This one girl in my church didn’t pick up the phone for her parents so my dad and other church people knocked on her door and called campus security until she opened it. My mom raged about if that was any of us she would pull us out of college altogether immediately for so long. So even if it an irrational fear it’s still a fear I have because my mom would defintely file a missing persons report or something extreme. Like in school if I don’t text back within a certain time frame she’ll call the school to see where I am or try and sound the find my phone alarm on my phone.
Eh? They’re more worried about their children not leaving them because a lot of people in my church are cutting them off.
I wasn’t there, so I genuinely don’t know. I do know for a fact that campus security was called on her and my mom was strongly advising them to pull her out of college.
My mom has no sense of boundaries. She’s very much stuck on the fact that she owns me and becuase she can do something she will do something. If I was paying for college myself I would readily just cut her off and go wherever but frankly there’s no way for me myself to afford it and I can’t really get emancipated or anything like that. Even if my college doesn’t allow her to enter she’d still be furious and I’d probably have to come home for spring break or something.
I don’t know how much more I can describe the type of person my mom is without like, getting very detailed. She’s a controlling manipulative person who needs to get her way through everything. If she can’t access me one way she’ll find another. This is something I personally know about her becuase I’ve lived with her for 17 years. If I get an apartment, she’ll go through public records to find me, she’ll make my life more difficult than it already is, etc. I just want to kill any remaining bond between us as much as possible and hopefully end up somewhere like Tennessee, Georgia, or Massachusetts.
I’m sorry if I still sound ignorant to what you’re describing or paranoid or whatever. I just need space from her and a lot of therapy.
Well, if she forces you to apply, dont sign the creed or write something that goes against it. You really have to believe their mission for it to be a fit. But, another trick… there’s another Wheaton, in MA ;).
I’m not sure what 83% refers to, but Loyola would be likely (100% sure… but odds are very high you’d get in with a scholarship. )
If you don’t want red, a lot of the South won’t work. If that’s a deal breaker for you, you’d need to find blue or majority POC pockets.
Ohio is a microcosm of the entire country - big industrial areas and cool cities : Case Western reserve is in a great neighborhood, University Circle (look them up on youtube), then UCincinnati, UAkron, Youngstown U: if you apply by Dec1 to their Honors College there are lots of good scholarships, they are urban and diverse though YSU is a definite safety whereas UCincinnati is pretty competitive)+ very rural areas (think of the area between Lancaster&Harrisburg)+ over 100 colleges… not to mention Columbus, a big, hopping city with one huge university (tOSU) and a smaller college known for health sciences and political sciences (Capital). The great thing about Ohio is that it’s got lots of great colleges and the public universities offer good scholarships
Denison would not be a problem wrt to area (it’s about 30mn from Columbus Granville, Columbus & more | Denison University)
Another idea: St Olaf - a match if you show interest (join the mailing list, open every email, and click on links you find interesting-- they track that). It’s in a walkable college town 45mn south of the Twin cities, a vibrant metropolis. You can play some of their music out aloud to reassure your mom (don’t mention to her it’s quite LGBTQ friendly - or that the 1st openly trans person hired at the White House was from StOlaf). It’s about 70% white though.
Btw, a very funny (in a good way, if you like cheeky and sarcastic) novel about a queer student being raised in a conservative Catholic family; Yami’s motto is not wwjd but wwsgd ie., what would a straight girl do - it’s YA/PG13, nothing inappropriate, but the title may make it necessary to read at school since I assume your mother checks what you read.
You can email each college’s Black student groups as well as the LGBTQ student groups.
They’ll tell you how welcoming the college is, if you’d have problems finding someone to do your hair, if you can walk around holding hands with your date and whether dances are inclusive…
Dorms are locked (at least at my kids’ colleges) others need someone to swipe them in and sign them in, non students can’t just walk around dorms. Campus security can do well checks but parents wouldn’t be allowed in.
Campus security is responsible for keeping students, faculty and staff safe, and for preventing damage to the facilities and buildings. Period.
Security officers do not get paid to reassure nervous parents who haven’t heard from their kid in two hours. Your mom will likely have a grace period of two, possibly three frantic calls to security to check on you. And at that point, an officer will point out that unless there is evidence that you are in danger, being stalked, have been abducted, they will maintain normal protocols (your roommate can call security if you haven’t been seen in 24 hours) but will no longer respond to parental phone calls.
Okay I’ll try that. Yeah no, religious colleges are crazy. I’ve seen some of the rules. I’d probably also be expelled real quick if I got into a relationship.
Okay thank you.
