What’s the difference besides price, @musicamusica? Stripes vs all white or really no difference other than a wedding markup?
H and I have determined a sum of money we are willing to give our D for a wedding. She and her BF have discussed marriage, but they are not yet engaged - so there is time to figure everything out. H did learn something cool the other day - seems the tradition in SIL’s culture is that the groom’s parents pay half. We won’t expect them to do so, but we sure will be happy if they do! 
Same exact tent. Add the word wedding to any rental and the price goes up considerably.
Note to self: When the kids decide to get married, call it a party instead of a wedding. 
I went on a website to just rent a tent for an event, no wedding mentioned, but there was difference in price if you want the tent to have a tall ceiling, floor, lights, etc.
We had a Sperry tent for my D’s wedding. The rental fee varied by size–a tent for 50 was less than a tent for 500. It didn’t matter if we used it for a graduation party or a wedding–it was the same tent. Is your friend saying that if you tell a vendor you want the tent for a wedding (instead of a graduation) she/he will mark-up the rental price?
I can definitely vouch for what Musica says about prices being considerably higher for many vendors if you mention “wedding.” And there are many venues – like many wineries in Napa and Sonoma – where “parties” are allowed but “wedding receptions” are not.
Care to share how much that was?
It might be a regional thing and certainly is not across the board. I did encounter this when I was getting quotes for tables and chairs. First question when I called for a quote: is this a wedding? And I was flat out told that yes wedding rentals were more expensive.
I will PM you @Iglooo but remember that this is a wedding with only 60 guests.
"double secret Napa crypto-wedding " ?
I’m starting to feel like the only person in the world who would fund a nice wedding for my daughter but would NOT simply give a lump sum to be used for whatever they wanted. I love to entertain and I hope my daughter will have a wedding and reception if and when she gets married, but if she wants just a small dinner for a handful of friends that’s fine, too. (The latter is probably more her speed.) I’d pay for either type of event (to the best of my ability). But I would not give her the difference in cost for, say, a down payment on a house. I would just never do that.
Frankly, I wouldn’t even be comfortable with the “lump sum” approach if I wasn’t involved in the planning. For better or worse, my financial contribution is tied to my involvement in the planning. I’m an outlier, I know!
(My daughter happens to think I have good taste and would almost certainly want me involved in the planning in any event. We get along really well, so this is not likely to present any issues. But I’m pretty sure she will not want a big event; even her birthday parties as a child were teeny tiny at her insistence.)
Forgive me if I’m repeating myself here - I’ve known several people to be offered a big lump sum, or to have the wedding. All opted for the wedding. I would have been the very small wedding and banking the rest kind of person, but I paid for mine myself (very small).
@nottelling - you aren’t alone. I would fund a nice wedding for my D. My dilemma is how I would fund a wedding for my S. I want to help but I want to be diplomatic about it.
I like nice things but not flashy things. I hate polyester linens. I think they look cheap and polyester napkins don’t absorb. Other people think they are lovely. I also think everyone at a wedding reception should have a seat at a table. I know some people feel having a few tables and chairs for the elderly are fine and otherwise just have high cocktail tables. I also wouldn’t use paper or plastic utensils. It isn’t my taste. OTOH I am happy to serve chicken. I want good food but I don’t need to serve steak and lobster.
I rented tables and chairs from a large chain rental company for a shower. 4 long tables,30 chairs and glass ware added up when they add in the delivery charge and fuel surcharge. They did not ask me if it was a wedding.
I do know that a friend said the flowers, band and a few other vendors were cheaper when they didn’t mention wedding.
My I laws live in an area with many vineyards and wineries. The locals are actively trying to reduce the number of weddings.
I wouldn’t be paying a lump sum either. I would be planning the wedding with D1 (and maybe with D2 too).
We have talked about a lump sum…but regardless…the budget will be set first because we just don’t have a bottomless pit of money or a money machine in our basement. There may have to be some give and take. For example…if DD wants a $2000 wedding dress…that will take funds away from something else.
I am with nottelling and oldfort. I doubt I would just hand over a large sum. I would be involved in the planning to make sure it was spent wisely. It’s my money and I want it spent well.
Likewise, when we agreed to buy our kids cars for graduation, we bought the actual car so we could get the best deal. I would not have handed over a lump sum and said “go get the best deal you can on whatever car you like, and keep the rest.”
For those families that want to put a clear cap on the cost, a combination of an active hand in the planning and a “this is all we have to spend- live within it” approach is wise, as it becomes like monopoly money after a while. We had no plan to spend what we did-- and we were the groom’s side, so didn’t get much input into the planning.
Ok…I guess I’m a little muddled here. I would allot a certain amount for,the wedding. If the wedding came in under budget, I would allow my kid to have that extra wedding money for another purpose.
But if the couple over spends, they would need to figure out another way to get the extra money. Maybe the spouse’s family…or a contribution from the couple.
No question…I plan to be part of the planning of the wedding for my daughter when the time comes. I’ll do,whatever a future DIL would like me to do…or not…if and when my son ever marries.
My kids know I’m a pretty good organizer, in addition to being good at finding good value for good prices.
We said we’d cover certain events and parts of the wedding. We knew in advance what the flowers would cost. We did not know, and did not plan Fri night event other than helping with the menu items (all wedding attendees were invited) which included transportation and alcohol (wine and beer) so the actual cost was not known until it was time to pay. There were other costs for other wedding related activities/gift/etc that added up to $$. We don’t mind, and were happy to be able to do it. It was just very eye opening!