@oldfort and @FallGirl…I feel the same as you both do, though respect that not all feel this way. But I have always planned to pay for my kids’ education and weddings (I have girls). Even though my financial situation and life circumstances have radically challenged my ability recently to pay for these things, I am doing everything I can to do all of it anyway, because it was always something I had planned and wanted to do that was also done for me by my own parents, and it is my pleasure to do for my daughters and it is worth my sacrificing to make their educations paid for and that they have weddings, as I don’t want them to not have these things. My girls are self sufficient and have supported themselves independently since obtaining their terminal degrees. But for me, I feel strongly that their education and weddings be a gift that parents pay for. .
Neither set of parents is obligate to pay anything.
The tradition of the bride’s parents paying stems from a time when women were essentially considered the property of men in their lives, first within their father’s households, and later in their husband’s. (Hence the tradition of the father “giving away” the bride). Married women literally did not have the right to own property in their own names. See: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Married_Women%27s_Property_Acts_in_the_United_States
My DD is getting married in August. I supported her through college and paid the bulk of the cost of her college education – much more than even the most lavish of weddings might cost. The groom’s parents similarly helped him through college. Now they both earn well above what any parent on either side of the family can earn; and both have fathers who are disabled and living off of social security. They are going to have a very nice wedding. They are paying. (I paid for the day-of coordinator, but I think that will be the extent of my financial contribution - though I do plan to also give them a nice cash wedding gift).
To the OP: it sounds like in your friend’s case, the groom’s family is doing what is expected… and beyond that it’s really nobody else’s business. It’s pretty much the same as with paying for college: the only obligation that parents have is to communicate clearly in advance what the extent of their contribution will be, whether that is zero, a modest contribution, or complete underwriting of designated expenses. If your friend is unhappy with the financial burden she is facing, then she might discuss the situation with her daughter, and perhaps that daughter might reconsider the wedding plans. No one is required to have a lavish wedding reception with a full, sit-down meal.
There are a lot of posters on here saying theyve never heard of the groom paying for the honeymoon, but Ive always heard that. The groom pays for the rehearsal dinner, and the honeymoon. Perhaps its regional.
^ the groom pays or his family? I am familiar with the grooms family paying for the rehearsal dinner, but not the honeymoon.
I don’t think the bride’s family should have to cut their guest list because the groom’s family is bigger. Set a number of guests bride will pay for (say, 50 for each side) and the groom’s family can either conform or pay for the extras.
This was among the first thing my parents did 26 years ago–when they got together with H’s parents after we were engaged–they said "this is our budget, and with that we believe we can accommodate about 75 guests. H’s parents were surprised to be sure, as they are both from large families, and said at one level, they would have 300 guests; with more severe cuts, 150. My parents indicated that was fine if they were willing to pay the extra.
H’s parents considered it but in the end, stuck with the 75 total. As it turned out, they got the lion’s share of those anyway as my family was quite small. It was a very nice and fun wedding.
I think H’s family also paid for a rehearsal dinner, and helped my mother quite a lot with the planning as the wedding was in H’s neck of the woods. They might have paid for other things like open bar or the DJ, I’m not sure. I didn’t help so much as I was finishing senior year of college in yet another state.
And H’s family also did contribute to our honeymoon, as we had no money—they offered us their ski condo in Vermont. We got married in July so we had the resort to ourselves!
When my sister got married, my parents wanted to pay for the entire reception but only offered the groom’s out of town family 50 guests out of a total of 100. The groom’s family wanted over 100 of their own guests and offered to pay for the “extra” guests but my parents were not having it at all. 26 years later, they can barely look at each other. The groom’s family hosted a huge party the night before the weeding and included all of their out of town guests- even those uninvited to the reception.
I see both points of view. The brides parents didn’t feel like it was “fair” for the groom’s parents to throw in $1000 (or whatever) and then act like hosts of the event when the bride’s parents paid for everything else (you need a bigger venue, more flowers, etc.) Also, they just wanted to host the party they could afford to throw themselves. But caving in and choosing a lesser venue with no extras could have been an alternative.
