<p>Went to dinner tonight with my extended family. I realized that many of my sibblings are fairly neutral to or actively dislike their jobs, while H and I mostly love our jobs. We are also mostly happy with our lives and have been even through when our kids and we were having some chronic health issues that caused missing 1/4 to 1/2 of HS for each of them. Of course, we were sad that the kids were having a rough time and that it was so tough to get them help, but otherwise we were all pretty OK.</p>
<p>One of my sibs is pretty happy, as is his wife. They enjoy their jobs and their kids are doing OK. Actually, pretty much all the younger generation seems to be doing OK and financially everyone of my generation is also doing OK to great financially. I just have always had a hard time understanding why some folks are always seeing their “glass as half empty” and counting other folks’ blessings and money instead of being grateful for all they have and being genuinely happy. Of course, it is easy to understand if folks are having a tough time making ends meet or living in awful circumstances, but when folks seem financially comfortable and pretty healthy, it’s tougher for me to understand.</p>
<p>Am honestly curious. Are folks born with the “Grass is Greener” and “Glass is Half Empty” outlook vs. “Attitude of Gratitude” and “Glass is Half Full”? Even at the lowest points in my life (like when I was told I’d likely need major surgery and transplant imminently), I always was a “Glass is Half (or More) Full” person. Would appreciate insights folks can share to better understand why folks have such different perspectives. Thanks!</p>
<p>I wear “glass is half full” like it’s tattooed on my forehead - it’s part of who I am. I think I have passed this trait onto at least two of my kids - even in times of stress/trouble, they look for “small wins”. Not sure where I got it - can’t say that my parents were particularly that way - I just think I’m someone who thrives on positivity and perhaps to a fault, I always look for the greener grass. </p>
<p>I’m a glass half full person person, also. And I have a sister who is the most pessimistic, envious, covetous person I have ever met, so I’ve considered this issue in great detail for most of my life. I think for some of the glass half empty people, their discontent is about unmet expectations. I know for myself when I have had specific situations where my expectations were high and got dashed, I was absolutely miserable. I try not to life my life that way as a general rule. My expectations are that I will work hard, be a good person and be grateful for what comes my way. I think gratitude is a major component of optimism because it recognizes good things and affirms their goodness. I decided long ago that I wanted gratitude to be a major component of my life, so I exercised that muscle and it developed. My sister, on the other hand, can only find misery in everything. Therefore, she is never happy no matter what because no matter what anyone has, there is always someone with more or better. My sister begrudges everyone everything. We always say that if a genie offered her a choice of receiving $20 million and another person receiving $1 million or receiving $100 and the other person receiving nothing, she would choose option two because everything in her life is about begrudging others any possible blessings. Therefore she is always keeping score and finds something bad in every situation.</p>
<p>I used to be the glass half-empty type, which I attribute to a tough childhood and a depressed mom. So I think it is probably a learned attitude.
I’ve tried over the years to be a more grateful, positive person.</p>
<p>I am a glass half full kind of person and my parents are the mostly blissfully optimistic people I’ve ever met. Growing up, I was not that kind of person. I was actually pretty pessimistic and always looked for negativity. Then I had a brush with death and it changed my outlook on life. Now, I consider myself on “borrowed” time and few things get to me, and those that do roll off my back eventually. </p>
<p>It helps tremendously that I am surrounded by glass half full people. My fiance has this annoying ( ) ability to find the good in EVERY situation. That helps. </p>
<p>I think it for most people it’s just their personality…nothing more. It can be changed somewhat with time and experiences, but that base personality is just inborn.</p>
<p>I really think it’s more nurture than nature. I am a Tigger, and dh – and his whole family – are Eeyores.</p>
<p>If we visit for three days, his mom complains that it’s not four. If we visited her for eights days, she’d complain that it’s not nine. It’s just never enough for her.</p>
<p>My dh always tempers the positive with a greater negative. Like, if you ask how things went at the office, he’d start out with something positive and then launch into a litany of negative. I called him on it once and now sometimes he’ll do positive, lots of negative, realize what he’s done and then sums up with a positive. LOL! He’s trying. His sister is the same way – really fearful, always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I just couldn’t live my life that way. Why borrow trouble?</p>
<p>I’m always the glass is half-full and I definitely can’t attribute it to my upbringing because my parents (immigrants) were extreme half-empty types. They always expected the sky to come down and wipe out everything. My first husband was like my parents–current spouse just the opposite. I think this marriage worked (going on 32 years) because our views of the world are very similar.</p>
<p>“I think it for most people it’s just their personality…nothing more. It can be changed somewhat with time and experiences, but that base personality is just inborn.”</p>
<p>I agree, but I don’t necessarily think one way is any better than the other. Of course, if someone is just miserable all the time that’s a problem but those people who walk around saying how blessed they are over every little thing are no less annoying. For some, looking for the positive is a coping mechanism. There are also people who see this as a virtue for some reason. Others are okay acknowledging when things are not going well and living in that reality. Different strokes. </p>
<p>Zoosermom, hit the nail on the head with the comment about “gratitude”. </p>
<p>'Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for."</p>
<p>I used to be pretty pessimistic about life as a kid, but I didn’t realize it. When my mom bought me a copy of “The Power of Positive Thinking,” when I was a teenager, it hit me like a lightning bolt! I don’t even remember what the book said, but my mom thinking enough to buy it for me really turned me around. I try to be as positive as I can!</p>
<p>Ok–I confess. I’m a Debbie Downer. I do see the glass as half empty. (More like–“This glass could use a refill.”) I think it is genetic/cultural–my parents/sibs and I tend to be pessimistic/critical/cynical.
