What life-skills should a kid have by the age of 16?

Parent Cafe
61

I’m very good at getting out the jack and the tire iron and acting helpless enough someone always starts helping me before I get very far along. The truth is I usually can’t get the lug nuts to come off.

My number one is make a phone call to a stranger. My kids hate doing this. You guys can make the appointments, ask questions, order pizza. Why should I do it?

Number two is use public transportation both kids learned how to take trains into the city and use the subway or buses while they were in high school. Sophomore year for both of them I think.

62

Being able to have a simple conversation with other adults… I’m surprised how many teens can’t even ask other adults questions or engage in harmless small talk.

Being able to ask someone for something, or contribute information to a situation could come in handy.

63

I agree repairing things on a car is idiotic, back in the wrench and screwdriver days, maybe, but today? I have some basic mechanics certifications, I have done things like sync the carbs on a ferrari with 6 2 barrel carbs, and I could do very little on modern cars (yeah, I could change the oil, the fluids, I can change bulbs and such, but changing the oil these days with the cost of getting rid of the oil , plus my time, isn’t worth it). I think kids should know how the car works on a basic level, and learn things like how ot check the oil and fluid levels, but after that…

Okay, so what kind of skills should the kid have?

They need to have basic ideas of budgeting money, about how to spend money, save it and so forth.

They should be able to have basic social skills, so when introduced to new people, they know how to introduce themselves, and make conversation.

They should be able to take a lot of responsibility on with the things they are doing. For example, if a music student, it should no longer be parents telling them when to practice, and they should be able to drive their college search, for example, as much as possible, keeping track of deadlines, talking to the schools and so forth. They will be going away to school, and it scares me when I see parents who do so much for their kids. My son was at a very prominent pre college music programs, with serious music students, and you saw 17 year old kids where their parents sat in their lessons, took notes, interacted with the teacher and pretty much did everything but play the instrument…how the hell can those kids function away from home, mom and dad going to live there?

They should be able to travel to a relatively unknown place, and navigate on their own. Especially these days, with the various apps, there is no reason why a kid shouldn’t be able to figure out, for example, if visiting NYC, navigate the subways or get around.

They should have a basic knowledge of good eating, of simple foods they can prepare or get, and know the difference between eating well and eating poorly.

They also should understand basic things like how to book an appointment with a doctor, or be able to fill a prescription at a pharmacy.

They should be able to do basic clothing shopping (most girls this isn’t necessarily a problem IME, with boys, well). They should know their sizes, and how to buy basics like underwear, pants, shirts and so forth.

Basic problem solving, that faced with a problem, they have the ability to look at it and at least figure out who to ask or what to ask, if they don’t know.

64

Most of the things suggested are desirable but not essential (and some, as pointed out, like knowing how to repair a 2010 car are probably not feasible given the level of embedded electronics). Some are physically impossible (Ikea furniture assembly). Most of the things can be learned, but I like what @GoNoles85 wrote:

as well as someone else’s suggestion that they be able to deal politely with and stand up for themselves with adults.

Many of the posts are about manners, which we tried to teach but are not essential life skills (Aspergers kids survive).

Both my kids can cook well (learned from ShawWife) and have traveled, but can figure out things on their own and know to call me for questions about how to handle life, plans, money, school, careers and ShawWife for how to handle emotions and people.

I never made my bed (neither kid appears to be able to do so), couldn’t cook or clean, didn’t even know how to check whether the oil was down or how to fill it if it were, etc. I still can’t sew on a button or iron or fix mechanical things around the house. I was shy in talking to adults. But, I learned how to do finance, insurance, planning, travel, etc. as well as a number of things. I taught myself to cook in grad school – I was going to be in a group house in which each of the occupants was responsible for cooking one night per week and one roommate was a serious chef (employed at a Nouvelle American restaurant before starting grad school) so I went to Chinatown and bought a wok, cleaver, spices/oils and several cookbooks and became good at Chinese cooking.

So, I’d head back to what @GoNoles85 wrote. If you give them the tools, they can figure things out. And, they can call Dad or Mom when needed.

65

Are there really kids that seriously don’t know how to do a load of laundry by the time they go to college? Even if you haven’t done one before, it’s pretty self explanatory, aside from maybe knowing to separate dark clothing and white clothing.

Traveling alone is a big one. Knowing how to get a boarding pass, check a bag, go through security, and get to a gate without a parent, IMO, is pretty important. Knowing how to handle/stay alert walking in a city and using public transport is important as well. (I could be biased on the plane thing because my mom lives in a different state, so I fly all the time).

Making appointments or really doing any kind of professional communication over the phone seems to be tough for my peers.

66

I didn’t worry about changing oil or cleaning toilets, but I actively looked for ways to have my kids learn how to navigate public transportation. Of course that was relatively easy since I live on the outskirts of a big city.

67

“Unless you regularly have guests in your bedroom, why would you ever make the bed?”

Because your parents raised you properly.

68

@coolweather, I’ve just talked to my husband regarding your comment and he said he also put a ramp under the car, on something strong, in case if the jack fails, he has a backup.

69

Kids should also learn enough about cleaning, boyfriend/girlfriend etiquette, and fiscal responsibility in order to be good roommates and not the ones we start threads about here!

70

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Oh yes, Romani. I do recall you mentioning that your dad was horrifically injured in an accident.

71

@Mandalorian,

I guess I wasn’t raised properly and neither were my kids.

I always thought bed-making was one of those Sisyphean tasks that could be avoided without cost. We seemed to have turned out fine. Maybe there is more than one way to raise kids.