Of course, it would have been nice if everyone tried to be accommodating. 
Everyone was THRILLED when my current in-laws asked to invite 20 guests total!!!
In the olden days the bride’s family paid for wedding, reception, wedding dress and bride’s transportation (if limo hired). Groom’s family paid for rehearsal dinner, groom’s attire and groomsmen attire, if they couldn’t afford the rental.
Groom paid for honeymoon (usually with bride’s savings also)
Bride’s family would control budget and designate total nbr of guests/meals allotted.
I don’t think there are any hard and fast rules. What is customary for one family may not be for the other family especially now since America is such a melting pot. Communication and negotiation is key.
I come from a culture which the groom pays for everything. When I was married to someone not sharing that culture, my parents paid for my wedding and my husband’s family paid for the rehearsal dinner and nothing else, no flowers, no alcohol or honeymoon.
When my brother got married to someone sharing the same culture, my parents again paid for his wedding even though the bride’s family lives in the US.
With regards to my children’s wedding, I paid for my daughter’s wedding, flowers, alcohol and all. The groom’s family paid for the rehearsal dinner. The couple paid for their honeymoon.
At my son’s wedding, the bride’s family paid for the reception (alcohol and flowers) and we paid for the rehearsal dinner.
However, I donated miles towards one RT overseas business class ticket for their honeymoon.
I have heard from friends that the bride’s family gave the groom’s family a certain quota and anything above the quota the groom’s family will pay for their guests. Perhaps this will work out in the OP’s case.
Our mother planned and our father paid for a large country-club wedding reception and sit-down dinner for 300, orchestra, all flowers and center pieces, expensive bridal dress, 8-he photographer to document event, etc for my sister’s wedding. BIL’s parents paid for rehearsal dinner and their relatives’ accommodations. Our mother invited 200+ people, including lots of “payback” invites. Nice traditional expensive wedding. My sister and BIL didn’t pay for anything. Best man paid for limo.
For my wedding, however, a year later, my mother offered to “spend same or gift difference”, then welshed. Still expected all her demands to be met. We planned small 80 person wedding, 50 people invited by my mother and 20 people by my MIL. DH has the much larger family, but only close aunts and uncles were invited, and no family friends. We invited ten friends total. My parents’ list included people I hardly knew, but “had to be invited”. We paid for everything upfront, except reception dinner. My inlaws paid for rehearsal dinner, which included nearly all my mother’s invitees. My parents’ gift was a $5000 check, and all those out-of-pocket costs, including stuff my mother insisted upon weren’t reimbursed. Yes, it wasn’t “fair”, but that’s unfortunately how my parents operate.
@higgins2013, that is so unfair. I know sometimes financial situations change, but good grief, that was very inequitable.
Even though I am paying for my kids’ weddings, I have NO demands whatsoever. All the planning and decisions are theirs to make and I support whatever they wish. Again, they were given a set amount of money to do with as they wish. I just want their weddings to be whatever they want them to be. Come to think of it, that was my attitude when they picked where to go to college too. 
I am not planning on paying anything and my H and I paid for our own wedding but I suppose if one of the boys were to marry someone that wanted something very traditional we would pay for the rehearsal dinner. I am not sure what a pre-reception is ot what that means.
Money paid for adults usually comes with strings. With some moms, they won’t pay unless you do it their way…
I was married a zillion years ago. Big Fifth Ave wedding. Why? MIL wanted it. We paid, but let her pay for the flowers and band. She had the choice on them, as I cared about neither. It caused us a bigger budget, a more expensive dress, a bigger live band, etc than we had planned.
I recommend just a small thing and save the $. We ened up spending over $40k…a zillion years ago. Imagine had we saved that. We could have had a bigger house!
