<p>This question has been nagging me for a while during self-reflection. How does one avoid coming off as arrogant, while being ambitious? What is the fine line between confidence and arrogance?</p>
<p>Some people describe it as attitude as opposed to your specific set of actions. It’s not clear to me what they mean by that. For example, say you have a bold objective or ambition, and you truly believe that you can accomplish it (e.g. otherwise what is even the point of beginning an endeavor if you don’t commit yourself fully).</p>
<p>Is the distinction in the degree of your belief that it’ll happen (100% belief = arrogance), how you acknowledge your detractors (e.g. take into account their feedback respectfully and incorporate it into your plans versus ignoring their feedback), or whether you compare that ambition to others and believe your choices/plan to be superior?</p>
<p>I guess I’m wondering whether it’s unavoidable to be construed as arrogant if you have bold objectives, and really believe that you can achieve them even if you are responsive and open to alternative interpretations and opinions on your plan/objectives.</p>
<p>Would appreciate any feedback. I guess the bottom line is what concrete steps you can take to avoid being perceived arrogant while being ambitious.</p>
<p>One can work hard, have ambition, set high goals, and not have any arrogance whatsoever. And there are plenty of unambitious but arrogant people out there. </p>
<p>Being ambitious is being enthusiastic about some future high goals and working hard to achieve them. Confidence is believing in yourself and your abilities to achieve your goals. IMHO, arrogance connotes sense of superiority over others, perhaps coming across as disrespectful of others, or being too presumptuous. I think it’s an underlying attitude and therefore, if you have it, it’s going to reveal itself in subtle ways and if you do not, you have nothing to worry about. </p>
<p>People can be ambitious and confident without coming across as arrogant if they also have maturity and genuine self-esteem to be able to acknowledge that they do not know everything, that they have strengths that others do not have but also weaknesses, that they can learn a lot from other people, that they might make mistakes along the way, or that they may have to revise their goals or ways of achieving them as they gain more experience along the road toward them. </p>
<p>A bigger concern with being very confident and ambitious is not arrogance, but coming across as naive and immature (due to a lack of experience or knowledge about their goals and the reality of the context in which they are trying to achieve them). As a silly example, if someone joins a company out of college, and thinks they are going to CEO in five years, or someone takes up gymnastics and thinks they will go to the Olympics in 3 years, it might be seen as arrogant, or it just might be seen as immature and naive.</p>
<p>My 16-yo nephew was here recently. (They live across the country, so we only see them a couple of times per year.) He is like 8th in his class and scored very well on his first SAT attempt. He is apparently very good in math and science and very bright. He also came across as very arrogant, which was picked up on by S, myself, and local sister-in-law. He made several derogatory comments about S (17) not being “all that smart”, and in conversations acted as if he knew a great deal about every topic. </p>
<p>Op, I am sure you know people, other students, who are arrogant. It isn’t just about being self-confident or ambitious. It’s a sense someone conveys in subtle or not-so-subtle ways that they believe they are actually better, or smarter, or more attractive, etc. than others.</p>
<p>Arrogance is somewhat in the eye of the beholder. I know of very few really ambitious people, actively engaged in realizing their ambitions, who have never been called “arrogant” somewhere along the line. That doesn’t mean that I think they are arrogant, but people differ in their views. When you are trying to meet a need no one else has succeeded in meeting, and you have a clear idea of how to do it that differs from other people’s fuzzy ideas, and many other people long ago concluded that what you want to do is impossible . . . well, it’s hard not to give some of those other people the impression that you think they are wrong and inadequate. And, really, you do think that, at least a little.</p>
<p>It’s possible to avoid being labeled arrogant, perhaps, but not necessarily worth the trouble. For example, very ambitious, actively engaged nuns usually don’t get called out for arrogance (even if, on occasion, they maybe deserve it). I’m not sure it’s worth taking vows just to convince people you are not arrogant.</p>
<p>Many supremely arrogant people manage to maintain a public image of humility. That is a service one can purchase from PR professionals.</p>
<p>I can’t define it. But read this thread carefully. Given enough time and enough posts, I’m fairly certain someone will cross it somewhere down the line. I’m confident in that prediction, but not arrogantly so ;)</p>
<p>I can’t help but see an underlying question of “I’m smarter than the average bear” and having trouble keeping that under my hat without ticking people off…what to do?</p>
<p>I’ve known some super bright people on both sides of that arrogance fence. The difference between them is the non-arrogant are truly interested in the opinions of others (never know they may learn something!) and the arrogant are only interested in their own opinions.</p>
<p>The successful people I admire the most are ones who are ambitious, and confident, but they’re also very aware that they need to work with others and listen to their ideas in order to succeed. They balance ambition with collaboration and respect for other’s strengths. They never convey that they’re better than others (even though they might in fact be smarter at some things or better at some tasks). Having said that, I have only known a handful of these people. I wish I was more like that myself.</p>
<p>In my opinion a confident person doesn’t brag about their self nor do they belittle others. A confident person also understands how important it is to listen to others. An arrogant person listens to no one or very few, belittles others to make their self appear better and makes sure everyone knows how “great” they are. A confident person knows they are capable and just quietly proves it over and over. An arrogant person isn’t confident about their selves and that is why they have to brag so much.</p>
<p>Mother Theresa was accused of arrogance before she was accused of being a saint. I’m not even making that up.</p>
<p>I believe she even admitted to the sin of Pride in her youth.</p>
<p>Still, it is generally better to give credit to others as much as possible. In the UNC basketball program, after you make a basket, you always point at the person who passed you the ball. Acknowledging the person who passed you the ball, metaphorically speaking, is one way to avoid becoming arrogant.</p>
<p>^^Or where you grew up, went to college, what’s in the bank account, etc. None of those make you better than anyone else, but many people think they do.</p>
<p>This is my experience as well. Arrogant people already know it all, while confident people never stop inquiring and soliciting input from others. </p>
<p>Let’s make a list of famous (and famously) arrogant people. I’ll start:</p>
<p>Confidence is knowing you have the right answer. Arrogance is believing if you show others that your answer is right, that they will appreciate you for showing them the error of their ways, and laud you for your brilliance. (In other words, arrogance is failing to consider that others may have a valid point of view also. Yeah, yeah, I know you’re absolutely sure the world is flat.)</p>
<h1>1 Ask yourself whether you need to advertise all of your goals. Putting it out there can make forces align against you.</h1>
<h1>2 Frame your discussion of achieving goals in terms of “what would be necessary to achieve this” rather than “I am going to do such and such.”</h1>
<h1>3 If there is some impressive award that you won, and people congratulate or ask you about it, you can volunteer how you did it so as to . For example, I did all the AoPS problems…etc. Or I memorized this booklet. Demystifying an achievement by showing how you did it shows that you have a sense that your achievement is a result of completing certain tasks rather than your own amazingness. If what you did does require some out-of-the-ordinary talent, then don’t describe it.</h1>
<p>D was telling me yesterday about her former boyfriend (both college seniors). She said he was confident because he applied to several “Top 10” grad schools in his subject. He didn’t get accepted at any, but he is arrogant because he truly believes it was their loss…</p>