I do a good bit of entertaining. I could rent tents and have a wedding for 200 on my property for very low four figures and it could be just as elegant as the couple wanted it to be. But it would take a lot of planning.
I could do a wedding barbecue reception for under four figures. Maybe. That would depend how much my neighbors got involved with helping me out.
If I’m not offering a full meal, I could definitely get it under four figures. Elegant or more casual. Obviously it costs more if there is alcohol and if your guests drink a lot. A champagne toast and nothing else can cut the cost.
Clearly I misspoke. I was just trying to gauge what kind of expenses we are talking about. I am sure you can have a wedding with a 3-figure or even two, $90 wedding. Why not? Just wondering what an average wedding costs these days. No need to bring out how well bred everyone’s kids are.
I wonder if there is an average cost. The last decade has been a wedding decade for kids of my family and friends. In real life and on this board I see people kind of tying themselves in knots trying to figure out what is appropriate these days. I decided it might be useful just to say what certain kinds of wedding cost in certain locales. I have no idea how representative my social circle is with regard to weddings. fwiw
While I think money makes things easier sometimes, hosting a lovely party is not all about money spent. Sometimes I think it has very little to do with what was spent.
I really find it very difficult to believe that the “average” wedding costs $30K when the average household income in the country is $54K (rounded up). I’ve seen the figure before, and I am quite sure that it comes with all sorts of caveats, and is designed by the WIC to get people to spend more.
My friend is a very practical person, and I have the feeling that she would be horrified if her kids blew a $30K gift on a wedding, especially since that would be only HER part of it. I’ll discuss it with her further. At lesat I can share the benefit of CC’s collective wisdom.
BTW, I have no idea at all what she can “afford,” especially since that is such an individual perception With her, a lot depends on her ability to separate this from her battles with her ex. She’s happy to pay for nice meals for her kids, for example, she just revolts when he tries to finagle her into paying as much or more than he does. That’s one of the reasons I think a lump sum up front that she can feel good about would be best.
The average cost for a wedding is about as meaningless as the average cost for a car (which ranges from the Bentley to the rusty junker), the average cost for a house (which ranges from the Hamptons to the 'hood), or the average cost for education (which ranges from elite private schools from kindergarten on, to public high school and a few courses in community college). I wouldn’t personally start out with a number of $xx. I would start out with “what do I want to do” and figure out what it costs to do that - if I can’t, scale back.
1/2 of what amount? So are you saying that if the couple decides on a $100,000 wedding (and yes,mthat IS possible), and the bride’s family agrees to $50,000…that the groom’s family should pay $50,000 too?
Sorry…but the finances for each family need to be sorted out before the final number is just tossed out there if it’s going to be divided up.
. Take it from someone who is in the middle of this. Formulaic approaches do not work. Every set of parents is different and every couple is different. The result is a combined group of expectations and finances that no one can predict. As mentioned earlier, know what you want, know how much you can afford and adjust accordingly.
I guess having the future bride and groom navigate the budgeting, families, expectations vs reality, etc. is all good practice for all the issues they’ll need to face as a couple throughout marriage, right?
If you look at wedding figures from The Knot (wedding website), I believe the average wedding cost in 2015 was around $32,000, but the median cost was under $20,000.
I think that one should take the figures put forth by “The Knot” and the rest of the “wedding industrial complex” with a grain of salt. There is a vast media and marketing “conspiracy” all set up to make us think that spending a certain amount is expected. These figures are taken from companies that specialize in large costly weddings (Though I have no problem with spending a lot if you have a lot.)
Well, my friend could tell all of her kids that she will contribute $10K towards their wedding, and will give the a further $10K as a present. (Just to pick some figures.)
But there are 4 of them and they–and their personal circumstances–are very different.
So telling the 3 most likely to marry soon that she will give them $10K for the wedding and $10K in addition is unlikely to meet the needs of each. Which leads back to just picking a figure and letting them decide how to spend it–or not–which is what I would lean towards. She may just have to live with one or more of them spending every cent on a fancy wedding.
If she gives them each $10k toward a wedding, then she is done, they can see if others want to contribute or not and plan accordingly. I think that is a great plan even if there is no ex angst, but since her EX is annoying, the kids can just answer any questions he asked that, “mom gave us a lump sum” no splitting, no sharsies, no bumping up the bill, she gives them $10k (for example) and the rest is up to them.The EX can choose to do whatever he wants, but cannot use his ex-wife to inject drama into the wedding planning.
We have gone the “lump sum” approach. Discussions about this stuff started when it looked like D had “a keeper”.
She had been to a friends wedding that she really enjoyed. She mentioned that she loved the meaning, the simplicity the live music and the food. I found out how much the whole affair cost and told D that since that amount seemed reasonable --we would be willing to give her that amount to either have a similar wedding or spend as she and our future SIL saw fit. I would have had no problem with a $100 elopement and a big fat amount in their bank account—but that’s just me. Our wedding in August will actually cost less than was expected and the couple will happily get the balance. Besides a simple rehearsal dinner for 12 the grooms family is not assisting financially. That’s another story in itself and I don’t want this to be hanging over my dear future SIL’s head. I feel fortunate that I can do what I can for them both.
I’m still as lost as I was. I wonder if location also plays a part in cost. I doubt I could as @alh proposed rent a tent, feed 200 people for low 4 figures. The tent itself would take a big chunk of that. Add in renting tables, chairs, linens and something to eat and drink off of. I also think that if I hosted 200 people in my yard I would need to rent a few port a potties. I have a big enough yard to host a wedding but I think it would be less expensive to go with a venue that has a lot of the basics included. I live in a high cost of living state and city.
I guess I’ve come to the conclusion for me that I want my S to have as nice of a wedding as his Sister. I doubt any of my kids will be demanding or over the top. My kids have had the gift of a relatively debt free college education, something both of their mates did not. i am in the minority here on CC but I would rather my children save their savings for a future down payment on a home. My H on the other hand feels any money spent on a wedding is a waste. He would much rather they take the cash and use it towards a future home though in most of Ca a five figure gift doesn’t buy much house.
i have been incredibly blessed to have in my adult life few money worries. I would never proposed anyone spending money on a wedding they couldn’t afford. I’ve always operated to not spend money I don’t already have. I have taught my children to never put something on a credit card they can’t afford to pay when the bill comes. I would give them the same advice in planning a wedding.
I have been doing some pricing for D1’s wedding. I just looked into how much a nice enclosed tent would cost - close to $10K to have it set up and put up some lights. To add AC and generators would be extra.
I live in a low cost of living area. I can get tents for much less. I said it would take a lot of planning to get it to the low four figures. That might involve borrowing chairs and tables and linens and china/crystal/silver from friends and neighbors. I have enough to seat forty. I have a couple of friends who could easily do the same. My philosophy is table settings have to match on an individual table, but all the tables don’t have to match. Centerpieces can add cohesion. imho. It would take some investigation.
I have three bathrooms. The young men are going to be directed to the woods.
Just a heads up, but a friend who caters said that there is a 50% premium on a wedding tent as opposed to a party tent. Even though they are the same tent…
I’ll discuss it with her further. At lesat I can share the benefit of CC’s collective wisdom.
with a grain of salt. There is a vast media and marketing “conspiracy” all set up to make us think that spending a certain amount is expected. These figures are taken from companies that specialize in large costly weddings (Though I have no problem with spending a lot if you have a lot.)