I should make it clear that I would be happy to bring food to a potluck wedding reception–or shower–for impecunious young people.
I just could never bring myself to ask someone else for that kind of event. It’s not that I object to potlucks per se. As a church lady-- B-) --I go to a fair number of them.
Back in the late 70’s I went to several pot luck weddings. They were very casual affairs, outdoors, and a LOT of fun. None were formal events at all. In one case, the wedding couple made provided meat for a cookout, and the rest of us brought side dishes. In another case, it was winter and was like a Thanksgiving dinner. Wedding couple made the turkeys. Guests bright the rest.
To be honest, I’m not sure ALL the guests were asked to help out. I was very good friends with these couples, and willingly contributed.
I think it is not unusual in some circumstances to have a church wedding followed by a potluck reception in the church basement. No one would be “angling for gifts”, and probably the bride’s family would bring most of the food anyway.
My H was invited to a wedding where he had to pay for his meal. He gave the couple a substantial check under the same theory as someone mentioned before - these people needed it more than those with parents throwing an $x,000 wedding.
Back to the thread title.
What should,the grooms family pay? YMMV?
When and If our son gets married, we will play for a rehearsal dinner, and offer to pay for some wedding things…flowers, alcohol, cake? Of the bride’s family hosts. Brunch the day after, we will offer to split that cost. If they don’t have a brunch, we will.
When and if our daughter gets married, we will plan to pay for the bulk of the wedding…but will welcome any contribution the grooms family might like to make.
And we will set a reasonable budget with the wedding couple for wedding expenses (for our daughter). There are a couple of things we really do want…a live band (not a huge one…but live), good music during the ceremony, and a decent cake.
As parents of the groom, in a heterosexual relationship, we paid for: rehearsal dinner, honeymoon, travel & hotel & suits/shirts/ties for groomsmen, flowers, and provided a family engagement ring.
I don’t know how we will handle it if one day we are planning a wedding with two grooms. A while back I told our son “absolute no” to the idea of a theme wedding if I was doing the wedding planning, but reading this thread has made me reconsider. How do all of you feel about a costume ball?
I’m inclined to think that it is one of those things that sounds better than it often is. Like a cheeseburger. 
A masked ball would be better. Lots of lovely feather masks out there.
100K doesn’t get you tacky, it would take a lot more before it gets to be extravaganza or tacky. BTW - extravaganza doesn’t always mean tacky.
The most famous wedding I’ve been to was Paul Shaffer’s wedding. I was invited by the bride’s side. Entertainment that evening was quite amazing.
@100K will get you tacky extravaganza in many parts of the country. Not in Manhattan, perhaps.
I think it would depend on the set of friends and family that would be invited and whether they are the type to get into the costume theme (extra work and expense). I like @Consolation’s masked ball theme better as you could hand out those lovely feather masks and make it more formal/black tie. Or Carnevale Venice themed.
Or go for a theme with belly dancers.
p.s. Cheeseburgers usually live up to my expectations.
I’d be afraid a costume wedding would turn into a Halloween party.
My daughter is in a wedding and the bridesmaid dresses are sort of a flapper design,with beading and fringe (they are okay, not horrible, and were only $50 so I’m not complaining) I’m not sure if the entire wedding will be themed that way but I can see that being done tastefully. Not sure if guests will be asked to dress the theme or not.
I know wealthy people who are/do tacky. Money doesn’t buy class and/or taste.
Many wealthy people (I am not one of them) do very tasteful things. Money can definitely support good taste though.
I know that NOT all $100K weddings are tacky! When I was the chair of the holiday party committee and retreat committee at my old law firm, I was in charge of a number of lovely, extremely tasteful $100K parties. That super cool Moroccan party that Dos Chicos was envisioning could approach that amount if you had 250 guests and the incredibly beautiful tents and props from the prop house in town. It would be a fabulous treat for the guests. And, alternatively, taking over the French Laundry on a prime Saturday night would not be tacky either. I would love to be invited to that $100K wedding!
For purposes of my hypothetical, though, I was envisioning that the other family was hosting a $100K wedding that WAS tacky, and that they wanted my contribution to add to the tackiness. Surely you recognize that SOME $100K weddings could be tacky, just as some $5,000 weddings could be. I’ve been to some pretty tacky cake and ounch in the backyard weddings, in you want to know the truth.
@thumper1 You mention wanting a decent cake. Neither of my daughters had or will have a wedding cake, out of choice.
@soozievt What did they choose for dessert in lieu of cake?
D1 had a very small intimate dinner and everyone ordered their own deserts which were delicious. D2 is having a dessert station with many offerings. She and groom have no interest in a wedding cake or spending part of their wedding budget on it.
They have their priorities as to what matters to them and what doesn’t. For D2’s wedding, they aren’t having flowers either. D1 had flowers.
Last year I was at a wedding with a sundae bar. No cake. The other wedding I attended had a variety of desserts on plates, and maybe one was a tres leches. I helped organize a wedding with cupcakes on tiers. Very pretty!
If the bride does t want a cake…but wants something else for dessert…that fine. But it’s going to be good!