Is your mother aware that you struggled-- which might be a very clear sign that medicine is not for you?
But relax… if you struggle with core pre-med requirements, getting into med school “by accident” will not, cannot happen. So smile and nod when the subject of your future comes up. Focus on finding a college with the right cultural/social fit which your parents will pay for where your stats mean you’ll get admitted.
There is no reason to worry about being premed. Not gonna happen if chem and physics were a slog in HS.
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Yeah, and her added pressure makes it so much worse. I feel like I just keep messing up more. She doesn’t shut up respectfully. Like she’ll talk about it non stop for an hour, take a break for fifteen minutes, and the continue. It makes me rip out my hair.
She especially now what’s me to major in psych and minor in philosophy or something. She had to have a plan that she picks. Like it’s annoying, and she gets mad whenever I wanna pick something but at the same time gets upset when I accuse her of forcing me to do stuff. I’m not even sure at this point. I’m aware I can switch majors but I don’t even know. I’m so lost.
I wish she’d let me do whatever becuase I would’ve never taken some of the classes I did.
It’s crazy seeing her be so lax with mh brothers too. Like there’s a reason they have a 4.0 and I don’t. She made me take on a crazy workload but then she let my brothers take in a reasonable coursework because I was the test run I guess. She literally asked my brother if he wanted to take AP Lang. She told me what classes I’d be taking.
My, I just spelt it wrong
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You can major really in anything once you get to college. I switched my major at least 7 times…I’m quite sure my mom had no idea what my major was any of those times.
For the college process I think it’ll be whatever my mom says. I’m genuinely tired and I think that’s why I find it so hard to find hobbies. Like I looked at an old post I had and I was so enthusiastic about music before it got ruined.
I think I’m going to be blunt one day and tell her that I want to « ruin » my life by not going to ivies. Sure she’ll think I’m possessed for a bit but she keeps going and I’m tired of lying
You don’t need to lie. At all. Apply to Princeton-- if it makes her happy and gets her off your back- apply. She wants you to apply to Barnard? Go for it.
College doesn’t work like HS. Once you get there you will find something you love! And you need to try and not let her voice into your head. I almost flunked HS chem, never took physics, and have had a wonderful career and terrific life.
Along with millions of other successful adults in the US who never took physics and still get up every morning happy to go to work.
Big hugs.
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I do not want to apply to her list of 20 schools, period. It’s not appealing to me at all. If I feel broken in high school I definitely would at Harvard. I don’t mind challenging coursework but not at a school where a bunch of valedictorians struggle.
And I feel like it is lying to her becuase I have to let her talk about how she thinks it’s manifested for me to go to these out of reach schools and how I’m not trusting in God or whatever.
It’s the mental toll of her talking about her dream college and her dream grad school and her dream career for me. She already lived her successful life and it’s not like she wasn’t satisfied. She literally makes me claw at my hair.
Rosechild- if there is a sympathetic adult in your life (an uncle, a religious leader, your pediatrician) that you can enlist to act as a buffer zone (even just telling her that her micromanaging of your college plans is creating a ton of unhealthy stress and self-loathing might help) then try.
In the meantime-- I’ll let you in on a little secret. Every year a non-trivial number of kids who have NO interest in various schools apply to them. No interest. The funniest interview I ever did for Brown was for a kid who walked into the room and announced “I don’t want to go to Brown. I want to go to culinary school” and we had a lovely discussion about food trends, the difference between farm-to-table and organic restaurants, does going vegan mean you lose muscle mass because you aren’t getting enough protein, etc. I was able to honestly report in my write up “Tom is an articulate and ambitious young man who makes a compelling case for why his keen interest in cooking and food trends is best served in culinary school”. He applied because his grandfather- an alum- insisted.
The colleges your mom may force you to apply to have zero interest admitting someone who doesn’t want to be there. So don’t waste time, energy and calories fretting about the colleges she wants you to apply to. Focus on finding a handful of places that will love you just the way you are, that your parents will be excited about and therefore will agree to pay for, and that aren’t fifteen minutes from your home. Every second you spend loathing Harvard is a second you aren’t spending exploring URI (if they like U Conn, maybe?) or U Maine or UVM or Muhlenberg or Skidmore… so just accept that you will likely have to apply to a few colleges you don’t like to keep the peace and focus on finding a few places you DO like!
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Would she even let me apply to them? After a certain point, I can’t do the ones I want becuase I’m not writing out 50 applications. I understand what you’re saying but I just stress I like can’t not stress about something.
No one in my life is sympathetic. Maybe my counselor, but then my mom would be enraged for getting her involved. She just has a control issue. I don’t know.
My moms not a reasonable person, therefore I do not expect to reason with her until she goes to therapy for being a narcissist or whatever she is. I am not the only person in her life she needs complete control over. I’m going to just early decision without her permission probably and figure it out from there. If she hates it, she can cut me off. If not, I’ll still cut her off. I’m tired.
Thank you for your advice though. I’ll focus on finding somewhere that’ll make me to a closer level of happy.
Your mom may resent your counselor’s involvement, but that’s a quick and easy reality check… she can learn from a neighbor with older kids that no applications go out without the guidance counselor’s help (transcripts, recommendation, etc.) And then your counselor can tell her that the school recommends no more than 12 applications (or whatever the reasonable number is). You don’t need to be the heavy here!
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It’s called CommonApp because it’s ONE application that you send to many schools - then some have supplements but you can look for some that don’t 
I just checked and
- Drexel is commonapp + a 250 word supplement you can start working on “What do you view as a challenge facing society that you would like to contribute to solving? How would a Drexel education aid you in taking the first step toward a solution?”
- Psu is 100% commonapp, period - it doesn’t have a supplement (the Honors College does, though, and the essays are a key factor for admission to Honors))
- Howard has an optional essay (which means you should do it)
-Stockton is 100% commonapp, no supplement (if you apply to Honors there’s a short essay)
You can also use the stuff you already prepared for CommonApp if you use the university’s website application.
CommonApp limits apps to 20.
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Do you think your mother loves you? It sounds like she cares about you very much.
You might not agree with her approach but I would suggest you consider that her actions likely come from a place of love and caring and that she is an adult who loves you unconditionally.
It’s ok to vent but you should seek some reconciliation with your mother through improved communications.
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I mean I’ll try but she believes in something supernatural happening or something. Like a miracle.
I think she thinks she does but I think she is incapable of loving correctly. I think she loves the idea of doing well but fundamentally not me. If she truly loved me she wouldn’t call me certain things or threaten certain things upon me.
If your relationship is as dysfunctional and borderline abusive as you describe then CC is not well equipped to advise you.
Several professionals have suggested outlets for mental health support. I would take their advice.
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Even students applying to elite schools need a balanced list of places to send applications.
The Ivies are not a sure thing for admission so those would be reaches.
Then you need a few colleges where you have a decent chance of acceptance but it could go either way. Those would be your matches.
Then you need two colleges where you have a pretty much guaranteed chance of acceptance. These would be your “safety” or sure things.
In all cases, they should be colleges that are affordable and that you would be happy to attend.
Having said that…in your case, it might be that your mom chooses the reaches and you choose the rest.
It is March of your junior year in high school. I would suggest a break from discussing college with your mom for at least a month or two. In that time, you can research some schools, and come up with some ideas. And maybe with time, she will warm up to others as she has with Drexel.
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I’ll try and tell her that, thank you.
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