" I had no idea what was reasonable to do." Most kids have no idea. So before the wish list is even made—the couple needs to know what things cost. I was married in Pasadena as well (down the street at the Huntington Hotel.now Langham) All I remember is that the flowers from Jacob Maarse put my parents back over 7000 in 1983 ----that was part of my mom’s wish list not mine
—H and I werent lucky enough to snag the Atheneum for our wedding. And when we looked for D the room we were considering did not allow music 
My wedding in 1985 cost $3,000, between us and my parents. 50 guests, at home under a tent on the lawn, ceremony at small 19th century white clapboard chapel next door. II made all of the food (an elegant buffet) with assistance from my sister. My parents had agreed to pay for the rentals (A tent, tables, china, silverware, glasses, and tablecloths. We used our own white linen napkins because M and I hate polyester napkins. 
We could have used our own china, but then we would have had to wash it and worry about breakages.) and the bridal party flowers. They also paid for the food ingredients and the wedding cake (the only thing I didn’t make), and the alcohol (open bar attended only by my father, plus wine and beer). We had no photographer. H and I paid for a 5-person band and a dance floor. I paid $300 for my dress at the bridal building in NYC. I guess that was wholesale.
I would have liked a white tent, but they were a lot more expensive and M didn’t want to pay for that so we had a yellow and white stripe instead. (Cute, but people look yellowish in pictures! )I also would have preferred the white wooden chairs, but again she didn’t want to pay extra so we had the gold folding ones. The day before the wedding we went to Stew Leonards and bought a lot of flowers, which my sister and I arranged in baskets for centerpieces.
I persuaded my mother to hire two college girls to help at the reception, but they were not wildly helpful and somewhat clueless.
The biggest expense was the tent.
It sounds lovely. It also sound very New England WASPy Which is why it’s hard to answer your question about what your friend who makes $X “should” contribute. In some circles, what you describe is what’s done – people make the food, it’s done at someone’s home in a tent in the back yard, etc. In other circles, the idea of making the food for a wedding reception would be unheard of; it would be in a hotel or ballroom, an open bar would be de rigeueur, etc.
Believe me, @Pizzagirl, I remain the only person I know who made the food for their own wedding. 
BTW, here’s the little chapel next door. Guests could walk through the old graveyard, climb over the stone wall, and walk up the hill to the tent. No limo required. 
@Consolation I did all the cooking for my first wedding myself…except the cake. Every morsel of food was prepared by me. It was a full buffet luncheon, with ham, turkey and a lot of side dishes, breads, etc.
The second time around, I paid a very small amount to have appetizers made and served. No meal that time.
@thumper1, glad to know that there are two of us! I still recall most of the menu. To start: mini wild mushroom quiches, curried chicken phyllo triangles, roquefort grapes, large wheels of St. Andre and Brie with red and green grapes, chicken liver and apple pate with sliced baguettes. The main dishes were sliced, roasted cold filet of beef with two sauces (one was apricot mustard), tri-color fish mousse with cucumber dill sauce, a cold green bean salad with walnuts and dill, and I think a pasta salad with pesto.
Mine was much less fancy! Baked ham, roasted turkey, several different kinds of salad, at least three or four kinds of homemade bread, fruit, veggies. Delicious cake.
Honestly…I never plan to do THAT much cooking again in my life. We had about 60 people.
That’s amazing you two. Did you have to rent an extra refrigerator to hold it all before the reception?
I lived in a great old farmhouse that had four apartments in it. The others were my friends…and were in its to,the wedding. In addition, I had two friends who lived right up the road. Stuff was stored in each of their fridges and freezers.
Mine was at my parents’ house in CT. I was living and working in northern NJ at the time. I was also travelling a lot for work: the week before, I spent part of the week in FL and then flew directly to Montreal for the rest of it! I went over to CT several weekends in advance and made hors d’oeuvres and froze them. I took the actual week of the wedding, or at least most of it, off. My mother always had an extra fridge and freezer in the basement. Also, filets and fish mousses–baked terrine-style in glass bread pans–aren’t as bulky as turkey or ham!