72

So strange! It is honestly shocking to me that an adult would not make their bed! I’m honestly curious about this. Do you leave the sheets all rumpled or do you at least pull up sheets and blankets and smooth them out? Or do you straighten out the sheets before you get back into bed? (If so, why not do it in the morning?)

I think the main reason to make the bed is so the sheets and blankets are all nice and straight and not lopsided when you get back into bed. This is honestly confusing – and interesting – to me. What do you mean when you say you don’t make your bed?

73

This will seem kind of silly, but I’m actually serious – I think it is useful for a kid to know their way around different kinds of restaurant menus – Thai, Lebanese, Vietnamese, Japanese, Mexican, French, Indian, BBQ, Korean, etc. And know how to identify the good hole-in-the-wall place.

Also, how to find and enjoy cool things to do in a strange city.

How to notice interesting things.

How not to be jaded.

How to take risks without undue danger.

74

@nottelling - I’m with @shawbridge when it comes to bed making being optional.

First off, I can appreciate a made bed and if it’s a weekend I will usually (but even then—not always!) take the time to make it. (I will even put the fancy pillows on…)

However, on a work day, my priority is getting me (not my bed) ready and out the door. When I come home at the end of the day I spend more time in common areas of the house (kitchen, living room, yard, etc.) than in my bedroom, so again my focus is not on my unmade bed. When at the end of the day I am focused on that bed, then if the sheets are so crumpled or off the bed etc to make it undesireable to get in, then I will straighten them out before getting in. “Why not do it in the morning?” - because I’m busy getting ready for work and it’s just not a priority.

75

I’m the first one on this thread who admitted to not making the bed.

One reason why I don’t make it is that my husband and I both cannot stand the feeling of tucked-in sheets or blankets. The first thing we do if we encounter a made bed (say, in a hotel) is to rip it apart.

Why would I waste time in the morning arranging a bed in a way that makes it less suitable for us to sleep in? I would much rather waste time in the morning talking with you nice people.

76

@ 71,

I make my bed every morning 99.9% of the time but I don’t require my kids to make their beds and I’ll tell you why since you are honestly curious about it. My kids are 20 (about to be 21) and 17. We have a two story house. Their rooms are upstairs so, number one, not many people are going to see their rooms but more importantly their beds are kind of boxed into the corner of the room and it is harder to actually make the bed since you can’t get to both sides so I decided that it was a battle not worth having. My bed is easier to make because my room is bigger and the bed isn’t boxed in.

I’m more interested in other skills, as I am sure any other parent is, and in addition to the things I listed others reminded me of important things I should have added such as how well they treat other people. They seem to be on the right track. My oldest son doesn’t seem to handle money real well so that is an area I’ve identified that needs improvement. Handling money, which involves use of credit, saving, investing, not wasting it, knowing how to value things and earning it in the first place, is a big deal and those skills can be hard to learn if the other party doesn’t have the same values you do.

Not that he doesn’t, but he has room for improvement there.

I’d be interested, maybe in another thread so as not to hijack this one, how other parents instill financial skills in their kids. You can support them (hand them gobs of cash) all you want but at some point you really hope they can handle that task on their own and use money to make more money or to ensure their safety and security.

77

I’ll echo the part about a kid being able to see a Dr/NP/Pa by themselves. I start talking to kids like they are the ones in charge starting at about 13 )and then consult with their parents also. They need to be able to tell provider the chief complaint, give a review of symptoms, know their drug allergies and their own medical history. Extra bonus points if they also know some of their family medical history. It is AMAZING to me the older teenagers who look at their moms when I ask them if they have drug allergies and it slays me when 18 year old girls cannot even give the date of their last menstrual period and they have to text their mommy!!! These are essential skills that will go a long way in having your kid be able to maintain and take care of their health needs while at college.

78

Car maintenance. Definition varies based on age of reliability of said car.

Know what to do in an emergency. I learned this one from my boss who does volunteer rescue. If you are stuck in your car in a snowstorm, get out and clear the snow away from the exhaust pipes, otherwise the exhaust will come back into the car.

@mathmom,

To remove or tighten lug nuts, you may have to use your own body weight. Position the lug wrench in such a way that you can step up on it while holding on to the side of the car. Your body weight should be enough to help loosen and then tighten the lug nuts. Be careful with the first lug nut to see how fast the lug wrench loosens once you start to put your body weight on it.

79

We do not have to agree or disagree here. everybody is raising kids with different set of skills in mind. Nobody can possess all the skills in a world. Many will never learn some very basic skills and are OK. My H. does not know how to do laundry / iron / tie his tie. But he is good at cleaning kitchen, shopping, he can even cook if he wants. He has a perfect set of skills by my measure, since he likes doing things that I hate. And anyway, there are always friends around for help and advice and later on in life, you can hire for many so called “life” skills and discover that you can live easily without having these skills.

80

I don’t think that making the bed has to be the chore it once was. I hated doing it as a kid because my bed had dust ruffles and how do you tuck in that top sheet without stuffing in the dust ruffle? Very annoying.

So much easier to have a big fluffy comforter you just shake out a bit and float over the top of everything and it looks just fine and very inviting. One of my D’s doesn’t use a top sheet which makes it even simpler. A down comforter is warm enough that you don’t need a blanket, at least for much of the year, so that layer is gone too. If you’re not the kind of person who likes to pile on lots of pillows in a decorative fashion, it takes just a few seconds!

Still, I don’t think a kids “has” to know how to do this but they really should be able to, the same way they should be able to tidy up a room and make things presentable for visitors or a prospective gf/bf.