<p>Did anyone read this article in the New York Times? The basic premise is that, despite what adults think, it’s still tough being a geek or nerd in highschool (just like when we were in highschool). It may be cool to us, but the coolness factor has not made its way down to the highschool yet. </p>
<p>But from my vantage point, this does not ring true at all. My kids and their friends, as well as my friends’ kids (because most of my friends are professors and they seem to create a disproportionate number of nerd offspring, lol), well…they are all classic nerds! But unlike my generation, they are proud to be nerds, they think they have an advantage already, and none of them have felt its downsides. Well sure they aren’t invited to the cool parties, but they also really don’t care about being part of the popular crowd and have their own socially happenings. But maybe it depends upon one’s highschool culture? Or the availability of other nerds to make a crowd (vs. two alone at a table in the cafeteria)? </p>
<p>Do you have children who self-identify as nerds and how has it been for them in highschool? </p>
<p>I think it depends on the high school and the parents. Self esteem is something that has to be developed before the awkward high school years. One of the kids in the article mentions his mom keeps pushing him to be more normal, that was my experience too. I had classmates that were as nerdy as I was, but were never told they should try to be different. I think that helps. Also, a high school in a college town or with a lot of professors’ kids will have a critical mass of geeks or nerds that are proud to be who they are, and have nerd adult role models to show them there is nothing wrong with it.</p>
<p>I also couldn’t agree more with the previous comment about magnet schools, and I think to a certain degree, the same is true for honors’ programs at large schools.</p>
<p>In our very unselect, non-magnet, dearth of professor-kids high school, my kids were proudly “band nerds” and did not seem to have any idea of a “cool kid” hierarchy that they were excluded from. I don’t recall hearing of any cafeteria or locker room issues. They had their friends, other people had their friends, and no one got pushed into a locker.</p>
<p>It varies per school of course, but usually nerds and geeks find their own niche in public non magnet high school. In some cases they are even respected by other peers, rather than stereotypically beat down upon. </p>
<p>That’s just from my own experiences. I find that those who are bullied are those who aren’t very social to begin with, and they’re harassed because of their asocial behavior and not because they’re geeks. There’s always a safety in numbers…?</p>
<p>That’s great to hear, garland. I had a horrible time in a similar HS in the 90s. I used to be thrown into a metal trash can, which then they pushed horizontally and rolled over the hallway whenever I would get good grades. So not fun… I have talked to some current undergrads who had similar HS experiences from mine, but it’s good those experiences aren’t universal.</p>
<p>And n0vad3m0n, that’s not always the case. I think am very sociable and friendly. But there were just a handful of us in HS that got good grades. In college and grad school I got the “Friendliest person in the class” whenever we had an award ceremony for fun.</p>
<p>Yes, the attitude of my kids is, there is the popular crowd, (or as DD says, “the crowd that THINKS it’s popular”) and then there are the smart/geeky kids. They all have their own circles of friends, and some overlap, as it is a small school.</p>
<p>My more introverted, studious kids don’t go to the big “popular” parties, but I am totally okay with that because I am not fond of what happens at some of those parties. They have their own parties or get togethers, just at a different speed. I don’t understand the pressure some parents put on their kids to be popular and go to the “right” parties or have a girlfriend/boyfriend, etc.</p>
<p>As I always tell my kids, you don’t want to peak in high school!</p>
<p>hi! im new here! i actually think its better if kids try to be social and popular…socail skills are extremely important in the real world, and in the job market as well.</p>
<p>there are a lot of geeky kids in my school so we all join together and are happily geeky together. we go out a lot, dry bonfires playing apples to apples, etc.</p>
<p>High-School always struck me as what the real world would be like under a dysfunctional regime. There’s no immediate reward for doing work other than the promise of something later on and the social structure is determined by a bourgeoisie who only got to being that way based on appearance, physical toughness, parent’s money etc. No fun.</p>
<p>Of course, in my experience, the definition of a geek is wide-ranging. There are kids who fall into the CC crowd and kids who couldn’t care less about grades but are hardcore video-gamers or something. No matter where you fall along the spectrum, you get labelled a geek.</p>
<p>There are also kids who are social and antisocial, introverted and extroverted and (because it makes a difference) attractive and unattractive or in-between. I don’t think this has anything to do with being a geek.</p>
<p>If you look around CC you see kids that are socially adept with 4.0s and kids that are socially inept with 4.0s. Which ones are the geeks?</p>