I remember standing in front of the bin of green beans at Stew Leonard’s and picking good beans one by one. The woman next to me asked me why I was being so picky and buying so many. When I told her it was for my wedding the next day, she was astonished.
BTW, I am not advocating that other people should do this. I have mixed feelings about having done it myself. Yes, the food was much better than we could have afforded, and yes it was fun in a way, but having hair, makeup, and nail appointments and people fluttering over me would have been nice, too.
My sil and her family made their wedding food. There was smoked mullet which was delicious and my sil made the two cakes - hers was a traditional southern fruit cake thing, and the groom’s cake was chocolate. They were decorated with fresh edible flowers.
One way I saved was to have just a matron of honor (said SIL) and dh’s brother was Best Man and that was it.
I didn’t know you could spend $7000 on flowers in 1983. I hope they were spectacular! I had tiger lilies and spider plants - I loved the casual look of them, and I’m sure they cost less than roses. But I didn’t choose them because htey were less expensive I’m just not a fan of the traditional wedding flowers.
Consolation, that menu sounds delicious!
Our flowers were free…hydrangea from a friend’s house…and black eyed Susan’s. Very pretty…and easy peasy.
Second wedding…same flowers!
Wow- they lasted a long time !! 
Same kind of flowers.
Lol! Got it
We got married outdoors in a gazebo that the hotel had just completed prior to our wedding. The flowers on the gazebo were beautiful (the florist was one my parents had used for decades and had a good relationship with). Apparently the hotel used photos of our wedding in the gazebo in their marketing/advertising for quite a while. We had no idea until a friend of my parents happened to see them when they were looking at venues.
The limo company sent us a gorgeous white Rolls Royce instead of the cheesy white cadillac I had ordered, and asked me nicely afterwards if I could send them pictures of us in it after the wedding for them to use in their advertising. We said yes! I wish I had had the kind of personality that would hustle free advertising for stuff :).
Two of my brothers worked at restaurants when they were married, so the food and cake were prepared by their friends. One brother worked at the Jefferson House, a very nice restaurant outside Philly and the food was fantastic. The other at a nice restaurant in Boulder, CO and the food was plentiful and pretty good. SIL #1 could have made all the food as she was a very good chef, but she was just too busy.
A niece recently got married and her mother made the cakes - about 5 or 6 of them, several soaking in alcohol! Too much for me. The rest of the meal was catered very informally.
@nottelling I like post 336. It gives me a decent starting point figure. I am going on the assumption that you don’t live all that far from me.
@twoinanddone, OMG, we looked at the Jefferson House for our wedding in 1983!! We ultimately went to the Presidential up the road (and they may still have my chuppah, for all I know!) , but Jefferson House was near where we lived at the time and we still talk about how they emphasized service “in the white glove manner.” We were soooo non-white glove…
We cooked for S2’s reception. Our next door neighbors were on vacation and graciously loaned us the use of their fridge and oven…in their newly renovated kitchen. Would have thought that might convince DH to remodel our kitchen, but no go.
At the other end of the budget spectrum from what I posted earlier is the most popular caterer in LA for corporate-type events. If you’ve been to an event at any of the major venues in LA – like the Walt Disney Concert Hall, any of the art museums, the Natural History Museum, the Science Center, Descanso Gardens, etc. you’ve probably had their food. They are also big in SF and New York.
They are very, very popular for weddings but they are very expensive – they run about $175 per person for sit down dinner, including beverage package (decent wine, beer, champagne, snd non-alcoholic beverages), china, silverware and serving pieces. That doesn’t include venue fees, or tables, chairs and linens! Despite the expense, many, many, many people use them for weddings.
Thise events are obviously in a much different price category than the MUCH more casual event that I mentioned upthread. I’m posting these costs because I know some people for whom this kind of event is a given; it seems “standard” to them.
Here’s a sample menu from them:
And the Ritz Carlton or Montage Hotel -type weddings are more than that.