Aren’t some majority cities blue? Like Atlanta is blue in a more red state. I don’t think I’d really leave outside of that. I’m not too sure about the Rhodes area and from when I’ve been in NC I feel like I’d survive.
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cities : Case Western reserve is in a great neighborhood, University Circle (look them up on youtube), then UCincinnati, UAkron, Youngstown U: if you apply by Dec1 to their Honors College there are lots of good scholarships, they are urban and diverse though YSU is a definite safety whereas UCincinnati is pretty competitive)+ very rural areas (think of the area between Lancaster&Harrisburg)+ over 100 colleges… not to mention Columbus, a big, hopping city with one huge university (tOSU) and a smaller college known for health sciences and political sciences (Capital)
I’ll def consider Olaf. If I don’t have to play « find the POC » everyday I think it should be fine. I’ve been in schools with comparable diversity rates.
I’ll check it out
Would the student groups not be incentivized to speak positively? Would I have to find students who went there and dm then as a more reliable source?
I totally get what you’re saying wrt your mom but she simply wouldn’t be allowed into your dorm. And especially not an unrelated person claiming to be a student’s mother’s friend.
Can you imagine willingly letting a random stranger into a building filled with 18 year olds? The legal nightmare… Yeah I don’t think so.
She would surely try to call but guess what? It’s polite to mute your phone during class, during labs, duribg meals, and during the night. You could just totally answer in between 2 classes or send an sms to reassure her you’re okay.
At 18, colleges consider your parents can’t know anything. It’s usually normal to show them your grades but the grade transcript will not be sent to them. Professors will usually not take their phone calls.
Dorms will not let random adults in (for safety reasons!)
Another thing about Ohio public universities…your prices are set freshman year and won’t increase.
Another option for you. Move to wherever. Find a room to rent and get a job. Maybe look for a job at a college that offers tuition benefits to employees. Establish residency in that new state. Work until you are 24. Save as much as you can. You will be independent for financial aid purposes at that time. And you will have instate tuition status for public universities in your new state.
I understand what you’re saying about the dorm thing but that doesn’t stop the fact that she’ll still threaten and I fear her. I understand that it shouldn’t be a concern but I’m still worried.
Wanted to answer this question even though the conversation has kind of moved on.
Yes, you can… the problem is establishing residency, which you cannot do independently in most states until you are 24. (There are a few exceptions to this: getting married, joining the military… but I don’t think any are likely to apply to you. I’m guessing that given the intensity of your desire to establish yourself elsewhere, independent of your family, you have probably considered and ruled out the military option by now, right?)
If you can afford to live somewhere and pay out-of-state community college tuition (which isn’t a frightening amount like an OOS flagship university, but still more than in-state students pay), you can absolutely enroll in community college anywhere you like, and pursue the transfer pathway. The question, though, is how to afford the transfer school given that you can’t gain residency on your own. (The one exception that I know of is Utah. You could move to Salt Lake City, establish residency while in community college, and transfer to the UofU as an in-state student. But… not exactly the diversity profile you’re looking for, and even in-state COA is a lot more than you could self-pay just by working.)
I still think City Year could be a great idea for you. If you apply early in their cycle, you’d have the best chance of picking a location you like - even someplace super far like Denver, Seattle, San Jose, Sacramento, or LA. You could still apply to colleges, and just defer a year at whatever school you end up deciding on. But before you start college, you’d have a full year as a self-supporting person, far away from your family, to have a cooling-off period and get them used to not having access to you. And it would give you time to process and settle into who you are, outside of your family situation, so that you’re more able to focus on college once you get there. And you’d have a supportive community, both fellow participants and mentors, who could help with your future plans, recommendations, etc.
I have zero money to do any of this. I considered trying to do something with NJ stars before but I just was at a dead end with it. This is a really good idea though.
I think I could also come out to her so she’d cut me off. I’m not sure if that’d make me independent or not.
It would not. Do not go down this path. You are what- 17? You have your entire life ahead of you.
Your best shot (as I’ve posted before) is to go along to get along. Even the most delusional parent understands that a college which has rejected you is no longer a feasible option. So apply to the colleges on her list; create your own viable list, and then kick the can down the road until next March.
My uncle said I should take a study abroad gap year to appease me to my mom and she got rid of that option. She doesn’t really want me gone from her I guess. I feel stuck I’m sorry.
I’m still going to really push for it though. I’ll cite health problems or something i don’t know
I second UVM, and since you are interested in UConn, consider UNH & UMaine?
Both safeties for you… both lovely, and both pretty generous with merit for OOS students. Best wishes!