<p>I disagree, though will agree that is true for some (probably more than half of my class of business students for example-- great GPA, not necessarily with intellectual interests). </p>
<p>But real life jobs are like that too. Some are in it for the paycheck, the next rung up the ladder, and others actually enjoy the experience of work, they get something intangible from it. The nerdy kids i know are like that about school, they aren’t just working for a GPA or some future goal but are intrinsically interested in learning.</p>
<p>I would argue being a geek isn’t determined by GPA, attractiveness nor social skills, but rather by interests and orientation. </p>
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<p>One can readily develop social skills with their nerd friends as much as they can from being part of the popular crowd. It comes from socializing, not about who you socialize with (and I’d argue that happens better without the crutch of alcohol, which may give nerds the edge there).</p>
<p>My D was always an anti -party kid .She was this way since HS ,and just finished her first year at Harvard where she still doesn’t go to parties !! She feels most parties are all about smoking pot, sex , and drinking ,which don’t interest her .She has found other kids who have similar ideas .As long as you have friends ,that is all that matters !</p>
<p>My oldest embraced computer geekdom at 7 or 8 and never looked back. As far as I can tell he never was bullied. He got into a shoving match with a kid over something very stupid in 8th grade and got a one day in school suspension. The administrators were all terribly apologetic, but I actually think it may have had the effect of kids realizing he wasn’t someone to mess with, but he also kept better control of his temper after that. He ended up being well enough known around school that he was voted “Mostly likely rocket scientist” and kids like the guy who works in the local art store knew his name. That said he only had three close friends and he had no one at all who was interested in computer programming like he was. He really blossomed in college (Carnegie Mellon) which was full of kids just like him. Now there are lots of kids who play board and video games or think it’s fun to work on the Linux kernel in your spare time.</p>
<p>My younger son says he’s a nerd (“look at my t-shirts Mom”), but he was much, much more social than his older brother. He also did Science Olympiad, but instead of Academic Team, he was on the literary magazine because a friend was an editor. He didn’t go to parties with a lot of drinking (but some of his friends do drink and some don’t). His friends did seem to spend a lot of time hanging out doing things that didn’t cost much money. I don’t feel like he’s found as compatible a group of friends in college, but maybe he’s just not talking about them.</p>
<p>I’m a nerd. Perfectly happy in a public high school. I have my own niche of perfectly normal, non-nerdy friends. It may be that I don’t feel overly different in HS because I take all honors courses with kids who do the same, but I’ve never felt any repercussions to being nerdy.</p>
<p>I got to a little all-girls private school where being perfect is what makes you popular. That means taking all AP and Honors classes, making highest honors without trying, getting into a top college, drinking and partying a lot, being an athlete, having a boyfriend or hooking up a lot, and dining out frequently at exquisite eateries. Note that you do not necessarily have to be rich but it is helpful. </p>
<p>Anyway, lots of popular kids do academic stuff at my school but they must be pretty much good at everything to fit the mold. I found it rather exhausting.</p>
<p>in the science journalist Winifred Gallagher’s words: “The glory of the disposition that stops to consider stimuli rather than rushing to engage with them is its long association with intellectual and artistic achievement. Neither E=mc2 nor ‘Paradise Lost’ was dashed off by a party animal.”</p>
<p>I’m in high school now, and am the biggest nerd there is. But I’ve never felt bullied because of it. Like a couple people said above, nerds and geeks find a niche in high school a lot. If there’s enough of you, you don’t feel left out. It depends a lot on the school, like my previous, more ‘ethnically diverse’ school, was not friendly towards nerds, and pressured you a lot to change. I never felt like I fit in at that school. Everyone, or most everyone, has some degree of social adeptness, and when you’re with more of people like you, its much easier to fit in. Personally, I’ve been praised a lot by fellow students and even admired by upperclassmen because I was a freshmen in pre-calculus. Smart is a universal compliment, those that pick on nerds are simply jealous that they’re ‘not’ smart.</p>
<p>Well, there is a bit of a chasm here between myself and other posters. What I’m saying is that someone who is a 4.0 student but also the class president, socially adept and sexually active <em>isn’t</em> a nerd, even if they jokingly refer to themselves as one. Maybe it sounds like semantics but I am trying to make a real point.</p>
<p>My opinion would be that being called a “nerd” is never a positive thing. Being called “smart” is, but the former is an insult given to those who are generally socially inept, sexually inactive, somewhat intelligent and possibly a bit eccentric. If you’re being labeled a “nerd” by your peers, chances are you fit the bill.</p>