular because they can be quiet and let others shine, or are never outspoken. It is hard to be different and want to belong. Do/did the popular ones ever think beyond their group? Etc.
Extrovert here, but a popularity hater. My wife is a total social butterfly. She doesn’t have to try at all. People just gravitate toward her. I have fewer friends than most extroverts, but those friendships are probably deeper than those of most extroverts.
I hate Facebook, with a capital H!
Here’s a great essay about popularity. I’m not sure I completely agree with his thesis, but it’s a great essay.
I struggled with all this growing up. My father was a hyper-extrovert and just couldn’t understand why I wasn’t, I tried so hard-probably too hard-but I never lived up to what he seemed to think I should be. Like a lot of Catholic school kids, I had a school peer group and a home peer group. I had some close friends at home, but none at school until my senior year, when the social landscape shifted slightly. College was a little better. I joined a sorority and enjoyed myself, but I gradually came to accept that I’m just not and never would be the kind of person people flock to. In spite of that, or maybe even because of it, I married another hyper-extrovert and it’s been almost 30 years of a delicate give-and-take dance between us. However, since my dad’s been gone and introverts are finally having a moment, I’m happier and more at peace with myself than I’ve ever been. Since I’ve owned my introversion I’ve come to understand the concept of being comfortable in one’s own skin and it’s a great place to be. Life isn’t perfect by any means but it’s a lot more manageable and enjoyable.
I’m not popular. Have been a few times in my life and felt very uncomfortable with it. Too much pressure if it does not come naturally and with love. I even remember being invited to a middle school party where the attendees were the “most” popular kids and feeling so uncomfortable.
I prefer a small group of intimate people. People I enjoy and do not have to impress.
I do wish H and I had a few couple friends at this stage of our lives. We do not but did. But people move, people divorce, people die.