It is not so much envy or self-pity, but just always seeing what is lacking, how things could be improved/perfected. If I had to put a “positive” label on these traits, I’d say we are observant/ detail-oriented/idealistic. So we tend to notice the one thing that is wrong instead of what is right. My parents wouldn’t praise us for getting straight A’s–but if there was ONE B in the mix, we would hear about it. If my kid cleans his room and I am “checking” the job, I am not going to say that it is mostly clean or that he did good work. I am going to point out the spots he missed–and make him finish the job. When I praise something, I mean it. I find “fake praise” really annoying–when people gush on and on about how wonderfully a job was done–when it obviously is half done/low quality.
My parents were both from immigrant families and a lot of really bad things did happen to them–they had difficult childhoods. My relatives tend to gripe in this way: “Oh, we’ve got so many problems. . .but at least they’re not so bad as what happened to poor Mr. Novak down the street. . .yes, everything is terrible. . .but it could be a lot worse! Let’s have another beer to celebrate how bad everything could be, but isn’t!”
I also tend to anticipate the worst and am very grateful and almost surprised when it doesn’t happen. When I go on a trip I think of things like–What if the car breaks down? What if my luggage is lost/stolen? What if I get sick/injured? etc. When I return safely without incident, I’m actually surprised, and feeling really great about an ordinary/unremarkable trip–just because nothing bad happened! So I do have a grateful attitude, but it is more of the “Things could be a lot worse, and I’m so glad they’re not!” mindset. A strange mix of high standards and low expectations.
H’s Dad was randomly critical, but his mom was naively cheerful and positive about everything. Not a critical thought in her head. H is generally like this, but only ONE of our 7 kids got that gene. D looks just like H’s mom, and has that same stupidly cheerful attitude (sort of like the character Sue on “The MIddle”. . .) Somehow she doesn’t pick up the negativity from the rest of us. Unfortunately, H and D, because of this trait, are also the kind of people who can be taken advantage of because they always see good intentions in others–even when, to me, they are obviously bad. </p>
<p>Epigenetics points to a wiring of a fetus based on maternal stresses. If a mother experiences certain stresses a fetus can become wired to be glass half empty.</p>
<p>LMAO at the Sue Heck reference! I don’t think I’m THAT optimistic. It’s just that I think, in a way, you make your own happiness. If you expect things to go wrong, then you aren’t surprised when they do. I try to be hopeful that things will go right.</p>
<p>I worry about everything going wrong, but when the least little thing goes right I horn right in on it and dance a jig. My husband has a very hard time recognizing blessings. They need to be pointed out to him because he is a wallower.</p>
<p>I am a glass is mostly full person, and am probably overly optimistic. Though I think of bad things that could happen, I don’t do it in a way that torments me, but so I can have a plan if it does. My kids are both glass mostly full, my husband can be half full or half empty, but I try to keep him on the full side to the best of my ability.</p>
<p>A friend of mine who was going through counseling for depression gave me a philosophy. I don’t know if this was her philosophy, or medical theory. But it’s that everyone has a base level of happiness, that will briefly go up or down as major events happen, yet shortly thereafter people will return to whatever their customary level is.</p>
<p>I think a lot of it has to do with who they grew up with, though as some have pointed out, they are optimistic while a sibling is pessimistic, so it isn’t just environment. I suspect a lot of it has to do with your locus of control, if you are someone who looks in themselves to do things, to get things done, rather then feeling like you are externally controlled, it is a lot easier to look at what you have, realize what you have and what it took to get it, rather than focusing on what you don’t have and then blaming circumstances or other people, or seeing what other people have and saying it isn’t fair. I am no disciple of Ayn Rand and I certainly don’t subscribe to the notion that people are successful necessarily because they are great and smart people or that people who are struggling are to blame for their situation, but what I have learned, with some struggle (I am a natural born cynic, actually a weird one, an optimistic cynic), is to try and look at what I do have and appreciate what it took to get it, and for the things I don’t have, to see if I can achieve them, or if it is out of my hands, realize that it is and hope for the best. I still enjoy negativity (makes being a NY Mets and Jets fan bearable), but have learned in the end it doesn’t help. </p>
<p>“Epigenetics points to a wiring of a fetus based on maternal stresses. If a mother experiences certain stresses a fetus can become wired to be glass half empty.”</p>
<p>I guess that explains me. My mother kept trying to miscarry when she was pregnant with me, and then prayed for me to die when she found out she was pregnant with my brother while I was hospitalized with pneumonia at 14 months.</p>
<p>I’m half-empty because the crack keeps me leaking.</p>
<p>Well, I am a half full type of person, but that doesn’t mean I’m a pollyanna happy type person. I actually lean more toward the critical (scorpio that I am). I don’t think they are necessarily one and the same. I’m content, satisfied, am optimistic…but still can be quite highly critical of people and things.</p>
) ability to find the good in EVERY situation. That helps. </p>