Our 18 yo DS got his driver’s license earlier this year. I will admit he is not a great driver, but what new driver is? He is not allowed to drive long distances on his own. He started college this past fall. He has been back home twice, and each time he has gotten into a minor scrapes. The first time, he backed the car out of a parking space in the mall and scraped the rear passenger door against a column. Luckily, the body shop was able to buff out the scratch. He didn’t even see the scratch until he was home, and we pointed it out to him. The second time, he claimed he was driving down a hill and making a right turn, somehow clipped the rear of the car (underneath) on the curb. It was late in the evening and he heard metal scraping against the sidewalk. Again, some minor paint damage to the car.
He claims that since he is not driving at all in college ( we did not allow him to bring a car ), his driving skill are rusty. I’m not sure I believe that. I think he is just not careful or paying attention. Both times, his girlfriend was with him. Anyway, is it normal for new drivers to get into all these minor scrapes? Hubbie put the kabosh on driving and said that DS is not allowed to drive even during the holidays at home. What do you all think?
I think he needs more practice. Have you been out with him to gage the situation for yourself? Why did he get his license so late? Don’t most kids want it at 16?
I think your son is right - he doesn’t have enough driving experience and practice. He hasn’t had his license for even a year yet and then he has long gaps of not driving when at college. Like many things, being a good driver requires practice. Being aware of spatial boundaries and distances comes with practice.
When are kids were new drivers like that and came home after not driving for awhile, we always went with them on the first trip or two and frankly, to their dismay, would nag them about things like speed, proper blinker usage, etc.
Sounds like your son needs a refresher, either from you as parents or a lesson or two.
On the other hand, some people are just bad drivers.
I honestly don’t think it sounds unusual. My kids got their licenses around that age – not at all uncommon for millenials, and were often also rusty due to being away at college.
D1 slid the car into the ditch half a mile from our house at midnight one night when it was 20 below zero. D2 clipped the fire extinguisher on a cement pillar in the library ramp and knocked it completely off. I had a few incidents in my first few years of driving back in the day (hit someone passing me on the right when I was turning right, totaled a car with two kayaks on top 300 miles from home). Heck, I scraped my bumper paint off on a cement pillar in my apartment garage a couple years ago when I was distracted on the way to the hospital after my mom had a stroke.
Driving is a complex skill that takes practice, and mistakes can be expensive. But they happen. Be glad cars are safer than they used to be and that your kid is fine. I’d let him drive – he needs the practice. But maybe not with others except you or H in the car during this winter break.
He just had his vision checked, and he does wear glasses. He delayed getting his license until 18, because auto insurance is extremely expensive in our area. He felt terrible about the last two scrapes, and i told hubby that I didn’t think we needed to totally ban him from driving. I think he just needs to drive around with us supervising.
I’m guessing that the column has been there a few years. It just didn’t appear while he was in the store with GF.
I agree with ‘hubby’. Teh only driving is when a 'rent is in the car. GF can sit in back.
Told my kids the same thing that my mom told me when I got my license: have fun, but one ticket or one accident, and you are off the insurance and driving privileges.
My daughter was over 18 when she got her license, and she was a terrible driver. Last summer, at 21, was the first time she really drove a lot and she was a lot better at the end of the summer than she was at the beginning. She didn’t drive at night, in the rain, on the highway or anywhere unfamiliar. Parking requires a BIG space even though she drives a little VW Bug.
I was a crappy driver when I went away to college. I had my license at 16 years (and one day!) but I was the 5th driver in a one car family. I went to college at 17 and never practiced. I really didn’t drive much until I got my first car at 21. It takes practice.
I think if you ban him, it’ll make things worse. He won’t get the practice and he’ll be an unconfident driver which isn’t a good thing to be. You don’t want to create that scenario. He needs to “get back on the horse”.
Kiddos are waaay over 21 and they scrape their cars! No big deal. They just drive scraped cars. As long as there are no other people’s property damaged or anyone hurt, a few scratches are OK - they do not make a car undrivable.
Consider having an advanced driving course of some kind. Have a look around what is available in your area. How did he learn to drive? FInd a professional who will teach him some skills. Defensive driving course, etc. You could consider putting in some kind of monitoring device if you think he is texting or being dumb. It sounds pretty innocuous though.
To me, both the incidents you described just seem like inexperience – not being completely aware of where the edge of the car is and what is around him. I think your H is overreacting, and your son is right that he needs more practice. Many states restrict younger drivers from driving just with other teens. You can put that limit on him, too. But stopping driving altogether seems silly. He won’t get better without practice.
Agree that H is overreacting. If he’s not allowed to drive, he’s not going to get any better. I mean, what’s the long term plan? In most places he’ll need a car for a job at some point.
And these incidents both sound prett minor and within the range of normal for a new driver. Particularly one who only drives occasionally.
D nor S were allowed to have any person other than parents in the car for a year.
Not even their sibling. Both had one incident where they drove the car into a wall or post denting the
front. Both paid for it out of pocket. He might be a better driver without others in the car taking his attention.
(That little Subaru Impreza is now 22 years old and still going strong!)
So maybe a rule like this rather than he is not allowed to drive.
Both of the accidents are spatial related. Judging distance and angles takes time and practice. If I were you, I’d want my son practicing more, not less. When my children were learning to drive, I practiced with them everyday until I felt confident they knew how to drive safely. Sometimes we drove for hours. But they learned.
My son has been driving for 4 years and hasn’t had any fender benders at all. My daughter’s been driving for 2 and has had only one, and that was the same sort of thing you described. She’d only had her license a couple of months when she had to back out of a tight space in a small lot and got a scrape on the car. We spent a few weeks practicing how to maneuver in small areas and she hasn’t had a problem since then. Practice gave her confidence, and I think that’s a trait every driver should have.
No fender benders are not “part of learning to drive”. You owe it to other car owners to do more practice parking and other things with him before you send him out on his own again. But then again there are some terrible drivers out there who seem to never get better. In Michigan the kids take drivers training at about 14 1/2 and spend documented hours with a parent before getting a graduated license and not getting their full license until 16. Driving is one of those skills that doesn’t magically happen just because you are a couple years older.
We had a zero tolerance policy for DS damaging a car (ours or someone else’s) when he learned to drive. If there was any damage he had to pay for the repair before driving again. Also could then not drive alone for 3 months. He became a very attentive driver.
Accidents are not normal for a new driver. The driver has a responsibility to other drivers and pedestrians! Parents are WAY too permissive on this!
One of the issues with today’s driving, IMO, is that the drivers ed that is mandatory in many states is taught by 25-30 year olds who aren’t any better than the kids they’re teaching. The parents aren’t as involved as they used to be. I drive better than any of my kids and its because my father taught me to drive.
He either lied, or, more likely, had the radio on loud and didn’t hear the scrape against the column. *When you’re backing up, the car should be silent * so you can hear if you get up against something or if people are screaming at you to stop because you’re about to back into/over something or someone. Passengers are often part of the problem as they don’t shut up, and/or they start adjusting the radio station the moment the car starts. Be courteous to the driver.
Yeah, this could totally backfire. After college S drove across the country to Tacoma, Washington with a friend, spent a year there commuting in Tacoma traffic, then drove back across the country with another friend. He now lives 400 miles from us and will make his 9th round trip home this holiday. D has a 25 minute rural commute to work and regularly makes the 60-mile trip home. They both drive more than I would wish, but at least they got practice when they were younger. And both of their cars are still on our insurance.
D2 had an unfortunate tendency to run into those pipes that protect gas pumps as a new driver. After practice she now competently drives in big city conditions and parallel parks expertly.