Tradition where I’m from is bride’s family pays for wedding, groom’s family for rehearsal dinner, and groom pays for honeymoon (not his family). Now, my wife and I collectively paid for 100% of our wedding and I paid for our honeymoon.
Weddings fit the discussion on here about “right” to expensive privates that don’t offer no loan policy. Parents funding and no budget are not synonymous. My daughters will have a budget. If they go over, it’s on the couple. If they go under, I write a check. I can’t say what that budget it because it will very much depend on how much we paid for school and what our financial status is at the time. It will be reasonable, not exhorbitant at any rate.
Failure to set a budget can lead to overruns. A budget puts the impetus on the couple to manage the guest list. And by the way, dealing with that stress is one good example why premarital counseling is an excellent idea.
What does it mean for the groom to pay for the honeymoon? I don’t understand this at all. By definition, wouldn’t the “groom” paying for the honeymoon mean that the “couple” is paying for the honeymoon?
I never, ever thought about it being me vs Mr R paying for something. We paid, as a couple. I really can’t get my head around the idea of one half of the couple “paying” for something major like a honeymoon. It just makes absolutely no sense to me.
When DH and I got married, we both had good jobs with salaries higher than our fathers. My parents paid for half my wedding dress and all the bridal party flowers, my inlaws paid for the alcohol, and I paid for the remaining wedding costs. DH paid for rings and honeymoon.
We always told our kids that our priority was their education so they had no expectation of help with wedding costs. Two D’s have married in the last 2 years and were thrilled and surprised when we gifted each couple a decent lump sum to use as they saw fit. D1 and her husband were gifted some money from his parents also to be used in any manner the couple desired. The couple planned and paid for eveything including the rehearsal dinner and honeymoon. D2’s inlaws also gifted money, though initially it was the promise of an undefined amount of money mainly because they wanted to dictate an extremely large guest list. Eventually inlaws did pony up for the extra guests and the rehearsal dinner. All other expenses paid by D2 and husband.
I liked giving a lump sum with no strings attached and letting the couples decide where to prioritizing their expenditures.
I saved for a year to pay cash for our honeymoon. I looked at it as my gift to my bride. Sure, the money would have went in our joint account and would have been ours after the wedding but the funds can from my earnings and were born out of frugality and working hard in a sales job where extra commissions were possible. We split the cost of the wedding from our savings.
I thought the groom’s family pays more these days than most posters are saying.
I thought many groom’s parents are paying for alcohol these days.
As parents of a bride, we had a budget. My wife and I didn’t know what weddings cost so we raised the budget. We told the groom’s parents we heard many groom’s parents pay for the alcohol. We asked if they were comfortable with this, would they?
If not, just tell us no, and there would be no problem.
They said no. My wife and I are fine with that.
The groom’s parents did contribute transportation costs. They probably paid some hotel costs for their invites too.
Now I am wondering if we should never have asked about paying for alcohol.
That is lovely.
You are also, I gather, well able to afford it. Many people are not.
S1’s wife is an only child with both parents very prematurely deceased. We were honored to be able to host their wedding and rehearsal dinner. Planning this wedding with my DIL was the most wonderful bonding experience and we became very close. The only things we did not fund were the rings, honeymoon and the bride’s gown. I specifically wanted my DIL to be free to choose her gown without feeling she had any obligation to consult me or seek my approval on cost, style, etc. Planning this wedding with my DIL was the most wonderful bonding experience and we became very close.
S2 and his wife set a budget for their wedding. We offered to host the rehearsal dinner and contribute half the budgeted amount to be used as the couple saw fit. The bride’s parents were appreciative but indicated that they had long planned to pay for their daughter’s wedding, so the couple used our half to partly fund their honeymoon and tuck the rest away in their “house” fund. We did host the rehearsal dinner and morning after brunch. Both families get along wonderfully.
Both weddings were very positive experiences for our family. Fingers crossed for when the time comes for S3!